Awakened (29 page)

Then Nyx began speaking, addressing the entire gathering, and her visage shifted to an ethereal being so brilliant and beautiful it was difficult to gaze upon her and impossible to think about anything except the words that she spoke like a symphony over them all.
“Much has happened here this night. Spirit-altering choices were made, which means, for some of you, new life paths have opened. For others, your paths have been sealed, your choices made long ago. And yet others of you are at a life precipice.”
The Goddess’s gaze lingered on Neferet, who instantly bowed her head.
“You have changed, daughter. You are not as you once were. Truly, can I still call you daughter?”

“Nyx! Great Goddess! How could I not be your daughter?”

Neferet did not raise her head as she spoke to the Goddess, and her thick fall of auburn hair completely covered her face, blanketing her expression.

“Tonight you asked for forgiveness. Zoey gave one answer. I shall give you another. Forgiveness is a very special gift, and it must be earned.”

“I ask humbly that you share that special gift with me, Nyx,” Neferet said, still bowing her head and hiding her face.

“When you earn the gift, you will receive it.”
Abruptly, the Goddess turned from Neferet, her attention turning to the Sword Master, who closed his fist over his heart respectfully to her.
“Your Anastasia is free of pain and remorse. Will you make Damien’s choice, and learn to rejoice in the love you had and move on, or will your choice destroy that which she loved so much about you—your ability to be both strong and merciful?”
Rephaim was watching Dragon, waiting for a response from the Sword Master that did not come, when Nyx spoke his name.

“Rephaim.”

He looked Nyx full in the face for only an instant, and then Rephaim remembered what he was and he bowed his head in shame and spoke the first words that flooded his mind. “Please don’t look at me!”

He felt Stevie Rae’s hand slide into his. “Don’t worry. She’s not here to punish you.”

“And how do you know that, young High Priestess?”

Stevie Rae’s grip tightened spasmodically on his hand, but her voice didn’t falter. “ ’Cause you
can
see into his heart, and I know what you’ll find there.”

“What do you believe is in the Raven Mocker’s heart, Stevie Rae?”

“Goodness. And I don’t think he’s a Raven Mocker anymore. His daddy released him. So now I think he’s a-a new kinda, uh, boy-who’s-never-been-before.” She tripped over the words, but managed to finish.

“I see you are bound to him,”
was the Goddess’s enigmatic response.

“I am,” she said firmly.

“Even if your bond means splitting this House of Night, and perhaps, this world, in two?”

“My mama used to prune her roses real fierce, and I thought she was gonna hurt them, maybe kill them. When I asked her about it she told me sometimes you have to cut away the old stuff to make room for the new. Maybe it’s time to cut away some old stuff,” Stevie Rae said.

Her words surprised him so much that Rephaim turned his eyes from the ground to Stevie Rae. She smiled at him and at that moment, he wished more than anything else, he could smile back at her and take her in his arms like a real boy would be able to do, because what he saw in her eyes was warmth and love and happiness with not even the slightest glimpse of remorse or rejection.

Stevie Rae gave him the strength to look up at the Goddess and meet her infinite gaze.

And what he saw there was familiar because mirrored in Nyx’s eyes was the same warmth and love and happiness he’d seen within Stevie Rae’s gaze.

Rephaim dropped Stevie Rae’s hand so that he could close his fist over his heart, in the ancient, respectful greeting. “Merry meet, Goddess Nyx.”

“Merry meet, Rephaim,”
she said.
“You are the only child of Kalona’s to turn from the rage and pain of your conception, and the hatred that has filled your long life, and seek Light.”

“None of the others had Stevie Rae,” he said.

“It is true that she influenced your choice, but you had to be open to her and respond with Light instead of Darkness.”

“That hasn’t always been my choice. In the past I’ve done terrible things. These Warriors are right to want me dead,” Rephaim said.

“Do you regret your past?”

“I do.”

“Do you choose a new future where you pledge yourself to my path?”

“I do.”

“Rephaim, son of the fallen immortal Warrior Kalona, I accept you into my service, and I forgive you for the mistakes of your past.”

“Thank you, Nyx.” Rephaim’s voice was rough with emotion as he spoke to the Goddess,
his Goddess.

“Will you thank me when I tell you that though I forgive you and accept you, there are consequences you must pay for the choices of your past?”

“No matter what comes next, for an eternity I will thank you. This I swear,” he said with no hesitation.

“Let us hope that you will have many, many years to live up to your oath. Know then that this is your consequence.”
Nyx raised her arms as if she could cup the moon in the palms of her hands. It seemed to Rephaim she was gathering light from the stars themselves.
“Because you have awakened the humanity within you, I will, each night from setting sun to rising sun, gift you with this: the true form you deserve.”
The Goddess hurled the glowing power that had coalesced between her hands at him. It shuddered through his body, causing a pain so terrible that he screamed in agony and crumpled to the ground. As he lay there, paralyzed, the Goddess’s voice was the only sound that broke through to him.
“To atone for your past, by day you will lose your true form and return to that of the raven, who knows nothing except the base desires of a beast. Consider well how you use your humanity. Learn from the past and balance the beast. So I have spoken—so mote it be!”

The pain was beginning to recede and Rephaim was able to look up at the Goddess again as she opened her arms to take in everyone and said joyously,
“I leave the rest of you with my love, if you so choose to accept it, and my desire that you will always blessed be.”

Nyx disappeared in what looked like an explosion of the moon. The brightness of it was blinding, which didn’t help Rephaim’s lingering confusion. His body felt strange, unfamiliar, dizzy … Rephaim looked down at himself. His shock was so intense he could not, for a moment, comprehend what he saw.
Why am I inside a boy?
passed through his jumbled mind. It was Stevie Rae’s sobs that finally got through to him. He was able to focus on her and when he did, Rephaim realized she was crying and laughing at the same time.

“What has happened?” he asked, still not fully understanding.

Stevie Rae didn’t seem to be able to speak because she just kept crying what looked like happy tears.

A hand came into his line of vision and he looked up to see the fledgling High Priestess, Zoey Redbird, smiling wryly at him. Rephaim took her offered hand and stood a little shakily.

“What’s happened is our Goddess has zapped you into being a guy,” Zoey said.

The truth hit him then and it almost drove him to his knees again. “I’m human. Completely human.” Rephaim stared down at the strong, tall body of a young Cherokee warrior.

“Yeah, you are, but only during the nighttime,” Zoey was saying. “During the day you’re gonna be completely a raven.”

Rephaim barely heard her. He was already turning to Stevie Rae.

He must have been knocked away from her when Nyx changed him, because she was no longer by his side. She took one small, hesitant step toward him and then stopped, looking unsure and wiping her face.

“Is it—is it bad? Do I look wrong?” he blurted.

“No,” she said, staring into his eyes. “You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect. You’re the boy we saw in the fountain.”

“Will you … can I…” His voice trailed off. Rephaim was too filled with emotion to find the right words, so he moved instead, closing the space between Stevie Rae and him in two long, strong,
totally human
strides. With no hesitation he took her in his arms, and then he did what he had barely even allowed himself to do in his dreams. Rephaim bent and kissed Stevie Rae’s soft lips with his own. He tasted her tears and her laughter, and finally he knew what it was to be truly, completely happy.

So it was reluctantly that he pulled back and told her, “Wait. There’s something I have to do.”

Dragon Lankford was easy to find. Though everyone was staring at him and Stevie Rae, Rephaim felt the Sword Master’s gaze distinctly. He approached Dragon slowly, making no sudden movements. Even so, the Warriors that stood to either side of him shifted, obviously ready to fight by their Sword Master’s side once more.

Rephaim stopped in front of Dragon. He met his gaze and saw the pain and anger there. Rephaim nodded in acknowledgment. “I have caused you great loss. I make no excuses for what I was. I can only tell you that I was wrong. I do not ask you to forgive me as the Goddess has.” Rephaim paused and sank to one knee. “What I ask is that you allow me to repay the life debt I owe you by serving you. If you accept me, for as long as I breathe I will, with my actions and my honor, attempt to atone for the loss of your mate.”

Dragon said nothing. He only stared at Rephaim as warring emotions passed over his face: hatred, despair, anger, and sadness. Until finally they coalesced into a mask of cold determination.

“Get off your knees, creature.” Dragon’s voice was emotionless. “I cannot accept your oath. I cannot bear to look at you. I will not allow you to serve me.”

“Dragon, think about what you’re saying,” Zoey Redbird spoke up, walking quickly to Rephaim’s side with Stark close by her. “I know it’s hard—I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, but you have to make a choice about how you go on from there, and it feels like you’re choosing Darkness instead of Light.”

Dragon’s eyes were cruel, his voice cold, as he answered the young High Priestess. “You say you know what it’s like to lose a love? How long did you love that human boy? Less than a decade! Anastasia was my mate for more than a
century.
”

Rephaim saw Zoey flinch, as if his words had physically hurt her, and Stark moved closer to her side, his gaze narrowed on the Sword Master.

“And that is why a child cannot lead a House of Night. Nor can she be a true High Priestess, no matter how indulgent our Goddess is,” Neferet said, moving silkily to Dragon’s side and touching his arm deferentially.

“Hang on there a sec, Hateful. I don’t remember Nyx actually saying she’d forgiven you. She talked about
if
s and
gifts,
but correct me if I’m wrong, no
hey there, Neferet, you’re forgiven
s,” Aphrodite said.

“You do not belong at this school!” Neferet yelled at her. “You are not a fledgling anymore!”

“No, she’s a Prophetess, remember?” Zoey said, sounding calm and wise. “Even the High Council has said so.”

Instead of answering Zoey, Neferet addressed the crowd of watching fledglings and vampyres. “Do you see how they twist the words of the Goddess, even just moments after she has appeared to us?”

Rephaim knew she was evil—knew she was no longer in the service of Nyx, but even he had to acknowledge how fierce and beautiful she looked. He also had to acknowledge the threads of Darkness that had reappeared and begun to slither to her again, filling her, feeding her need for power.

“No one’s twisting anything,” Zoey said. “Nyx forgave Rephaim and changed him into a kid. She also reminded Dragon he had a choice to make about his future. And she let you know forgiveness is a gift from her that has to be
earned.
That’s all I’m saying. That’s all any of us is saying.”

“Dragon Lankford, as Sword Master and Leader of this House of Night’s Sons of Erebus, do you accept this—” Neferet paused, glancing at Rephaim with loathing. “—this aberration as one of your own?”

“No,” Dragon said. “No, I cannot accept him.”

“Then I cannot accept him, either. Rephaim, you will not be allowed to remain at this House of Night. Begone, foul creature, and atone for your past elsewhere.”

Rephaim didn’t move. He waited for Neferet to look at him. And then quietly, distinctly, he said, “I see you for what you are.”

“Begone!” she shrieked.

He stood and started to back away from the Sword Master and his group of Warriors, but Stevie Rae took his hand and stopped his retreat.

“Where you go, I go,” she said.

He shook his head. “I don’t want you to be kicked out of your home because of me.”

Looking a little shy, Stevie Rae touched his face. “Don’t you know that home is wherever you are?”

He covered her hand with his. Not trusting his voice, he nodded and smiled at her.
Smiling
—it was incredible how good it felt!

Stevie Rae pulled her hand gently from his. “I’m goin’ with him,” she spoke to the crowd. “I’m gonna start another House of Night in the tunnels under the depot. It’s not as nice there as it is here, but it’s a whole heck of a lot friendlier.”

“You cannot begin a House of Night without approval of the High Council,” Neferet snapped.

The watching crowd’s whispers of shock reminded Rephaim of summer wind sloughing through the grasses of the ancient prairie—the sound was endless and pointless, unless you were taking wing.

Zoey Redbird’s voice broke through the throng. “If you have a vampyre queen, and you agree to stay out of vampyre politics, the High Council will pretty much leave you alone.” She smiled at Stevie Rae. “Coincidentally enough, I have just been kinda sorta made a queen. How ’bout I come with you and Rephaim? I’ll take friendly over fancy any day.”

“I’ll come, too,” Damien said. He looked one last time on the smoldering pyre. “I choose to make a fresh start.”

“We’re coming,” Shaunee said.

“Ditto, Twin,” Erin echoed. “Our room was too small here, anyway.”

“But we’ll come back for our stuff,” Shaunee said.

“Oh, hells yes,” Erin agreed.