Awakening (12 page)

You’re killing me,
I tried to plead with him with my eyes. He had to
see the expression in them and know that I wanted him to stop. But
he didn’t. The pressure increased. There was a burning in my chest
and my eyes became clouded with tears--the desire to breathe, to
live, was so strong I could feel it pulsating through my whole
being. But there was no breath, no air. My lungs, my heart needed
oxygen to survive, and without it I began to die.

The beating of my heart slowed, my
thoughts now were on the burning, the terrible burning that was
consuming my body. I could feel his hands crushing my neck. My eyes
become unfocused and then there was gray and a darkness suddenly
beckoning to me. Then there was nothing, vast emptiness surrounded
me.

Suddenly I wasn’t alone. I realized in
a moment of horror that I could feel, not the living, but something
else. Spirits? At first I couldn’t hear or see anything in the
darkness, but a black cloud and a rush of noise surrounded me. Was
that screaming?

Someone was shouting, another voice
was praying. Slowly one face formed in front of me and then
another, until they surrounded me. But these faces weren’t flesh
and bone--they were ghostly images, flickering in and out of the
darkness. Thin lines of gray that I could see through came and went
like someone was turning a light switch on and off. More noise,
this time someone was yelling in pain. Something held me immobile
in this place. Where was I? How could I escape? The faces and
voices began to move closer, and I felt nothing now but
fear.

And then a loud male voice boomed from
within the darkness, “You aren’t of my blood, but my blood brought
you here to this space for the ritual. What is it that you’re
seeking?”

“
Seeking?” I asked. No, I
didn’t ask, I wasn’t really there, was I?

“
Come child, there isn’t
much time. What is it that you seek?”

Revenge.
The word blazed across my mind.

“
So be it,” the voice said,
and the world around me went silent.

No more ghostly images, no more sound,
now just a vast gray space before me. I seemed to be in this place
forever, and then there was something else. A growl, a snarl. Small
red eyes that peered at me from the darkness. The eyes blinked and
I felt stunned. What was this new horror? More ghosts? No,
something different. I knew it in the very core of me.

I had felt frightened when confronted
by the ghostly images and noise, but now something more primitive
inside me was reacting. Whatever was out there was far worse. It
was evil. It was something dark and sinister. Something that wanted
me. The eyes were moving closer. The snarling was louder now. I
felt a terror within me that I had never felt before. There was
nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. The thing in the darkness would
consume me.

And then I felt the panic leave and a
calmness overcame me. In the darkness, there was a light far away,
and from within that light I heard voices. Someone was calling to
me to join them. If I could have sobbed with relief, I would have.
They were in there waiting for me. The pain of having them gone was
no more. Life and its struggles were past me. There was nothing now
but my family and the light. I came closer to the light expecting
any minute to see the face of my mother, of my father. But instead
it was my grandmother who welcomed me. She stood as if bathed in
sunlight. She was wearing her favorite blue dress, the one that
matched the color of her eyes. Her hair was wrapped into a tight
bun.

A look of bewilderment crossed her
face. “Child, what’re you doing here?” She reached out her hands
and then pulled them back. “No, it’s not your time, you shouldn’t
be here. You have to go back.”

I heard a voice shouting at me, it was
Luke’s. “Do you see the light? Do you hear the voices?”

Yes,
I wanted to respond.
Let me go to the
light. Leave me to my peace.
And then there
was only pain and a rush of noise and sensation. The burning in my
chest, the pounding of my heart, my mouth opened and oxygen rushed
into my lungs.

I struggled against the pain. I fought
to go back toward the light. I wouldn’t leave my family. I refused
to let them go without me again. And then a jolt as something
rammed into me. More pain. More Burning. Then heat and a rush of
sensation as oxygen once again filled my lungs. And the jolt again
and I was back in my body and the world.

Luke’s mouth was covering mine.
Blowing air into me, I realized. And his hands were on my chest.
CPR. He’s doing CPR. My brain fed me the words as I began again to
be able to think through the fog.

His mouth lifted from mine. His eyes
no longer calm and collected. He shouted at me, “Stay with
me!”

I tried to talk, but I couldn’t. My
throat was raw and on fire.

He forced me up, and into his arms.
“Drink this, it will take the pain away.”

Liquid ran down my throat. I choked
and coughed.

The pain slowly ebbed away and I could
breathe. I could swallow. My chest felt bruised and my throat felt
sore, but I was alive.

He was still hovering over
me.

His face now close to mine. I needed
distance from him, and with all my strength I pushed myself away
from him.

He backed away.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. The guy had
killed me. What was I suppose to say?

“
Are you all right?” he
asked.

“
No,” my words sounded
guttural.

He stretched out his hand to help me
up. The desire to push it away was so strong, but I reminded myself
that I had asked him to do it. I took his hand and he pulled me up
and into his arms.

Those strong hands now resting on my
back were the same brutal hands that had taken my life. It was more
than I could handle. I struggled against his embrace.

He tightened his hold. His voice was
soothing, “It’s okay. You’re safe. Everything is fine.” His hands
began to move up and down my back in a gentle motion.

A cry broke from my lips and I leaned
my head against his shoulder.

His head came down and rested against
mine. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t, and it never would be
again. A sob broke loose and then another. The tears ran down my
face. I couldn’t stop the emotions I’d been holding in so tightly
from breaking free. I was alone. My family was gone. I would never
see them again. The sobs were louder and harder now.

He began to rock his body slowly back
and forth. I felt like a tree in the breeze. The motion was
soothing.

“
You’re safe,” he whispered
the words against my cheek.

The sobs slowed and then stopped. “You
can let go of me.”

He pushed back and looked down into my
face, his hand raising my chin and forcing me to look into those
dark eyes.

Concern, and something else I couldn’t
quite make out, filled them.

“
You killed me.” My voice
was unsteady.

He held me close again. “I brought you
back.”

“
Please tell me that we
only have to do that once.”

He whispered against my ear, “I swear.
I won’t kill you again. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

It was a bad joke.

“
Come on. We’re done for
tonight.” Luke started to move away.

I took one step to follow and felt the
ground shake beneath my feet. I stopped and looked at Luke. “Did
you feel that?” I whispered.

Luke looked down at the grave. “I
did.”

There it was again, a loud thumping
noise and the ground beneath our feet moved again, this time
harder.

We both stood there, watching the
ground, waiting for I was not sure what. The minutes ticked on, and
nothing else happened.

Luke looked over at me and said,
“Whatever that was it was not part of the ritual.” He turned and
started to walk away, and I slowly followed. I couldn’t help it,
every couple of steps I looked back over my shoulders expecting to
see something following us.

* * * *

There wasn’t a lot of conversation as
we walked back from the cemetery. I was still trying to process
everything that had happened to me, and my mind and body were very
aware that he was only a few inches from me. The logical part of my
mind knew it was crazy to fear him. Luke had never shown any
violent tendencies toward me, but another part of me couldn’t get
the image of his hands around my throat, those large hands
tightening out of my mind. I forced the image away. I’d asked him
to do it, to teach me the dark arts, I reminded myself. Still my
shaking hand went up to touch the still tender bruises at the base
of my neck.

We crossed the stream, and I could see
the lights from Pagan’s house ahead of us.

“
Are you all right?” He
stopped and turned toward me.

“
I wish you’d stop asking
me that.” My voice was still coming out in a rasp.

“
The ritual can be
terrifying.”

“
Was it for you?” I
asked.

“
It was something I’ll
never forget. A moment like that never leaves you.”

“
And the person that did it
to you, do you still see them?”

He nodded his head. “Often. He’s my
mentor.”

“
How can you forgive him
for what he did?” I demanded.

I had hurt him with that question, I
could tell. His eyes filled with a look of remorse when he
answered. “By facing what happened and realizing it wasn’t
personal. He wasn’t trying to hurt me. It was a necessary evil. I
asked to be initiated into the black arts, and in order to do it I
had to accept all that came along with that request.” He looked up
at the stars. “There’s no good or evil to magic. Each person brings
their own intents, wishes and dreams to it. Use it for the wrong
purposes and it can become dangerous. It can get out of control--it
can consume you in a way that you can’t stop.”

“
And do you know this from
personal experience?”

He looked at me again. “No. I’ve never
headed down that path. I always wanted to use my gifts to help
people.”

“
Death magic to help
people?” It was a crazy notion.

He nodded his head. “Yes, it can be
used that way. And now that you’ve done the first ritual you’re
going to be able to contact the dead. Killing you, bring you back
from the dead was only part of the ritual to claim your power over
death. You have to commune with the dead. The next ritual is
possession.”

I was shocked. “What do you mean… what
do you…” I swallowed, unable to get the words out.

“
Don’t think of it now. We
need to go back, and you need to rest. To get your strength back,”
he said.

I took a deep breath and then another.
Possession. I had no choice but to continue.

His expression turned grim. “This next
ritual is a hard one. It won’t be pleasant or easy.”

I couldn’t keep the horror I was
feeling from showing on my face. And dying was what? The easy
part?

Chapter Six

The clock on the night stand blared
three am. Two and a half hours had passed since we made it back to
Pagan’s house. Conversation had been minimal. I told him I was
tired. It wasn’t true, honestly I didn’t know what to say to him
and I was having a hard time meeting his gaze.

My body trembled every time he walked
close by and not in the good way it had before. This was a fear
that was now deep within me. A fear of a guy that hadn’t wanted to
hurt me.

I kept trying to tell myself it was
only part of the ritual. Neither one of us had a choice--we had to
go through with it. I hoped if I repeated it enough times, over and
over in my head, I would stop being afraid of the only ally I
had.

Luke had offered to sleep next to me
again. I had declined in a way that was not so gracious, and
obviously hurt his feelings. I could see the pain I was inflicting
by shying away from him, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Coming
so close to death, seeing the other side, had unnerved me in a way
I couldn’t really put into words.

I had hoped by shutting myself away in
Pagan’s bedroom I would be able to close my eyes and try to
convince myself it had all been an unpleasant nightmare. But I lay
there in the dark, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep.
Every time I was on the verge of sleep I felt the sensation of his
hands grasping my neck, tightening ever so slowly. Each time it
happened I bolted upright in bed, my heart pounding and tears
streaming down my face. Finally, I decided to give up trying to get
to sleep. I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and headed toward
the kitchen. It would be daylight in a few hours. We would go to
the market and get supplies and then spend the day resting before
the next trial. The next trial. At the thought, my trembling hands
tightened around the blanket.

Light from the fire cast shadows
around the room. I could just make out the living room furniture,
and I sidestepped my way around the couch and into the kitchen. I
opened the nearest cupboard and pulled out a tall plastic glass. I
moved to the sink, filled up the glass, and raised it to my mouth
when a hand suddenly reached out of the darkness and grabbed my
shoulder.