Awakening (30 page)

I thought of my mother, her spirit
roaming the world forever in unrest. A sudden desire filled me--I
wanted more than anything for Thomas to move toward the light. I
wanted this little boy, who died so suddenly and tragically, to be
reunited with his family. I wanted to call out to him, to somehow
comfort him. The healer inside me, it was still there, that part of
me, was still alive in a small corner of my being. The awakening
had pushed it aside, and I had changed. I wasn’t the girl I use to
be, but deep inside a part of me wanted so desperately to help
instead of harm.

I looked again at the light, and as I
did it swirled out toward me, it circled me, and without thinking
of what I was doing, I raised my hands and pushed it toward Thomas.
He turned toward it. He could see it. His expression changed, and
his arms raised. He could hear the voices of his family--he could
hear them calling to him. The light engulfed him and then flared
up, glowing so brightly that I raised a hand to shield my eyes. I
could hear cries of joy, a feeling of love and contentment filled
the room. I had reunited him with his loved ones.

I turned and looked over at
Luke.

Luke’s expression was one of shock.
“What just happened?” He turned his head back and forth taking in
the room. “I don’t understand. You did the spell to bind him.
Thomas should be bound to you.”

“
He’s not here.” I watched
the light slowly fade away. Thomas was finally back in the arms of
his family.

Luke frowned. “I don’t
understand.”

My eyes met Luke’s. “His family was
calling to him.” I wasn’t sure how to explain to Luke what had just
happened.

Luke was silent for few minutes and
then he said, “You set him free? You sent him into the light?” An
odd expression crossed his face. “But no one can do that. No one
can set a spirit free unless the spirit is willing to
go.”

“
Thomas wanted to
go.”

“
For over a century, Thomas
had been stuck here. His spirit was unable to move on, I know
because Pagan and I tried to help him years ago.”

I gestured toward the other side of
the room. “But he went into the light.”

“
You somehow forced him
into the light,” Luke said in a low voice.

“
But that’s a good thing,
right.” I couldn’t understand why Luke looked so upset. “All
spirits want to go to the light.”

“
They do, but when they
can’t, no outside force can help them cross over. What you just
did, it’s never been done before. I’ve never heard of anyone doing
something like that before.”

“
But in the books, someone
must have. Somewhere in there…” My voice faltered. “Someone in the
past must have been able to do what I just did.”

A look of uneasiness had filled his
eyes. "Not in any of the books I’ve read. Not in any of the spells
I’ve heard or been taught.”

I waited for him to continue, but he
turned away from me and started clearing off the bowls, candles and
Ouija board. I was doing things no one else could? What did it
mean? It meant that I did have power, of a sort, I could raise the
dead, and now it seemed I could also set them free.

* * * *

Pagan’s room was the one place out of
the whole house that had seen the least of the damage. Someone had
torn down all the sheer white material hanging around the bed, and
pulled the drawers out of the side tables and dresser, strewing
clothes across the room. I had spent some time folding and putting
them away, but I still wasn’t tired. I wasn’t actually anything.
Thomas had moved on. He’d crossed over and was with his family. I
should have felt joy, but I didn’t. No fear, no joy, no emotions.
What was wrong with me?

Luke knocked on the open door. He held
a blanket in his hand. “I thought you could use this.”

We were both dressed in black sweats,
but he, as usual, was not sporting a top. Didn’t he get cold when
he slept? I couldn’t help myself my eyes traveled down his chest
and across his cut stomach. “Thanks.”

He stepped closer. “Are you
okay?”

I wondered what Luke
thought of me. Did he consider me some freak?
The spell he’d asked me to do should have bound Thomas to me
as a banshee, and instead Thomas had gone into the light. I had
never liked the idea of banshees, of spirit slaves. I should have
been happy I had set Thomas free, but inside I still felt nothing.
I wanted to feel something, feel anything. This emptiness seemed to
permeate my entire being. What had happened to my
emotions?

After the second ritual, I had felt
different. Anger had seemed to fuel my blood, but somehow the third
ritual had washed that all away. Had it washed away something I
couldn’t afford to lose? Was this unfeeling creature who could
raise the dead all that remained?

My eyes met Luke’s. “I can’t feel
anything.”

Luke took a step and then another
until he was only inches from me. His hand reached out and caressed
my cheek, his fingers slid down my neck. He looked at me as if
asking a question, but before I could answer, he pulled me gently
toward him. His lips pressed against mine. Heat spread across my
body at his touch.

He pulled away. “Did you feel
that?”

My blood was on fire again, but this
time not from anger. “Yes,” I whispered.

The blanket he held dropped to the
floor, and he pulled me against him. We kissed as he took a step
back, pulling me with him. He lowered me slowly onto the bed, our
bodies moving together as we gently fell against the thick white
covers. We lay there together, his lips still on mine. His hand
slid down the length of me. His fingers were in my hair, then
running down my back. The kiss stretched on and on, and I no longer
felt numb. Instead, emotions I couldn’t control were now swirling
through me. I felt overheated, feverish.

Luke’s fingers ran across my leg and
then reached under my shirt and slid against my naked stomach. If
we kept this up, if we continued to lie here together… The thought
forced me upright. A blush crept across my cheeks.

I suddenly felt terribly awkward.
“I’ve never…”

Luke sat up next to me and said in a
low voice. “It’s all right, I’m not expecting anything from
you.”

I had never done anything like this
before. I had stolen a few kisses here and there, had male hands
grope me in the dark when I started dating, but I had always put a
stop to things before they had gone too far. I had never felt
serious enough about a boy to consider having sex with
him.

“
Have you ever…” I was
suddenly too embarrassed to get the rest of the question
out.

“
Yes.”

At his answer, I felt a wave of
jealousy crash over me. I had wanted to stop feeling empty, and I
was getting my wish, wild emotions were pushing and pulling through
me. I wanted to demand to know who and when? But instead I took a
deep breath and pushed the hair out of my eyes. I didn’t have the
right to ask. Did I? What were we to each other? We’d just met a
few days ago. This crazy chaos had drawn us to each other, but were
the feelings we had for each other real? And what were those
feelings? I know I felt something deep for him, something I had
never shared with anyone else, but so much had happened in such a
short time. Were these feelings swirling inside me for Luke real?
Or were they just emotions amplified by the danger we constantly
found ourselves in? When this was all over, would there even be an
us?

His fingers slid down my bare arm. “I
just wanted to prove to you that you could still feel.”

“
What am I?” I
whispered.

“
What do you mean?” He
pulled my hand into his.

I pulled my hand out of his and turned
and faced him. “I’m a monster. An abomination.”

He took my chin in his hands. “Don’t
say that, it’s not true.”

“
What have I become?” I’d
torn the life from a young girl. I’d touched two corpses and they
sprung to life. What was I?

“
You’ve done whatever you
had to in order to survive.” He leaned in and kissed me
again.

I was tired of thinking. I wanted to
just feel again. I answered his kiss, and I let my body fall
against his. A sigh of pleasure escaped my mouth as his fingers
brushed across the skin on the back of my neck.

We were here together. I didn’t care
about tomorrow. Now, right now, being in his arms was
enough.

* * * *

I woke to light streaming in the
window. Luke lay beside me on the bed, the blanket wrapped around
his chest. We hadn’t had sex last night. I had wanted to, but a
part of me was afraid. I was falling for him, and I knew deep down
I was falling hard, but I didn’t think I was emotionally ready for
what he wanted from me. We didn’t do the final act, but we did
other things, things that brought a blush to my cheeks as I watched
him sleeping.

I sat on the edge of the bed and
looked down at him. The urge to run my fingers over his back was so
strong that I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to the
window. This guy was making me feel things I had never felt before.
My body had trembled under his touch. The passion I shared with him
last night both thrilled and terrified me.

I looked at him laying there, the
sheets tangled around his legs. He looked so innocent in his sleep,
and I wondered, did I really know him? Who was this guy who’d
stepped into my life just a few days ago? How had he suddenly
become so important to me? I had so many questions racing through
my head, but answers, they would only come with time. That last
thought stopped me cold. Did I want to stay around and find out
what kind of relationship we could build together?

I had lost so much, I didn’t know if I
could allow myself to care for someone again. If I opened up my
heart too wide there was too much at stake. I could lose Luke. I
could lose myself.

A part of me wanted, more than
anything, to go back to bed, to lay my body down next to his, to
feel his skin against mine, and to have his lips kiss me again. I
wanted to love him, and as those words echoed through my mind I
froze. I couldn’t love him. I hardly knew him. Circumstances had
thrown us together. The heightened emotions that were constantly
swirling around us were to blame, but even as the thought crossed
my mind I knew it wasn’t true. I was falling and falling hard for
this guy. And I just hoped when I finally hit the ground I didn’t
shatter into a million pieces.

Luke’s eyes opened. He gave me a wide
smile. “Good morning.”

I was having a hard time meeting his
eyes. “Morning,” I answered before I turned away and looked out the
window.

“
What time is it?” He sat
up and ran his hand through his hair.

“
A little after
nine.”

He came up next to me and wrapped his
arms around me. “Do we have anything to eat for breakfast? Anything
besides chili and corn?”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head
back against his shoulder. “I’m afraid the cupboards are
bare.”

“
We can get dressed and go
out to the market. Maybe even stop someplace for breakfast,” he
whispered in my ear.

“
Do you think that’s a good
idea?”

His hand reached up and brushed a
strand of hair behind my ear. “If they were after us, they would
have found us by now.”

“
You don’t think they’re
looking for us?” Why would they stop? They had cornered us at the
magic shop, they had tracked us down here, and they had chased us
into the night and across open fields. They had seemed pretty
determined up until now to capture us. It didn’t make sense they
would just stop chasing us.

Luke spun me around, his face inches
from mine. “I have no idea what they’re up to. I just know that
last night they left us alone, and for that I’m grateful.” He
kissed me.

I kissed him back for a long moment,
enjoying the feel of his lips against mine. Then I moved back. I
needed to keep my head when he was around.

He looked puzzled for a moment, but
then he smiled. “I call first dibs on the shower. I know the
cupboards are bare, but please tell me there’s some coffee left
somewhere in the house.”

I couldn’t help it, I felt myself
grinning. “I’ll go check if you promise not to use all the hot
water.”

* * * *

We went to the market and bought
enough groceries to last us a couple of days. I looked down at the
bag full of food sitting on the counter and wondered if we would
make it back after tonight’s excursion. Did Luke purposely buy more
food than we needed as a way of proclaiming to the universe that we
would return? Would we be sitting down to a spaghetti and meatball
dinner tomorrow night? I hoped so.

I put the groceries away and walked
into the living room. Luke was building another fire. There was a
cup of coffee and a plate with a muffin on it sitting on the floor
by the couch. Both were mine. We hadn’t stopped for
breakfast--instead we’d hit the local coffee shop on the way back
to Pagan’s.

I sat down on the floor and took a sip
of coffee. I asked the question that had been uppermost on my mind
all morning. “Do we have a game plan for storming the mansion and
saving Darla?”