Awakening (19 page)

I laughed. "Of course, this is about sex!"

"No, really, it's not like that. This was something more. I mean, it was amazing, definitely the best sexual experience of my life, and coming from me that's saying something. But, somehow, the way he looked at me and touched me, the way he talked to me, the emotion in his voice... I don't know, we just connected on a deeper level. No pun intended!"

"Holy shit. Eva Williams, off the market. I never thought I'd see the day," I said, looking at her.

"I wouldn't go that far. Let's just say, I'm taking some time away from the rest of the male population and concentrating on Nick for a while. Seeing where things go."

"There seems to be a lot of that going on lately," I said, motioning my head at Carson and Lou.

I watched Eva's eyes find Nick's. He gave her a wink and what I expect was meant to be a seductive smile, because she blushed and had to look away quickly.

"Well, if you're happy, then I'm happy for you," I told her.

~~~~

Hours later I was clearing serving dishes from the tables in the yard and carrying them back to the kitchen.

"Hey, great party!" Anne Marie said, as I passed her in the hallway. "Is there anything else to bring in?"

"Yeah, a few more things, and then I'll need help getting the dessert out. I just need to go to the bathroom first."

"Okay, I'll grab another armful from outside and meet you back in the kitchen in a few minutes," she said, walking back out onto the deck.

I put the dishes on the counter and threw away some paper plates I'd carried in before heading to the bathroom.

As I passed the door to Luke's study, I heard heated voices.

"I'm telling you, there's more going on here than you realize. They were together the day of Mark's accident.
I think she was cheating on Mark, and I bet she called to tell him it was over and that's why he crashed."

"Mom, have you asked her why Luke was with her that day? Maybe there's a perfectly legitimate reason. Have you even tried to talk to Luke about this?" I could hear Emily saying.

"I'm not delusional Emily, something was going on back then. I could see it in the way she looked at Luke whenever he was around. She watched his every move and flushed whenever she caught him looking at her. And, she didn't even come to Mark's funeral. How do you think it makes me feel to see her with Luke after she obviously didn't love Mark enough to show up and pay her respects to his family? And she still has Granny's ring! She should have returned it long ago."

"Mother, that is just ridiculous. She was devastated. After all th
e things Mark told us about her and how much he wanted to make a life with her, do you really think he would have felt that way if she wasn't genuine?"

"I don't know honey, I just don't want to see Luke hurt. And, let's face it, if Mark had never met her, he wouldn't have been on the road to Athens that day."

I inhaled audibly and backed up against the wall. Tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm done talking to you about this," I heard Emily say. "You know Caroline, and at one time you considered her your other daughter. I can't imagine what is going on in that head of yours to make you think she's changed so much from the person you used to love. You obviously haven't taken the time to mourn properly, and you've got the whole situation all screwed up in your head. Maybe you should get some help Mother. Can't you see they're happy?"

With that, Emily opened the office door, walked out and slammed it behind herself. I tried to blend in with the wall, but I was standing right there. Her eyes met mine as my tears began to fall.

"I'm so sorry you had to hear that," she said, giving me a brief hug before she walked away. 

I raced into the bathroom and shut the door behind me before letting out a huge sob. All my worst fears were echoed in Martha's words. I had always felt I played an unwilling part in Mark's death. I made choices that led to his death, so I was partly responsible. Hadn't I thought about it over and over? I'd listed the 'what ifs' in my head so many times after Mark died that I couldn't even think straight.

"Caroline, are you in there still?" Anne Marie knocked on the door.

I opened it and she slipped inside as I shut the door behind her. She took one look at my swollen, tear stained face and grabbed me into a hug.

"What's wrong?"

"Luke's mother thinks that I cheated on Mark with Luke. She thinks I'm the reason he was in that wreck," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Awe, you probably just misinterpreted what she said. She couldn't have meant it," Anne Marie soothed.

"Marie, she meant every word. I have to get out of here. This was all a big mistake. There's no way for Luke and I to build a relationship when his mother is so adamantly against it. I won't put him through it. He's already lost his brother because of me and I can't be the reason he loses his mother too. He deserves better."

"You aren't thinking straight
. Let's just go find Luke and sort this all out," she said, turning towards the door.

"No!" I shouted, grabbing her wrist. "I need you to help me leave. I don't want anyone to know. I don't want him to have to choose between us."

Anne Marie helped me get up to the master bedroom unseen and gather up all my things. She kept an eye out as we descended the stairs and slipped out the front door. As I drove away from Luke, tears streamed down my face. He would be better off without me. I knew he deserved more.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. I cried, I cleaned, I cried more, and then I passed out. Luke called a million times, but I sent the calls to voice mail. I hadn't taken the time to check them, and I didn't plan to. It was best if I just let him go.

Carson and my dad were unable to console me. I felt as if part of me had died all over again. It was unbearable. Nothing could compare to the pain in my heart, except the loss of Mark. I knew I was in love with Luke. There was no denying it. He had slipped right past my defenses, talking with me and laughing about Mark, sharing stories about our lives, reminiscing about our summers together. And then there were the moments we'd spent together intimately. He had invaded my senses, swallowing my heart up into a sea of happiness, love, and hope that I had never expected to find again. And now
I was feeling complete and utter despair.

Fuck you, universe!

"So, in case you were thinking about not going to the party, I will totally understand," my dad said, bringing me back to reality.

"Dad
, the party is tomorrow night, I can't back out now. Plus, it's a great opportunity for me to meet some of my new clients."

"Your mother has decided to come, so she will be driving back to the house tonight
, and then I'm going to go back to Bluffton with her tomorrow night. I'll probably take Wednesday off work to help her finish up some things at the house."

It was a the longest Monday I'd spent at the office in forever. The hours dragged by as if the day would never come to an end.
When I finally got home from the gym I called my mother to check in.

"Hey Mom. How's it going there?"

"Decent, we made a lot of headway today. Finally got up in the attic and took a look around. Anne Marie and Eva found a ton of stuff they want to repurpose. They seemed really excited about it, so I'm just letting them have whatever they find. And, since we'll be able to sell the house, we won't have to worry about covering the costs for all the work on it, or the cremation."

"That sounds great. I'm gla
d they're there to help still," I said, despondently.

"There is one thing that's concerning though. There was an old mattress
stuffed in one corner and some empty food containers and trash. It seems as if someone may have been squatting in the attic. We're not sure how long they were there, but the police just left and said they'll be looking into it."

Suddenly I remembered the creaking noises I had heard in the hallway
and all the feelings of being watched. Shivers went down my spine.

"Mom, that
is crazy! I'm so sorry I'm not there to help. I just... I'll be back in a couple days. I just need to get my head on straight."

"No need to apologize. I understand, I really do. Your father and I went through a lot of the same thing
s you and Luke are dealing with, but you can't keep running away from him. Relationships are about making decisions together, you should be running towards each other. Anyone can clearly see that you two are meant to be together. Honestly Caroline, you should just talk to him."

"Oh Lord, Mom.
I miss him so much. It's just his mother really. You didn't hear the things she said about me. I can't let him choose between her and me, especially after he's already lost Mark." I could feel the tears forming again and I did everything I could not to let them fall.

"Look honey, I'm only going to say this once: It's not often in life that you find yourself head over heels with a man worthy of your love. There is an even smaller chance that you will find it twice
. And the Caroline I used to know never let anything stand in her way. Especially a mother who is just trying her best to look out for her child... Even if she is completely wrong. You owe it to yourself, and Luke, to let him make his own decision."

Anne Marie
must have filled her in on what I heard Martha say to Emily.

"Y
ou love Luke, and he loves you. You've opened up so much in the last few weeks. I've seen you smile and laugh more in the last few days than I think I've seen since before you moved home. He makes you happy and you deserve that. Don't let his mother or your past with Mark get in the way."

"
Mom, I have been spending all my spare time with Luke. I'm trying to let go of Mark, but remember those dreams I used to have about him? They haven't gone away. Almost every night he's there, haunting me. I can't get him out of my head. Why can't I let go?"

"Mark was part of your life for a very long time. A very good part of your life, and he loved you very much. He would have made you happy. There isn't any way to get him completely out of your heart or your mind and to try would be impossible. He will always be a part of you, but what you have to do is make room for someone else. You are twenty-four years old.
Do you really plan to spend the rest of your life alone?"

"No. I just
... need more time."

"It's been two years honey. There is a gorgeous young man who has
very strong feelings for you. You've been in love with Luke for thirteen years. This is your opportunity to be with him. If you wait any longer it might be too late."

"
But his mother doesn't think I'm right for him. She thinks I was the cause of Mark's accident. Plus, don't you think it's weird, Mom? They were brothers."

"You are asking the wrong person. Remember I'm the one who married my sister's boyfriend. But, I will say this: It doesn't matter what anyone else
thinks. All that matters is your happiness. You aren't going to be in a relationship with his mother, so just don't stand in your own way, okay?"

I let out a big sigh.

"Okay, I'll try not to."

"Good
girl. So, subject change! What are you going to wear to the party tomorrow night?"

I sighed.
"I have no idea. I ran into that weasel Darren Jenkins a couple times in the last few weeks. He is planning to be there so I really just want to wear a burlap sack." I laughed.

"I hope you weren't assigned to his account now that you're a manager."

"No, thank goodness."

"Good. Well in any case, let me strongly caution against a burlap sack." We both laughed at the idea. "Tell you what. I will be home tomorrow morning and we can run out and buy something new. My treat."

"Mom, you don't have to do that."

"Oh, come on. It'll cheer you up, and plus, I owe you a promotion gift!" She reasoned.

I hadn't been shopping with my mother in years. We used to have a blast trying on dresses we knew were going to look hideous just so we could laugh at each other later.

"I think I would actually really enjoy that mom."

"Good honey. Sleep well, and I'll talk to you in the morning."

The next afternoon, I left the office at lunch time and went to meet my mother at
Clara's
on Broughton Street. It was one of my favorite stores for evening attire.

"What do you think about this one?" My mother asked opening her fitting room door and stepping out. She had on a royal purple dress with a high-lo hem that faded to fuchsia at the bottom.
I wasn't in the mood, but I couldn't help but burst into laughter. It was hideous.

"I think you've found the one Mom. Dad is surely never to forget this night with you in that dress!" I giggled.

"You're right honey, and I'm sure he would serve me with divorce papers tomorrow if I wore this! But, I really would love to see the look on his face!" She did a twirl in the mirror and then said, "Okay, now for my real pick!"

When she came out of the dressing room the next time she had on a black crepe, knee length dress that had a sheer placket and cap sleeves and was embroidered with a floral design. The dress hugged her curves, without being too clingy and I thought she looked beautiful.

"Oh Mom, it's stunning," I whispered.

"Do you think so?" She asked hesitantly.

"Definitely, Dad is going to love it," I assured her.

"Okay! Your turn."

I had picked out a couple of safe options. I didn't want to be too revealing, nor did I want to wear something that was going to make me look ten years older. I had learned over the years that I should enhance my chest or my legs, but not both at once. The first outfit was a low cut black pant suit with sheer sleeves. I would definitely have to tape my boobs in.

"Nope, not it," m
y mother said when I came out of the fitting room.

"I like it because it covers almost everything. I don't want to give Darren any ideas."

"Please honey, that man has all sorts of ideas already. Just stay away from him. Plus, you'll never wear that again."

"You're right. Okay, next!" I said, ducking back behind the fitting room door.

The next one was strapless, skin tight and came down just below my butt. The material was some sort of blue and silver stretchy woven material, and I thought my mother would get a kick out of it.

"How about this?" I asked my mother, as seriously as I could manage.

"I think you forgot the skirt that goes with that top!" She laughed.

"I think you're right!" I looked at myself in the mirr
or shaking my head. "Alright, one more."

The other serious option I had chosen was a high neck black sequined dress that came to mid thigh. It showed off my legs, and I thought it looked elegant, yet young and somewhat sexy, without being over the top.

"Here it is. What do you think?"

"Wow, your legs look amazing!" My mother said. "All that running is really paying off."

"Thanks Mom, but what about the dress?"

"Hmm. I like it, but...." She walked out into the shop and picked up another dress. "Will you try this one on for me?"

She held up a deep red satin dress. It was floor length and looked a little plain, but I decided to appease her. She was going to be paying after all.

"Well?" I asked when I came back out of the fitting room.

"Oh Caroline, that is absolutely gorgeous," my mother said. "That dress was made for you."

I looked at my reflection in the three way mirror. The front of the dress was quite plain, but it hugged my curves and accentuated my full chest with the cowl neckline that showed just a hint of cleavage. The real beauty was in the back of the dress. Two straps came from my shoulders down to the small of my back, creating a V, but essentially exposing my whole back. The material clung perfectly to my bottom and fell to the floor, with a short train. I felt amazing.

"I love it. It's incredible. It might be a little over the top for a work function. You don't think it's too much?"

She shook her head at me.
"No, we're going to a black tie event. If you can't wear something like that then, when can you?"

I hugged her. "Thank you, Mom."

"Don't thank me yet. I have some surprises in store for you."

After we left Clara's, she boug
ht me lunch at my favorite cafe' and then took me to a fancy salon so we could have manicures, pedicures, and get our hair and make-up done. By the time we got home we only had thirty minutes to get our dresses on and accessorize before it was time to leave.

"Let's go ladies!" My dad called from the bottom of the stairs. "We can't be late, I'm the host of this shindig!"

I had to hold the front of my dress up with one hand and tuck my clutch underneath one arm so I could hold the banister and avoid falling over my nude stilettos. My mother was right behind me, carrying her shoes as she navigated the stairs.

"I'm so glad the stylist put your hair up darling, the back of that dress is amazing!" She said.

"Thanks again, Mom. I needed to decompress and I really had a great time today."

"You're welcome honey. You know I love you."

"Well well, don't you two look beautiful!" My dad said as we made it to the kitchen. He kissed my mother on her cheek and whispered something in her ear. She giggled, and placed her hand over the lapel of his tux as she leaned up to kiss him square on the mouth. I smiled at their gestures of love for one another.

"Shall we?" I asked.

"Why don't you ride with us sweetie? Carson can drive you home later," my dad said.

"Sounds good to me.
Did Carson go ahead?"

"He said he had to go pick up his date," my dad said.

I raised an eyebrow at him. I hoped it was Lou, and I wondered what had gotten into him. After more than a year of looking for Meg, he sure did take to Lou quickly.

~~~~

When we arrived at the Westin the valet opened the car doors for my mother and me. We walked into the lobby while we waited for my father to get his valet ticket. Then we took the elevator to the second floor ballroom

"Jack, Allison, so great to see you! Caroline, you're looking exquisite, as always!" 

"Bill, great to see you! Where's Margaret?" My dad asked, shaking hands with Bill and looking around.

Bill had worked for the company about as long as my dad. They were old high school friends.

"Hi Bill," I said, leaning in as he kissed my cheek. Then I excused myself and headed to look for some of my new customers.

The ballroom was already filling up with guests. Some were mingling by the bar stations, and some in the buffet line. Several waiters made their way through the crowd with trays full of appetizers or champagne. I spied Darren at one of the bars to my left, so I headed to the bar on the other side of the room. After getting a glass of white wine, I turned around to survey the crowd.

I spotted Rob Houston and headed in his direction. He was the owner of the convenience store chain that we were getting ready to launch.

"Mr. Houston! Hi, so nice to see you, I'm Caroline Foster, your new account manager." I smiled extending my hand to him.

"Yes, Ms. Foster. I've loved your work on the project so far, and am looking forward to working with you directly in the future."

"Please, call me Caroline. Have you seen the latest design changes? Ross and I didn't see eye to eye on all the elements, and now that's he's left the company, I took the liberty of making some changes that I think will enhance our efforts." Ross was the previous account manager
.

"Yes, I believe my assistant gave me the package this morning. I do like the changes you've made, and would like to discuss some other ideas with you."

"Great! I'll call your office in the morning to set something up for next week." I said. "Thank you for your business, enjoy the party!"

As I turned away from him I
caught site of Carson across the room. A slender, dark headed woman had his arm through his and he was smiling down at her and laughing at whatever she was saying. A moment later she turned toward me and my mouth dropped open. It was Lou.

I started to head in their direction when I
saw Darren headed in mine. He'd already seen me, so now there was no escaping.

"Mmm mmm mmm. What do we have here?" He said, walking around me in a small circle. "You look simply divine. I could eat you with a spoon."

I cleared my throat. "Darren, how are you this evening?"

"I'm doing really well now that you're here. Would you like to dance?"

"The band hasn't even started yet, Darren."

"Be sure to save a dance for me then. I'd love to get my hands on you in that dress."

Ugh, what a sleaze bag.

"That's not going to happen," I stated firmly.
Especially after last week at
Deuces
!

"Oh oh. Playing hard to get, huh? I like that in a woman."

He was eyeing me like a lion ready to pounce. I was feeling really uncomfortable, but at least there were hundreds of people around. He certainly wouldn't try anything here. As he leaned in to whisper something sexual in my ear I felt the energy in the room shift. I couldn't hear what Darren was saying, I couldn't breathe. A tall, dark, and gorgeously brooding man was heading in my direction.
Luke
.

My heart slammed in my chest. I immediately knew what my mother had meant by "surprises". She had been plotting this whole time. I pushed Darren away from me as my mother and Luke walked toward me.

"Hey, no need for such hostility," said Darren, coming back in to wrap his arm around my waist.

"Let go of me Darren, or you're going to regret it," I said, noticing the look of rage on Luke's face as he continued in my direction. Despite the expression on his face, he looked gorgeous. His tuxedo was made for him. His biceps bulged beneath the jacket and his cummerbund sat perfectly around his upper hips, accentuating the broadness of his shoulders. He looked edible and my body was
already responding to his proximity.

"Come on Caroline, stop trying to resist me. It's getting old," Darren said,
grabbing me around the waist and bringing me back to the matter at hand. "One night with me, and you'll finally get that stick out of your ass."

"It's never going to happen Darren, get away from me."
I shoved against him again, trying to get out of his grasp.

"I would do what she asks if I were you
," Luke's voice boomed, startling Darren. He turned and looked to Luke who was at least a head taller than him.

"
Not you again. Who
are
you? Her bodyguard?" Darren huffed.

"
All you need to know is that she is here with me and I don't like seeing your hands on her." Luke looked so angry he could rip Darren into little pieces.

"Hey, whatever man." Darren said, throwing his hands up in a sign of surrender and walking off.

Luke watched Darren go and then turned to me, the look on his face immediately softening.

"Are you alright?" He aske
d, his voice laced with concern as he pulled me into his chest.

"I'm fine," I said, steadying my breathing. "
I had it under control. What are you doing here anyway?" I demanded, pushing back, and narrowing my eyes at him.

"Your father and I invited him," said my mother as she finally made it to Luke's side.

"Why?" I said, although I already knew the answer.

"Caroline, your father said you've been moping around, you can't focus on anything, and I can see things clearly, even if you can't. I'm just doing what I know is best for you since you won't do it for yourself," she said, turning to Luke. "Don't go easy on her.
She's going to be hard to convince. Good luck."

With that, she patted Luke on the arm and walked away.

"I need another drink," I said, unwrapping myself from his embrace and walking to the bar. A moment later I sensed him behind me and my pulse began to race.

He leaned down to my ear and said, "You look ravishing in that dress."

"Luke please. I'm sorry they invited you to come. I didn't know what they were up to."

"I'd love to take you home, slip it over your hips and make you sorry you ever l
eft me," he said into my ear so that only I could hear him.

I swallowed hard, remembering how good he felt inside me. My nipples hardened and strained against the fabric of my dress. "Please stop," I pleaded weakly.

His hands were on my hips now, holding me back against him.

"Miss, what can I get you?" The bartender asked.

"Um..." I couldn't think.

"Another glass of Riesling?" I nodded to him.
"And for you sir?" He said, looking at Luke.

"I'll have scotch on the rocks please," Luke answered.

As the bartender made our drinks Luke continued to assault my senses. I could feel his chest against my bare back. The scent of his cologne mixed with his inherent maleness was intoxicating.