Awakening the Luminous Mind: Tibetan Meditation for Inner Peace and Joy (9 page)

When we connect with this clear space of being, it is not a passive process. As we meditate, we are not simply becoming a disinterested observer of our thoughts and feelings as they float by. Rather, we are recognizing the space of our very being itself, and this intimate recognition is a spark, a light that ignites a positive response to the moment. As we draw clear and open attention inward, we are healed and nourished in so doing, and we naturally become generous. When you abide in openness, awareness, and warmth, you are naturally able to express generosity, experience forgiveness, feel love, or have compassion. The single experience of resting in the refuge gives birth to so many positive experiences. According to the
dzogchen
teachings, if you abide in the inner refuge, positive action will naturally arise. It is not that you need or want to give; rather, generosity spontaneously arises because nothing is obscuring or blocking it from arising.

Let’s look at each of the three refuges referred to in the poem in
Chapter 2
—body of emptiness, body of light, and body of great bliss—and the distinct gift that each has to offer.

T
HE
G
IFT OF
O
PENNESS
: T
HE
B
ODY OF
E
MPTINESS

As you practice drawing your attention again and again to stillness, it is important to allow your thoughts and feelings to arise without judging or changing them in any way. As you simply host whatever you experience in openness, and continue to maintain awareness of the openness itself, this sense of unbounded self that you experience not only is a gift that benefits you, but can also be a great gift to another. You have the power to let others be as they are. As you feel that unbounded space in yourself, you allow others to be, without having to manage or manipulate yourself or them. You are able to allow their experience fully because you can allow your own experience fully. Whenever family, friends, or co-workers express stress, tension, fears, or expectations, you are able to be there fully without judging or reacting. If you do not feel that space in yourself, how can you give it to anyone else? But if you do experience the unbounded space of the first inner refuge, it becomes a great gift to offer to another. Their experience, whether joy or suffering, does not activate your pain body, and so you are able to offer them openness. The openness that gives rise to confidence and fearlessness within you can inspire others to discover their own sense of confidence.

Perhaps you have been trying to help a particular person in your life, but your efforts are unsuccessful or have led to tension or misunderstanding. If you look closely at the situation, you will see that your pain body is being activated in response to that person, and this causes your words or actions to come off as controlling and manipulative instead of caring and supportive. Sometimes even our good intentions conceal a wish to control others. Any sense of discomfort within you is a clear sign that you need to go back within and connect with the refuge of unbounded space. You need to feel that space within yourself first, before you can influence others positively. As you experience inner space, you will naturally radiate a sense of spaciousness by your very presence. As you become aware of that unbounded space, as you feel and connect with that unbounded space, you impart the gift of openness by allowing others to be who they are. It is not that you give someone space by going away and leaving them alone; rather, you are fully present with them, while allowing them space to be as they are. The space of refuge is not given by anyone to anyone else; it is a naturally existing gift. To recognize this gift is to receive it. It is simply the
recognition
of this gift that has been lacking. I am reinforcing the idea that inner refuge is a gift that you both receive as well as offer to others. When you are in the refuge, the gift is naturally there. As you recognize this gift, not only is everything you need right there within it, but as you connect with this sense of richness and worthiness within yourself, you will naturally become aware of opportunities to benefit others. All positive qualities arise spontaneously from this inner space and become available in our interactions with others. But it is important to know that we are not
trying
to give. This is not a dualistic process in which one person is the active, enthusiastic giver while the other is a passive, needy receiver. No, the entire process is beautifully empty. Knowing this, you become infinitely generous. This is the gift of openness—the body of emptiness referred to in the poem of inner refuge.

Overcoming Fear with the First Refuge

As we discussed in
Chapter 2
, our human ego is changeable and vulnerable. Even though we all have the capacity to recognize the changeless essence, we grasp at our temporary experience with our conceptual mind in an attempt to protect ourselves from loss or change. We want what is by nature changeable to be unchanging. This creates an identity of insecurity, which I have been calling the pain body. We seek refuge in the wrong place, the changeable pain body. Our desire is that it should be changeless, and when this expectation is repeatedly disappointed, we experience fear. The continuous habit of identifying ourselves with what is changeable is the source of fear.

The first refuge, the body of emptiness, is the changeless essence, the unbounded space of being. In reality, you are changeless, and you come to recognize this when you experience the first refuge. Recognizing it does not mean, “I intellectually believe this to be true.” Rather, you experience it so directly that the reality of it is without doubt. This recognition of the unbounded, unchanging space of being is a powerful experience of openness, and becomes the source of your inner confidence. Because you directly experience the changeless essence, this protects you from the fear of change—even the most extreme change that ego faces: death.

Every time we go to the first refuge through the door of stillness, we can have a taste of changelessness. This taste is the medicine that heals fear and anxiety. To explore this, engage in a short period of reflection, bringing to mind a recent experience of anxiety or insecurity. Form a clear intention to seek refuge through the door of stillness. As you host the experience of fear or anxiety, bring unwavering attention to the stillness, until you glimpse unbounded spaciousness. Trust this glimpse. As you trust, your fear or anxiety begins to dissipate. Rest your focus in the openness that you discover. Rest there as long as the experience is fresh. In the beginning, you may be able to experience maintaining an open focus for only a short period of time—perhaps a few minutes. As you continue to practice hosting any fear or anxiety while focusing on stillness, you will again and again witness the dissolution of the anxiety and be able to rest in openness for longer periods. As you practice this, your fear can be overcome by trusting, and then resting in openness, which
is
the changeless, unbounded space of being—the body of emptiness. Confidence will naturally become available as you continue to practice resting in openness. This is the real and only way to go beyond fear and discover natural confidence.

T
HE
G
IFT OF
A
WARENESS
: T
HE
B
ODY OF
L
IGHT

As we discussed in
Chapter 2
, the second refuge—refuge in the body of light—is awareness of the unbounded space of being. When we discover the inner refuge of awareness, we connect with a sense of completeness, fullness, and worthiness. This is a tremendous gift and an antidote for so much of the suffering that we experience, whether it takes an extreme form like physical addictions or a more subtle form, such as depending on external things for our happiness, a strategy that is doomed to eventual failure. When you experience awareness of inner spaciousness, you feel complete in the moment, vividly present, and connected as you are and where you are. It is the experience of self-worth in the truest sense. You realize you are full with potential. Because every individual in any given moment has infinite possibilities within him or her, when you extend the gift of awareness to others, you allow them to feel, explore, and discover who they are, without trying to control or manipulate their process or result.

Suppose you are in a relationship with another person who is experiencing some challenge or confusion. You may feel their discomfort. If it activates your pain body, your reaction will not be coming from a connection with infinite possibility, and so will lack creativity. Your ego is not able to fully help, because it lacks space, awareness, and warmth. Whenever you recognize that ego has been triggered, it is important to connect with the inner refuge. Otherwise, even with good intentions, ego interferes with your own or somebody else’s process. If you truly want to help another, keep ego’s agenda out of it. Let others feel and connect and figure out their process. That does not mean that you remain passive and disengaged; on the contrary, you are fully present.

My son Senghe is five as I write this. He often asks for my attention, regardless of whether I am busy or not. One time he asked me to come into the living room where he was playing. I entered the room with my sandals on and he immediately said, “Take your sandals off!” By saying this, he was asking me to sit down and be with him. To him, my wearing sandals meant that I was ready to go at any moment. Of course, once I took off my sandals and was sitting with him, he was not paying any attention to me! Still, he wanted my presence there. He was fully engaged in playing and not asking me to do anything, but my presence meant something to him. The gift of the second refuge is just this: be present with full attention without interfering with whatever is happening. I find it interesting to observe the responses of children to the adults around them. Young children naturally respond to the openness and playfulness of adults, and react when adults are distracted or judgmental or have their own agenda.

Sometimes we are not good listeners to others around us. Why? We have too much internal dialogue. We are distracted or more interested in listening to the voices of our own ego than bringing clear attention to someone else. Just allow another to express, to feel, and to explore. Be fully present with them. Do not underestimate the power of connecting in this way. With the second refuge you are not sitting in a passive, quiet place but are engaging with awareness, whatever arises. Being present without a judgment or an expectation of someone is a great gift. Of course, if you cannot experience this in yourself, if you have not truly received this gift of awareness, it is difficult to give this to another.

Overcoming Hope with the Second Refuge

The second refuge overcomes hope. This idea may seem surprising, since hope is considered a virtue in Western religion—an expectation of future blessings and an antidote to despair. But sometimes, without our realizing it, our hopes disguise a hidden fear of lack within us. If we look at how hope can work in this negative way in our lives, we have to ask ourselves what we are hoping to receive from others. How often do we find ourselves wanting those around us to change, and how often are we able to justify reasons why they should? If you are honest, you will discover the reason you hope someone else will change is that you experience some lack or some dissatisfaction within yourself. Often we hope someone else will fulfill a neglected aspect or compensate for a perceived lack in ourselves. When we do not have a connection to the inherent completeness of our own lives we often look to others to provide it for us. So it is important to connect with awareness to the space of being, and to discover richness in ourselves, the sense of the infinite possibility of each moment. When we do, we find that not only do we need less from others, but we have much more to offer them.

Hope can be a good thing. “It is my hope that you should be happy!” We hold the possibility of someone’s wellness and happiness in our good wishes. But the shadow of this can be, “I don’t get why you are sad for this long.” Sometimes hoping for someone’s happiness comes from not accepting that the person is going through what they are going through. If you allow them to acknowledge and feel their pain, they will heal much faster than if you interfere and do not allow them to feel.

Perhaps you had an argument or a falling out with someone. You were trying to say or do something for them, and they misinterpreted your intention or didn’t like it and got angry with you. Now you expect the other person to apologize, and you are waiting for that person to make the first move. In families, these frozen stances can even last for years. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is important to realize that you are allowing weakness and confusion to influence you, instead of coming from your strength. If you turn to the inner refuge and connect with your inherent strength, you can overcome this shared pain body and take the healing initiative.

Entering the fullness of being through direct, naked awareness is a much better path to bliss than waiting around for someone else’s apology or attention. Just go to the refuge directly. Make it part of your everyday life, and you will find that you live with very little regret or unfinished business. If you look closely at what you are asking from somebody else, you will discover you already have it. You already have richness, you already are full; you have that connection, so in some sense it doesn’t make any sense to ask another for it. Would you ask for something you already have? Furthermore, once you discover your inherent richness, you might feel compassion for the other person. You might recognize that they are not connected to their own richness. The only way compassion will come is by shifting something in yourself and realizing that you
are
what you seek from another. You are the second gift, the gift of awareness.