Awakenings - SF1 (33 page)

"Thanks. It has been a very happy birthday so far," she conceded as she grinned at Jamie.

"Oh, that reminds me," Mia added. "Jamie tells me that you've got available time on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons. I think she has started to look great, and I don't want her to get too far ahead of me in the looks department," here she shot Jamie a grin. "Would you be willing to work with me?"

"Absolutely, Mia. Do you know what my rates are?"

"Yeah, Jamie told me. That's not a problem. Can we start on Monday? I want to look good for this summer when I go to L.A."

Ryan marveled at the financial freedom these women had. Dropping $375 a week on a whim was not something she could ever imagine doing.

After Mia left Ryan gave Jamie another winning grin as they sat back down at the kitchen table. "You couldn't stand not to have me get paid for those hours could you?" she asked with a twinkle.

"Nope. You're gonna be swimming in dough when I get through with you," she laughed. "Hey, I forgot to ask why you were available today?" Jamie asked. "I figured you'd be with your family."

"Da had to work tonight, so a bunch of my relatives are coming over for a barbecue tomorrow." After a moment she looked at Jamie and asked, "Would you like to come? I'd love for you to meet the rest of my family."

Jamie was very tempted to immerse herself in a whole sea of O'Flaherty's. But since Jack had been none too happy about her absence this evening
she thought she had better not
. "I wish I could, Ryan. But I need to go down to Palo Alto," she said.

"No big deal. You'll have plenty of opportunities. Actually, I was a little surprised that you were available tonight. I've never seen you spend Friday evening in Berkeley."

"That's because you never had a birthday on a Friday evening, silly," she said as she grinned over at her friend.

"Did you really stay in town just for me?" she asked with a shy little smile.

"Well, yeah," Jamie replied as if the answer should be obvious. "I was going to have you over next week to celebrate but when I found out you were free on your actual birthday I decided I had to move it up."

Ryan gazed at her for several minutes, her intense sapphire eyes never wavering from their hold on Jamie's. "You are so thoughtful and so giving...I hope Jack appreciates you like he should," she said as she patted her friend's hand.

"I...I...think he does," she stuttered as she tried to appear casual. She fought to regain her composure as she said, "My birthday wish for you is that you find someone who truly appreciates how special you are."

"Thanks, Jamie," she said as she continued to hold her gaze. "I hope so too."

"So what are the rest of your plans for the evening?" Jamie inquired, trying to lighten the mood. "Surely you will not be without female companionship?"

"I guess I could be wrong, but you certainly seem like a female to me," Ryan replied innocently.

"That's not the type of companionship I mean, and you know it," Jamie scolded.

"Okay, okay. I did have tentative plans to meet someone later," she admitted.

"Anyone special?" Jamie inquired lightly.

"No, not really," Ryan said casually.

"Gee, that must make her feel good," Jamie chided her now blushing friend.

"That's not what I meant," Ryan said, clearly embarrassed. "I just mean, well, you know what I mean," she looked to Jamie for understanding, but found a blank face instead. "I'm still seeing that woman you saw me with at the coffeehouse. I like her, I really do. I don't sleep with people I don't like," she defended herself. "But I don't see this progressing very far. It's just fun."

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Why?"

"Yeah, why won't this last?"

"One big reason...and I think it's a good one," she replied with a chuckle. "She doesn't think she's gay."

"Really?" Jamie asked, rather shocked.

"Really. Robin has a boyfriend that goes to the University of Washington. He's actually on the football team so I hope he never finds out about me!" she said with a crooked smile. "I don't think I'd look good with two black eyes and a few broken bones!"

"Um...doesn't that bother you at all?"

"What? That she's bi
sexual or that I'm cheating with some guy's girlfriend?"

"Um...either, I guess," she said hesitantly.

"Well, it doesn'
t bother me a bit that she's bi
sexual. I think we're way too caught up on labels for people. And two...she claims that they both date others during the school year. They're just monogamous when they're in the same city."

"Would it bother you if she was really cheating?" Jamie asked, knowing that she was treading in waters where she did not belong.

"Um...I guess it depends. I would never try to get someone to cheat and I would never seek out someone I knew was in a relationship, but I have slept with women who were involved with someone else and it didn't really bother me. It's their relationship and if they want to screw it up I feel like it's not my business. But I will admit I could never be serious about anyone who cheated. If they do it to someone else they'll probably do it to me."

"Yeah, I can see that would prevent you from trusting someone," Jamie agreed. "So it doesn't bother you a bit that she has a boyfriend?"

Ryan pursed her lips and gave the question some serious thought. "Well, I guess if I'm completely honest there is one thing that bothers me. I don't mind that she has a boyfriend but it does bother me that she doesn't really want to be seen in public with me."

"WHAT? She's ashamed of dating you!?"

Ryan gave her a delightfully crooked grin and said, "That outraged tone was a very nice compliment, Jamie. Thanks for the props."

"Well, really, Ryan," she scoffed. "What kind of idiot wouldn't want to be seen with you?"

"Well, I think her concern is that she doesn't want her boyfriend to find out about me. He doesn't know that she dates women," she advised.

"Ohhh," Jamie replied with a slight head nod. "So
he
doesn't know she's bisexual."

"Correct." Ryan stood and extended her hand to Jamie. "Enough of this serious talk," she said with a wide smile. "I think it's time we went to our respective lovers and had some fun!" As they walked to the door Ryan started to sing an old Stevie Wonder song, "We are strangers by day, lovers by night. Knowing it's so wrong. Feeling so right!"

Jamie gave her a hard bump with her hip as they neared the door. "You get a lot of pleasure out of being bad, don't you?"

"Go with your strengths!" she said with a confident leer.

"You are incorrigible, Ryan."

"Well, I certainly hope so," she replied with a grin.

When Jamie walked into Jack's apartment a little before 10 p.m. the look on his face said more about his displeasure than she wanted to know. "Hi, Honey," she called out in greeting as she placed her overnight bag on the floor.

"Hi," he replied, barely looking up from his book.

"Did you have dinner? I brought you some lasagna," she offered.

"Yeah, I made myself a sandwich," he said without elaboration.

"Is everything okay, Jack?" she asked, even though she absolutely did not want to know.

"Sure, why wouldn't it be?" he coolly replied, again not lifting his head to look at her.

She was already sick of this act so she turned the tables on him a bit. "No reason," she said with a sweet tone. "I'm going to get ready for bed. Be back in a minute," she said lightly as she passed by and kissed his cheek. She could feel his eyes burning into her as she walked down the hallway but she refused to goad him into talking if he didn't want to.

She brushed her teeth and washed her face, both with a leisurely pace. She stripped off her clothes and put on one of Jack's Tshirts, then picked up a novel by Djuna Barnes that she had to finish by Monday.

As she walked back into the living room she asked if he needed anything while she was up. He definitely muttered something under his breath, and it sounded like 'a full time
fiancée
, but she acted as though she had not heard a word even though she was seething inside. She gave him a completely fake smile and sat down on the end of the couch to read. Just to piss him off she put her feet up on his lap and refused to let his cold disregard penetrate her outer demeanor. Luckily, her novel was mesmerizing and she was fully engrossed for almost two hours. True to his always stubborn form Jack did not loosen up one bit. He did not touch her in any way and he completely ignored her feet on his lap.

At around midnight he stretched and announced flatly, "I'm going to bed."

She couldn't have passed a polygraph test on the issue but she 'inadvertently' dug her foot into a sensitive place as she lifted her legs from his lap. He grunted a bit but still said nothing. The rigors of the day caught up with her and she decided to turn in also. She turned off the lights and followed him into bed where she expected the tension to remain.

Much to her shock as soon as he got into bed he started to make sexual overtures.
Oh, please! You can't say a civil word to me but now you want to screw me?!
And for the first time in their relationship she found herself intentionally trying to hurt him. "Jack, I have something to tell you," she said in a matter of fact tone.

He lifted his head from her breast with a quizzical look, but still said nothing.

"I had a pregnancy scare this week," she informed him. She honestly had never seen an erection deflate quite so quickly. He shot up into a sitting position and stared at her with a look of pure horror.

"What happened? Why? What..." he stuttered.

"I haven't been feeling well for over a month and I've been queasy in the mornings. But on Tuesday I passed out and that made me take action," she related, leaving out every pertinent piece of information.

"What....Where...?"

"I went to my doctor on Wednesday and she gave me a pregnancy test. Obviously it was negative," she said without further elaboration.

"Where is your doctor?" he finally got out.

"Palo Alto," she said with a small smile, knowing that he would be hurt to find out that her doctor was 3 minutes from his campus.

He gave her a look of total disgust as he said, "And you didn't call me to go with you? Need I ask who did?" he added with a snarl.

"Maybe if you tried really, really hard you could be more self centered," she said with yet another false smile. "I'm feeling sick for a month, unable to eat in the mornings because of nausea. I faint twice in one night and vomit all over greater Berkeley. I have to skip a day of school to go to the doctor. I find out I've lost 10 pounds without wanting to. The doctor takes my blood and runs a bunch of tests to determine God knows what. But I can see that your most pressing concern would be who took me to the doctor!" she snapped.

"You have the nerve, the unmitigated gall to bust my chops and try to make me feel sorry for you!" he shouted. "How the fuck can I feel sorry for you when I don't know any of this!! I'm your fucking
fiancée
Jamie! And you don't tell me that you've been sick, you don't tell me that you're losing weight and you don't tell me that you pass out! How in t
he fuck can I feel bad for you
?
!!
”

He leapt from the bed and started pacing in a straight line, back and forth across the carpet. He was becoming more agitated by the minute and Jamie was almost afraid of him. In 3 years she had never even heard him raise his voice, much less curse at her.

"I can only imagine why you didn't tell me about your pregnancy scare," he growled. "You and your buddy would just decide what to do about it. You two could have gone behind my back to abort my child!!" Now he stopped abruptly and stared at Jamie with cold fury, but when he saw the frightened look on her face every bit of his anger evaporated. He looked like he had been punched in the solar plexus as his shoulders dropped along with his head. All of the fire, all of the spark were just....gone. He came back to the bed and sat on the edge, facing away from her. He looked like a thoroughly defeated man, and as mad as she was Jamie felt sorry for him. She crawled over to him and put her arms around him from behind. He stiffened at first but as she murmured into his ear he began to relax.

"I would never do that Jack. I would never, ever abort a child, especially yours. I love you, I don't want to hurt you," she whispered.

He pulled her arms from his neck and got fully onto the bed. His last words were, "No matter what your intent is, you're hurting our relationship, Jamie. You need to make some choices."

They kept a very cool distance in bed. She was a bit dismayed to wake up at 7 and find him gone. There was a note on the kitchen counter that read, "Law Review deadline on Monday. Be back late, Jack."
Well, that says it all,
she thought glumly.
No, 'love, Jack', no 'I'm sorry', no 'I'll call you later'.

Jamie booted up his computer and his printer. She sat down to compose her thoughts and then began to write.

Dear Jack,

I'm sorry that I hurt you last night. I didn't mean to upset you. I know that I should have told you what was going on with me, but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't but I will try to figure it out.

Something is bothering me, and I need some time to work it out. If I stay here this weekend I know I'll be angry that you're gone. So for both of our sakes I'm going home. Feel free to call me at home or on my cell phone. If you don't feel like talking today or even for a few days, it's okay.

I'm not angry with you, Jack. I know you're really busy and I don't want to make things any harder for you. Whatever is bothering me is about me. So don't worry. I'm sure I'll feel better soon.

I love you,

She printed off the note and signed it. After a few minutes of just staring into space she picked up the phone and dialed Ryan's pager. When she didn't get a return call immediately she got in the shower and spent a long time letting the hot water clear her mind. She was just finishing drying her hair when her cell phone rang.

"Jamie?" asked the deep voice.

"Hi, Ryan. I didn't wake you up did I?"

"Heck no, Duffy and I were running on the beach. He won, of course, but we still had fun. What's up with you at this time of day?" she inquired.

"Is that invitation to your party still open? I'm unexpectedly free today," she stated the partial truth.

"Absolutely. I'd love to have you," she replied easily. "Are you okay? You sound kind of down."

"I am, but just a little. Jack's tied up all day, but I didn't learn about it until this morning. I just don't want to sit here alone all day."

"Well, you're never alone at the O'Flaherty's," she replied. "Not even when you want to be."

Ryan gave her all the details of the party and steadfastly refused her offer to bring anything. Jamie signed off and immediately felt better.
I've known her for 2 1/2 months. She can tell in two sentences that something is bothering me. I've been dating Jack for 2 1/2 years and he can never tell when something is wrong. Do I just need more than he is able to give me? Can any guy make me feel understood like Ryan does? Maybe I just want things I can't have.

She drove onto Ryan's street at 2 p.m. sharp. She had a difficult time finding a parking spot and finally wound up down the street and around the corner. As she climbed the stairs to the front door she could hear a din of voices. Ryan answered the door and gave her a delighted smile, showing those incredibly white teeth.
Wow!
Jamie marveled,
she looks absolutely fantastic.
She mused that she didn't often step back and just look at Ryan objectively anymore. They had grown so close that she saw her inner self more than her package. But occasionally she just looked at her and enjoyed the wrapper and this was one such day. Her beautiful friend was wearing a black knit silk t-shirt which clung to every curve. Black linen pleated slacks and soft black loafers completed her monochromatic outfit. She looked exactly like Ryan should look, tall; sleek; graceful; athletic; and terribly, terribly sexy. "Hi, I'm really glad you decided to come," Ryan said enthusiastically as she gave Jamie a big hug.

"You did say 2 p.m. didn't you?" she looked around the house which was bursting with people.

"Yeah, that's when we wanted people to come. But in this family they show up when they want to. We've had people show up at 9 a.m. for Thanksgiving dinner," she laughed.

As Ryan guided her into the teeming mass of people, Conor swooped down from his place on the staircase. "My, my, my, don't you look lovely today," he said as he looked Jamie up and down. "Isn't that a gorgeous outfit?" he said to Ryan as he continued to appraise Jamie like a new Ferrari. Jamie was wearing a very slim fitting sleeveless shell of nubby silk in tangerine and gold that just brushed her waistline. Slim fitting slacks of the same material showed off her trim legs. A silk knit sweater in the same tangerine was draped around her shoulders. Delicate leather woven loafers in a dark tan graced her feet.

Jamie blushed a little as the two siblings conferred. "Yes, Conor, I would agree that Jamie looks marvelous today, " Ryan said with a big smile, "But I've yet to see her look less than lovely," she added with a twinkle in her deep blue eyes.

Conor boosted the wattage of his smile and asked, "Have you been given a proper tour of our home, Jamie?"

"Um, not really," she replied warily. "I just saw this floor and Ryan's room," she admitted.

"Ryan's manners are so atrocious, sometimes," he scoffed as he gave his sister an aggrieved little shake of his dark head. "Please allow me to make up for her faux
pas
," he stated as he held out his arm to escort her.

She giggled at his exaggerated gallantry and gamely took his arm. As he led her off she turned to give Ryan a little wave. Ryan had narrowed her eyes in mock anger, but quickly broke into a smile.

Conor escorted her up the staircase that rested at the rear of the small living room. He did not stop to introduce her to the many people that they climbed over and she noted with a smile that they all continued their conversations as though they did not notice the interruption. They walked carefully up the stairs to the 3rd floor. This floor consisted of two good sized bedrooms and one small bath in between. He pointed out a room filled with instruments cases, open luggage and clothes strewn about.

"Rory's getting ready to go on a bit of a tour," he explained. "He and the band are leaving tomorrow for a month."

"Really?" she inquired. "Where is he going?"

"I believe they'll just be on the west coast," he replied. "He does a lot more traveling in the summer. They're playing in Ireland and Scotland this summer as a matter of fact."

"I would really love to hear him play," she admitted. "By the way, Ryan says you all play an instrument. What is your specialty?"

"I spent most of my youth playing the fiddle and the bouzouki," he replied. "But now I spend most of my practice time playing the mandolin."

"I have no idea what a bouzouki is," she admitted. "But I know a mandolin when I see one. Do you practice often?" she inquired as she turned from Rory's room to face him.

"I play for enjoyment more than I do to become more proficient. I usually play for an hour or so in the evening. It really relaxes me after a day pounding a hammer. " He touched her arm lightly at the elbow to lead her into his room. "Would you like to hear a bit?" he said with a grin, as he walked over to his instrument lying on a small table by his bed.

"I would love to," she enthused as she sat down on the edge of his bed. Conor picked up the carved wooden instrument and tuned it for just a minute. He adjusted it against his body and began to play a lovely haunting melody. Jamie was not familiar with the piece, but it was eerily beautiful and Conor played it with a depth of emotion that truly astounded her.