Away From You (Back To You Book 2) (16 page)

He laid me
onto the couch and placed himself over me, pulling my pants down and then
unzipping his. When he filled me, I cried out from the familiar – and yet
foreign – feeling of him. His eyes blazed. I wrapped my legs around him
tightly and urged him to move, relishing in the delicious sensation of his body
fitting together with mine. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but the force
behind his thrusts was jarring. It didn’t hurt, necessarily, but it was rougher
than normal and I had the fleeting thought that he was releasing pent up
tension with every quake of his hips. I matched his intensity, giving in to the
outlet that we both so clearly needed.

When we
finished, we lay sprawled out on the couch, gasping for air. He brushed the
sweaty strands of hair off my forehead. His lips felt warm and swollen on mine
as he gently kissed me before scooting down to rest his head on my bare chest.
I stared up at the ceiling and lazily drew circles on his back with my finger,
wondering if maybe we needed that physical connection to get things back to
normal between us. It seemed strange on paper, but we’d been acting like
bothersome roommates rather than a couple, so maybe it needed to happen to get
rid of the tension.

He lifted
his head and rested his chin on my sternum. “Hi, babe. How was your day?”

I chuckled.
“Not bad, how was yours?”

“I’m having
a much better day now than I was before.”

“Oh,
definitely.” I agreed. “Nursing school has nothing on you.”

Something
like anger flashed in his eyes, but just as quickly as I’d seen it – it
was gone. I didn’t have time to question him about it because he shifted off of
me and started readjusting his boxers and then zipping his jeans. Realizing
that I was still sprawled out, naked other than my panties, I jumped up and
gathered my clothes. I didn’t bother to put them on because I wanted to shower
after such a long day.

“I’m going
to run upstairs and shower. Do you want to eat dinner when I’m done?”

He nodded,
already settled back onto the couch and turning on the TV. “Yeah, that’s fine,
babe.”

When I came
down about a half an hour later, he was asleep. I hesitated at the bottom of
the stairs. Any other time I’d tried to wake him, it hadn’t gone well. He’d
usually jump and snap at me, or swing wildly, causing me to duck out of the
way. I bit my lip. Maybe if I made enough noise with the pots and pans in the
kitchen he’d wake up on his own.

I started
for the kitchen, but the bottom stair squeaked. His eyes flashed open and
landed on me. He looked disoriented and suspicious, so I fixed a reassuring
smile on my face to calm him. Even as I did so, it occurred to me just how
often I had to alter my behavior to placate him or work around his moods. I
wished more than anything that I had the old Matt here to talk to about this.
The stranger I’d just made love to only moments before would just get upset if
I voiced my concerns.

“Hey, sorry,
you wore me out,” he chuckled, rubbing his eyes.

I blushed
deeply and headed for the kitchen again. He got up from the couch and turned
off the TV, taking a seat at one of the barstools at the kitchen island. I
opened the fridge and pulled out the leftover casserole that I’d planned for us
to eat tonight since it was a long school day. As I turned on the oven and
prepped the dish, I was keenly aware of Matt’s eyes on me. I could tell that he
was trying to work up to saying something, and I braced myself. Maybe our
little passionate reunion wasn’t as healing as I’d hoped it was. It was
probably naïve of me to think so, anyway. This wasn’t a movie, after all.

“Liv, how’s
school going?” He asked. The question seemed innocent enough, but as I knew
that his mother had no reason to keep my school issues from him, I quickly
deduced that he knew about them. The passive-aggressive question irked me, but
I let it go.

“Eh, not so
good. I’ve been really distracted lately and my grades have been slipping.” I
played it off like I’d have told him if he’d asked. Which was probably true,
but at the same time, we hadn’t really been having many conversations about me
lately. It was usually about what he was up to, or what I could do for him.

“I see.
Well, it’s kind of weird to find out about that from my mom. Why would you tell
her and not me?”

I shrugged.
“She asked.”

“Liv, you
confided in my mom, but your own husband has to actually
ask
what’s going on in your life for you to tell him?”

I shrugged
again, placing the casserole in the now preheated oven. “I don’t know, Matt. I
didn’t intentionally keep it from you, but we haven’t really been communicating
like we used to lately.”

“And that’s
my
fault?” He asked, already getting
defensive.

“I’m not
saying that. It’s just been different, that’s all.”

He stared
blankly at me, almost as if he didn’t know what I was talking about.

“Matt, it’s
fine, I had a meeting with my teacher today and it went fine. I have a few
things to make up in order to pass the class and I have a week to do them.”

“I just
still think it was pretty shitty of you to confide in my mom and not me.”

I pursed my
lips off to the side of my mouth. “Again, communication has not been our strong
suit lately.”

“Don’t be
dramatic, Liv.” He rolled his eyes.

I balked.
“Who
are
you?”

He narrowed
his eyes at me, but didn’t answer.

After
finally feeling connected to him, I was doubly hurt by this recent whiplash of
his emotions. I stupidly thought that maybe for at least the rest of the night
we wouldn’t fight. Maybe the glow that usually followed really good sex would
last a little longer than five minutes. I suddenly felt smothered by the
rollercoaster that I was living in, and all I knew was that I wanted to get
away from him.

“When the
timer goes off, it’s done. I’m going out.” I grabbed my wallet, keys, and phone
from my schoolbag still lying on the floor by the front door and took off
without another word in his direction. If he called after me, I didn’t hear
him.

Without even
planning it, I headed on foot for Cat’s house. Having them so close was such a
blessing in a time like this. I had a brief thought of Ellie, but she probably
wouldn’t understand. Yes, she’d definitely understand what it was like to be
with a guy who could be very temperamental and stubborn at times, but Spencer
somehow pulled off those qualities in an endearing way. The stuff going on in
Matt’s head was a direct result of the attack in Afghanistan. And the only
couple that could give me some insight was the one who went through it right
alongside us.

She answered
the door soon after I knocked, giving me just enough time to feel bad about
showing up without calling her first.

“Olivia,
hey,” Cat opened the door wider and gestured for me to come in. She had a
reality show paused on the TV.

“Sorry to
interrupt your night,” I said, gesturing at the living room.

It was
always weird coming over to their house since it was the same layout as ours but
with all different stuff in it. There were barstools in the kitchen right where
mine were, but they were a different style and color. Her dining room table was
round where ours was square, and her coffee table was glass were ours was wood.
The TV she’d been watching was sitting on a stand in the middle of a very
modern-looking entertainment center. Ours was mounted to the wall above a
floating console shelf that was mounted beneath it. It was like an alternate
universe in there. She had a similar couch in the same place as ours though,
and it gave me a twinge of regret when I was reminded of what I’d been doing
only about an hour before.

“No, no, I’m
glad you’re here to save me from this trashy show. It’s definitely my guilty TV
pleasure!” She laughed briefly, but I could see in her eyes that she was trying
to figure out what to say to me.

“Matt and I…
got in a fight. I didn’t know what else to do.” I admitted with a shrug that
probably looked pretty pitiful.

Cat gestured
to the living room, and I opted to sit on their recliner instead of the couch.
I sighed, not sure where to begin. I’d sort of been hinting at Cat that things
weren’t going well with us since he’d been back, but no solid details. I
decided to start at the beginning. I told her about how he didn’t seem bad when
I’d seen him at the hospital in D.C., but the fact that he was in my arms and
alive might have masked any of the signs. I told her about his temper and his
mood swings, and the way he talked to me now, versus before. It was kind of
hard because she didn’t know him before all of this, but I tried to describe
how sweet and kind he used to be. As much as it wounded my pride, I even told
her about how I’d been skipping classes for the last week to try to connect
with him. When I did go to class, my attention was subpar at best and my grades
were starting to reflect that. I finished by telling her about what happened
tonight, leaving out the details simply out of modesty, but she got the picture.

“And after
that, I thought maybe we’d had some sort of breakthrough.” I laughed at myself.
“Dumb, I know, but I had hope. Then we got in this fight about how I told my
mother-in-law about my problems with school and not him. But she’d
asked
and I trust her, so I didn’t do it
to hurt him or anything. Then, I came here because I’m just over it. I think I
was mostly disappointed that we were fighting again over yet another
communication issue.”

She’d been
listening intently and responding with concern at the appropriate times.
Somewhere in the middle of my huge admission, Brooks had walked in and joined
us. She’d attempted to wave him out to give us privacy, but I motioned for him
to stay. I needed all the help I could get, especially from the guy who was right
there by his side on that horrible day.

“Well,” Cat
started, “I think it sounds like PTSD. We’ve been going to these sessions with
a therapist and they are really open about talking about the symptoms to make
sure that we know what to look for.”

“What are
the symptoms?”

Cat pursed
her lips. “Well, first of all, Matt hasn’t told you anything about what
happened, so that could be him avoiding the memories.”

I nodded.
“I’ve tried to ask him about it but he either freaks out or shuts down.”

Brooks pursed
his lips. “Sounds like what they said. Do you know if he’s having flashbacks or
anything? That can be part of it.”

“No.” I
shook my head. “I doubt he’d tell me if he was. But there’ve been a few times
when I’ve caught him just staring into space and then if I make a noise or
something he’ll snap out of it. Usually pretty violently.”

“Maybe,” Cat
supposed. “Has he been having nightmares? What about mood swings?”

“Definitely.
He goes from hot to cold in no time at all. And he has a really hard time
sleeping. Even the night I was with him in the hospital. Sometimes he lashes
out in his sleep, too.”

Their eyes
met and I saw the pity in their expressions. I felt awkward about telling them
what Matt had being going through. We were very private people. Throughout our relationship,
if we ever fought, I kept it behind closed doors where it belonged. Other girls
would tell every detail of their relationships to their friends, but I was more
of the opinion that the dirty laundry should stay in the hamper.

“Are you
okay?” Catherine asked.

I swiped at
the tear making a slow trail down my cheek. “I don’t know. I guess. I just feel
like I’m really exposing Matt right now and I can’t tell how I feel about it. I
mean, this is really important and everything, but it just feels wrong to talk about
him like this. This stuff is private.”

Catherine
shook her head. “I really can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so
grateful that Travis isn’t doing this stuff because I’m not sure how I’d handle
it either. I doubt that makes you feel any better, but I’m trying to say that
it makes sense you’re so messed up over talking about it. But, listen, it’s
good you’re talking about it since something like this isn’t going to just get
better on its own.”

“Man, I feel
so bad he’s having such a rough time of it.” Brooks said, rubbing his hands
together. “I mean, I could tell he was struggling but I didn’t know it was this
bad. He actually came by today to talk about it and I told him about how
amazing I’ve been doing. My bad.”

“He came
over?” I asked.

“Yeah, Cat
was at the store. He seemed really off. I mean, when you were describing how he
normally is, that’s all the stuff that I know about him. He’s a great guy. But
the way he’s acting now is definitely not right. I think Cat’s right about
PTSD.”

I nodded and
bit my lip. “Yeah, maybe. If you don’t mind me asking, are you having any
symptoms? I mean, I only asked because you were there, too. But you don’t have
to answer.”

Brooks waved
a hand to dismiss my worry over the question. “No, it’s fine. Mills sort of
asked too, when he was here. He actually got pretty pissed off when he found
out I wasn’t having as hard a time as he is. He didn’t use the phrase PTSD or
anything, but he was clearly trying to see if I was okay and then got mad that
I was and he wasn’t. He stormed out of here pretty quick.”