Awkward (26 page)

So I was in the doghouse after all.

“Sounds good,” I managed.

“We’ll only put a little rum in it.” His smile was quick and filled with humor. “I’ve got to head out. I’ll see you later, man.” He called that last part over his shoulder to Logan as he moved with the confident speed of long practice over to the exit.

That left the place empty except for Logan and me. Which wasn’t intimidating or scary at all. Oh, wait—yes, it was.

“So …” I began awkwardly. “We should talk.”

“Okay. Talk.”

He really wasn’t going to make it easy for me. Determined to be as casual as he was about all of this, I started skating laps, and it didn’t surprise me when he matched my pace with minimal effort.

“I owe you an apology. It was really nice of you to help me out at the party. You were under no obligation and I appreciate it.”

He shrugged and still looked bored. “That it?”

“No.” I stifled back a wave of annoyance. “I’m sorry I yelled at you over the Alex thing. I’m used to handling things myself. I actually prefer it that way, but it was nice of you to tell him to back off even if I’m not crazy about the way you handled it.”

“Okay.”

I shook my head in disbelief and wondered why I’d even wasted my time and energy on a guy like Logan Beckett. Here I was, doing the right thing and trying to clear the air, while he looked like I was explaining the life cycle of a centipede. Any second and I’d bore him into a coma.

“You know what? That’s it. That’s all the apology you’re going to get. Take it or leave it.” Indignation felt a hell of a lot better than the queasy nerves I’d had in my stomach. I dug in my pockets and came out with a fifty-dollar bill.

“Here.” I handed it to him with anger pulsing through me. He took the bill instinctively and then thoughtlessly crumpled it up in his fist as his hand clenched. “Now we’re even.”

“Not even close,” he retorted. “Why are you doing this, Mackenzie? Dylan told me you fled town to go on
Ellen
. Do you need more fodder for the media? Is that why you spied on me in the first place? Or are you here for something else?” His eyes flashed with anger, and for just a second he looked as raw as I felt. Then it was gone.

“I’m just doing this to clear the air,” I said, but I couldn’t help wondering if that was true. It was the reason I’d given myself to see him, but part of me, the stupid part, had hoped that everything would work out between us. That I could go back to being his tutor and Chelsea would dump him again and the two of us would get together. Stupid. Very stupid.

“And I wasn’t spying on you!” My voice raised an octave. “How many times do I have to tell you that! I was just outside and I happened to see the two of you making out, okay? Not a big deal. I mean: I get it. The two of you have a history, and history repeats itself. And it’s none of my business that you were kissing her anyway. I won’t mention it again.”

I decided not to tell him that I had inadvertently discussed it on
Ellen
already. He’d find out soon enough. And if he did watch my interview, he’d get to see just how much I liked him. I never should have blurted out those details on television. But it was too late to take it back now. Too late to point out that he would be better off with someone smart and sweet and—okay—awkward than with Chelsea. Someone who could make him laugh. Someone like, oh, I dunno,
me!

“I wasn’t,” he said shortly.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. “I was right there. I saw the two of you kissing.”

“No, you saw her kissing me. Big difference.”

My heart gave a
ka-thump
that I tried very hard to ignore.

“It didn’t look like you were fending her off with a stick.”

“No, I wasn’t. She kissed me, and then I explained it wasn’t going to happen again.” He smiled icily. “Satisfied?”

“Oh,” I said, feeling like an idiot. “Well, um. Good to know. Not that it’s, you know, any of my business.”

Oh, hell, I was seconds away from stuttering.

“Right. Look, let’s just forget it. Doesn’t matter.” He turned smoothly on the ice and started for the exit.

“Hold up!” I nearly did a face-plant as I tried to follow him. “I—I got something for you.”

I could see the surprise in his dark blue eyes as he turned around to face me.

“You got something. For me,” he stated slowly.

“It was an impulse buy.” I smiled and felt my heart do another one of those intense
ka-thumps
as I dug into my messenger bag and pulled it out. “You know, to help clear the air, I guess. Here.”

I shoved it at him and watched as he slowly turned his present over and looked at me. “John Adams?”

“Yeah.
HBO
did this miniseries on him a while ago and I never saw it and I heard it was good.” I shrugged nervously. “I understand if you don’t want it. I just thought it’d be fun, you know, to watch it. Together.”

I’m amazed I could speak. My mouth felt dry and my hands had gone all clammy.

The truth is, there’s something way scarier than singing in public, or answering questions about your love life on national television, or being swarmed by the paparazzi. And that’s telling the guy (or girl) you like that you like them. Personally, I’d take the
Ellen
show any day over this.

But that’s why I had to do it.

“So.” Logan looked from me to the
DVD
box set and then back to me. “You want to be my tutor again?”

“Well, yes and no.” I took a deep breath of air that felt extra cold from the chill of the ice skating rink. I really hoped I wasn’t making a mistake, and as I hesitated for one last second I remembered the secret Logan had told me. The one he’d probably thought I was too drunk to remember in the morning. About how I’d looked at Patrick that day at Starbucks. . . and how he hadn’t liked it.

“I-thought-it-could-be-a-date.” The words came out so fast they sort of blurred together. “Or not. That’s fine too. And it wouldn’t have to be a big deal. Just a movie and some popcorn. Or, you know …”

But neither one of us found out what I’d been about to babble because Logan tugged on my jacket until I slid across the ice and bumped into him. Only he didn’t seem to mind. Not if the way his mouth instantly covered mine was any indication.

I’d like to say: wow.

If someone had asked me for the name of the second president of the United States (John Adams, of course) I wouldn’t have been able to answer … because when Logan Beckett kissed me, my brain shut down. All the thoughts in my head, the worries, the concerns, the stresses, became as quiet and still as the empty ice skating rink around us. All I could feel were his lips on mine. Oh, and my heart wasn’t just doing that single
ka-thump
anymore. It was beating hot and fast.

And I was kissing Logan right back.

“So,” I said when we came up for air, “I take it that’s a yes to a date.”

Pressed against each other that closely I could see every speck of gray in his eyes and I could watch the mouth that had just kissed me brainless spread into a grin. A smug, confident grin that I had never thought I’d have aimed at me. Then again, I had doubted Logan would ever see me as anything besides a geeky tutor. I guess that just goes to show how quickly things can change.

“That’s a yes, Mack.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind one ear. “You know,” he said conversationally as he lightly brushed his lips against mine, “I think we found something you’re not awkward at.”

“Kissing?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

My brain nearly shorted out when he used his fingers to angle my chin.

“Then I guess we should keep doing it.”

And that’s exactly what we did.

1.
At the beginning of the novel, Mackenzie blames her mistimed elementary school ballet accident for her parents’ divorce. She also feels like her dad ditched them, then replaced them for the ballet teacher and a new family. Have you ever blamed yourself for something that was beyond your control? If you thought you were being replaced, how would you handle it?

2.
Everyone at Smith High School thinks of Mackenzie as the resident nerd because she does well in class and is willing to raise her hand when she knows the answer. Does this make her a geek? Is that such a bad thing to be? How does being an outsider come in handy for Mackenzie and her friends?

3.
The Notables at Smith High School make popularity look easy and maintain a social hierarchy within the school. How does this change when Mackenzie becomes famous? Are they really as put together up close as Mackenzie first thought they were? Where do you see yourself fitting into your school’s social scene? Do you think you would be happier somewhere else?

4.
Mackenzie considers herself an Invisible, and therefore below the notice of Notables. How does this perception help when she begins tutoring Logan? How does it hold her back? How does Logan and Mackenzie’s relationship change as she is thrust into the spotlight?

5.
Chelsea Halloway has a talent for making Mackenzie feel small and insignificant … and Mackenzie doesn’t know how to deal with it. How should she have tried to stand up for herself? Was Mackenzie’s technique of staying Invisible the smartest path for her to take?

6.
When the video of Mackenzie knocking over Alex Thompson hits YouTube, her life gets turned upside down with the force of the insane media attention. Does the media go too far when they chase her and Logan into the mall? Why does the line blur between public and private when someone becomes famous? How would you handle being the center of national attention?

7.
The YouTube video makes Mackenzie the center of attention, and even though she doesn’t
want
the attention, it comes with some really great perks: great clothes, backstage concert tickets, and access to celebrities. What would you want most if you were to become famous? What aspect of being a celebrity would you hate? Would it make a difference what thrust you into the national spotlight, whether it was because of an accident or an unseen talent?

8.
Mackenzie is very responsible when it comes to money, but it can also be a sensitive issue for her. How does her reaction to money differ from Logan’s attitude to it? To Spencer’s? Is it as simple as when you have money you aren’t afraid of spending it? Is it possible to become too obsessed with saving money rather than spending it?