Awoken (The Lucidites Book 1) (33 page)

The idea I have any power around here is preposterous. I push down his refusal and my own frustration in one hard, painful swallow. “Fine, I’ll go get the list myself.”

♦

I startle as the elevator doors clang shut behind me. The corridor appears long and menacing somehow. With each step the music grows louder. At first I only feel the beat in my chest, but then the notes greet my ears, and the vocals encapsulate me. A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have known the song or artist, but now I do because it’s on my iPod. Greg Laswell. His voice pulls at the one part of me I’ve been trying to avoid. Artists have the uncanny gift of making me feel what I’ve been evading. They should all be incarcerated.

I stop exactly three feet from his lab. I know this because I measure the space over and over as I will myself forward. The song ends abruptly and everything grows quiet like a warm summer’s night. I almost think I hear a cricket chirp in the distance, but realize it’s the elevator.

“It’s kind of weird you’re just hanging out here, don’t you think?” Aiden’s bright eyes peer around the corner. “Why don’t you come in?” He extends his hand.
Like I’d take it
. With a shake of my head he drops it and a trace of disappointment surfaces on his face. He retreats into his lab and I follow, wishing I’d never laid eyes on him.

“I’m here for the list of GAD-C locations,” I say, just as I rehearsed.

“I suspected as much.”

“Aiden—”

“Roya,” he cuts me off, “I know you’ve been avoiding me. You’re still mad about the modifier, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I concede, pushing an errant bit of hair out of my face. “And you knew about Joseph and me, didn’t you?”

His eyes drop to the ground before meeting mine. “You know I’m in a difficult position.” The blue of his eyes is startling, more intense than usual.

“My entire life, all I’ve ever known, is a lie and I need to understand
your
position?!” My voice climbs until it’s screaming. “You sound like Trey!”

“You’re right. This isn’t about me,” Aiden says in almost a whisper. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. If I had then I would have lost my job. When I consented to do that work and keep those secrets I didn’t know you. And if I had…well, I didn’t know how…” His words fall short and he looks unsure.

“Do you want to finish that sentence?”

“Not right now,” he says.

Why does he have to make everything so difficult?

“Thanks for the iPod,” I say, empty of the gratitude I really feel.

“You’re welcome.” He leans against a table.

“Can I get the list? I’ve got a training to get to,” I say, my resentment showing.

“Yes,” he says. “But first you have to hear me out.” Aiden steps forward and dares to shine a rebellious smile at me. “If you want the list, then you’ll have to give me a chance to explain.”

I wrap my arms around my chest and stare at the frozen graphics on the monitor overhead. A part of me knows I should demand the list and be on my way. But the other part of me knows I owe Aiden a chance to explain himself. He did save my life. “Fine,” I half whisper, returning my attention to him.

“Thank you,” he says. I nod and he continues, “Roya, you disapprove of my work with the modifier. I can’t convince you the other way. Yes, I knew about you and Joseph. And I helped to embed your family so they’d continue to accept you. I kept this all a secret from you.” A hint of stress marks his features. “I did all this because I know it’s important. It protected you. The work of this Institute, my work, kept you alive. Even if you hate me for it, I’d do it again because I want you alive, and not just for the obvious reason that you’re the challenger, but for a much more selfish one.”

The hollow ache starts in my throat and then rolls down until my stomach feels as expansive as the desert, bare and stretched. I should have known he wasn’t going to make this easy.

“I really hope you don’t hate me though,” Aiden continues.

A soft sigh tumbles from my lips. “I don’t hate you. I wish I could. It would make my life easier.”

“Easier? How’s that?”

“Then I wouldn’t be so distracted.”

Satisfaction flicks in Aiden’s eyes. “I distract you?”

I nod.

He pulls his glasses off his face and cleans them with his shirt. He glances up at me as he does this and says, “The feeling is quite mutual.”

“Sorry.” My apology is empty. “Maybe we should just stay away from each other.”

“That isn’t what I want,” Aiden says, putting his glasses back on.

Without permission words spill out of my mouth. “Me either.”

“But I’m fairly certain I can’t give you what you want.”

“Trust?”

“No, I can give you that.”

I want to ask him what he means, but a part of me already knows. A relationship. All our encounters, every hungry look, every gentle touch, every flirtation, is always in private. In the company of others he changes, becoming the Head Scientist.

“How do you know what I want?” I finally ask.

“I don’t, but I suspect you’re tired of secrets and lies.”

I stare at him long and hard, urging myself to stay focused. His eyes roam over me, enticing my cautious side. I slap a firm hand down on my waning resignation, pinning it firmly in place.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I say, hoping my eyes look hard, unaffected.

“Like what?” He feigns ignorance.

He’s an awful actor.

Surrendering an unabashed smile he says, “I can’t help it.”

“Well, try,” I say.

“I’m trying.”

“Try harder,” I urge.

Aiden flashes another wolfish grin under hooded eyes, obviously tempting my seriousness. I look away, trying to mask my discomfort with annoyance. “Shuman seems to think you needed to save me and that’s the reason she didn’t tell me I might drown when I entered the Institute. Does any of that make sense to you?”

He crosses his feet on the ground. “Shuman likes to speak in riddles.”

“Never mind.” I turn to leave.

Aiden’s fingers wrap around my wrist and with a gentle tug he yanks me back. “I don’t know why she’d say that. But when I saved you two things happened.”

I freeze.

“The first is I gained confidence, which I desperately needed. I’d been ridiculed when I was promoted to this position because of my age. Flynn had been ridiculed the most. I knew his reputation was riding on everything I did. I was afraid of failing him and myself. When I saved you I gained confidence and I needed that.”

“You seemed so flippant about the whole thing,” I say. “You acted like saving drowning girls was just a regular Wednesday for you.”

A mischievous smile dances across his face. “Fake it till you make it, baby.”

I roll my eyes, but smile still. “And the second thing that happened?”

“Well, if there’s one way to get a guy’s attention, it’s to almost die in his arms. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since.”

He moves. And the way he does, it seduces me—like a tranquilizer, and I’m so tired of fighting it. Aiden brushes his hand against my cheek. Something real flows between us, and against my better judgment I plunge into it. I swim into the magnetizing force and it curls around my toes, drifts over my legs, circles my torso, and slinks along my collarbone until I sink into a new version of me, one in which I allow myself to welcome delirium. All ideas of retreating fade as I settle into the crazy emotions his stare elicits. A part of me, the part I’ve failed to block out, never wants him to look away. The idea of wanting to feel this crazy emotion is like throwing myself off a building. But right now I’d gladly dive off a roof, unconcerned for my landing.

“I don’t want you to stay away from me,” he whispers.

And I won’t. Even if I want to, I can’t.
But I don’t say that. Instead I inch in closer to him and the space between us recedes into a vacuum. Aiden’s fingers comb through my hair until his hand finds my chin. He pulls it to meet his. I close my eyes, hungry for this moment. His lips have only just brushed mine when a flash assaults the warmth spreading through me. With a jerk, I pull away. Confusion rakes over his face as I fall back.

“I-I-I,” I stutter. I have seconds to get away from him and feel something, anything but my current emotion.

Aiden stares, confused, but still boiling my blood with his desire.

I push my fingertips into my eye sockets and scan my brain for something infuriating
. Ignorant people, spiteful gossip, the itch that radiates down the middle of my back, noisy eaters, MTV, bad hair days, dawdlers, math.
I know the moment is almost upon us, and pull my hands back to find Aiden dripping with concern. I force a weak smile.

The knock startles him, but I expected it.

“Hello?” George’s low voice slides over me like flour through my fingers.

Aiden’s eyes dart up to meet George and then back to me.
You knew
, they seem to say. But what they don’t elaborate on is whether he knew I backed away to protect him or me.

“What brings the pleasure of your visit?” A small hint of irritation marks Aiden’s words.

“Shuman sent me down to get the new equipment. She said you’d upgraded it,” George says and gives me a small wave.

“Right,” the Head Scientist chimes. “I’ll be right back.” Aiden gives me an indignant look as he heads to the back of his lab.

Alone with George I avoid his eyes, afraid he’ll put a spell on me. Instead, I think of smelly people, stepping in dog poo, slow Internet connections, stubbing my toe, bullies…

“Roya.” His voice rips me from my sick meditation.

“Yes.”

“What’s going on?” he asks.

I swallow down a sharp piece of guilt. “What do you mean?”

He blinks roughly. Then he closes his eyes and like a fan sucking air from a room I feel him pulling at me. His eyes flash open. “Are you all right? Did Aiden do something to hurt you?” His tone is protective.

I flush, half embarrassed and half triumphant. “No,” I chirp with finality.

“But you’re all right?” He takes a step toward me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You seem…upset.”

“I’m fine.” I lean into his hand, his warm, steady pressure.

“I have a question for you then.” George devotes his attention to my eyes, which are busy skirting his. “Can I see you tonight, after dinner?”

I hesitate, only for a second but it’s long enough.

A wall jumps up in George’s eyes. “Unless you have other plans.”

“I don’t,” I hasten as Aiden approaches.

He takes his time, lingering on my expression, my emotions, before saying, “Then it’s a date.”

“Here!” Aiden thrusts the oversized box in George’s arms. “That should be everything,” he says once his hands are free.

“Thanks.” A confused expression marks George’s features. “Sorry to have bothered you.”

“No bother.” The Head Scientist reclaims his disposition and straightens. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“That’s all.” George hides a puzzled expression, but I see it tugging at the corner of his face. “Roya,” he says, turning toward me, managing the large box easily. “Shuman said you should join us right away. You want to head up?”

I nod.

Aiden gives me a sideways glance but I avert my eyes. I push every part of the craziness he created in me to the edges of my being, to the edges of the room, the Institute, lest George feel it. But I already know there’s no winning this game of hearts. I’ve created this torment for myself. Placed myself between two incredibly different guys. Like great works of art, they’re subjectively perfect. If I could love them both then I would, but what they deserve and what I’m capable of is not enough to split. And all I have, and own, will meet its doom at the hands of another man—one I do not love.

“Bye.” I wave.

Aiden gives me a casual glance. He knows better than to expose his emotions around George. His hand rifles through his hair. “See you around, Roya.”

Chapter Forty

Y
ou’d think the night before I’m scheduled to face a deadly nemesis the Institute would throw me a pizza party or something. Apparently Domino’s doesn’t deliver to secret underwater locations. I take dinner in my room, tired of receiving solemn stares from everyone in the main hall. I won’t need to haunt my funeral to know what the attendants will look like. Their mourning expressions are already plastered on their faces.

I awake from a night of disturbing dreams to find my stomach tied in tiny knots. Probably better I didn’t fill up on garlic bread and cheese pizza last night. I’d surely have an awful case of indigestion at this point. Then I’d have to call Zhuang and ask for a rain check on our duel.

The air is stifling in room 222. We’ve been reviewing strategy since breakfast, and although I can’t choke down a morsel of food, my internal clock tells me it’s well after lunch.

Trey is programmed, driven to cover every detail. He only stops once every hour to take a sip of water before continuing his drilling, ensuring every team member knows their role, their cues, their part. A look of chronic worry etches his turquoise eyes when he revolves on me. It’s the first time this morning he’s looked directly at me. He seems to be fighting his own internal war as we prepare for this battle.

“In order for this all to work, there’s one part of this equation that’s key,” Trey states and then continues his nervous pacing. “Joseph,” Trey says, running a hand through his already over-tousled hair. “You’re the key. At all times you have to be as close to Roya as possible.”

“No! It’s too risky,” I scold Trey with one look.

“I want to do it,” Joseph urges beside me.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,”

“I do, and it’s my choice.”

“Look, you don’t have to do this. There’s other ways to protect me.”

“Roya, it isn’t about protecting you,” Trey interrupts. “Your powers don’t stand a chance against Zhuang if Joseph isn’t there lending his energy. It’s the way it has to be. It’s the only way it will work.” His last words sound full of regret, making me pity him, when he should be pitying me.