B0038M1ADS EBOK (15 page)

What Can You Do?

What are the essential navigation skills and knowledge to learn from this chapter? The most important thing is to recognize how your body has changed
as a result of being a warrior, and to make things better by cutting yourself
some slack, not getting angry with yourself, and not blaming yourself. Getting
angry with yourself magnifies the problems. Having a good understanding of
how the body responds to stress on a physical, emotional, and cognitive level
is the foundation for skills in this and subsequent chapters.

HM3 J was getting angry with himself for his inability to control his
reactions when he heard loud sounds. He felt embarrassed and ashamed
when he hit the ground in public, and this fueled his frustration and anger.
His body was constantly revved up, and the anger made everything worse.
This went on for months until he decided to seek help. One of the first
things that he learned to do was to stop blaming himself for how his body reacted. He learned to accept that his warrior body was reacting according to its reflexes, and that these reflexes were attempting to protect him
from danger. HM3 J let go of his blame for his body's reactions to loud
noises and accepted them. Controlling his anger reaction gradually had
the effect of making him less jumpy. He also got help for his sleep problem, which included changing the way he used alcohol.

SSgt L, whose behavior was straining his relationship with his fiancee,
had to learn to let go of his need to control things. He started a regular
physical training program, and found it helped to control his reactions.
He set up a small space in his house where he could put things he needed
(e.g., wallet, keys, cell phone), so he could find them easily. His fiancee
learned not to move his things without first asking him. If he felt frustrated when he couldn't reach his fiancee by cell phone, he would remind
himself it wasn't something that he could control, and his fiancee was not
a unit member who had screwed up communication procedures, but the
woman he loved and wanted to marry.

Everyone adjusts differently after coming home from a war zone, but
there are similarities in experiences that can be addressed. There are five
skills to learn in this chapter:

SKILL 1: BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR REACTIONS BY
WRITING ABOUT THEM

Start by getting a notebook that's small enough to carry around, and use
it for exercises in this book, notes, and journaling. Putting words to your
reactions and writing about your experiences can help develop understanding and insight into your feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations.

Write down the positive and negative ways you've changed as a result
of your deployment. Positive changes could be increased self-confidence,
greater appreciation for what's important in your life, greater appreciation for loved ones and friends, greater maturity, increased spirituality,
ability to demonstrate leadership, improved knowledge and expertise,
closer bonds with unit members, improved perception of what's going on
around you, faster reflexes, etc. Next, write down how things have changed negatively as a result of your deployment experiences. This could include
difficulty coping with wartime experiences, strain in your relationships,
physical injury, work stress, etc. Finally, compare how you react to things
now to how you reacted to things before deployment.

Think of a specific stressful event since you returned from deployment;
write down how you reacted, what emotions you experienced, and what you
did in response to the situation. Focus on the details of this event and your
reactions; don't judge yourself, or justify what you did, or defend yourself by
explaining why things happened the way they did. Don't judge your reactions.
You can ask yourself if your reactions resulted in doing something stupid, and
if the answer is "yes," write down what you would do differently if this happened again. But don't beat yourself up for how you reacted at the time. The
purpose of the exercise is to gain greater understanding and awareness of
how you react to things without becoming more critical of yourself.

As an example of how to organize your writing in your notebook, please answer
the following questions:

How have I changed as a result of deployment?

How do I react to things differently now than I did before deployment?

How does my body react to stressful events now, and what emotions do I
experience?

SKILL 2: LEARN TO ACCEPT YOUR REACTIONS WITHOUT
JUDGMENT OR ANGER

Accept how your body reacts now and how it's changed because of your
deployment. Acceptance means not blaming yourself, not judging yourself, not defending yourself, and not being angry with yourself. This
isn't easy, and takes some practice, so give yourself a break. Rome wasn't
built in a day.

Practice not getting angry when your body reacts like it did during
combat. If you suddenly throw yourself on the ground because of a loud
noise, don't getup right away. Lie there, feel the ground; getup only when
your body and mind are ready for you to get up. This may seem weird to
you and appear odd to others, but don't let it get to you. Don't get sucked
into feeling embarrassed. You put your life on the line, and if others are
uncomfortable with your behavior, that's their problem. Tell people this
is what you do sometimes because of your war-zone experiences, and that
you're fine. Make a joke and laugh about it if you want. Rememberyou're not crazy. As long as you don't let your physical reactions (and your
thoughts and emotions) get to you, others can learn to accept them, and
if they don't, it's their issue.

You're a warrior, a fighter, a survivor, and your body is doing exactly
what it's learned to do in order to take care of you. Over time, your reactions will change as your body learns that being away from the war zone
doesn't carry the same threat level.

If you find yourself getting frustrated, annoyed, upset, or angry
because people aren't doing what you think they should be doing, remember that you can't control what everyone else does. Appreciate how the feel-
ingof anger has helped you survive, and understand that you don't have to
respond right then to your own feelings of frustration or anger. If you feel
your heart pounding or you find yourself looking for an escape route in a
crowded location, realize and accept this as one of the ways you learned to
protect yourself. Don't add fuel to your reactions by getting angry at your
own reactions.