B00BR2BOUU EBOK (26 page)

“Just call me ‘Fletcher’, you know you want to.” Dustin
Fletcher, or ‘Inspector Gadget’ as he was known, was my favourite Essendon
Football Player, the man could intercept a fly if need be.

“You wish, Mum,” said Nate.

I poked my tongue out, and hand balled to Charli who looked
like she needed all the help she could get in this unfair competition.

“Your Dad and I need to go for a ride,” I said to the kids.
“We’ll be back soon.” Rick walked towards me showing a glimmer of hope. “I’ll
take the quad, you get your bike and meet me up the top of the hill.” I sat on
top of the quad bike, switched it on and pressed the throttle, speeding off
through the gate and accelerating up the hill. The wind sailed past me with
force and completely ruined my ‘time-wasting’ hair style.
At least I’ll have
an excuse to do it again if I need to.
Rick wasn’t far behind as I turned
off the engine, I swung my leg around and remained on top of the quad. He got
off his bike, and I didn’t bother easing us into it.

“First things first, Rick. Are you keeping the money?”

“Yes.”

I figured as much.
“If this was not about the money,
then why keep it?”

He leaned up against the quad and held his helmet against
his abdomen. “Honestly?”

“Yes fucking honestly. Do you think I need to listen to
anymore lies?”

“No, of course not. Look, I’m keeping the money because I
need to at least get something out of all this.” He sounded angry.
Why is he
allowed to be angry?
I shook my head and annoyance started to fester.

“You need to get something out of this? Was I nothing? Was I
not good enough?”

“Of course you are good enough. Before you get all fired up,
Alexis, I want you tell me something, honestly.”

“What?” I glared at him.

“I want you to sit there, look me in the eyes, and honestly
tell me that you would never have slept with Bryce if I hadn’t taken his deal.
I don’t think you can, can you? I could see you needed to experience what it
was like to be with someone else, it was obvious.”

“Fuck you, Rick. I sure as hell can tell you I would never
have slept with him while we were still together.”

“While we were still together? Well which one is it? You
either would have or not? In case you have forgotten, Alexis, we are still
technically married, thus still being together.”
Hang on just a minute, when
did this become blame Alexis?

“Don’t fucking blame me for all this, you deliberately
pushed me into another man’s arms so that you could profit from it.”

“I’m not blaming you, I’m just trying to be realistic here,
and for the record, I didn’t do it so I would profit, I did it so this family
could profit. Anyway, did you think I did not notice you flirting with Bryce?”

I lowered my anger levels just a little; I was definitely
not blameless in this whole debacle. “Yes, I flirted with him, he turned me on
and made me feel things I had never felt before. Was I curious? Of course I
was. I’m only human, and by the way I hope you realise this family has profited
because you saw it fit to ‘pimp’ your wife. How does that make you feel? ”

“I didn’t see it as pimping you, I saw it as giving you an
out, to get this flirting shit off your chest. You admitted, yourself, that you
had already crossed the line with him.” I had admitted to kissing Bryce, but
that was it. I never told Rick about the naked exposures and finger fuck I
experienced. I began to feel less angry and accusatory towards Rick, I was as
much to blame as the both of them in all this, really. Well, maybe not as much
to blame. Let’s put it this way, I was not an angel, that’s for sure.

“Okay Rick, yes, it was probably inevitable that Bryce and I
would have fucked at some point, but that does not give you the right, nor is
it moral, to assume this scenario and strike yourself a deal where you could
benefit if it did in fact pan out that way. It’s just so wrong, on so many
levels.” He shrugged his shoulders, and for the first time seemed sad and remorseful
for his decision. “And again, I would not have slept with him without breaking
it off first, let’s just get that straight.”

 “You say sleeping with Bryce was probably inevitable, but
you also say you would have never have done it without breaking it off first.
Does that mean we were headed for a break up anyway?” I thought about what he
just asked and prior to finding out about his make believe affair and monetary
arrangement, I concluded that yes, we were headed in that direction.

“Yes, Rick, I think we were.”

“So he isn’t lying when he says you have fallen in love with
him?”

I looked at my hands and the absence of jewellery that once
occupied my fingers.

“No, Rick, he is not lying.” I started to cry. “I’m sorry,
it just happened. I had no control over it, I didn’t set out looking for it. I
even tried to bury it, ignore it, but you can’t dismiss love.” I fortunately
found a crumpled tissue in my jeans pocket and unclogged my now congested head.
He looked miserably at me.

“Do you still love him? Do you still love me?” The now calm,
soft but assertive man I had married was standing before me.
Do I still love
Bryce? Yes. Do I still love Rick? Yes, I think I do, but it is different now.

“Yes, I love you both, but what happened had changed
everything. I don’t know where I stand anymore. Do I stand with the man I
married, and have shared a lifetime with but who chose to give his wife up for
money therefore losing a great deal of what made us special? Or, do I stand
with a new man, one who has made me feel something I did not think was
possible, but has hurt me very deeply by going behind my back, paying for me as
if I was a whore?”

“Alexis, if I had known for one minute you had or would fall
in love with him, I would never have lied to you or accepted the money.” I
believed him, but would it have mattered? I didn’t know anymore.

“But you did, Rick. You not only lied to me, you also
accepted the money. None of us can undo what we have done.”

“So where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know, but you need to leave and go home, give me
some space.”

“I don’t want to leave, being away from you this past week
was bad enough.”

“Rick, you don’t have a choice. I’m not saying we have a
chance of reuniting or rekindling what we had, but I’m also not saying we can’t.
I need time to think. So, do the right thing and give me the space I need,
please.”

***

After lunch, Rick took my advice and said his goodbyes to
the kids.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He said with a hopeful spark in
his voice, then drove away.

“Mum, why is Daddy leaving again?”

“Because he has to work, Charli Bear.” I’m not a fan of
lying, but there are times in life when a lie is needed, whether we like it or
not, and I was slowly coming to terms with that.

“Right, sweetheart, I think we have a shopping date, don’t you?”

“Yes, can I get some new shoes?”
Don’t look into her eyes
Alexis, it’s the Charli Jedi mind trick.

“Yes.”
Damn it, I looked into her eyes.
She happy-clapped,
then ran through the front door to get her purse. Nate decided he would stay
and help my Dad with some fencing maintenance, making the trip into Shepparton
a girly affair. During the drive into town, my Mum looked like she wanted to
say something to me, but she didn’t.

“What Mum?”

“Hang on a minute, give me a second.” She appeared to
deliberate something in her head. “Okay, so, how did the exchange of dialogue
go with the male spouse?” I looked at her strangely then figured out she was
trying to use long and difficult words to disguise our conversation so that
Charli could not decipher it. I smiled at her cleverness, then contemplated my
choice of words in response.

“The oral exchange proved to be somewhat explicatory, not
concluded by any means, but unobjectionable for the time being.” I could see
her figuring it out in her head, like she was counting. A smile appeared on her
face indicating she had.

“Oh, well, I guess that’s a start?’

“It is.”

We pulled into Shepparton Plaza and began browsing the
shops. Charli picked out a pair of pink and purple high tops and a matching
pair of shorts, while I looked at some books and a CD. Mum had nothing in
particular to shop for, so we made our way to the local pub for lunch. Just as
we were about to enter the tavern, I spotted a big sign on the wall advertising
a local band on Thursday night, I stopped and pointed it out to Mum.

“There’s a band playing on Thursday night, I might see if
Jen wants to come and reminisce our younger years.”

“That’s a good idea, I doubt she would have been out since
the twins were born, it would be good to get her out of the house.” Jen was not
one to give herself some time-off, so I thought I would play the sulky, needy
sister card to help her and my cause.

“I’ll ring her later and grovel, it always works.”

“Yes I know, your grovelling skills come from me.”

I smiled at Mum and linked her arm with mine as we entered
the bistro, while Charli stuck her little head in between the two of us.

“So, what would you like to drink, Mum?”

“I’ll have a glass of Chardonnay. Thanks, darling.”

“Charli?”

“Raspberry, please, Mum.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” I walked over to the bar
and ordered a Chardonnay, Gin, and a Raspberry soft drink. My phone buzzed in
my pocket as I paid the bartender, so before attempting to carry the drinks
back I pulled it out to see who had messaged me. It was from Bryce.

Alexis, Hunny, I miss you so badly it hurts.

I want to see you again, touch you again. - Bryce

I was so angry with him, but the
thought of him touching me already had my heart rate up. I desperately wanted
what he did, but I was as confused as fuck, and after speaking to Rick had no
idea what my next step was going to be. I bit down on my finger nail, and then
messaged him back.

Bryce, I’m hurting too,

and I miss you more than you’ll ever know,

but you crossed the line,

and now I’m torn apart. - Alexis

A response came through almost
instantly.

Do you still love me? - Bryce

I didn’t need to think about that.

Of course I do. - Alexis

My phone beeped again.

That’s all I need to know Hunny.

By the way, I like your jeans.

Your arse in denim makes me hard? - Bryce

I blinked a couple of times while
looking at my phone.
Cheeky son of a bitch!
Then the light bulb inside my head came on.
Oh,
shit! He’s here!

CHAPTER
NINETEEN

Do you know that feeling you
get, when you are almost certain somebody is watching you and the hairs on the
back of your neck stand up? Well, I had that feeling now, and spun round,
scanning the busy room frantically.
Bryce is here, I know he is, I can feel
it in my bones, or more so between my legs.
The crazy uneven pounding in my
chest suggested my heart went spastic when I spotted him in the far corner
standing up against the wall. My mouth went dry when our eyes locked, and
almost instantly they began their silent discussion. I walked back to the table
and placed our drinks down, it was a miracle I had not dropped or spilled them
along my way because my hands were trembling with anticipation and the fear of
not being able to resist him.

“I just have to go to the
toilet.”

“Are you okay Alexis? You
look pale.” Mum delved deep into my eyes with her own.

“I’m fine, I just need to
pee.”

“Okay, do you want me to
order for you?”

“Yes, please, I’ll have a
warm chicken salad.” I began my nerve racking journey toward him, weaving in
and out of tables, and with each step closer my chest grew tighter. He walked
out of the room and into a corridor which joined the bistro to the sports bar.
I’d lost sight of him as I approached the exit, but as I rounded the corner he
gently grabbed my arm, and pinned me up against the wall behind a rather large
fake looking palm plant. My heart pounded like crazy, but even more so now at
his desperate need and close proximity. Our bodies were against each other and
our faces were only centimetres apart, I don’t think I had ever wanted to feel
his lips, mouth, and tongue, more than I did at that moment.
No, Alexis, you
are hurt and angry with him, but you know deep down inside you have forgiven
him.

“Hi, Hunny.”
Oh shit, he
still sounds so fucking sexy. Breathe, Alexis.
 

“Hi.”

“I’ve missed you, my love.”
Oh
God, I can tell.

“I’ve missed you, too.” I
whispered. He moved his face, pressing his cheek to mine. I opened my mouth
ever so slightly and breathed out what little air I had taken in.

“Do I still have permission
to kiss you?”
Oh fuck, I want you to, but no, I can’t let you.
I barely
spoke the word because it was hugely painful to say, but I did say it. I had
to.

“No.”

He rested his forehead on
mine and closed his eyes. “I didn’t think so. I’m so sorry, my love, but I
couldn’t think of any other way. I never meant to hurt you. I never ever meant
for you to feel like I paid for you. I know you are not for sale, Hunny, I
never thought you were. I just desperately wanted you to see that we were meant
to be together.” A tear fell from my eye and slowly made its way down my cheek.
He wiped it away gently with his finger. “Please don’t cry, Alexis,” he
pleaded. “I hate seeing you upset.” I fought the rest of them back with great
difficulty, not because he didn’t want to see me cry, but because I just simply
did not want to shed anymore tears. My eyes literally hurt, and the muscles in
my face were exhausted.