B0161IZ63U (A) (34 page)

She seized the head and pressed it to her soaking entry, branding it with her juices.

He groaned in agony, clawing at her t-shirt.  “Yes.  Baby, now.”

“Now?”

“Right now.  Please.”

A knock on her front door surprised Lila so much, she almost jolted right out of her skin.  She sat taller, releasing his dick, looking towards the door of her bedroom.

Chase’s eyes jammed closed. He tugged her closer, kissed her neck, and then her lips, running his fingers through her hair as his eyes searched hers. 

“Don’t answer it,” he begged.

Another knock, louder this time, more urgent.  So urgent, it transformed the curious look on her face into a deep frown.  She wasn’t blind to Chase’s deep, guttural groan when she climbed off his lap, and she couldn’t help a coy smile when he seized her arm and pulled her back.

“
Baby
.”  The torment was plain in his eyes.

“Maybe this is for the best,” she said.  “We have a lot more furniture left to move, and I wanted to get into some of the deeper home repairs before we go to bed for the night.  If we have sex now, we’ll just end up sleeping until morning, and that’ll be an entire night wasted.”

“False.” He tugged her again.  “Making love with you will never be a waste.”

“Agreed.” With her free hand, she adjusted the t-shirt on her body and decided it was oversized enough to answer the door in it without looking completely indecent.

Another furious knock emerged from the living room, and he cringed towards the hallway.  It would take everything he had not to murder the person on the other side of that front door.

Lila found herself entranced by his handsome face. So lost in his angry eyes, his strong jaw, and those full lips, she jumped almost a full foot in the air when another knock shook the walls. 

“Jesus,” she whispered, trying to pull her arm from his grasp.  “Something’s wrong,” she said, looking back to him.  “Listen, why don’t you go to the shower and… take care of that.” She looked down at the bulge in his pants with a grin.  “There’s no reason for us to rush, okay? We have all the time in the world.”

She came to her toes to kiss him, stopping short when whoever was at her front door proceeded to bang with so much vigor, she was sure they were going to take her door off the hinges.

“What the fuck?” Chase seethed.  If he weren’t her student, her secret lover, he’d already be at the door telling whatever jerk was on the other side to calm the hell down.

“Shhh… Just get in the shower.  Maybe I’ll join you once I get rid of whoever the hell this is.  Hmm?…” She came to her toes and kissed his lips, sensing his immediate wavering.  She giggled at the hesitance on his face and then squealed out loud when he took her ass under his big hand in a rough smack.  He bit his bottom lip as the sound reverberated against the walls.

“Don’t be long,” he whispered, holding her eyes as he made his way towards her master bathroom, watching her over his shoulder as he moved.

Lila slowly backed away from him until he disappeared into her bathroom and started the shower.

She was still smiling as she raced down the stairs and across the living room. She opened her front door just as her overly eager visitor started banging again. 

The smile on her face vanished.

“Hey.” Jack smiled a hesitant smile.

Shocked stupid, Lila’s eyes ran his body.  She barely recognized him in a gray beanie, white t-shirt and dark gray sweats.  Had she ever seen Jack in sweats?

He looked sleep deprived, perhaps a little agitated, but still gorgeous in his own right.  Her mind raced back to all the intimate moments they’d shared. Naked, sweaty, heart pounding moments that always seemed to run their course through her mind and body at the mere sight of him.   She tried to fight it, still hearing the shower water pattering away upstairs, but it was a losing battle.

It always was with him.

“I’m sorry to show up like this, but… I needed to see you,” Jack said.  “Can I come in?”

“No.”

His eyebrows jumped, unable to hide his surprise at the unexpected answer. 

“I can’t come in?”

“No, Jack, you can’t.”

He ran his hand down his beard, hiding the frown that had replaced his smile before holding his hand out next to him.  “Look, I just came here to tell you that the cheerleader you assaulted on the football field isn’t pressing charges, that’s all.”

“Assaulted?  I did not assault that little girl, and even if I had, there’s not a jury on earth that would convict me for it.”

His hands disappeared in his pockets, and the bored look that seemed to live permanently on his face returned with a vengeance. “You can dress it up all day long, Lila, but in a court of law, it’s assault.  Lucky for you, it’s not going to get that far.”

“You’ve always been great at putting out my fires haven’t you, Almeida?”

Her words had meaning, deeper than either of them had the courage to explore fully, so Jack pretended she didn’t even say them.   “How about a thank you?”

“Thank you, Jack.”  She almost sucked her teeth, hating that she meant it.  “Thank you,” she said, again, with less venom. She tightened her arms across her chest.

His eyes fell as she did, and he found himself entranced by the t-shirt on her body.  His eyes flashed with recognition and then rose to hers.

Lila followed his eyes.  She looked down at the t-shirt and, upon remembering it was Chase’s, cursed under her breath.

He nearly incinerated her with his gaze.

She crossed her arms tighter.  “Is that why you came all the way down here?  To tell me that I’m in the clear with a bunch of asshole cheerleaders?”

He was silent for a long moment, drifting in the uncomfortable understanding that had settled in due to that t-shirt on her body.  He felt the darkness zeroing in, another black cloud lingering, joining the hundreds that already floated over their shoulders.  In this case, that dark cloud was called Chase Almeida.

Those pesky clouds always made Jack a touch more honest and, since he was already an uncomfortably honest person, had the potential for disaster.

“Yes, I could have told you all this at school.  And I would have.  If it was the only reason I came here.”

For the first time, Lila noticed his eyes were tinged with red.  “Why did you come?”

He was now shaking his head vigorously back and forth as the hands he had shoved deep in his pockets pushed at the thin fabric of his sweats.

“I still love you,” he said, emotion coming to life on his face and in his eyes.

She gasped before she could stop it.  She didn’t know what she’d been expecting to come out of his mouth, but that hadn’t been it.  It hadn’t been love.

Still in Chase’s t-shirt, apparently a t-shirt that had driven Jack clear over an invisible edge, a fatally steep edge, one of their own devising, she immediately stepped in front of her door.  She pulled it toward her until it was closed just a crack.  Looking back, she made sure she could still hear the shower running from upstairs, and then she took a deep breath, looking back to Jack and saying, “No.”

“Is he
here?”
The frown on Jack’s face deepened as if the answer to that question was one he wasn’t likely to survive.

“Jack,” Lila spoke through clenched teeth.  “You’re engaged.  You’re going to be married in less than two weeks.  You’re about to be someone’s husband.  Just in case you were wondering, being someone’s husband does
not
involve showing up at another woman’s doorstep at one o’clock in the morning.”

“Maybe I’m just a mindless pawn.” He didn’t seem the least bit apologetic.  “Maybe we’re all just mindless pawns, Lila, doomed to keep repeating the same cycle.  We all have that one shit cycle, don’t we?  That one poisonous fucking cycle.  The one cycle that’s damn near impossible to stop.”

“Yeah? And what’s your poisonous cycle, Jack?” 

“You.” He almost laughed.  “
You.”

She’d already known the answer, but hearing it out loud sent her blood running cold.  “Well, let me do us both the favor and put an end to it right now.” She turned to go back inside, freezing when he reached out and took a gentle hold of her wrist.

He jammed his eyes shut when she faced him again.  In an instant, he was humbled.  “Lila.  I can’t pretend anymore.  It’s exhausting.  I’m fucking exhausted.  All I can say, all I can
do
, is what’s true, and that’s my truth.”  He shook his head.  “I’m sorry if that hurts you, but that’s what it is. That’s why I came here tonight. I love you
.
I never stopped.”

Shaking, hardly breathing, Lila pulled her wrist from his hold.  He released her, and she turned to pull the front door closed all the way, tugging her arms tightly around her body as she stepped out into the cool night air.  Tiny pieces of runaway gravel stabbed her bare feet, but she didn’t mind it.

Jack stepped off the stoop and backed away from her a few steps, giving her room to move away from the door.

Arms crossed over her chest; she took a few steps into the driveway, and he followed her every move with his red hued eyes.  His body moved with her as well, taking her cues, following her lead.

Lila paced with her hand over her mouth, trying to think. When she came to a sudden stop, he stopped with her, raising his eyebrows.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” she asked.  When the silence stretched on too long, her voice rose.  “What the hell am I supposed to do with that, Jack?”

His eyes searched hers, but all he could do was shrug.

Her voice rose.  “Your wife knows that we slept together.  She
knows. 
The same woman who will have my head, and my
job,
if she finds out I’m even breathing the same air as you right now.  Not only are you putting my job in jeopardy by being here, but also your own.  God forbid the university catches wind of you, the Deputy, visiting me, the lowly lecturer who dared to speak out against their precious fucking football team.  I’m not a good look for you, Jack.”

“And Chase is?” He followed her when she turned away with a scoff.  “Is that a good look for you?  Jesus fucking Christ, I feel like I just stepped into a god damn time machine.  If anything is going to get you fired, it’s spreading your legs for him.”

She faced him again, but she wasn’t wounded. She didn’t hate him anymore, and she had no desire to hurt him the way he was trying to hurt her. “Let’s be real here, Jack.  My job is as good as gone at this point.  It’s only a matter of time.  I’m a liability, and they’re going to find a way to get rid of me.  At this point, I can’t even say I give a damn. But you have a real shot at Harvard.  Don’t fuck it up by being here right now.  Don’t fuck it up because of your stupid pride.”

“What pride?” Jack blinked rapidly.  “I don’t care about Harvard.  I don’t care about the job.  I don’t care about any of it.  All I care about is you.  All I think about is you,
and all you’re thinking about, all you’ve
ever
thought about, is my brother. 
What
pride?”

She jolted.  “Keep your voice down.”

“
Fine, Lila. Go ahead.”  He motioned to the house.  “Go ahead and go inside, lay on your whore back, spread your whore legs, and fuck him until you’re blue in the face.  I know he’s here.”

She went to speak.

“Don’t even fix your mouth,” he whispered, coming nose to nose with her.  Feeling her breath, soft and gentle against his chin, being this close to her, was something that he still hadn’t grown used to.  His eyes shot to her parted lips involuntarily, and he knew he never would.  “Don’t even fix your mouth to deny it.  If I know
anything
in this world, baby, I know that look in your eye when you’re on the verge of a good nut.  He almost got you there, didn’t he?”

“Jesus, Jack.”

“Don’t ever forget that I’m the one who took you there first.”

Her chest heaved, but she couldn’t tear her eyes from his.

He took a healthy swallow. “Maybe you haven’t?”

She looked off.

He took her chin, forcing her eyes back to him, voice lowering.  “Do you still have to think about me to get there?”  His eyes fell to her lips.  “I still have to think about you.”

She came up to her toes involuntarily, moaning as she snatched her chin from his grasp.  Just as easily as he’d recognized the raw need in her eyes at the door, she saw the same reflected in his right then.

“I don’t need to hear about Kelly, or about the wedding, because it’s all a nonfactor. She’s never been right.  She’s never been you.”

Lila jammed her eyes shut.

“Tell me how to stop,” he begged.

Her eyes fluttered open and met his.

He held her gaze, retook her chin and leaned in. 

It took everything she had to turn her cheek, feeling his breath hot against her ear.

He traced the underside of her jaw with the back of his knuckles, his eyes somehow managing to soften even as they swam with rage.

She stepped back, jamming her eyes shut when she realized there was a car behind her, his SUV.  It was parked sideways, probably in his rush to get to her door.

Jack didn’t relent as she moved away.  He moved with her.

Lila stared down at their feet, interlaced.  Her red toes, his leather shoes, woven side by side on the ground.  He was too close.  If Chase walked outside at that moment, or even gazed out of a window, and saw the position they were in, he would get the wrong idea.  Her eyes rose to his.  “If she isn’t right… why are you marrying her?”

He smiled at her. It was laced with sweetness, almost condescendingly so. Suddenly, his smile wavered.  “Are you happy?”

Lila she clawed at the car behind her.

“It’s new,” she whispered.

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“I am, Jack.  I’m happy.”

He watched her intensely, holding his breath for so long it was a wonder how he remained upright. Then, just like that, he nodded, his eyes falling to their feet.  “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.  I want you to be happy.  I really do.”

“I am.”

“And I’m sorry… that I couldn’t do that for you.”

She immediately reached up and cupped his tightened jaw.  “Let’s not be sorry anymore.  Okay?  Let’s all just… start moving forward.”  She removed her hand from his jaw when she recognized the change that was rapidly taking place in his eyes.  With a deep breath, she was back to clutching the car behind her and staring a little too hard at the ground.  “I want you to be happy, too.”