Baby Aliens Got My Teacher! (3 page)

Time Bomb Teddy

Nothing could have prepared us for what happened on Thursday. Miss Jones was absent. And Miss Jones is
NEVER
absent.

I was late for school that day because I got locked in the bathroom
AGAIN
. And Dad had to take the door off its hinges 
AGAIN
to get me out. Then Dad took me to school and said not to tell Mum what had happened because she would get angry with him for still not fixing the bathroom door.

When I got to school, I went straight to class and didn’t bother going to the office for a note because Miss Jones didn’t seem to be asking for notes any more. But when I got to class I saw that Mrs Seith (the Deputy Head Teacher) was sitting at Miss Jones’s desk! Mrs Seith told me to go to the office and get a note
“AT ONCE!”
So I ran down the stairs to the office as fast as I could because the Deputy Head is
SERIOUSLY SCARY
.
I heard that one time she made every single pupil in the school cry during an assembly just by making her eyes go really wide.

Then when I was being ignored at the reception, I heard the office ladies talking about Miss Jones’s teddy. They said that the Head Teacher’s ears must be
BURNING
. And then they said, “This
TEDDY SITUATION
is a
TIME BOMB
waiting to

At lunchtime me and Zach and Jodi ate our lunch and then sneaked off to The Den to talk about what I’d heard the office ladies say. We have to be really quiet when we’re hiding in The Den because it’s under the stairs that everyone walks up to get to the toilet. One time the caretaker found us in there and we thought we were going to get into big trouble.

But then he said we could stay there if we wanted and gave us the key. He said it was OK because he was retiring next week and he didn’t care what the Head Teacher thought anyway. He said that if
HE
was a pupil at this school
HE’D
need somewhere to hide every now and then too.

So now there’s a new caretaker, but he doesn’t even know about the little room under the stairs. And even if he does find out, we’re the only ones with a key.

The Den is the best. There’s lots of great stuff in it like a sink and a kettle and a toaster. Zach makes us all cups of tea when we have
secret meetings. But we just hold them and don’t drink them because we don’t have any milk or sugar and we’re not allowed to boil kettles so it’s cold tea anyway. Jodi keeps saying that she’s going to bring three slices of bread from her house so we can have toast. But she keeps forgetting.

So anyway, Zach got the tea ready and Jodi took out the list of
DISEASES MISS JONES MIGHT HAVE
and told me to
tell her
EVERYTHING
I’d heard the office ladies say. So I told them how I’d heard the office ladies say that the Head Teacher’s ears were
BURNING
and that Miss Jones’s teddy was actually a
TIME BOMB
and that it was going to
EXPLODE!
And then Jodi said, “I think I know what’s wrong with Miss Jones.” But then someone knocked on the door and Zach screamed!

Then we heard a voice say, “It’s me.” But we didn’t know who
ME
was, so we didn’t move. But then the voice said, “It’s Maisie. Let me in, quick!”

I couldn’t believe it! Nobody was supposed
to know about The Den except for us and the old caretaker! Jodi rolled her eyes and gave Zach a
LOOK
. But he got annoyed and said, “What? It wasn’t me. It must have been Izzy!” And then I got annoyed and said that it wasn’t me either. So I opened the door and pulled Maisie in before anyone saw her.

Maisie told us that she’d known about The Den for
AGES
because she saw us sneaking in one time. Maisie’s a scaredy-cat, but she’s
all right, and she’s really small so we said that she could join the secret meetings in The Den as long as she didn’t tell anyone.

But then Jodi said, “There’s some
SERIOUSLY SCARY STUFF
we need to talk about, Maisie!” And I thought Maisie was going to start crying. But she didn’t. So Zach made her a cup of tea. And then Jodi was just about to tell us what she thought was happening to Miss Jones when the bell rang. So Jodi said, “The secret meeting will continue at my house tonight. 6pm. Be there!”

Baby-Alien-in-the-Ear

We’d never had a secret meeting at Jodi’s house before, as we usually had them in The Den. I didn’t know what to bring so I just brought a bag of crisps, four biscuits from the cupboard, my good pens and Dad’s torch.

Jodi lives just a few houses down from us, so me and Zach walked over. When we got there, Maisie Miller was waiting outside Jodi’s flat with her mum. Maisie was wearing a long, padded coat and gloves and earmuffs, even though it wasn’t that cold and Zach only had a T-shirt on.

Maisie’s mum gave Maisie a big hug and then she said, “Look after my little angel! I
couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to her!” So we said we would. Then when we got up to Jodi’s flat, Maisie had to wave out of the window to say she was safe before her mum got back in the car. I had to help Maisie take her coat off because she couldn’t really move. Then when I got it off I saw she had
ANOTHER
coat on underneath, which I thought was weird. But Maisie
IS
a bit weird, so I didn’t say anything.

Jodi’s mum made us do
THE TOUR
, even though me and Zach have been to Jodi’s like a million times before. But Maisie hadn’t, so we all had to do
THE TOUR
again.

Maisie looked a bit confused. I don’t think she’s ever seen a house like Jodi’s before. Jodi’s mum watches those
EXTREME HOME MAKE-OVER
programmes where people say things like, “I think my house is boring. Can you make it more like a jungle?” And then they do. I like watching that programme too because sometimes the people who change the house get it all wrong and when the owners open their eyes they get a shock and get really angry!

Jodi’s house looks like a princess’s palace. Everything is pink and gold and sparkly. Jodi and her mum share a bedroom because
Jodi’s mum says they are more like sisters than mother and daughter. They’ve even got bunk beds (which is brilliant).

I asked Mum if I could have bunk beds too but she said no. So I told her about how Jodi had bunk beds and how she shared them with her mum. And Mum said that if I really wanted bunk beds I’d have to share a room with her. So I said I didn’t want bunk beds any more because I like having my own room all to myself, and also because Mum
SNORES
.

Jodi and her mum have another bedroom that used to be a beauty parlour where Jodi’s mum painted the neighbours’ nails and waxed the hairy ladies’ moustaches. But now it’s a recording studio so she can practise her singing.

After
THE TOUR
, we gave Maisie’s coats to Jodi’s mum and went into the bedroom. Jodi had already made a sign before we got there so we put it up. Then we pulled all the covers off the beds and sat in a circle on the floor. And Jodi said, “Are you ready?” and we said yes. And then Jodi said the secret meeting had officially begun. I said that I’d do the writing, because I’m good at lists and organising. And then Jodi said, “I think I know what’s wrong with Miss Jones.” And we all went really quiet. And then she said, “I think Miss Jones is an
ALIEN
. She’s got a baby-alien-in-the-ear! Just like the film Zach told us about!” And I thought she was probably right, because that would explain why Miss Jones was acting nice all of a sudden.

We couldn’t believe it. Our teacher was an alien! And then Zach said, “I bet she’s planning an
ALIEN INVASION!
That’s why the Head Teacher’s ears are burning! She put a baby alien in to turn him into an alien and now she wants to turn us all into aliens too!” And then Maisie had to lie down for a bit.