Back Talk (13 page)

Hilton smirked. “Tell her it’s a long story.”

“But I don’t have a picture of the bear,” Jessie said mournfully.

“Let me see the jacket,” Veronica commanded.

Jessie gingerly handed it over.

Veronica looked at the label of the jacket. “Just as I suspected.”

“What?” Jessie asked.

“It’s a Vermont Teddy Bear. Hilton, pull up their Web site and download a picture.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Hilton could see Anne pacing and listening or pretending to be listening to a caller and watching the clock for the end of the show. She clearly wanted out.

They went back into the control room and crowded around Hilton’s computer desk.

“You’re brilliant,” Jessie told Veronica. Hilton could see she was filled with admiration.

“God, this is making me sick,” Dave said.

“Exactly, pass the barf bag,” Hilton said. She pulled up the Web site and began searching for the bear.

“Dudes, if we know the Web site can’t you just order another bear?” he said.

“We can’t. The bear had identifying characteristics,” Jessie said, sitting on the corner of Hilton’s desk.

“Like what?” Dave asked.

Lillian was staring intently at Jessie, who smiled and waved at her. “Like this sterling silver locket thing she has hanging around her neck,” Jessie replied.

“Dude, the bear has jewelry,” Dave said incredulously.

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Lillian pulled off her headphones. “You look just like my second cousin’s dead nephew,” she said, pointing at Jessie.

“Great,” Jessie said, looking to Hilton for guidance. Hilton shrugged. “How’d he die?” she asked.

Hilton stifled a laugh as Dave gave Jessie the don’t-go-there look. Jessie, of course, didn’t get it.

“Well, you see, one year down on the river …” Lillian started.

“Lillian, the show’s almost over and you’ve got to clear the lines. Maybe you can tell us the story later,” Dave suggested.

“Right, but you are the spitting image of him, poor little fellah.” She put her headphones back on and got to work.

Hilton had located and printed off a picture of Amelia Bearhart.

“Okay, Jessie, come with me.” Veronica snatched the copy from Hilton. “We’ll get the flyers going so right after the show we can canvas the area. Time is of the essence. I think we can discount Lillian due to her age, but the rest of us, including Dave, could cover a lot of ground.”

Dave gave her a look. “Gee, it’s a good thing I didn’t have plans.”

Over her shoulder Veronica said, “You might think about inviting the mail harlot to make your community service more palatable.”

“It’ll look good for your new girlfriend. It’ll show your sensitive side,” Hilton added.

“I guess you’re right,” Dave replied. He didn’t look completely convinced.

Anne came flying out of the booth. “My goodness, I thought the show would never end. Dave, did you have to leave me hanging out there so long? Good God! How about some extra commercials or something? I’m sick of stupid stories and I have to pee like a racehorse. Hilton, come with me and fill me in.”

Hilton got up and was about to follow Anne when Lillian nearly plowed her over.

“Dude, be careful. I got between her and her cigarette break once and got cold-cocked. She’s built like a Mack truck.”

“I’ll remember that next time,” Hilton said. She followed Anne 92

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into the restroom and sat on the vanity while Anne took care of her bodily needs.

“I don’t remember anything in my contract that stated I needed a gallon-sized bladder.”

“It’s all the coffee you drink. Coffee is a diuretic.”

“Oh, well, that’s not happening anytime soon. I love coffee.”

“Perhaps we could put in a requisition for a portable toilet in the booth.”

Anne laughed. “I could just see Veronica denying the purchase order as an unnecessary expense. Now, what’s going on with your friend and Veronica. I swear it looked like love at first sight.”

It was Hilton’s turn to laugh. “No, say it isn’t so. Actually, we have a big household problem.”

“Can I help?” Anne said. She washed her hands.

“Not unless you’re good with a staple gun.”

“I’ve never actually used one but I can’t imagine they’re that difficult. What is Jessie so upset about?”

“She lost Amelia Bearhart at the park and she wanted to use Shannon as a tracker dog.”

“I see. Can I ask a personal question?”

“Sure.” Hilton hopped down from the vanity.

“What’s a grown-up woman doing with a teddy bear? I mean, isn’t she a little old for toys?”

“It’s not hers.”

“Oh, the plot thickens.”

“It belongs to our other roommate Liz’s girlfriend. Jessie was bear-sitting while they went out for lunch. I think it’s part of Liz’s plan to get Melissa to loosen her hold on the bear.”

“But why does she have the bear?”

“She was traumatized when her first lover—and from the sounds of it, her only girlfriend—left her. She gave her the bear as a surrogate, I suppose. She takes it with her everywhere.”

“So Jessie is in deep shit if we don’t find the bear.”

“We need to mobilize—flyers everywhere—and hopefully the bear will be returned to its rightful owner.”

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There was a knock on the door. “Dudes, Veronica says we’ve got to move it, like time is of the essence or some shit,” Dave said.

“Veronica is kind of a control freak,” Hilton said.

“You just noticed that?”

Hilton pinched her arm. “Gran said you should always assume people are good …”

“Until they screw you,” Anne finished.

“Yeah, and then she said you can let the big guns out.”

“I would have liked her,” Anne said, opening the door for Hilton.

“What on earth were you two doing in there for so long?”

Veronica said. Her arms were full of flyers that she immediately thrust at Hilton. “We’ve got to get moving if we’re to find the bear and save Jessie from certain torture.”

“Hilton has irritable bowel syndrome. Cut her some slack.”

Hilton’s jaw dropped and she gaped at Anne.

Anne laughed and then gave her a shove. “Chop chop. We’re behind schedule and we haven’t even begun.”

“I’m going to get you for that,” Hilton said. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“I amaze myself sometimes. Now, let’s go find the bear.”

They headed across town to Lincoln Park. Veronica, as she was known to do, coordinated the troops and sent everyone off. Veronica and Jessie headed west. Dave and his girlfriend, Gwin, headed south while Hilton, Anne and Shannon were sent off to the eastern end.

Shannon rebelled and went off to sit under a big sugar maple tree whose leaves were still holding but had turned bright yellow.

“All right, but no wandering,” Hilton told her.

“I wish I had a camera,” Anne said. She pointed to the yellow tree with the white dog under a perfect blue sky. It would make a great screen saver.”

“You want a picture?”

“Yes.”

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Hilton rummaged around in her backpack and pulled out her digital camera. She pointed it at Anne and took a photo.

“You truly are a gear queen. But I don’t want a picture of me.”

“I know. But I do. It’s payment.” Hilton pointed the camera at Shannon and took another photo. Shannon, who had had hundreds of pictures taken of her, seemed to almost pose. Hilton had exactly one photo of her father and two of her mother. That was why she had purchased the camera, so that her life would stop passing her by with nothing to document the passing of time. She showed the picture to Anne. “Is that what you want?”

“That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Veronica came marching over.

“Oh, we’re in trouble now,” Anne said.

“Watch this,” Hilton said. She took another photo.

“You two are supposed to be getting flyers up.” Veronica seemed not to notice that her control-freak behavior had just been photo-documented.

“All right, we’re going,” Hilton said. She stuffed the camera back in her bag.

“Start twelve blocks away and then start moving back toward the park,” Veronica instructed.

When Veronica was out of earshot, Anne asked, “What are you going to do with that photo?”

“Put it on the Web site with an applicable caption.”

Anne laughed. “You’re almost as bad as I am.”

They left Shannon resting under the tree and trudged off three blocks. Anne pointed out various architectural styles of the old houses they passed. Hilton was still stewing about what a horrible control freak Veronica was. This was classic displacement, she knew. A therapist would tell her that she was angry with Jessie for losing the bear, and she was worried about Liz losing her chance at love because of the lost bear. Veronica was only trying to help.

“Okay, let’s start here.” Her mood was improving now that she’d done some processing. She unlocked and loaded the staple gun as Anne looked on.

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“You know, power tools and tools in general have always fascinated me, but they kind of make me nervous at the same time.”

Hilton laughed. “You do have to be careful but staple guns are pretty harmless.”

“They do look pretty rudimentary,” Anne said as she handed Hilton a flyer.

They hit every telephone pole they could find for ten blocks.

“Maybe I should try the staple gun,” Anne suggested.

“Did Gerald do everything?” Hilton asked, wondering what Anne’s ex-husband looked like.

“Yes. I was always the assistant.”

“Well, then it’s high time you tried your hand at it.” Hilton put the safety latch on the gun and handed it to her. “When you’re ready, pull this off and then push down on the lever.”

Anne lined up the flyer and then perfectly stapled it. She jumped a little as the gun went off but that was all.

“See, that was awesome. Come on, let’s try some more.”

“I did jump a little.”

“I hardly noticed.”

Anne smiled at her. They hit a few more poles until they stood at the last one at the edge of the park. Shannon was still sleeping under the tree. Anne was poised to fire when she stopped. “Oh, my God, will you look at that.”

“What?” Then Hilton saw. Veronica was rubbing Jessie’s shoulders as she sat on one of the park benches. They were engrossed in discussion. She wondered where Dave and his girlfriend had gotten off to.

“What’s up with that? It almost has an element of tenderness,”

Anne said.

“I think it’s love at first sight.”

“No way!” Anne was behind her at the telephone pole and cocking the staple gun again.

“Who would have thought,” Hilton said, bemused with the idea. She could just imagine Jessie, complete with leather outfit, living happily ever after under Veronica’s domination.

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“Oh, no!” Anne screeched.

Hilton whipped around. She saw Anne’s thumb stapled to the pole. “Holy shit. Will it come off?”

“I hope so or we’ll have to call the fire department.” Anne lifted her thumb off the pole.

“That’s a good sign.” Then she saw the staple had gone clean through the corner of Anne’s thumbnail. “Kind of.”

“I might have to cry,” Anne said, peering down at it.

“Perfectly understandable.”

“I think we need to get this removed.”

Hilton whistled for Shannon, who came running, and they hus-tled over to where Veronica and Jessie were sitting.

“All finished?” Jessie said brightly.

“You could say that. Anne stapled her thumb.”

“Ouch! Let me see that.” Anne produced the damaged appendage. Veronica peered at it and winced. It was almost a wince of compassion, Hilton thought ruefully.

“I can get that out.” Jessie made for her car and came back with an opened pint of Jack Daniels and a screwdriver.

Anne was obviously mortified as Jessie came toward her. “We’ll just pop it out. But here, take a few swigs of this first.” She handed Anne the bottle.

Anne took two swigs and then took two more. “Oh, now that was a good idea.”

Hilton intervened. “Jessie, this isn’t the Wild West. We need to take her to the emergency room and have it surgically removed, like in a sterile environment.”

Jessie looked crestfallen.

“It was a nice thought, Jessie, but I think Hilton is right.

Although, the Jack Daniels makes a great painkiller,” Anne said diplomatically. She took another swig.

“You guys find Dave and Gwin and we’ll go get this taken care of. Jessie, can you take Shannon with you? And for goodness’ sakes don’t lose her,” Hilton said.

“I won’t. Then we can all meet back at the house. There’ll be 97

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less of a scene if there’s a crowd. You know, when Melissa finds out.”

“Jessie, you know our house never looks that great.” Hilton was envisioning the party days with the liquor bottles and pizza boxes everywhere and the no-longer-stain-resistant living room furniture.

“No, today is different. Well, actually from now on it’ll be different.”

“Why is that?” Hilton asked.

“The Merry Maids are coming today, and I ordered new furniture. It came this morning. The place looks great. I sent the bill to the accountant. He wasn’t real happy about it until I mentioned that as an heiress you shouldn’t be living in a biohazard. I told him Nat was gone. Then he seemed all right with the improvements.”

Anne looked on wide-eyed and then took another swig. Hilton just laughed. “So you’re in charge now.”

“Well, yeah. Look, Nat’s gone and so are the people who used to trash the house. So I took the liberty to spiff up the place and then … I lost the bear.”

“It’s going to work out. Take everyone home and we’ll meet you there.”

Anne handed Hilton the car keys. “I don’t think I can drive or should drive.”

“Are you okay? You’re not going into shock, are you?” Hilton studied the hanky that Anne had wrapped around her thumb. It was bloody.