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JULIA’S FACE WENT WHITE, AND
I knew I’d struck a nerve. She looked very
chummy
with this guy, whoever he was. And he must’ve been important to her because his photo was front and center on her mantle. She walked over, taking the frame and putting it face down on the table.

“No one,” she mumbled, turning her back on me and walking back to the kitchen. She wasn’t quick enough, though, because I caught her wiping away the tear she tried to contain. Whoever he was, I already hated him for making her cry. And if we weren’t going to have any secrets with each other, she was going to tell me more than ‘no one.’

“Julia,” I said, as I picked the frame back up and followed her into the kitchen. It was decked out in modern appliances and fixtures. Her apartment was gorgeously decorated, as I expected. I wanted to hear more about her dream of being an interior designer, also. “This isn’t no one if his picture is on your mantle. Is he an ex-boyfriend?”

She made a strange sound, something halfway between a sob and a laugh. When I saw her hand shake as she rummaged through a drawer, I knew she was upset. She placed a bottle opener beside a bottle of wine she’d already set on the counter. Another thing I was learning about Julia: when she was distraught, she drank. We weren’t going down that road again.

“Julia, meet me halfway here,” I said, coming up behind her and putting my hands on her shoulders. “Talk to me. I’m here for you, just like you were for me. Talk to me. Let it out. Help me understand.”

Her body shook, and I felt helpless. I didn’t like the feeling. I wanted to fix it. I wrapped my arms around her, turning her to face me as tears streamed down her face. She leaned into my chest as her body shuddered. Gone was our sexual tension. I needed to help her. I
wanted
her to open up to me, and that surprised me. It was a foreign feeling, but I actually welcomed it.

“He’s my brother,” she said finally, her voice breaking.

Relief flooded through me. He wasn’t some guy she was hung up on; that would be hard to compete with. “Where is he?”

She looked up at me, her tear stained face making my heart clutch. This woman was so heartbreakingly beautiful; her big eyes rimmed in red as tears continued their path down her cheeks. I used my thumbs to catch the stray ones that didn’t soak into her flawless skin, waiting for her answer.

“Let’s go sit down,” I said, and she nodded. We walked into the living room and she settled against me on the plush couch. It had me feeling all sorts of things I wasn’t sure I was ready for. But hell if I was going anywhere now.

“He’s in prison,” she said.

Wow. That wasn’t at all what I thought she was going to say. “Oh, Julia. I’m so sorry.”

“When I was gone last Friday? I flew to Oklahoma to see him.”

“Why don’t your parents go with you?”

She shook her head. “They don’t know I go see him. I’m strictly forbidden to have anything to do with him. But I . . . I love him! He’s my big brother! He put Band-Aids on my knees when I learned to ride my bike! He taught me how to play H-O-R-S-E! He was my best friend; he
is
my best friend.”

She was
forbidden
to see him? Why? Was he dangerous? A feeling of protectiveness for her surged through my body and my heart started racing. “I don’t understand, Julia. Why in the world would your parents stop you from seeing him? He’s their son, right?”

“He’s their firstborn, their only boy, the one that was supposed to carry on the family name and take over the business. He was ten years old when I was born, and he was there for me more during my life than they
ever
were. Not that they don’t love me, but they always loved their business a little more.”

A rock settled in my stomach. No wonder she didn’t like my continued statements that having this job was the most important thing to me. I was such an idiot. “What happened to him?”

“When he turned eighteen, he told my parents he had no intention of working for them. He didn’t want to go to college, he wanted to go pursue a music career. He and his friends had a rock band. They practiced in our basement when he was in high school. He’s awesome, Carter. He has more talent than most people have after years of practice, and my parents refused to get him lessons. He taught himself. Anyway, he was going to move to L.A. and pursue a record label, and my parents went ballistic. He left that night, and I didn’t see him for years.” She broke off, covering her mouth as another sob ripped from her body. “I was eight years old. He was my whole world. I screamed and begged for him to come back.”

None of that explained why he was in prison, but it seemed at least that he loved and took care of his sister. I waited for her to explain the rest, but the curiosity was killing me.

“One day, when I was twelve, he showed up on our doorstep. He knew my parents were at work, and our nanny Nancy answered the door and just sobbed. He was like a son to her. She was more our mother than our actual mother was. He’d been gone for four years. He looked
rough
, like he’d been homeless. He might’ve been; he’s never told me. After that, we’d see him every few months when he knew my parents weren’t around. As I got a little older, I would leave the house and meet him somewhere. He was still playing music, but had given up on LA.

When I went away to college, he lived with me for a while. My parents never came by there, seeing me only at the office, so it was safe. I paid for everything with the money that my parents provided. I had no idea what Johnny did for money, if anything. He’d leave the house at weird times and be gone without much explanation. I should’ve asked more questions—-”

“Julia, whatever he did is
not
your fault,” I interrupted, grabbing her hands. “Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t control anyone else.”

“One day, he was just gone again. All of his stuff was out of my apartment. I called him for months, but he never answered or contacted me. I was terrified. I finally broke down and asked my parents if they had heard from him, and they were furious with me. They threatened to fire me and stop all support for college if I didn’t stop looking for him. I guess they knew more than I did about what he’d been doing.”

“What had he been doing?”

“So a few years ago we heard about this huge drug trafficking ring that had been busted in Colorado, with ties to LA and Mexico. I was watching the news when I saw Johnny’s mug shot on the screen with about twenty other guys. My
brother
. He’d been arrested for smuggling and selling
drugs
. Cocaine. My big brother, my whole world.
That’s
what he’d been up to. And the worst part of it all? He has all the information that the feds want to take down their supplier, but he refuses to make a deal.”

Wow. He was in jail for selling cocaine. No wonder Julia was so torn up over him. I found myself wondering how in the world he had gotten involved in such a thing, but then I thought back to him being kicked out at eighteen. It wasn’t right, but I could almost understand him being lost. “Why?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. He won’t tell me why he won’t save himself.”

I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and touched her lips with my fingers. “I’m so sorry. That’s terrible. So he’s in Oklahoma?”

“Yes. I’m sure my dad had something to do with that. He doesn’t want anyone here to find out that his son is such a loser. Not that everyone didn’t see the news report, but my dad is a big deal around here. Once he explained he had cut all ties with his son over ten years before the arrest, they were quick to forgive him. So I’m not allowed to have anything to do with him.”

“But you go see him anyway.”

“Yes. I have to. He’s my brother. He screwed up, but he doesn’t deserve to be left in there without knowing that
someone
loves him, despite his choices.”

I knew before that Julia was a class act, but now I knew that she was way more than that. She wasn’t just Julia Gibbons, daughter of architecture moguls John and Aileen Gibbons. She was Julia, volunteer with an organization to help others who were down on their luck, and a loving and supporting sister. And she was a dutiful daughter who hid her dreams and talent to please her parents.

“I’ll never forget the first time I went to see him,” Julia continued. “I hadn’t seen him in years, and I barely recognized him. He’d grown his hair out and he had this ratty looking beard. But it wasn’t just that. It was his eyes. He and I look a lot alike, and his eyes were always sparkling with laughter. Except when he walked out the first time, he was dead inside. This is why I go, Carter. Every time I visit, I get to see the light come into his eyes for just a few minutes. Even though he doesn’t want to talk about himself, just having someone there to touch him, hug him, and tell him they love him sustains him until the next time. He’s like an abandoned dog in a shelter where there’s no hope for rescue. Every single time I leave there, I feel like another piece of my heart has died.”

“Julia,” I breathed, pulling her onto my lap. “You are the only reason that man still lives, I’m sure of it. Your visit is enough to keep him going until the next time. You’re so strong.”

“I’m not,” she cried, putting her arms around my neck. “I’m not at all. I put on a good act, that’s all.”

“Seems like we both are good at that,” I admitted.

“Speaking of that, I’m going to say something,” Julia started. “I don’t want you to get upset with me, but it’s just an observation, okay? Since I’ve cried my eyes out to you and given you some answers to your questions.”

We’d come this far, spilling my skeletons out of my closet to her and her to me. “Okay.”

“You know how before you told me that you couldn’t be with me, even if you wanted to, because this job is your dream? Are you, in any way, kind of doing what Ronan taught you to do? Push away feelings, because being successful is the only thing that matters?”

I looked away, her words hitting my stomach one by one like bricks. She was right. I
was
acting like Ronan. I knew my feelings for this woman were beyond anything I’d ever felt before, but I thought I was just putting my life in a logical order—job then family. Wasn’t that what a man did, establish himself so he could provide a good life for himself and his family? I just hadn’t recognized that I was acting like the one person who’d hurt me the most. And what if I was just like him and couldn’t ever really love a woman the way she deserved? What if my life would always revolve around my job?

“I’m sorry, Carter,” she said when I didn’t respond, lost in my thoughts and revelations. “I know it took a lot for you to tell me what you did earlier, and I just threw it right back at you. Sometimes I’m just a little too blunt.”

She had been blunt with me, but I respected that about her. So many women played games. That was not Julia. What you saw was what you got. And after everything she’d said about Johnny, it was easy to see she was right.

I turned back to face her, feeling like my chest was exposed and she could see straight through it to my heart. “Don’t ever be sorry for being you, Julia. Thank you for that. I needed to hear it. No one calls me on my bullshit. Well, that’s not true. My best friend Hayden does, but he’s not nearly as cute as you, so I don’t listen.”

She laughed, putting her hand on my face. We looked into each other’s eyes for so long, I forgot that I needed to answer her. I wanted every part of her, right now.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I’m afraid to feel anything for anyone. I have been for a long time. I’m acting just like Ronan.”

“Do you know who I see in front of me? Right now? The compassionate, loving part of you who wiped my tears as I cried over my brother? Who is that?”

“Blake,” I said, reaching up and holding onto her hand. “He loves my mom so much, and he never stops showing it. No matter who he’s around. Everyone knows Liane McIntyre is his whole world, not the business he worked so hard to build.”

She nodded. “You can do this, Carter. It isn’t that hard. We see each other, decide if what we feel for each other is something more. Today at the house? Tonight at the restaurant? That was us. No alcohol, no barriers between us. Just us, acting on what we’re both trying to deny. I told you weeks ago I would never make an issue with you at work, and I won’t. No matter what. If we work, if we don’t. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to see where this goes?”

I wanted to form the word. It wanted to come out. But it was so hard. I wanted to believe that was true, that whether or not we worked, my job would be intact. I wanted to date her, but I was terrified to say it loud.

“Say it,” she pushed, brushing her lips against mine. “I can feel it coming off of you in waves. You
want
this, Carter McIntyre. You want what your mom and dad have, and you feel something you’ve never felt before with me. You want more than just to sleep with me, and I want more than that with you, too. You’re scared. I get it. But I won’t hurt you. Just
say it
, Carter.”

It was one word. That was all I had to say. My heart and my brain warred with each other to see which one was louder. But the one thing I couldn’t stop from bouncing around my head was her calling on me acting like Ronan. She got me. For the first time in my life, a woman other than my mom could reach inside my brain and heart and find me.