Back-Up (24 page)

The only upside is that Malcolm’s sleazy proposition effectively distracted my thoughts off Jack for a few minutes.

As the party winds down
, it becomes easier to spot Jack in the room with less people milling around. Seeing him, I unconsciously touch my tender lips. Our eyes lock.

I slightly lose my equilibrium
and stumble to the right. Dylan sees me swaying on my feet and leans in to ask, “Do you want me to call you a cab?”

Blinking, I nod. “I need to find Evan and Lori. We all came together.” Dylan looks around the room spotting Evan and Lizzy talking to Jack. He grabs my hand and pulls me towards them. Jack and I lock eyes again and he mouths, “I’m sorry.”

It’s not his fault. I fully participated in our little tryst.

It’s the part where he took off like a coward
that I’m having a hard time forgetting.

“Are you ready to leave?” Evan says smiling as we approach.

“Yeah, I am ready.”

Jack
focuses on Dylan’s fingers interlaced with mine. I instantly release his hand. Jack says, “Lori headed out with Trey a little while ago. She asked me to tell you she’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Well good for them.”
Evan turns towards Lizzy. “Walk me out?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll meet you outside Ev.”

He nods without turning.

“Dylan, can I talk to Leila for a minute?” Jack stares at me while asking.

Dylan looks at m
e and hesitantly says, “Sure. Leila I’ll see you soon?”

I nod and he pulls me into a hug. Dylan has gotten very comfortable with me in a very short amount of time. It’s strange, every time he touches me I feel
like I’m betraying Jack. His facial expressions do wonders to help me to feel that way as well.

As we walk to the elevator, Jack turns towards me to say something and stops himself. The elevator arrives and he holds the door open while I get on first. Just as the door closes, I see Dylan watching us from across the room.

Jack grabs my arms and says, “I fucked up again. I’m so sorry Leila.”

“Jack, I am just as much at fault. We both lost control.”

“I’m not talking about the kiss. I’m sorry I left you there. I panicked. I wanted nothing more than to keep kissing you, and that’s wrong. I don’t want to hurt you, but I keep hurting you. Your friendship means too much to me.”

Friendship
.

The elevator reaches the ground floor and the doors open. I turn to him to say the only thing I can, “Your friendship means a lot to me too.”
After I kiss him on the cheek, I turn and leave him standing alone in the elevator.

Well there you have it…we’re friends.

Evan is waiting in front, holding a cab for us. Lizzy isn’t here but from Evan’s smile I’m guessing their good bye was special.

“Hey, you ready
?” He asks as he opens the cab door for me.

I nod and slide in turning my head towards my window. He holds my hand until I turn to look at him. “You okay?”

“Yes. I’m just very drunk. What you saw were two drunken people losing control.”

Evan doesn’t say anything, just watches me closely until I look away. “Leila, you’ll talk to me if something is bothering you, right?” He says still holding my hand.

There is no way I’ll be telling him that I’ve fallen for Jack. “Yes Evan, I promise. Lizzy seems great.” I say, changing the subject.

“She is fantastic
, Lei.” 

I zone out a
s Evan rambles on about all of Lizzy’s finer points. Jack’s words repeating over and over in my head.

Friendship.

Deep down, I knew that was all we could ever be. So why did hearing him say the words out loud, hurt more than I’d like to admit?

Chapter 16
-Jack

Damn it! Why do I keep fucking up? I can’t stay away from this girl. These last few weeks have been going pretty well. We connected. We’ve been getting along nicely. I enjoyed taking care of her when she was sick. Then I fucking kiss her again. Shit, kiss her was an understatement. I practically molested her. I could have gone for days. What happened between us was a tease. No, it was fucking torture and now I can’t get her lips, her smooth skin, her scent, or her pebbled nipples out of my fucking mind!

I couldn’t have been more turned on if she was naked.
I wouldn’t have mattered if she had on a snowsuit. Her performance on stage, her looks, and how bad I want her culminated in a desire to kiss her that not even an armored tank couldn’t have stopped.

I am going to push her to run. I know it. She is the best thing to happen to Devil’s Lair. The crowd reaction tonight was fucking awesome. We sounded unbelievable together. On stage she is my other half
and our chemistry is undeniable. The crowd eats it up. If tonight is any indication on how good we sound together, this tour is going to be off the charts.

I haven’t had sex in days. That’s my problem. I’m too damn horny and that combined with being drunk is my downfall. It didn’t help that she looked so hot tonight. I feel breathless when I look at her.
Still, I can’t continue to succumb to my weakness. For once in my life I have to do the right thing. The right thing is to stay away from Leila, and build this band to the level of success I know we can achieve. That’s why I dropped out of school and disappointed my parents. That’s why I am here.

The elevator doors open to only a
handful of people left at my party. My parents left a while ago. My sister is chatting with Hunter, who is still attached to Amanda. Scott and Patti are slow dancing to non-existent music. Jennifer, Malcolm and Dylan are deep in conversation. Trini is collecting cups and bottles around the room. Trini…that’s what I need.

I mov
e behind her. “Trin.” She turns.

“Hey,
did you have fun tonight? You were quite drunk earlier. Did you sober up already?”

Huh
…did I ever. Yes I am sober now,
completely
sober. 

“Yep, buzz is gone. It was a great night. Sorry you had to work
and couldn’t enjoy the party.” I shove my hands into my pockets, not knowing what to do next. Usually we are very comfortable with each other. I’ll tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, or I’ll stroke her cheek. Tonight I don’t feel like having contact. I thought I did, but I suddenly realize my heart isn’t on the same page as my head.

“Leila is great.” She says smiling. I nod and give her a half smile back. “Something you want to talk about? You can come over to talk. I am a good listener.” Trini knows me so well. I might feel better if I talk to someone about what has been plaguing me lately.

“Yeah, I need to talk. You always know what I need.”

“Let me clean up and we’ll go.”

Walking over to Lizzy and Hunter near the stage, I interrupt their conversation. “I’m heading out.” 

Lizzy links her arm through mine and says, “Did you like your party
, Jack?”

“Yea
h, sis. The party was awesome. You outdid yourself.” She really did throw me a great party. I was on such a high, until the end that is.

“Good. Yo
u deserve it.” She suddenly grins. “Evan is nice. How well do you know him?” 

Hunter pipes in.
“I’ve only met him a few times, but he seems like a cool dude. He and Leila are very close.” Hunter notices Lizzy scrunching her nose and quickly explains, “No, not that close. Brother and sister close.”

“Oh, thank god. I wouldn’t want L
eila to be upset with me.” She glances up at me with an obvious look, as she remembers what we were doing less than an hour ago. Knowing my sister, she means it when she says she doesn’t want to upset Leila, no matter what she saw. She got all the morals in our family, it seemed to have skipped right past me.

Trini comes up behind me and says, “
They said I can take off now. Ready?”

Hunter starts shaking his head and smirks knowingly
.  Jackass. I give him my own,
mind your own business look
.

“
Don’t wait up.”

I kiss
my sister’s cheek turn to follow Trini out of the bar.  I guess I can’t blame Lizzy for the look she shoots me.

Trini waves as we
depart. I, on the other hand ignore everyone. I don’t feel like saying goodbye.

***

“So spill it. What happened?” Trini is sitting next to me in the center of her couch drinking a beer. I opted for a coke.

“I fucked up, yet again.”

I proceed to tell Trini about the kiss on my roof
, how Leila walked in on me with two chicks and how I avoided her for weeks. I told her about making amends and having a really nice night at her place as well as tonight’s kiss. She listens the whole time, not interrupting me once. It’s cathartic getting it all out.

She finally speaks when I’m done with my play-by-
play on ruining my relationship with Leila.

“Jack, it takes two to tango. She didn’t exactly push you away tonight, did she?”

“No, she didn’t. But she was drunk, very drunk. I think she would have kept going if the circumstance allowed. It’s really on me. I keep coming on to her. I know that taking it further would’ve ruined everything. She doesn’t know me or what I am capable of. I suck at relationships. Inevitably, I fear I’ll hurt her and drive her away.  It may not be intentional but I’ll still disappoint her and the guys. I can’t have that happen.”

She puts down her beer, and leans closer to me. “Jack, you are putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself.”

I don’t see it that way. I’m capable of screwing everything up. I know myself. Plus, I only tell her part of it. I leave out the part explaining the pull I have towards Leila.

“I h
aven’t ever seen you like this. This is tearing you up.” She moves to kneel in front of me, looking up into my eyes. “Do you love her?”

The question sends a jolt through my heart. Even so, I shake my head. T
he motion is a complete contradiction to my thoughts.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

I desperately want to be with her.

I picture a life with her.

Fuck…I love her.

“Th
en there isn’t any damage done yet. She’s just another chick you have the hots for, and she’s a friend. Move on. It’s that easy. We both know that you can get your thrills elsewhere. No need to ruin a friendship for a meaningless night of sex.” She pauses briefly. “That is unless you love her.”

Trini continues, but I’m having trouble focusing. I only hear part of her words.
I sit back against the couch and become lost in thought. Trini stands and pats my leg before she leaves the room.

She’s right, of
course.  I need to move on. This could become a cluster-fuck of mega proportions. The ripple effect that could occur from me pursuing Leila would be catastrophic. But I don’t think I care about that part, unless it hurts her in the process. But even then, would I walk away ignoring my feelings and try to be content in just being friends? I’m not sure I could.

At the moment, I have no idea if she feels the same way about me anyway. Having an insane attraction to each other doesn’t mean it’s more. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if sh
e has no intentions of being more than friends?

Besides, it’s not like I can drop to my knees and confess my undying love after only t
wo kisses? Yes, that would work. That would prove I love her, despite the fact she saw me engaging in a threesome just a few weeks ago.

Very convincing
,
Jack!

I let out a troubled sigh.
Either way, I need to find out. I can’t move on, unless I know.

Chapt
er 17- Leila

It’s been two weeks since Jack’s party, and I decided that I need to put him behind me. This job is too important, and I can’t screw it up because I fell for Jack. He made it clear in the elevator at his party that he wants to be friends and nothing more. Well then, friends we’ll be.

Besides,
he was drunk each time he came onto me. When he is sober, he acts like nothing more than a friend. I can kid myself into thinking he has feelings for me, which I’m sure he does, but definitely not in a romantic way. I’m sure he is very used to girls falling at his feet, and has lumped me into that same category. I have no doubt I am just another conquest to him.  Based on our working relationship, I think he realizes that I’m not worth it. He has worked too hard to get his band where they are today. There is no way in hell he will risk that for sex.

Since the party, we have fallen back into our friendship.
Things appear normal when we are together. We kid around and he teases me. I pretend I’m mad at him until he wears me down.

We worked our asses off on my birthday
. I thought everyone forgot. Thankfully, no one mentioned it all day. Jack ordered a few pizzas during our lunch break. We were waiting for them to arrive when a very cute delivery guy walked in holding the pies.

“Hi, I have pizza for Leila
?”

I instantly felt I was being set up. I tried to run for the door
but Jack grabbed me around my waist.

“This here is Leila.”
He responded while carrying my squirming body and sitting me on a stool in the center of the room.

Jennifer
and Scary Sally were there to witness.  Everyone looked like they were in on his little prank.

The d
elivery guy put down the pies, and stripper music started playing. The guy proceeded to take of his shirt and pants and began gyrating in front of my stool in nothing but a tiny Speedo. I was mortified.

I glared over at Jack.
“You are so dead.”

He laughed at my discomfort and came over with a stack of singles.

“Here, use these.” He thrust them into my hand and abandoned me to my hell.

Jack wanted to take me out for dinner that night. I
already had plans with my friends, though, and so declined with mixed feelings of disappointment and relief. I’m not sure I could spend a dinner with Jack alone.

I got even with
Jack on his birthday the next day with my own little prank. You could tell that he was on edge and anxious for my retaliation. I made him wait all day. I didn’t tell any of the guys about my plan, not even Hunter. I did confide in Scary Sally, though, and she was all for it. It effectively helped my relationship her.

At the end of the day
when nothing happened, Jack assumed he got away with it. We were wrapping up when there was a knock on the studio door. His eyes flew over to me and I stood crossing my arms.

“Your turn.” I said and went over to open the door. In walked a huge biker dude named Axel holding a birthday cake. Behind him was Scary Sally with a camera.

He was decked out in a black leather vest and black leather chaps, with only the tiniest black g-string under it all. Now it was Jack’s turn to try and bolt when Hunter and Scott grabbed him and held him in the center of the studio. Axel gyrated expertly for Jack’s pleasure, taking off his vest and chaps in the process. Sally snapping away with her camera. It was priceless, and it has set the tone for our friendship. He said he would get even with me. I acted like that didn’t bother me, but inside I’m terrified.

Later that evening, as we were all having dinner together I was on pins and needles. Every time a person even passed our table I’d jump thinking he or she was a plant. Jack watched
in amused enjoyment of my paranoia.

I also have been building a friendship with Dylan, although it’s a lot different than the one I have with Jack. He and I have had coffee a few times after rehearsa
ls. He drove me home one night instead of calling car service. He even took me to dinner on our way back to Hoboken. Conversation with Dylan is always easy. I really feel comfortable with him, and enjoy his company.

We have gotten to know each other these last few weeks, and it feels good to talk to someone who is part of my new world. He told me things I can expect on tour and during performances. There will be cities that we will be staying in a hotel ove
rnight to rest and most importantly have our laundry done. That was a relief, I couldn’t imagine us pulling up to a laundry mat in the bus or arguing over machine space with rock stars. I am also happy to hear there will be a few breaks during the tour where I’ll get to sleep in a real bed. He gave me Cathy’s phone number and arranged for us to meet. Getting to know Cathy will be a great help to me.

Jack noticed my relationship with Dylan. One morning we foun
d ourselves alone in the studio while waiting for the others to arrive. He didn’t seem himself.

I asked him if he was ok and he
answered, “You and Dylan are getting close.”

His comment surprised me. “We’re just friends. Like us.”

An odd expression passed over his features but it was gone as quickly as it came. The rest of the band filed and effectively killed our chat. But I thought about it all day and well into the night. Does it bother Jack that I am becoming friendly with Dylan? Why would he care? That one little comment has been consuming my thoughts.

Despite my Jack infatuation, life has
been good otherwise. Lori has seen Trey often since Jack’s party. One night she hung out with the band and filled me in on their antics. I was supposed to be there as well, but had plans with my dad. She has no idea how I feel about Jack, so she didn’t hold back any details regarding stories that were told that night. Unfortunately Trey told her all about Jack’s indiscretions. She jokingly said Jack is definitely not a one-woman man. Hearing this should be the validation I need to forget about him… at least you’d think.

Evan has
also been in contact with Lizzy. Their schedules have been crazy but they made plans to go out to dinner as soon as they can. I am so happy that they met, and hope that their relationship grows while we are on tour. Lizzy confided in Evan that Jack was surprised they have been talking but that he is also happy they met. Jack said he thinks Evan is a great guy. I felt that was really nice of him to say.

Lori found a replacement for me. Her name is Nina Parker and
she has been rehearsing with the band for the last week. Being petite and blonde, bubbly and outgoing, and funny as hell, she is my complete opposite. Our only common characteristics are the singing and the ability to play keyboards. I feel Lori chose well. In just a short time, Nina has already won over all the guys. She gets along with them effortlessly, even with Matt. She has a boyfriend who lives in the city, and the guys all like him as well. The guys feel she is almost ready to take over.

With Nina assuming her new role perfectly, we all decided on a date for my last performance with Cliffhangers
. It saddens me every time I think about it. 

Lori booked the band to play down the s
hore in a band competition on July 4
th
. This is huge for them and will get them a ton of exposure. The boys are bouncing off the walls with excitement. Trey has been a huge help to Lori and has been giving her information on where she should focus her attention for Cliffhangers. She has been gushing about it.

Jack and Hunter decided to have a barbeque at their place
for Devil’s Lair. Jack made sure to repeat this ten times. Scott wasn’t happy that he couldn’t bring Patti. Trey was fine with it since Lori will be down the shore with Cliffhangers at the competition. Hunter’s girlfriend Amanda was going out of town as well, so Scott felt he was being punished because their “chicks” weren’t around. Jack told him to get over it, and concentrate on what he was going to cook for us. I laughed at the look on Scott’s face.

Hunter suggested inviting Jennifer and Dylan but Jack immediately shook his head at the suggestion.

While looking at me, Jack said for the eleventh time, “Just
us
.”

Hunter dropped it.

It’s Sunday and I am waiting for dad at our usual brunch diner. It’s not like him to be even a few minutes late, nonetheless twenty. When he finally comes through the door and spots me at our table, the look on his face has me concerned.

“Hey sweetheart. I’m so sorry I’m late. I needed to drop Barb off at Evan’s house.”

“You should have called me. That’s closer to Hoboken. We could have eaten near my place today.”

“Nope, I like this place. I don’t mind driving back this way.” He opens his menu and stares at it intently. It’s funny because he orders the same exact thing every week.

“Why did you have to drop Barb off?”

“Just because.” He continues to study the menu, without looki
ng up. My dad isn’t a good liar. Something is most definitely up.

“Do you have plans for the fourth?”

“Um, I’ll probably spend it with Barb.” He progressively looks more and more uncomfortable.

Concerned, I ask, “So what’s going on with Barb? Everything ok?”

“Yeah, she needed to talk to Evan about something.” He responds without looking up.

“Dad, what’s wrong?”

As he puts down the menu, my mind instantly starts racing.

He waits a few seconds before he responds. “Barb needs to talk to Evan about her illness.”

“What illness?”

He exhales slowly.
“Leila, Barb has breast cancer. She found out a few weeks ago. I’ve been accompanying her to her doctor’s appointments. Thankfully, it’s very early and only stage one, but she is scared and needs support right now.”

I am stunned. I
am obviously concerned about Barb, but I can’t help but worry about my friend. He is going to need me, more than ever and I’m leaving.

Dad
grabs my hand across the table. “Hey, she’s going to be just fine. She is under the care of a very good surgeon. She will have her surgery and start her treatments. She will beat this.” As he speaks, I don’t detect any doubt in his eyes. It makes me feel slightly better.

“I’m worried about her, and Evan. How long have you known?”

He shrugs. “A few weeks. She wanted to get her full prognosis and speak to the surgeon before she told Evan. I can’t blame her for that. She now has her treatments all planned and it will help her to reassure Evan she will be ok.”

I feel awf
ul. I’ve been so self-involved while my dad and my best friend’s mom have been going through hell.

The rest of our brunch is somewhat subdued. We talk about things I need to get done in the next few weeks.
It’s all nonsense, if you ask me. Compared to what he just told me, why would I give a crap if I will be forwarding my mail to his house?

As dad is paying the bill, I get a text from Evan.

where r u?

brunch w dad. R u ok?

please come here w/ ur dad

When my dad returns from paying the bill, I say, “Evan wants us to come to his place.”

Dad looks a bit uneasy, but I’m sure he is not looking forward to the emotions we will find there. Dad doesn’t do emotions well.

I follow in my car as we make our way to Evan’s place. I barely ring his bell when he immediately buzzes us up.

We walk in to see Barb sitting in a chair, and it’s obvious she’s been cryin
g. Evan also looks distraught. He gets into my dad’s face and barks, “How long have you known Anthony?”

“Calm down Evan.” Barb says standing in the process. “This isn’t his fault.”

“Evan, what is going on?” 

He glares at his mom. “Enlighten her mom.”

This is bad…very bad. Evan never acts like this. He is the most even-keeled person I know.   I feel weak in the knees as he sits in a chair and looks down at the floor. I move over and take a place on the couch. My dad follows and takes my hand.

“Lei
la, we never wanted to hurt you, either of you.” He glances at Evan and me.

“Dad you’re scaring me.”

Evan still doesn’t speak and just continues to look at the floor.

There is an unbearable silence in the room.

Barb finally speaks first. Her voice is shaky and weak with emotion. “Leila, your dad and I were very good friends when we were kids. We also dated for a short time, but that didn’t work out for us. Our friendship, however, remained constant. Your dad met your mom, and fell madly in love. It’s obvious why that happened as quickly as it did, as your mom was spectacular. Not only was she beautiful, she was a saint. Your dad knew instantly that she was the one.

“I was dating Doug at the same time. Your mom was in nursing school, and younger than
us. Even though she loved your dad, she felt she needed to focus on her career and didn’t want to hurt your father. She felt he was moving too fast. It scared her, so she broke up with him in hopes that he would move on.” She looks over at my dad and then back at me.