Bad as in Good (14 page)

“I dunno either.”

Loraine shifted her weight to her left leg and sighed. “I wasn't even single when I had sex with Tariq. My ex-husband and I recently had moved in together after he proposed. I was having second
thoughts about everything, and I saw Tariq. After it all happened, we both regretted it. It didn't even bother me that he never called afterward; I really didn't want him to.” Loraine was never the cheating type, so her guilt was understandable. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn't wanna talk about it. I recognized that I was wrong as soon as I left that info out. I'm sorry, Erin.”

I headed for the counter to pick up my order. “I'll get over it… eventually. I didn't expect you of all people to keep secrets.”

Loraine turned her head to avoid another apology. With an attempt to change the subject and get our friendship going again she asked, “How are you two doing, anyway?”

“I'm seeing someone else. The one good plus is I'm pretty sure this one isn't married.”

“That's great, Erin. I'm happy for you.” Her bright smile and wide eyes confirmed her excitement.

“Thanks.” The awkwardness had returned, and it was time for one of us to end the conversation and make it back to work before our lunch was over. “Well, I gotta get going.”

Loraine wanted the opportunity to sit down and dish about Louis, but I couldn't force it. What we had going was good enough. “I'll call you later?”

With my sub in tote, I walked to the door and realized that it would be best to respond with a nod and a smile. I was happy that our friendship was getting back on track, but was I wasn't foolish enough to think it was back to normal. One day it would, but it wasn't goin' be today.

•  •  •

“I love spending time with you.”

I looked away from Louis and smiled. We cuddled up on my couch
as we played with each other's fingers and discussed stories about our pasts. I talked about how hard it was growin' up without a father, and he discussed how difficult it was knowing that he was adopted. He struggled heavily from abandonment issues, and it was new for him to be in a relationship and actually trust again. After spending intimate time with one another, I relaxed my fitted jeans and form-fitting tops to slowly introduce my tank tops and sweatpants into the routine. Eventually, we evolved into a relationship and our guards were down. I said, “I love you spending it with me.”

“What we have almost doesn't feel natural, unreal. I feel like I can tell you anything, do anything with you. I feel safe with you.”

“I feel the same way.” I moved in close to him and kissed him. His lips were soft as pillows, and I couldn't deny my addiction to his kisses. When he held the small of my back, I loosened my nerves and fell into his hold. I found myself imagining our lives beyond mere
boyfriend and girlfriend
. When his phone vibrated, I kind of snapped back into reality. When he peeped the screen, he ignored the call and immediately went back to kissing me. I pulled away and asked, “Who was that?”

He paused and then responded, “Nobody as important as you, boo.”

I shrugged my shoulders and fell mesmerized by the silkiness of his lips. “I hope not.” I said between kisses. I slid out of my sweatpants and panties before climbing on top of him.

He unbuckled his pants and grabbed onto my waist. With his pants dropped to his ankles and his dick peeking through the slit in his boxers, I saddled up and began to ride. With my hips bouncing off his lap, he trembled as he sucked in his lips and squeezed his hands around me. As I grinded up and down, he looked into my eyes and whispered, “I'm fallin' for you, Erin.”

I put my head back as his words sent chills up my spine. I wrapped my arms around his neck while I sucked in my bottom lip. “I'm fallin' too.” It felt too early for the L word but right in time for the belief that this could be more than a
simply kissing on the couch
relationship. I wanted him daily and craved him nightly.

I gritted my teeth as I pulled on his shirtsleeve and gyrated on top of him. He gripped my cheeks and kissed trails down my chest. Pulling off my shirt, he unhooked my bra and devoured my breasts. I shook in his arms as I tried not to come so quick. “You always feel so good,” he moaned.

Before I got the opportunity to respond, there was a knock at my door. If it was Alonzo, he'd better hope he boarded up his windows because Hurricane Erin was going to blow him off his Nikes. I tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away. Suddenly, my phone vibrated. I didn't want to lose my concentration. I closed my eyes and focused on arriving to our desired destinations. However, the knocks only persisted. “Shit,” I murmured.

Louis looked over at my phone and back at my door. “Who's at your door?”

I looked over at my phone and noticed a missed call from Tariq. I froze. For a moment, I almost forgot what position I was in. I grabbed my phone and read his texts.
“Why haven't you been respondin?” “You can't answer your phone?” “Are you ignoring me? We need to talk!”
I cleared my missed calls and messages and contemplated waiting him out. If he was at my door, the last thing I wanted to do was answer it. Although the mood was certainly gone, I didn't wanna move. I sat atop Louis straddling him as I chewed on my fingernails and prayed for the knocks to stop. For a second they did. I took a deep breath as I thanked God for gettin' rid of my intruder. However, sooner than later, the knocks started up again. “Damn,” I mumbled.

“You need me to answer it?”

I frowned and shook my head. My heart pounded through my chest. If Tariq stood on the other side of my door, this night would not end well. I didn't lie when I told Louis I was fallin' for him, but I would be lying if I claimed I was over Tariq. Even though I was practically starting a new life with Louis, I was still reluctant to surrender the made-up one I had with Tariq. I forced myself off Louis and dressed myself; Louis did the same. When I reached the peephole, I held my breath as I peeped through. Realizing who it was, I understood there would be no going back now. I opened the door and accepted that the night was over.

“What are you doing here, Teona?”

“Are you busy?”

I turn to look at Louis and then back at the barely dressed, hardly alert Teona that stood before me. I was grateful that it wasn't Tariq; nevertheless, I was annoyed with Teona's intrusion. She had wandered over to my apartment after a hard night of partying. “Did you bring some man over here again?”

She giggled and leaned on the doorframe. “I thought about it.” She cleared her throat and peeked inside my apartment. “But he wouldn't come home with me.” She waved at Louis and looked back at me. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes, you definitely are.”

She hesitated initially, but she knew as much as I did that she couldn't make it anywhere else in her condition. “Can I come in?”

I moved to the side and let her stumble inside. “Louis, this is Teona, my girlfriend's little sister.”

Louis waved a halfhearted wave and stood up. His frustration with being cheated out of an orgasm showed all over his face. Teona hunched over my kitchen sink and ran the water over her head. Also realizing that the night was over, Louis kissed my forehead
and headed for my door. “I'm gonna let you care for your friend. I'll call you later.”

I wanted him to stay and hold me tonight. I was pissed that even though Loraine and I weren't exactly speaking on the best terms, her problems still landed on my doorstep. I sighed and walked him to the door. “I wish you could stay.”

“I do too. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. We'll have time alone again.” He kissed me quickly and sweetly before he disappeared. After I shut the door, I watched Teona drench herself in water to revive herself from a bender she obviously wasn't prepared for. She was
drunk
and couldn't even lure a man over to sex her like she wanted him to.

I led Teona to my couch and gave her a towel. “Did you call your sister?”

“Please, don't. Not tonight.” She plopped her head down on the arm of my couch and passed out. I thought about tending to her to make her night asleep on my couch more comfortable, but after she robbed me of my orgasm, I decided to shut the lights, lock my bedroom door, and whip out my old and faithful vibrating companion. Tonight was gonna end my way—one way or another.

B
y the time I woke up the next morning, Teona vanished. She wasn't on my couch and nowhere in my apartment. I was partly glad that I didn't have to deal with her hung-over condition, bitter attitude, and snippy comebacks. However, I was partly upset that she didn't give me the chance to scold her about how disappointed I was with her. Still, I looked forward to heading into work and reading the sweet notes I'm sure Louis left in my inbox.

“She's dragging her trifling ass in here now,” Loraine said. I had called Loraine on my way to work to make sure Teona hadn't stumbled off into the arms of the wrong type of strange man. “Thanks for looking after her.”

“I did my best—even though she interrupted my date with Louis.”

“I'll apologize on her behalf. I'm gettin' so sick and tired of this heifer. I'm hoping our parents find a way to get her out of my place and back to only visiting me during the summer breaks.”

“With her acting like this, you might need to consider doing an intervention. This type of behavior doesn't seem healthy or safe. She's gonna end up bringin' the wrong man home, and she might end up bringin' him home to my place.” The thought of her bringin' a serial rapist home scared me, mainly because with her, it was likely to happen. “I might have to start turning her away. I don't want her to end up sleepin' in my hallway, though.”

“Girl, do what you have to do. Call the cops if you need to. A night on a cold park bench might snap some sense into her.”

“I dunno about all that.”

“Listen, the chance of Teona actually bringin' some crazy man right to your doorstep is likelier than you think. The only reason why she keeps coming to you is because I turn her away and you don't. Like you, I don't like strangers showing up at my door. You'll start singing a different tune when you find a drunken girl and five big, horny perverts knocking at your door at three in the morning.”

I didn't want to turn Teona away, but Loraine made a valid and creepy point. I wasn't looking to call the police on her, but I also wasn't looking to tolerate her clearly violating my privacy by inviting random men to my apartment. The thought alone was infuriating. I took a deep breath and said it. “I miss talking to you.”

I could hear her smile through the phone. “I miss talking to you too, girl. Let's skip work and have a spa day.”

“Sounds tempting, but I've been getting a little too lax at work and need to catch up. Louis has my mind all over the place sometimes.”

“I'm happy you found someone who you can actually enjoy being with.”

“I am too. I can't let him interfere with my money, though.”

“Well, we have to catch up soon.”

“We will.”

Loraine and I ended our phone call as I reached my desk. Before I settled in, I logged into my computer and checked my emails. Twelve new emails. I scrolled past the few emails from my supervisor and looked for Louis's name. Two new ones from him. The first one read, “Is it wrong for me to miss you so much when I saw you the other night?” I blushed. I let that email simmer as I put
away my purse and hooked up my phone charger. I got nice and settled in to read the next email. It read, “I love you, boo.”

Everything kind of stopped. I read the words eight times in an effort to make sense of them Although the words were nice to read, it would've been nicer for me to hear them. My feelings for Louis were growing; it had already been three months. However, I wasn't sure if I would describe my feelings as
love
. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop blushing. I enjoyed being loved by someone I could imagine myself loving back. I enjoyed the excitement of coming into work to read the words of affirmation that he left in my inbox. But I couldn't help but feel conflicted. For three months, it felt as if Louis and I were living out a fantasy. Addressing the topic of love introduced a new reality. Unfortunately, I was still enjoying the fantasy.

I couldn't respond. I wasn't comfortable responding to an email like that unless we were face-to-face. I wanted to read his face when he said it. Would his eyes sparkle? Would he place the palm of his hand in the arch in my back, slowly moving his moist lips while the words oozed off his tongue like sweet red wine? Would we end the night making a new form of love as our bodies moved to the rhythm our heartbeats made? Would I literally melt in his arms every moment he spoke? Or would his reality destroy my fantasy and have me questioning my sanity? Suddenly, I wished that I ventured off to that spa day. I was so wound up I couldn't finish my workday without a billion thoughts and questions permeating my cerebrum. The hands on the clock couldn't possibly move fast enough.

•  •  •

“Are you sure?”

I stared at the blank screen of my television as I pressed my phone to my face. “Yep. It was right there in print.”

“Do you love him too?”

“It's only been a few months. I dunno. Is that even enough time?”

“Apparently, it is.”

“What would you do?”

Loraine took a deep breath. “I wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't put too much on it, though. Talk to him.”

With a knock on my door, I snapped out of the thoughts going through my head and walked to the door. When I looked through the peephole to see who it was, I said, “Lemme call you back.” I hung up the phone, checked my breath, and opened the door. “Hey.”