Bad Blood (34 page)

Chapter 66

Rachel

L
IKE
I
HAD TOLD
S
ETH, THAT RESTRAINING ORDER WAS NOTHING
to me but a piece of paper. It didn't stop me from fucking with him, but something a lot more serious did: I was pregnant. For the first time since I had begun to torture Seth, it didn't seem so important anymore. Knowing that I would soon have to be responsible for another human being made me realize just how critical it was for me to behave appropriately for a woman in my position. However, disrupting Seth's life had given me a strong sense of empowerment, something that I had had all along but had never really appreciated until now. I didn't need him or any other man to define me. I didn't need to retaliate when somebody betrayed me.

If I continued to do so, would I ever know where to draw the line? Had I not decided to change my routine, I would have had to go after people for the rest of my life! And that was not something I wanted to do. Now that I was thinking more clearly and rationally, there was one thing that suddenly became a major concern for me: what if karma kicked
me
in the ass as payback for all the shit I had done to Seth? I hadn't given that any thought until now. And I was giving it a
lot
of thought....

Despite the morning sickness and my bloated belly, I felt so blessed, I wanted to do something to make someone else feel the same way.

It had been a week since Hurricane Katrina had devastated New Orleans. I organized a collection among my coworkers and neighbors, and we donated several thousand dollars to the Red Cross to help some of the families. And even though I didn't have any loved ones in the affected area, I wanted to stay informed about what was going on and what else I could do to help. When I was not at work, I was in front of my television, watching the news.

It had been four months since the night Matthew stormed out of my apartment. He had not called me, and I certainly had not called him. As far as I was concerned, our relationship was dead in the water. But Lucy didn't feel that way.

“Girl, when are you going to let that man know you're having his baby?” she'd asked.

“I'll tell him when the time is right,” I'd told her.

Paulette was at Disneyland with her husband and their kids, and Patrice was at home, recovering from dental surgery. They knew I was pregnant, and they both felt the same way as Lucy. They had told me I needed to let Matthew know right away. “If he cared about me, he would have called me by now. I don't care what I did, I think he could have at least talked things through with me,” I'd told everybody. But the one person who wouldn't let up on me was my mother.

“Do you mean to tell me you ain't told that man yet that you will be giving birth to his baby in a few months? What's wrong with you, girl?” Mama had hollered. “Who is going to help you raise that baby?”

“I can raise my baby on my own,” I'd insisted.

“A baby needs a mama and a daddy!”

“I know that. But you did all right with me and Janet and Ernest,” I'd reminded.

Mama had let out a loud, raspy sigh. “And I always thought Janet would be the fool when it came to men. . . .”

“What are you trying to tell me, Mama?”

“Your sister, with all her problems, she knows more about making a relationship work than you do. She and that boy she is with, they make a perfect couple! Maybe you ought to talk to her and let her give you some advice. Since you don't want to listen to none of us normal folks!”

The only people who were not on my case about Matthew were Uncle Albert and Kingston.

“Baby, you do whatever you think is right for you and your child. I've still got your back,” Uncle Albert had told me. “I'm handing the phone to Kingston.”

“This kid will be spoiled rotten by the time we get through with him or her,” Kingston had told me when he came on the line. “If you need anything, including a place to stay after you give birth and need to recuperate, you're welcome to come here.”

I was happy to know I had people in my life who really cared about me. I'd hurried off the telephone because I didn't want Kingston to hear me crying.

One thing I did know was that Uncle Albert was not the one who had ratted me out to Matthew. To this day I didn't know who had contacted him and told him I was pregnant. He showed up at my door at the end of my fifth month.

Ever since Seth had sent that process server to my apartment, I had been very cautious about opening my front door. I never opened it now without checking to see who it was. When somebody knocked that Wednesday evening, I immediately looked through the peephole. I almost swallowed my tongue when I saw Matthew standing there.

“What are you doing here?” I cracked the door open just enough for him to see part of my face. “You've got some nerve showing up after all this time.”

“Rachel, I came over here to talk to you about our relationship.”

“What relationship?”

“You know what I'm talking about,” he whined.

“Do I? Well, it took you long enough to get here,” I smirked.

“I know, and I'm sorry. I wanted to come sooner. But I didn't know how you'd react. I mean, I know I pissed you off the last time I saw you, and . . . I didn't want to risk . . .”

“You didn't want to risk going through what Seth went through with me? So you thought I might go off and come after you, too? Did you think I would slash your tires and cancel your credit cards? Well, you don't have to worry about that. I haven't bothered Seth any more, and I don't plan to. I have more important things to deal with now.”

“So I've heard. And when were you going to tell me about the baby?”

I felt as if I had been backed into a corner and the only way out was for me to come clean. “Who told you?”

“That's not important. What is important is that I know.”

“How do you know it's yours?”

“Is it?”

“Yes, it is. But it's my problem.”

“It's my ‘problem,' too, if that's what you want to call it. I don't. I consider it a blessing.”

“What do you want, Matthew?”

“I want to talk to you so we can decide what we're going to do about your condition.” Matthew shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Are you going to let me come in or not?”

“There is nothing for us to talk about—”

“The hell there isn't! If you're having my baby, there is a lot for us to talk about. We don't need to have a relationship, but I am going to be in that baby's life, whether you like it or not. We can figure out something either in or out of court. You decide.”

I opened the door all the way and waved Matthew into my living room. “As long as you don't start any mess, there won't be any mess up in here,” I warned.

“Woman, I can assure you, I am not going to do anything to set
you
off. My mama didn't raise no fool.” Matthew laughed. It had been so long since I had laughed, my jaws ached when I stretched open my mouth to laugh along with him.

I was thrilled to see Matthew. If anybody could help me sort out my life, he was the one. I hadn't told any of my friends or even Mama, but the past few months I had been concerned about my mental health. For one thing, what I had done to Seth was not normal. Did I have a mental condition, too?

“Matthew, I am not sure I'm well. . . .” I had no idea why I said that.

Matthew gave me a puzzled look. “Why would you think that?”

“Because of my family history and the things I did to Seth.”

“Look, if it'll make you feel any better, I can arrange for you to talk to a professional. Otherwise, what you did to Seth was not good, but it is not a sign of mental illness. I have dozens of parolees, male and female, on my list that have done a lot worse shit than you did, and they are all as sane as I am. So you need to get the notion that
you
have a mental condition out of your head. All right?”

I nodded. “All right.” He was the right man for me. I realized that now. But I was not about to take anything for granted. However, had he touched me, I would have been all over him in a flash. That was why when I joined him on the couch, I left a lot of space between us.

“Listen, I am sorry about the way I took off that last night I was here. I drove home, but I came back an hour later. I sat in my car in front of your building until the next day,” he confessed.

“Why didn't you come back inside or call me?”

“Like I just said, after you told me all that shit you'd done to old boy Seth, I didn't want to experience your wrath.” Matthew didn't laugh this time. “Rachel, I love you, and I want to be with you. I think for our child's sake, we at least need to be friends.”

I stared at the wall for a few moments.

“I wish . . . I wish I had never messed with Seth in the first place.”

“You didn't love him?”

“Yes, I did. What I mean is, I wish I had been woman enough to accept his decision not to be with me—and the reason he decided that.” I looked at Matthew and blinked. “To be honest with you, I don't know if I would have married him if he had told me his family had a history of mental illness.”

“Rachel, let that go. What you need to focus on now is your future. Besides, I have a few demons I'd like to let go.”

“Huh?”

“After my wife died, I didn't think I'd ever want to be in another serious relationship again, especially one that involved the possibility of me having children. The pain of my loss was too deep, and I didn't think I could go through it again. I didn't want to. When I met you, my feelings began to change. Even more so when we reconnected after being apart those few years. I was going to ask you to marry me. That's what I had planned to do the same night that Skirt fool showed up again.”

“I still think you could have stayed and talked to me about it. And after the way Skirt behaved, I'm sure you believe me when I say I will
never
see him again.”

“I believe you. But he's not the one I'm really worried about. I'm more concerned about you and Seth. Do you want to talk about him now?”

I shook my head. “I'm over Seth completely.”

“Do you want us to try again? I mean, do you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you? We can take things one day at a time.”

I gave Matthew a thoughtful look. “I was scared when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what I was going to do. I don't believe in abortion, and raising a child without a father is not something I thought I'd ever have to deal with.”

“And you won't. I can promise you that. So?”

“I just want to know who told you I was pregnant, Matthew.”

“All right. I'll tell you this much. It was someone who cares about you. That's all you need to know.”

“I don't want to live with a man I'm not married to. I did that once, and I promised myself I'd never do it again.”

“You don't have to.” Matthew shrugged.

“Is that a proposal? Are you asking me to marry you?”

“What do you think?”

“If you're asking me to marry you, the answer is yes.”

Epilogue

Seth

 

I
T HAD BEEN ELEVEN YEARS SINCE
I'
D SPOKEN TO
R
ACHEL
M
C
N
EAL.
I had spotted her in various places from time to time, shopping, having lunch with a friend, and just walking down the street. Each time I had ducked out of sight before she saw me.

I had no idea what I'd say to Rachel if I found myself in a predicament where I couldn't avoid her.

It had been almost two years since I had seen or spoken to Darla. After all that bellyaching she had done about me threatening to divorce her that night, that bitch had filed for divorce a month later! She hadn't even waited for it to be finalized before she bolted and moved in with the dude she'd been seeing behind my back the last year of our marriage.

Not only had she decided that she didn't like being a wife, but she had also decided she didn't like being a mother, either. She had left Gayle with me and had not even hesitated to sign away her parental rights. I had been awarded full custody of Gayle, and Darla had never even asked for visitation privileges. That had saddened me, but I'd got over it soon enough. I was glad I didn't have to see her lying, skanky, cheating self anymore.

I still had my business, but things had changed dramatically. Most of my clients had either moved on to bigger agencies or decided to handle their advertising in-house. With so many other things on my plate, I had not been able to maintain the level of enthusiasm and commitment that I had started out with. I was making just enough money to remain afloat. I had to lay off most of my employees, so now it was just Howard and myself. We couldn't even afford to pay a full-time secretary, so we had temps come in on an as-needed basis. We had to move back to a much cheaper location, too.

I had sold my house three years ago and had moved into a two-bedroom condo near the school my daughter attended, when she felt like going to school. She was only twelve, and so far she had been kicked out of three different schools because of her bad behavior. At the last school, she had slapped her homeroom teacher when the teacher had told her to stop texting. In the school before that, she'd stolen one of her classmate's earrings, then had had the nerve to wear them to school the very next day. When the girl confronted her, she'd punched that girl in the nose.

My son was twenty-nine and still lived with me. He hadn't worked in two years, and he continued to break the law. He had just been released from jail again a few weeks ago for attempting to rob a bank. I had just dropped him off to meet with his parole officer that Monday afternoon in May, the week before Memorial Day. I had an appointment with a therapist who'd been helping me work through a few lingering issues. His office was in the same building as my son's parole officer. I planned to swing back and pick up Darnell after my session so we could have a late lunch.

I avoided my parents and almost everybody else, including my brother Josh, who had always been in my corner. I had a hard time being around “happy” people and trying not to let them know how much pain I was in. I had convinced myself that depression had become my new BFF.

I looked at life from a much more realistic perspective now. One reason was that I truly believed in karma now. And not because of what Rachel had done to me. She had got her revenge, but she had nothing to do with the problems that I had encountered with my wife and children. That was the part of karma that hurt me the most. I prayed that my debt to fate had been paid in full. Because of all I'd been through, I had stopped lying and using people. I'd promised myself that I would go out of my way in the future not to hurt another person, especially a woman. I'd met a few fantastic women since Darla left, but so far, none of those relationships had panned out. No matter how fantastic those other women had been, not a single one had come close to being as fantastic as Rachel McNeal had been to me—before I pissed her off and she tried to drive my ass crazy with her revenge tactics.

Despite all the things that Rachel had done to me, she was the one woman I would never forget. I had finally reached a point where I felt that the nightmare that had begun with that trip to Alabama was over. Had I married her, things would have turned out a lot differently for me. I believed that with Rachel's guidance, my son would not have become a criminal. And I would never have met a witch like Darla. On my more pleasant days, I wondered about the children that Rachel and I would have had. . . .

I was waiting for the elevator so I could go to my therapist's office two floors below when I felt someone walk up and stand beside me. I was so preoccupied, I didn't notice her at first. Then I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I was so taken aback that before I could stop myself, I yelled her name. “Rachel! Oh, my God!” I couldn't believe my eyes. She had been on my mind just seconds before.

She whirled around and gasped when she realized it was me. She looked as stunning as ever. Even with noticeable lines on her forehead and around her mouth, and a few strands of gray hair on her head. She wore a light blue dress and navy blue pumps. Her make-up was flawless, and her hair was in a braided style that was very becoming on her.

“Seth! It's so good to see you!” she said with not a hint of hostility in her voice.

I was glad to see her, but I didn't get too close. I had no hard feelings toward her, but I had no idea how she felt about me now. With the way I was feeling, the last thing I needed was for her to slap my face and cuss me out. I was flabbergasted when she hauled off and hugged me. She felt so good in my arms, but she didn't stay in them long. She moved back a few steps. There was a smile on her face, and that put me more at ease.

“It's been so long! How have you been?”

“I'm doing just great, Seth.”

“How is your uncle Albert? Is he still with Kingston?”

“Puh-leeze! Those two are joined at the hip.” She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. “They got married last year and are in the process of adopting a little Haitian girl with HIV whose mother abandoned her.”

“Is that right? I'm glad to hear that there are still some people left in the world who are willing to take on a responsibility like that.”

“So am I.”

I couldn't figure out why my heart was thumping so hard or why I had begun to sweat. Rachel was not behaving in a hostile manner at all. I wiped my forehead and continued. “And what about your posse? I don't remember the last time I saw Lucy or either one of the two Ps.”

“Lucy married some guy she met on one of her cruises five years ago, and they live in Dallas. They have two little girls. Paulette and her husband had another little boy about three years ago, and they moved to San Diego to take care of his elderly parents. Patrice stopped speaking to me about ten years ago. Lucy and Paulette only hear from her every now and then. The last I heard, she had moved to New Jersey and had married an airline pilot. How is your family?”

“Uh, my father got involved with another woman, and when Mother found out, she promptly divorced him. She's doing as well as can be expected. Father's affair hit the family real hard. I knew he'd been having affairs for years, but he'd always been very discreet. Well, believe it or not, the other woman was my brother Damon's wife, Helene. Uh, I'm sure she went after him, though, because he was not the type to fool around with women too close to home. Especially the woman of his own son. I'm surprised Father never tried to hit on you.”

Rachel's eyes got big, and her lips trembled for a few seconds, as if she was about to laugh. She didn't laugh, but she snorted, and a mysterious smile appeared on her face. “I guess I wasn't his type.” She cleared her throat with a few short coughs. “How are your brothers doing?”

“Josh and his wife have four kids now. Damon immediately divorced his wife when he found out about her and Father. Damon married a girl from Jamaica six years ago. They have a son and a daughter.”

“And how are
you
doing these days?”

I had to think carefully before I answered. I didn't want Rachel to know the extent of my remorse. “Well . . . I've learned from my mistakes,” I admitted. “I'm still getting used to middle age.” I chuckled, patting my expanding belly. “Other than that, I am doing just fine, too.”

“I'm glad to hear that.” I expected her to give me a smug look, but she didn't. Instead, she gave me a sympathetic look and then another smile. “Are you and your family ready for the holiday?”

“My wife divorced me years ago. I don't even know where she and the man she was having an affair with moved to.” I tried to sound as composed as possible. I didn't want Rachel to know just how bitter I was. But things didn't seem as intense today. Her presence and upbeat demeanor had brightened my mood tremendously.

“Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Then you don't get to see your daughter?”

“Darla left Gayle with me.” I snorted.

“Oh,” she said again. “I hope you'll enjoy the holiday, anyway.”

I nodded. “I'm sure I will. My mother is going to barbecue, and some of her folks from Louisiana are in town. What about you?”

“My husband and I are leaving for Mexico on Friday. We usually spend our holidays down there in the condo we own in Puerto Vallarta.”

“So you're married now?” As soon as I said that, I realized what a stupid question it was. A woman like Rachel had probably been proposed to by more than one man after I broke up with her.

“My husband works in this building, and I dropped by to see if he wanted to take me to lunch. But he was just about to talk to one of his parolees, a young man who can't stay out of trouble.”

“Uh, I just dropped my son off for his regular meeting with his parole officer. Matthew Bruner seems like a caring dude, and Darnell likes him.”

Rachel's eyes got as big as saucers. “Matthew Bruner is my husband!”

“What a coincidence! I guess it is a small world, after all, huh?”

“I guess it is, Seth.”

The elevator stopped, but we both ignored it.

“Uh, I hope I'm not being too forward, but can we go have a cup of coffee? I am really happy to see you, and I'm really happy to see that you are doing so well.”

“I'd love to,” she said.

There was a coffee shop within walking distance, and that was where we went. As soon as we sat down, I started sharing my tale of woe, and I didn't want to stop. I noticed tears in Rachel's eyes when I told her how out of control my daughter was and how my son kept going to jail.

I expected her to gloat, but she didn't.

“I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and a daughter who has never given us any trouble. I'm sorry to hear that your wife left you. And I'm really sorry to hear about your children.” It almost sounded like she was apologizing to me because her life had turned out so well. “My daughter, Camille, is on the honor roll, and she's already talking about what college she wants to go to. She's only ten and already reads on a high school level!”

I gave Rachel a pensive look. “You know what's so ironic?”

“What?”

“I . . . I didn't want to marry you, because I thought we'd have children with some serious problems. My folks are intellectuals, so they would have had a hard time dealing with your folks down the road. Well, the class thing is what it is. But I ended up with children with serious problems, anyway. But you didn't. And neither one of mine can blame their behavior on a mental condition like your—”

“You can go ahead and say it. It doesn't bother me at all. Just to let you know, my sister, Janet, is happily married and has two sons. And neither one of them has any problems . . . so far. Mama finally put my brother in one of those board and care homes, and he's doing so much better, she's mad at herself for not putting him there sooner. But I still feel that my family is blessed. Things could have been a lot worse. My mother could have had a lot more serious problems to deal with.”

“Like I have? After all the planning and scheming I did, you're the one who ended up with the perfect marriage and a perfect child. . . .”

Rachel shook her head. “My child is not perfect, and my marriage isn't, either. We have the same issues that most families have.”

“Rachel, I need to ask you something. You don't have to answer me if you don't want to. Did you really love me?”

“I did. And before I leave, I want you to know that I am really sorry about what I did to you. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong when I was doing it, but all I cared about was getting back at you.”

“And you sure did that! I can't tell you which one of your stunts pissed me off the most! But that time my credit card got declined while I was having lunch with a potential client was bad. That's the one thing I think about the most. I'm so paranoid now that when I pull out a credit card to pay for a purchase, I hold my breath until I know it's been approved.” I laughed.

“Well, if it'll make you feel any better, last month, when I attempted to make a purchase at a Walmart, of all places, they declined my credit card.”

“Oh?”

“But only because I had reached my credit limit.” We both laughed.

“Rachel, I need to ask you something that's been eating at me for years.”

“What's that?”

“Did you sic the IRS on me?”

She looked me in the eye and nodded with a straight face. “Did they come down hard on you?”

“Like a boulder.” I sighed. “Well, that was my own fault. It took me almost eight years to pay them off in full. I haven't told even the smallest fib on my taxes since.”