Bad Boy (An Indecent Proposal) (18 page)

I cannot take the risk
that he will become greedy.

 
My last Will and Testament that will be
read upon my death will state that Clint gets everything, even though he and I
have a verbal agreement that you’re to receive everything when you turn
twenty-three regardless of who you’ve become. To make sure you find out about
the existence of these letters, I’ve included a clause that requires you to be
attached by the time you turn twenty-three years old. The reason is that I want
you to be with someone who loves you for who you are rather than the money
you’ll inherit.

Should Clint break his
promise to me, my last Will is inside this letter. It’s co-signed by Nurse
Marla and our gardener. It’s the only copy I have and they are the only
witnesses, so make sure you don’t lose it. I also have included their contact
details below.

Marla has always been
good to me. She is also the closest I’ve ever come to having a real friend who
hasn’t betrayed me. I’ve asked her to keep some things from me for you. Make
sure to contact her. While she does not know about my past, she knows about my
heartbreak that I’ve experienced at the hands of your father, and she
understands what I have to do.

No one is perfect,
Laurie. No one can be completely faultless. Not I, not my parents, not my
uncle, nor Clint. It’s part of being human. Important is what you do with your
faults, and what you can live with. In the end, it’s your life and your
decision what you make of it. My decision was to make sure that I did the
opposite of what I experienced in life. I don’t know why I’m writing this.
Maybe because the hardest thing is yet to come.

I know you will hate
me for this. I would, too, but I have to do it, Laurie. It’s not your fault,
nor Clint’s. It’s also not my father’s fault. Nor my mother’s. It’s my own.
I’ve considered this for a long time now. Today, my thoughts are lucid. Today
that I can speak clearly, I know I have to do it. I don’t want to die at the
clinic, labeled a mentally ill person. I want to do it on my own terms, as
someone who’s aware of what she does.

Please forgive me.

I cannot stand to see
myself slipping away. My mind…it’s not what it used to be. On some days, I
don’t recognize myself. Those days become more and more frequent. I wander off
with absolutely no idea of who I am, where I lived, what I do. On those days, I
forget to eat, I forget that I exist. On some days, I wake up with wounds I
inflict upon myself. This is not a way to live. I do not want to forget. I want
to live, and be in control of myself, and if I cannot be that way, I would
rather die as long as I know you exist.

Memory can be a
precious thing, my daughter. I took it for granted, until I started to forget a
little each day. The good memories were the first ones to go. I can feel it.

The medication I take
isn’t helping. It makes my nightmares worse. It keeps me stuck in the past. I’m
telling Clint that I’m taking it, but the truth is, I haven’t for weeks. I do
not want to burden him with the fact that my medication only lets me keep the
bad memories inside my head. It’s like all my life has been nothing but bad
memories, and maybe it’s the truth. But I cannot relive the past over and over
again.

My darling girl, I
have so many regrets. Too many to count. One of them is not being able to
experience the joy of seeing you grow up to become the wonderful woman I know
you are now. To graduate. To fall in love. To start a family. Maybe even meet
your half-brother.

I’m sorry that I
cannot help myself, make a small change, no matter how hard, just for you. I’m
sorry that I have to do what I’m about to do. I’m sorry that I have to leave
you.

In spite of my
weakness, I can tell you in all honesty that I’m proud of you as my child. I’ve
always felt blessed to have you. You grew up so fast. Too fast. When I look at
you, I see your father. You’re just as beautiful. But everything you have,
everything you are, is because of me, your mother. Don’t cry as you read this
letter. I have made peace with my life. I made peace a long time ago and have
accepted things as they are.

Both the past and the
future.

Even though I’m not
with you right now, even though I cannot hold you and kiss you, please know that
my heart will always be with you. Always. You’re my precious daughter. Ever
since the day you were born, I promised to you I would do anything to protect
you, to make sure they would not take you away from me, too.

When you read this
letter, I know that my life has passed and that my wishes were fulfilled. I
went to great lengths to make sure that they were, so when you read this, I
know my duty as your mother was well done and that I can be proud of you, of
myself, of everything we are.

The past might hold
us, capture us, separate us in our minds, but these words will remain. And so
will your presence and your future…it’s all within our control. Do not focus on
the past. Remember me for the smiles we gifted each other and the moments we
shared. I love you. Nothing can stop me from loving you no matter where I am.
Even though our time together was short, I’m grateful for the moments we had.
When you miss me, you’ll find me in your blood, in the beat of your heart, in
the fact that I gave life to you.

Remember me for who I
was.

Your mother

“Surprise,” Jude yelled the moment I opened the door to our
apartment. Behind her were a few of my college friends, neighbors and other
people I knew holding a banner that read ‘Welcome home’. A huge chocolate cake
with the inscription ‘Happy Belated Birthday’ beckoned to me from a table set
up in the corner.

“Oh, my God, Jude,” I mumbled as she dashed for me with a
shriek. Her arms went around me, pressing me to her chest so hard I had no
choice but to drop my suitcases and give in.

I closed my eyes. Tears gathered in my eyes as her familiar
scent hit my nostrils. In spite of her overprotectiveness and her tendency to
make my business her own, she was the most amazing friend anyone could have.

“Welcome home, Laurie.” Alice, Jude’s sister, drew me in
into a tight hug, too. “Jude’s told us everything about your disaster.”

“And by disaster you mean…” I shot Jude a glare.

“Chase,” Alice replied.

‘You told her?” I asked Jude.

“Not just her. She told us all,” someone from the crowd. It
was Janice, our neighbor. I frowned as I stared at all the familiar faces.

Did Jude invite the whole neighborhood?

My gaze swept over the crowd to take everyone in. Half of
them were unfamiliar faces. But then was it really such a surprise?

Jude had always proclaimed that I deserved a big party for
my twenty third birthday, not least to celebrate the fact that I’d receive my
mother’s letters. I never believed her because I never thought it’d happen, but
she had been right.
She
had made it
happen.

I stared at her in admiration.

Jude shrugged. “I felt like I needed moral support.”

I laughed. “Moral support?”

“Yeah, you know, it was pretty hard to see your best friend
falling in love for the first time and then realize she had been used.”

“Which is why we’ve declared war. We’re going to make his
life a living hell,” Alice chimed in.

“You can count on us,” one of my neighbors said. “Give us
his phone number and we’ll make sure he gets the prank calls of his life.”

“Oh, God.” Laughing, I shook my head as I took the offered
drink out of Alice’s hands. “Chase isn’t after the money. He’s actually trying
to help me.”

“He is?” Jude frowned and everyone grew silent.

“And you’re not saying that because you’re under duress?”
Alice asked.

“What?” I laughed again, then shook my head. “No.”

“So you guys worked everything out?” Jude asked. She sounded
so sceptical I had to shake my head again.

“No way.” I noticed how thin my voice sounded. “We’re
actually getting a divorce.” I plastered a fake smile on my lips that I knew
wouldn’t fool most people, and definitely not Jude. I expected to feel relief
at the thought of Chase and me being over once and for all, but deep down, my
heart lurched as realization dawned on me.

I wasn’t going to see him again.

Jude didn’t buy my smile, as expected. She knew me too well,
or maybe she was too perceptive for her own good. With a sense of impending
doom, I watched as she grabbed a spoon from a nearby table and knocked it
against her wine glass.

“Okay, guys,” she yelled, even though you could probably
hear her voice from the street outside. “Would you mind giving us a few
minutes? Or better yet, let’s meet at Freddy’s where the party’s starting.
Woohoo.” She winked at me and ushered everyone out the door.

Eventually, it was just Jude and I. The moment the door
closed behind the last visitor, she drew me into a tight hug again.

“I missed you,” she whispered, wiping a tear from her face.
“I thought you said you’d be back home the day after our conversation.”

“I couldn’t, Jude.” I let out a shaky breath, ready to drop
the bomb. “I read the letters.”

“Oh.” Her eyes fell on the pendant I wore around my neck.
“Isn’t that your mom’s?”

I nodded. “Chase gave it back. You were right. He had it
repaired.”

Her frown deepened.

“What’s going on with you two?” she said. “What happened?
Why couldn’t you tell me, Laurie?” Her eyes were soft, but there was that glint
of accusation that always appeared when she suspected me of keeping secrets
from her.

I shook my head just as the tears I had been holding in
began to stream down my face. “My mom.” I looked up and saw the compassion in
her eyes. “Chase brought me her letters.”

“What did they say?” Jude’s voice was feeble, her face pale.

I closed my eyes. “Chase was right. Her last Will was
inside. She wanted me to have the estate.”

“That’s awesome.” Her lips curved into a smile.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that I’m not sure. She said a lot of things. I feel so
confused.”

“Is that the reason why you didn’t come home?” Jude asked.

“Yes.” I plopped down on the sofa. Jude sat down next to me,
the party forgotten. “I needed time to think, to process.”

It was the truth.

After reading my mom’s letter I had decided to stay in
Acapulco for another week. The time alone had done me good. It had helped me
process. Helped me come to terms with the past.

Chase Wright was another story. That was one chapter of my
life I didn’t seem able to close. Now that he had obtained the letters for me
would forever tie him to me. He had helped me, just like he had promised. The
gratitude I felt for him would continue to feed the guilt I felt at not helping
him get rid of the demons of his past.

“It’s not just about your mom, is it?” Jude remarked softly.

I nodded. “My father’s still alive.”

“I can’t believe it,” Jude said shocked.

I shook my head grimly. “Me neither.”

“Then, why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” I wiped my hand over my face. “A few years
before my mom had me she had a boy. She gave him up for adoption. Chase has a
brother who’s adopted. He has the same first name as mentioned in my mom’s
letter. It’s such an unusual name—” I took a deep breath and let it out
slowly, unable to finish the thought that had kept my mind occupied.

Jude stared at me, her confusion etched on her face. “I
don’t understand. You think he is—”

I nodded. “It’s just a hunch, but—” I let out another
breath. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I believe he might be my brother.
But that’s not even the worst.”

Squeezing her hand, I told her everything. About the rape,
my father, my mom’s illness. The struggles and the mistrust.

Jude listened intently, her face pale, her eyes shimmering
with tears. Every now and then a tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped at it
silently, her eyes never leaving me.

“You don’t always have to assume the worst, you know,” she
whispered as soon as I had finished. “Like you said, it’s just a hunch. You
could be wrong.”

“You’re right. I thought that, too. The problem is—” I
closed my eyes for a moment. “—Kade does kind of look like my mother, but
more than that, he looks like a younger version of my grandfather. I didn’t see
the resemblance at first, but the way he moved, the way he talked, the way he
smiled—the resemblance is uncanny.” My voice began to shake. “If he’s my
brother, I don’t know what to do. What do you think?”

Her grip on my hand tightened. “We need to find out and then
we’ll take it from there.”

“I’m so scared,” I whispered. “I’m so scared that I might
not be wrong.”

“Let’s worry about that later,” Jude said determined. “Have
you told Chase?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You should.”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “I told him not to contact me ever
again. I can’t break my own rule.”

***

The letter arrived eight weeks later. It looked like any
other letter. What caught my attention was the sender’s return address. That’s
why I waited for Jude to get back from work before opening it.

“It came,” I shouted as soon as the door closed behind her.

“What came?” She dropped her handbag on the floor and turned
to stare at me.

I held the letter in front of her. Her facial expression
instantly changed from nonchalant to anxious. “Oh. What does it say?”

“I didn’t have the stomach to open it yet. I waited for you
for like four hours.”

“Good,” she said and headed for the kitchen. “Let me grab a
bottle. I have a feeling we’ll need lots of alcohol.”

“Thought of it already.” I pointed at the bottle of wine and
the two glasses on the table.

We sat down at the kitchen table. For a while, we remained
silent, until Jude pointed at the letter in my hands.

“If you don’t open it this instant, I swear to God I will.”

My gaze moved from the letter to her impatient face, my
heart beating too fast. Groaning, she yanked the letter out of my hands and
tore it open.

“What does it say?” I asked and inched forward to peer over
her shoulder.

She shrugged, and disappointment flashed across her face.
“They talk about confidentiality and blah, blah, blah. In short, they don’t
want to tell you. You have to contact Chase, tell him about it.”

My stomach felt as though someone had just pulled a rug from
beneath my feet.

“I can’t. I told him—”

“I know what you said, Laurie. You’ve only recalled that
story about a million times.” Jude rolled her eyes the way she always did when
she was about to lose her patience with me. “But if you don’t contact him, I
don’t know who else could help. Let’s face it.” She tossed the letter onto the
table and interlinked her fingers. “Chase is close to his brother. It would be
easy for him to persuade Kade to get tested to find out if there’s any chance
you guys are related. Don’t you think you deserve to know the truth?”

I nodded. “I do, but what if he doesn’t want to know? What
if we’re wrong? That would be so awkward.”

“Is that better than living in the dark?”

“No,” I said. She was right, as usual. My hands grew clammy
at the thought of calling Chase, maybe even seeing him again. “What do I even
say?”

“Tell him the truth, Laurie.” Jude smiled softly. “The way I
see it, you both have a lot in common. You both have lost a lot in your lives.
Chase lost his mom to an illness, so did you. So did Kade. Talk to him. Explain
it. See what happens. Maybe you’ll be surprised.”

My heart slammed into my ribs.

At last, I gave a sigh. “I’ll think about it.”

“No, don’t think,” Jude said, her tone betraying her
annoyance. “Just do it.”

That evening, after Jude went to bed, I opened my laptop.
Even though the prospect of contacting Chase was terrifying, it also made me
hopeful.

I had to do it.

More than two months had passed since that day on the beach.
The only contact we had was me sending him a copy of my mom’s last Will to help
him with his case. Because truth be told, while Clint might have cared for my
mom during their marriage, she had been right in her letters. He had been after
her money. By now, I knew her words by heart. She had wanted me to have
Waterfront Shore, not just a quarter of the money.

After downing a glass of wine to help me man up, I started
to type an email because, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t
talk with him face to face just yet. His memory was too strong, my pain too
raw.

It took me hours to write up the parts of my mom’s story
that were of importance to him: a bit of her life, the adoption, adding my plea
to get his brother tested so we’d find out whether Kade and I were related.

Outside, night had fallen. A glance at my watch revealed it
was three a.m. Once done, I leaned back and pressed my glass against my hot
cheek, welcoming the cool sensation on my skin. I had logged off and almost
switched off my laptop when Chase’s reply came by text.

You can always count
on me. I’m going to ask him tomorrow.

I smiled, oblivious to the fact that he was still awake, and
then I typed back a reply.

Thank you. When do you
want to meet?

His answer came quickly.

The correct question
is where? I’ll be at Club 69 tomorrow 11 p.m. sharp.

I stared at the screen, my chest heaving with excitement,
until my eyes fell on

Club 69?

69? Is that some kind
of joke?

My fingers drummed on the table impatiently.

No joke. It’s my
favorite.

The club or the position?

I laughed the way I hadn’t laughed in a long time.

Was it a wise idea to see him? Could I do it? And 11 p.m.?
Then again, the late hour wasn’t a surprise. Chase was a lawyer who probably worked
late.

And it wasn’t like we were going on a date. Before I could
reply, my phone beeped again.

Is it true? You really
think Kade could be your half-brother?

I bit my lip as I pondered my answer. Then I wrote:

I wouldn’t ask you to
do this if I wasn’t sure.

A minute passed. Then another. At last he replied.

I’ll be emailing you
the address of a friend of mine who’s a doctor. Make sure to visit him
tomorrow. He’ll tell you how the DNA test works.

I typed my next message, then got up to get ready for bed.

Thanks, I owe you one.

I left the phone on the nightstand and switched off the
lights. A few moments later, the screen lit up with a reply.

Do you miss me?

I stared at his text, my heart pounding hard as my brain
began to try to interpret the motivation behind his question. Was he still
thinking about us? Was he missing me? What the fuck could I possibly reply to
that without offending him, or letting my guard down?