Bad Boy's Baby: Wicked Angels MC (16 page)

Tristan

I was out riding with Rod and Wolf when I got the call. Patches sounded hysterical, and I could tell that he was really frightened. Anger boiled up in me as soon as his little yipping voice filled the earpiece of my phone. He wasn’t acting like a Wicked Angel; he was acting like a damn pussy.

“Tristan, something happened!” Patches bleated into the phone. “Something happened to Jenny! She’s gone!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I pulled my bike over to the side of the road and closed my eyes. A million horrible thoughts were running through my mind. Jenny could be kidnapped, or dead, or dismembered and lying in a ditch somewhere. Panic racked through my body and I barely heard what Patches was telling me.

“And when I got back from the bathroom, she was gone!” Patches gasped. I could tell he was distraught but I had no patience for him right now. If he hadn’t fucked up, Jenny would still be safe and sound. This was all my fault for letting her go to work in the first place, and if I’d put my fucking foot down, she’d still be fine. Goddammit!

“Stay there,” I ordered. “Look for her. I’m going to call her now.”

I hung up on Patches without saying goodbye. Just as I was about to dial Jenny’s number, my phone buzzed in my hand. When I saw that it was Jenny, relief and terror both spiked in my body. I knew that it wasn’t necessarily her cell phone, but maybe someone who had kidnapped her was using her to get to me. I shuddered as I answered the phone.

“Jenny?”

“Tristan!” Her voice was scared but she didn’t sound like she was in immediate danger. “Tristan! They came to the library! They scared me, Tristan!” Her voice broke and I could tell she was about to start sobbing. “Tristan, I’m home. I got a ride home. I’m safe, but I’m scared. You need to come home right now!”

Tucking the phone into my pocket, I gunned my bike into gear and sped towards home. Rod and Wolf followed close behind—the reassuring roar of their bikes helped me realize that I wasn’t alone in this, no matter how bad things got. Jenny would be okay, she was at home, she was safe. She just had to stay there for a few minutes, until I got home, and then I could pull her in my arms and make sure nothing bad would ever happen to her again.

I could have killed Patches. If he’d had any chance of getting patched into the Wicked Angels, it was long gone. He’d risked Jenny’s life—possibly even Phin’s life—and I couldn’t ever forgive him for that. He’d had
one
job and he’d ruined it and fucked everything up. When I saw him again, he’d be lucky if he walked away with all of his teeth.

The constant, reassuring presence of Wolf and Rod behind me roared in my ears. I knew they were dying to know what was going on, and I wanted to tell them. But protecting Jenny was more important. The longer I thought about it, the more rage I felt fill my body. I couldn’t believe any prospect of the Wicked Angels would have been so stupid! Especially after I’d gone out of my way to tell the guys what was really going on.

The ride home seemed to take forever. Jenny’s car wasn’t in the driveway and for a moment I panicked that she’d up and gone somewhere. But she opened the front door, her silk blouse clinging to her generous bust, and looked at me with such a mixture of relief and horror that I felt my chest swell.

Jenny ran out into the yard. Her arms were around me and squeezing tightly before I’d even finished climbing off my bike, and I pulled her close and inhaled her sweet, musky fragrance. She was shaking and trembling and her forehead was damp with sweat. She looked like she’d been through hell.

“What the hell happened?” I demanded, holding her at arm’s length. “What the hell, Jenny? Where did Patches go?”

“I don’t know,” Jenny said. She looked around and I could see her pulse racing in her throat. “I looked for him and he was gone!” Her voice had a touch of hysteria in it and I watched as a tear squeezed out of her eye and dripped down her cheek. She continued, “I went into the atrium for a break and closed my eyes, and then one of those creepy guys was there! Randy! The one who grabbed me before!” She opened her eyes wide and looked at me. “And he grabbed me and stuck a knife at my throat and told me that if you didn’t stop snooping, he was going to kill me!”

I slowly digested the information. “Patches went to the bathroom,” I replied. “He must not have told you, the fucking idiot. I’m going to kill him!”

“It wasn’t Patches’ fault,” Jenny said quickly. I rolled my eyes. “He was watching me all day!”

“Except for, like, the five minutes when he actually
needed
to pay attention to you,” I growled.

Jenny shrunk back. “Tristan, please!” Her voice was rising to a hysterical fever pitch. “Tristan, I don’t know what it is you’re doing but you need to stop!”

“That’s right,” I snarled back at her. “You have no idea what it is that I’m doing, because it’s none of your business,
Jennifer.
”

Jenny’s eyes got wide and she backed away. A flush was rising on her pale cheeks and I could tell she was getting more heated with every passing second. She waved her hands in the air, gesturing wildly.

“Tristan, you have a family now,” Jenny pleaded. “Don’t you see that? You have me! You have Phin! Our
son
. Remember? You’re his father, Tristan, why don’t you start acting like it?”

A small, rational part of me knew that Jenny was just trying to make a point but I couldn’t help the rage that was building slowly in my chest. If it hadn’t been for her, and her parents, and her goddamned wealthy upbringing, this wouldn’t be happening. Jenny and I would have stayed together and raised Phin the way he should have been raised from the beginning. I may never have gotten involved with the MC, but I sure as hell could have put Jenny through school. Maybe she’d even be some kind of famous scientist or artist by now if she hadn’t had to work so damn hard. The oddest mix of rage and betrayal swirled through my body.

“Leave me alone,” I mumbled. “I don’t want to be around you right now. If you keep pushing me, I’m gonna say a lot of bad shit, Jenny.”

I stalked past her and pushed her to the side. Jenny let out this hurt little gasp and dug her fingers into my arm. The skinny digits felt like they were made of ice.

“Tristan, please listen to me!” Jenny jumped in front of me and stared deep in my eyes. She was wearing heels and she was tall, almost as tall as I was. Her green eyes flared and sparked with anger. “Think of us! Think of your family!” She pleaded at me with her eyes. “Tristan, you have a family now. You can’t jeopardize our safety for the sake of some stupid fight! Come on, think about it!”

An electric shock of anger went sliding though my body. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to pin this on me when she was the one who had left. I couldn’t even think clearly anymore, and all traces of the rational Tristan left my body. Before I even knew what I was saying, I turned on Jenny and raised my voice as loudly as I could without actually yelling.

“Do you understand what you’re saying?” Jenny blinked at me; she didn’t answer. I continued, “You’re the one who left
me
, don’t you remember? And it’s pretty fucking rich of you to rub it in my nose that I have a family now,” I snarled, getting close to Jenny’s face. The blood drained from underneath her skin, leaving her pale and featureless. “You never told me about Phin! He’s my goddamn son and you never told me about him!”

Jenny’s nostrils flared. I was so mad that I wanted to walk out of the room and never see that fucking hypocrite woman ever again. She didn’t have the courage to dignify me with a response.

“You never told me about Phin because you didn’t think I was good enough to be his father. You didn’t think I was good enough for you either. That’s why you fucking left me, isn’t it? That’s the real reason! It had nothing to do with your precious little Mummy and Daddy!” I knew that I should just shut the fuck up but I couldn’t, the anger was building too strongly and I wanted to hurt Jenny with everything in me. I wanted to make her feel the pain and abandonment that I’d carried around for almost ten years. I wanted her to know just how fucking badly she’d really hurt me. I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to see her cry. I wanted to see her break down and admit that she’d been wrong, that she was responsible for the way everything had turned out. I imagined the words coming from her lips: they would feel good, like warm butter. I closed my eyes.

“I want to hear you tell me that you fucked this up,” I said in a soft, low voice. Keeping my eyes trained on Jenny, I watched her every movement. “I want to hear you tell me, Jennifer. I want to hear it from your fucking lips, you got that,
honey
?” I put extra emphasis on the last word just to hurt her.

Jenny opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. I knew that I was past the point of no return, that none of this shit mattered anymore. It didn’t matter what else I said, as long as I’d threatened Jenny like I had, she’d never wanna talk to me again. Hell, she probably wouldn’t even want to see me after this.

“Tell me,” I said, deadly serious. “Tell me you fucked up. Tell me that I wasn’t good enough, Jenny. Tell me that I’m still not good enough for you or your fucking son!”

Jenny didn’t answer. Her lower lip trembled and I could sense that she was about to start crying.

“You can’t say it,” I continued in the same level tone. “You can’t admit it because you know it’s the truth, Jennifer. Well, you wanna know the real truth?”

Jenny shifted her gaze to the floor and I watched as hot tears spilled from her lids and ran down her pale cheeks. Something vicious and angry twisted up my guts and I slammed my fist into the wall.

“The real truth is that I don’t have a fucking family, Jenny! I haven’t had a family since the moment you left me almost ten goddamn years ago! You ruined this for me, you got that? Do you fucking understand?!” I hadn’t been this angry in years and it was spilling out of me like water from a busted dam. The more I ranted, the angrier I felt. It was coursing through my veins like molten lava. Just like a volcano, the more I exploded, the more passionate I felt.

“Go on, cry,” I said dismissively. Jenny looked at me with wide, frightened eyes. I shook my head in disgust. She was fucking pathetic. She couldn’t even own up to ruining both of our goddamn lives. “Fucking cry!” I screamed loudly. “Fucking cry and pretend that’s gonna make everything better! Cry and pretend like Phin won’t grow up hating you for making him live without a dad! Sure thing, Jenny, I’m sure it’s all going to be just fine!”

The last words came out as a growl and Jenny crumped in on herself, falling to the floor and burying her face in her pale hands.

Jenny

I was in a daze as Tristan stood in front of me, yelling until I’d fallen to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands. My whole body was shaking and I wished I could have melted and fallen into the floor. The more he yelled, the more upset I felt. It wasn’t fair, what he was saying! It wasn’t true!

“I never thought you weren’t good enough for me,” I said in a quavering voice. It was the first phrase I’d uttered in ten minutes. Tristan immediately stopped yelling and stared at me with wide blue eyes.

“I don’t believe you,” he scoffed. “Tell me the truth, Jenny. Tell me the fucking truth, you got that?”

“That is the truth,” I insisted. “I always loved you, Tristan.”

“That doesn’t mean shit,” Tristan snapped. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have fucking left!”

His words stung, even more than any of the previous accusations he’d lobbed at me. “That isn’t true,” I said, my voice stronger than before. Tristan kept his eyes glued to me as I peeled myself off the floor and stood upright, albeit shakily. Suddenly, I was aware of the incredible sexual tension in the room between us. I could have sliced it clean through with a knife.

“So?” Tristan glared at me. “If that ain’t different, tell me otherwise. Tell me, Jenny. I need to fucking know.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that, Tristan.”

Tristan blew a stream of air out between his lips. “Enlighten me, then,” he snapped. “Tell me what the fucking truth really is, then, Jenny.”

I blushed. “My parents hated you,” I said softly. Even just the mention of Mummy and Daddy made my heart racer even faster in my chest. “They didn’t like you, and they didn’t want you around me.”

“Well that’s fucking obvious!” Tristan roared. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. “What else, detective?”

I bit my lip. I was getting sick of his shitty attitude, even though I probably deserved it. “My father threatened to hurt you if I didn’t leave you alone,” I said softly. “It was the night of my eighteenth birthday. You know that, Tristan. But what I don’t get is why didn’t you come back.” Remembering this was the most painful thing of all. “Daddy told me he was going to hurt you, but then you could have still called me! I was an adult! I could have run away with you!” Bringing this up made all of the hurt from the past seem fresh and new and before long, a fresh wave of sobs had hit me. I sniffled and cried and stared at Tristan’s unforgiving blue eyes.

“I did,” Tristan said flatly. “I showed up the next morning and there was some fucking muscle in the driveway who tried to threaten me and pay me off. Then your mother came out and told me to leave you alone. She said you didn’t want to see me, and she told me that if I didn’t leave, she’d call the police.”

Tristan’s revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. All of these years, I had just supposed that he’d stayed away because he’d wanted to stay away. I thought that he’d never wanted to be around me again, and that was why he’d left and never come back. I’d always thought it was my fault for pissing him off that night, for not taking him seriously when he said he wanted to impress my parents. Now I realized just how very wrong I’d actually been.

“And then what?” Tristan’s eyes bored holes into my body. “Then what happened, Jenny?”

I blinked. “I couldn’t get in touch with you,” I said softly. “And then Mummy and Daddy threw me out. I was on my own with Phin for years and years, Tristan. They never even called.” The sting of being abandoned was coming back stronger than ever and I had to wipe away a few tears as I remembered just how painful it had felt to be pregnant and alone.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Phin?” Tristan looked angry again. “You didn’t think it was worth it to make sure he grew up with a father? You didn’t think that would be important to him, or to me?”

“I didn’t know,” I said softly. The room went silent, dead. Tristan blinked at me. It was obvious that he’d never even considered that possibility. “I didn’t know for about a month,” I added. “But when I knew, when I found out…” I sighed heavily. “I wanted to contact you. But Mummy and Daddy forbade it. They wanted me to have an abortion. When I refused, that’s when they threw me out.”

Tristan swallowed loudly. He didn’t say anything. The reality, the pain of the situation was crashing down around my shoulders and I felt traumatized. But I was also feeling strangely calm and peaceful inside, like the country air right after a big thunderstorm. I was feeling more levelheaded and rational than I had in days, and it felt good, but kind of scary. It was like I was capable of anything, like I could walk away right then and there and be done with Tristan forever. Sure, it would be a huge sacrifice. And I would be miserable. But then at least I wouldn’t have to live with the constant memory of my mistakes, my mistakes that were apparently too egregious for Tristan to forgive me.

Tristan didn’t say anything. I still felt empowered, bold. When I crossed my arms over my chest and drew myself up to my full height, he looked almost afraid. His blue eyes were full of regret.

“I’m leaving,” I said softly. “If you don’t care about me and Phin, then there’s no way we could be liabilities for you. Thanks for your hospitality, Tristan.”

Inside, I was begging him to stop me. I wanted him to stop me right in my tracks and grab my arms and press his mouth to mine. I wanted Tristan to stand in front of me, barring the way, until I was forced to surrender to my desire for him. Even now, in the aftermath of the most heated argument we’d ever experienced, I couldn’t deny that I still wanted him more than ever.

But he didn’t stop me. I walked down the hallway on unsteady feet and made my way into the room Phin had chosen. Our clothes were scattered all over the floor and I had to suppress a wave of anxious nausea as I leaned down to grab the bags. Phin was almost out of school, and he’d be here soon. If I hurried, I could manage to pack before he got home.

Home
.
But this isn’t really home, is it?
I looked around, suddenly feeling dazed. I perched on the edge of the bed and stared up at the ceiling. The big house was silent. A lump formed in my throat when I realized that Tristan must not care, because if he cared, he would be stopping me.
Don’t sit here and cry like a pathetic fool
, I thought.
You know that isn’t going to change shit. Tristan doesn’t love you, and he doesn’t want to be a father to Phin. You had your chance to find him and you blew it, Jenny. Time to move on
.

Except, deep down, I knew that I’d never really be able to move on. I swallowed hard and wiped away some stray tears.
Time to pack, Jenny
, I reminded myself after checking the clock.
Phin’ll be home soon, and then you’ll both have to go
.

I carelessly threw things into a bag. All in all, it only took about twenty minutes to pack. For all the meaningful things that had happened in the past few days, I felt remarkably non-permanent here. And it was true, I was. I now realized how big of a mistake I’d made in thinking that I understood Tristan. After all, I barely knew him anymore. He obviously wasn’t the same man he’d been, and he wasn’t the same person I’d known. He’d changed. He’d changed enough to run an MC and buy a big house and basically live up to all of the dreams that he’d had for himself back in the day. But there was no woman who was part of the equation.

I wasn’t naïve. I knew that Tristan hadn’t been celibate since we broke up. And besides, I’d really only been like that out of choice. I could have dated if I’d wanted to, even with Phin. But I hadn’t wanted to. Tristan had broken me. He’d changed the mold and let the hot metal overflow. No, I wasn’t ever going to be the same again. And we weren’t going to be together. Tristan had made that glaringly obvious.

Getting down on my hands and knees, I searched under the bed for forgotten panties or one of Phin’s shoes. There wasn’t anything there but dust. I imagined how I looked from above: like a silly woman crawling around on the floor. I knew I was acting crazy. But what else was I supposed to do? I’d been uprooted from my quiet, boring life and thrust back into the action with Tristan.

The thought of going back to my empty house filled me with a loneliness that I couldn’t even begin to tackle. There was more than that, though. There was also an odd feeling of shame, like I wouldn’t be able to face my life. I couldn’t deal with Lindsey’s inquiring looks, or with Phin’s questions about the “man who took care of us.”

I heard footsteps in the hallway, too light to be Tristan’s. Before I could move, the door swung open and Phin threw himself at my body, hugging my legs tightly. I reached down and ruffled his brown hair, pasting a weak smile on my face.

“Hi, sweetie. Did you have a good day?”

Phin nodded excitedly. “I made something for Tristan!” He threw his backpack to the ground and dug around in the main compartment, eventually coming up with a little dinosaur made out of clay. “It’s for him, Mom! You think he’ll like it?” Phin’s big blue eyes pleaded up at me in the same way Tristan’s used to. “I spent so much time on it, Mom!”

“I can tell, honey,” I said, my mind racing for a quick and painless way to tell Phin that he couldn’t give Tristan anything. Because he didn’t care about us, and he never would. Unfortunately, just as I opened my mouth, Tristan stepped in the doorway. He gave Phin a tentative smile. Phin, all energy and smiles a few seconds ago, ducked behind my legs and clung to my jeans. My heart broke for him; he was so shy, and he was just about to discover that his newly beloved friend, Tristan, was someone who never wanted to see him or his mommy ever again.

“Hey there, little buddy,” Tristan said. He smiled at Phin. When he looked up to my face, I turned away. A mixture of shame and anger filled my body and I felt my posture brace and become more defensive.

“Hi,” Phin said softly. Before I could stop him, he pushed past me and stared at Tristan. “I made you something today.”

“You don’t have to take it,” I said quickly. “I mean, if you don’t want it.”

Tristan frowned. He crouched down so he was at Phin’s height and a bolt of tenderness and desire shot through my body at the sight of my former lover smiling at our son.

“Of course I want it,” Tristan said. He tried to meet my eyes but I looked away. There were several excruciating seconds of silence. I cleared my throat and looked away as Tristan turned towards Phin. “Phin, what is it?”

Phin stumbled shyly over to Tristan and pulled out the clay dinosaur. Even from a distance, I could tell that he’d taken a lot of care with the figure and it was well designed, especially from an eight-year-old.

“Wow, buddy,” Tristan breathed. “This is so cool! Thank you,” he said, beaming. Phin grinned and I felt some of the tension in my belly melt. “May I speak with your mom for a minute?”

Phin nodded, then bolted out of the room. “I’m going to get a snack!” Phin cried as he ran down the hallway. “Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg!”

I blushed. “I’m sorry about that,” I said quietly. “I didn’t know that he would actually give that you. You can give it here,” I said, holding out my hand. “I won’t tell him.”

Tristan frowned at me “What are you talking about?”  He looked around the room, seeming to notice how empty it was. “Did you pack? Jenny, I don’t want you to go,” he said, looking pained. “For your safety, you and Phin need to stay here.”

I shook my head. “Not a chance,” I said. “Sorry, but we’re not liabilities to you, and I’m not mooching off of you anymore. And I don’t want to get any more guys in the MC in trouble.” I was thinking of Patches, but Tristan frowned again and shook his head.

“Jenny, please,” Tristan said. He stepped forward and reached for my hand but I twisted away without thinking. A new, sharper lump formed in my throat. Why was I doing this? Why was I pushing him away? He
said
I could stay. But deep down, I knew he was only being polite. He didn’t love me, and he definitely didn’t love Phin. Poor, fatherless Phin. I hated the idea of telling him we were leaving. I knew it would break his heart all over again.

“I have to go,” I announced. Tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away. “I know you, you meant everything you said. I know you don’t want me around. I know I screwed up, Tristan. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Tristan said softly. He stood up and took a step towards me. I jumped back like a skittish rabbit. “Hey, what’s all this? Jenny, I’m sorry. We can talk about this; we can make this work.”