Bad Brides (58 page)

They had been more than fine with that request.
Style Bride
was guaranteed to give its cover star and her new husband a favourable article. Besides, as Veronica, Tamra’s press
adviser, had said, they needed to give their version of the crazy bride-switch to
some
interviewer. And, as Tamra had added happily, it would be the best publicity in the world for
Stanclere Hall as a brand, its holiday lets and Stanclere Sausages . . .

‘Our cover star and her new husband, the Earl and Countess of Respers!’ Jodie said, and Edmund and Tamra, to much applause and even more excited comments, appeared behind the podium
and walked up onto the stage.

In her magenta ruffled-crepe Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti gown, her hair pulled to one side in a single twist, her make-up American-immaculate, Tamra looked like a goddess. Beside her, Edmund
beamed with pride. He was wearing a Savile Row suit that he had had to have newly made; he had lost nearly half a stone since the day of his first, aborted marriage. Tamra, he said happily, was
wearing him out in bed; he was a shadow of his former self. Tamra grumbled that she hadn’t lost a pound, and he told her firmly that she was perfect as she was. Certainly, gazing at her right
now, it was clear that he thought she outshone every woman in the room.

‘She looks
amazing
,’ Ludo said, raising his glass in tribute. ‘Diva-tastic. My God, that woman knows how to wear clothes. Wouldn’t you love to have a lifesize
doll of her? Think of the outfits you could dress her up in!’

Father Liam, by his side, smiled at this. Since Ludo had broken down in tears in Tuscany, Father Liam had tried to be more understanding of Ludo’s needs in the relationship, had agreed to
accompany his boyfriend out more socially, and the launch of a bridal magazine, after all, was appropriate to his profession.

‘They certainly make a very handsome couple,’ he said. ‘Look how happy they are! It’s a pleasure to see.’

‘When I think of Milly and Tarquin . . .’ Ludo shuddered. ‘I must say, even though it would have been a coup for me, seeing her doing her ingénue face on the cover would
have rather turned my stomach.’

He was talking quietly enough not to be overheard by the crowd, and Father Liam nodded.

‘We can only be glad that didn’t come off,’ he said. ‘Oh, I forgot to tell you! I heard from Eva today. She emailed me.’

‘Ooh, how are they?’ Ludo said eagerly, always keen to hear gossip.

‘Still on their walking tour,’ Father Liam said. ‘It sounds perfect for the two of them.’

Ludo grimaced. ‘Lord, first a monastery and then the Highlands with a backpack! Rather them than me.’

The monastery had been Liam’s idea: he had suggested that, after the collapse of his nuptials, Tarquin go on a retreat for some much-needed privacy, quiet and time to reflect on the
disaster of his personal life. It was the perfect solution. Apart from the religious environment suiting Tarquin’s meditative nature, the paparazzi were unable to get any shots of him behind
the monastery’s high walls.

Naturally, the scandal of the failed wedding had spread like wildfire, trending on Twitter for days, spreading instantly to the online gossip sites and the weekly magazines. A couple of guests,
inevitably, had defied the
Style
ban and sneaked their mobiles into the ceremony, managing to catch some photographs towards the end of Tarquin’s confrontation with Milly, which they
then sold, along with their versions of events. Tarquin’s walking away with Eva had been the icing on the cake, a twist that added intrigue, gave Tarquin an extra motive for leaving Milly at
the altar, and swayed popular sentiment strongly towards her.

‘He should have issued a statement,’ Ludo sighed. ‘Everyone thinks it was his fault. Milly’s been playing the betrayed innocent very successfully ever since.’

Father Liam pursed his mouth.

‘I hear the film she’s in is absolutely pornographic,’ he said disapprovingly. ‘That must surely contradict her playing the innocent?’

‘Oh, everyone’s doing full nudity sex scenes now,’ Ludo said lightly.

‘It’s Eva I was concerned about,’ Father Liam said. ‘But I must say, she’s dealt with it better than I thought she would.’

‘You gave her
very
good advice,’ Ludo pointed out, knowing that these words always pleased his boyfriend tremendously and wanting to give something back in return for Father
Liam’s accompanying him out tonight. ‘Telling her to give him some space while he went to that Cistercian monastery. I bet all the monks had
huge
crushes on him,’ he
added irrepressibly. ‘Making him wait until he’d got at least some of the Milly fantasies out of his system.’

‘It’s always harder loving a real person than a fantasy,’ Father Liam observed. ‘I hope that isn’t the case for Eva.’

‘No, I don’t think Tarquin was ever a fantasy for her,’ Ludo said. ‘She’s really very like him, just more sensible. Women are always more sensible than straight
men, after all.’

By the side of the podium, Brianna Jade, dressed simply in a Jonathan Saunders knee-length frock, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, hung on Abel’s arm, looking up happily at her mother.
Various celebrities, sponsors and advertisers were being brought up and introduced to Tamra, an endless stream of people and photo opportunities, and she smiled with equal delight at each one,
making conversation while ensuring that she mentioned the Stanclere brand as much as possible, Edmund hovering behind her.

‘Do you wish that it was you up there?’ Abel asked.

Brianna Jade turned to her fiancé, who was wearing a custom-made suit from Edmund’s tailor: nothing off the rack could have fitted him.

‘No way,’ she assured him.

She had moved into the cottage and was living in domestic bliss, relishing doing her own cleaning and cooking, running her own little house with no servants to make her feel useless and
unnecessary. Abel, quite accustomed to living on his own, cooking his own dinners and washing his own clothes, was taken aback by how little his fiancée knew about the basics, having grown
up in near-poverty, then gone on the road at fifteen, living out of motels and after that in the lap of luxury; she’d barely used a dishwasher or a washing machine, had only learnt to cook
the most basic recipes.

Which, as it turned out, was very positive for their new relationship. Brianna Jade might be a millionairess, but she didn’t even know how to wash her own sweaters or bake a pie, and Abel
and his grandmother thoroughly enjoyed the process of teaching her. Abel, who had initially been very dubious about whether Brianna Jade could really be satisfied with a tiny cottage after the
luxury of Stanclere Hall, was relaxing more and more each day as he saw how happy their life together was making her. Especially as it was blindingly obvious how much she loved pig farming. Tamra,
who had tried to no avail to get her daughter to read novels, was amazed to see Brianna Jade in the Stanclere Hall library with her nose in
Whiffle: The Care of the Pig
, looking for extra
tips to fatten up the Empress.

The highlights had grown out of her hair, her nails were short and ragged from farm work, and that was just how she liked it. Tamra dragged her to a hairdresser and manicurist before parties,
lectured her about wearing sunblock at all times, and Brianna Jade listened and smiled and went back to mucking out the sties.

‘You know I couldn’t be happier,’ she told Abel now. ‘I
chose
you! I ran out of my wedding to find you without even knowing if you’d be there, or have a
girlfriend, or anything! Honestly, what more do you want?’

He grinned down at her, running a hand through his hair and ruffling it all up again; Tamra would despair when she saw him. Nothing could make Abel look fashionable, and he begged off all
invitations to parties at the Hall, attending only family dinners, but Tamra insisted on him brushing his hair back when he did come out. Though he did it to please Brianna Jade’s mother, he
always forgot and messed it up into his customary thatch after a while.

‘Hey, it’s Mom’s big day.’ Brianna Jade reached up and pushed back as much hair as she could. ‘Don’t give her a heart attack.’

‘Brianna Jade, could I ask you a few questions?’ said an eager voice beside her. ‘I write the gossip column for the
Herald
, and I’d love to have a little chat
with you.’

‘I’m sorry, I don’t do interviews,’ she said with her best pageant smile. ‘Plus today’s all about my mom.’

‘You’re happy for her, right? Doesn’t it feel odd at all that she’s marrying your ex-fiancé?’ the young man asked.

Brianna Jade looked back at Tamra, up on the stage, the cynosure of all eyes, with Edmund by her side, his grey eyes full of admiration and delight in his bride.

‘You know what?’ she said to the diary writer. ‘It could not feel more completely and totally right.’

Ludo, who had realized that Brianna Jade was present and dragged Father Liam over to get a closer look at her, was eavesdropping shamelessly.

‘She’s really lovely,’ he said sotto voce to his partner. ‘And ooh, look at the size of her farmer! Lucky girl! Still, Tamra definitely has the pop and fizz. She’d
make a fabulous drag queen.’

‘Ludo,’ Father Liam said, and his voice was suddenly so grave that Ludo turned away from contemplation of the Maloney women and focused on his partner’s face.

‘What’s wrong?’ he said nervously. ‘Are you cross with me?’

‘One day, this will be us,’ Father Liam said with great conviction. ‘I promise you. One day, you and I will be able to get married. I believe that from the bottom of my heart.
We see changes all around us, even in the Vatican. It has to come. Even if we’re both in our eighties and tottering up the aisle on walkers, we’ll get married one day, I’m sure of
it.’

‘Oh,
darling.
’ Welling up, Ludo took his partner’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

‘Everyone, thank you so much again for coming,’ Jodie said into the microphone. ‘There are copies of the issue in goody bags for everyone at the door.’

And I hope you’re feeling strong,
she thought.
We pulled in so many ads that thing’s not only two centimetres wide, it weighs more than a coffee-table book.

‘I’ll leave the last words to the Earl and Countess of Respers,’ she finished, ‘who’ve been generous enough to share their story with us – exclusively to
Style Bride
.’

On this excellent note, she handed the microphone to Tamra, but Edmund reached over for it instead.

‘My wife usually does the talking, and that’s more than fine with me,’ he said to the crowd, grinning down at Brianna Jade, who smiled back. ‘I’m discovering that
one of the advantages of marriage is that one barely needs to say a word any more. I’m sure some of the men here will know how restful that is!’

This sally drew a laugh, and he went on: ‘Marriage is simply the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t recommend it enough. The main thing is to apologize for
absolutely everything, constantly. And I have an apology to make to my wife right now. Darling,’ he said, looking directly at Tamra, his eyes so full of love that she couldn’t meet them
for fear of bursting into tears, ‘when I met you, you were the Fracking Queen.’

He took her hand and kissed it.

‘And now, you’re just a lowly Countess. I’m going to spend my lifetime trying to make you forgive me.’

Tamra hadn’t expected this speech, so spontaneous, so funny and loving, and it took her completely off guard. Edmund hated speaking in public, had done his duty at their wedding, but it
had been as formal and traditional as was appropriate for the Earl of Respers in his family home, surrounded by half the County and all the Stanclere dependants. This was such a demonstration of
how much he loved her that she was almost overwhelmed by it.

Pregnancy was already making her extra-sentimental; she had been just the same when she got knocked up with Brianna Jade, crying at the least little thing. She hadn’t told him yet, had
been saving it up for later tonight. She was only a few weeks late, but she knew her own body, and she was absolutely sure.

She bit her lip, hard, and, low enough so only he could hear, she hissed at him: ‘Hey, Edmund? Guess what? I’m pregnant,’ and watched with triumph the effect of her words. If
he was going to knock her off-balance in public, she was damned well going to pull the same trick on him. They had found that they had the same give and take when talking as they did dominating
each other in bed, each taking great pleasure when they scored a point. Tamra had certainly managed to do that now.

He gulped as the impact of her words sank in. Jodie, seeing that they were going to say no more into the microphone, retrieved it and went down the steps to get a much-needed cocktail which the
efficient Catalina had ready for her.

Edmund and Tamra remained on the podium, staring at each other. Eventually, Edmund said, straight-faced: ‘I do hope it’s mine?’

Tamra burst out laughing.

‘You win,’ she said, as her husband pulled her towards him and kissed her, their reflections splitting in the mirrors behind them into hundreds of Edmunds and Tamras, wrapped in each
other’s arms, kissing as passionately as a pair of teenage newlyweds.