Bad Idea (13 page)

“Yeah,” Riva said. She seemed dazed.

Emmy tried to throw her one little piece of
hope. “I’m trying to start a gay/straight alliance with this other
girl. She hasn’t come out yet, but I’m hoping she will. Maybe if we
get that going you’ll find some people who can talk to you. And
Mrs. Figueroa is cool, too. Maybe she would listen to you.
Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I really am sorry.”

“I know.” Emmy nudged her out of the way so
she could open the door to her car. She sat in the driver’s seat
and flipped down the visor.

A pair of Iris’s sunglasses fell in her lap,
and Emmy remembered trying to teach her girlfriend to drive stick,
the two of them giggling so much that the exercise became
dangerous. Iris’s sunglasses kept falling off the top of her head.
Emmy had taken them away from her, kissing Iris to keep the act
from seeming like a punishment.

Was Iris still learning to drive stick? Did
Nico Mathis know how to talk to her? Did he know how to listen? Was
Iris wandering around like Riva, looking for someone who could
answer
just one question
?

Riva walked slowly away from Emmy’s car, and
Emmy realized she must have come to the school on foot. There
wasn’t another car in the lot. Emmy sighed and rolled down the
window.

“Do you want a ride home?”

“Nah,” Riva said. “I’ve got a bunch of things
to think about. But thanks.”

She looked miserable. For the first time,
Emmy thought her position might not be so bad compared to Iris’s.
She’d lost her girlfriend, but she’d always known who she was. She
didn’t have the answers, but plenty of people seemed to think she
did.

Emmy picked up the sunglasses and ran her
finger over their rhinestone-encrusted frames. She put them on and
checked herself out in the mirror. She wasn’t gorgeous like Iris,
who had been Homecoming Queen alongside Terrell Hubbard. Still, she
liked the look.

She started her car and drove away from the
school. She didn’t know where she was going, but that was okay.
Nobody really did.

* * * *

Daisy parked in the driveway outside Jo’s
house, turned off her car, and just sat for a long time. There were
two cars she didn’t recognize in the driveway, and Daisy figured
one probably belonged to whichever boy was seeing Jo, or trying
to.

Considering what had happened at the mall,
Daisy knew she probably shouldn’t be here, but Jo had been part of
her life for so long that she didn’t know where else to go. She
needed to talk to someone about what was going on. She ran her
fingers over the stubbled fake leather of her steering wheel. Jo
even helped pay for Daisy’s gas. If their friendship was really
ending, Daisy couldn’t picture what her life would look like
anymore.

Daisy swung herself out of the driver’s seat
and headed up the walk. She could hear music and laughter coming
from within—a party, even though it was still morning. Normally,
she would have just let herself in, but this time she leaned
against the side of the house and texted Jo.

The front door opened a few seconds later.
Jo’s face was flushed bright red—she always said her Vietnamese
blood made it impossible to hide when she’d had something to drink.
Beyond her, Nico Mathis, Iris Rodriguez, and Declan Brady sat in a
circle on the carpet, beer bottles nestled in their laps. Daisy
knew Jo’s parents hated drinking, and usually Jo didn’t disobey
them. She raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t get judgmental with me,” Jo said.
“What are you doing here?”

Daisy swallowed. “I need to talk to you.” No
way could she come out to Jo with these other kids around, but
maybe Jo would take a walk around the block with her or
something.

Jo jerked her head back toward her living
room. “I have people over right now.”

“Please.” Tears started in Daisy’s eyes.

Declan had swiveled his head in their
direction—probably to check Jo out while her back was turned, but
whatever his motivation, Daisy didn’t want him to see her cry. She
retreated behind the doorframe so she became invisible to everyone
except for Jo.

“I asked you, like, a million times what was
going on with you. I gave you so many chances.”

Daisy shook her head. “I’m sorry. I wanted to
talk to you every time, but I just couldn’t.”

Jo sighed loudly, her shoulders moving with
more drama than necessary. “Fine. Give me a sec.”

She ducked back into the house. Daisy crept
from her vantage point and idly watched her making flirty excuses
to Declan. Nico and Iris had taken the interruption as an
opportunity to start making out as if their lives depended on it.
Daisy cringed, thinking of Emmy.

Though she’d never hung out with Emmy and
Iris, she’d seen them holding hands and, once, kissing behind the
Ag building after school. Jo shrugged off breakups like they were
nothing, but Daisy thought they must hurt terribly. Worse than
that, she could imagine the questions she’d be asking herself if
her girlfriend left her for a guy. Though she knew some people were
bisexual, Daisy thought it would be hard not to wonder if the whole
relationship had been a lie.

Riva’s face came into her mind, accompanied
by an uncomfortable feeling. Last night in Riva’s room, Daisy had
believed her hopes were coming true. Riva had really seemed
attracted to her. Daisy had felt it with every breath. She’d been
dizzy with her first experience of liking someone who liked her
back. They’d made plans to go to the mall together tonight, and it
had felt like making a date.

By the cold light of dawn, everything had
changed. Daisy had woken up hours earlier than usual, questioning
every detail of what she and Riva had said and done the night
before. All along, it had been clear that Riva was head over heels
for this jerk Benton, that she would do anything for him. What if
she’d pretended to like Daisy so she’d agree to this thing Benton
wanted? What if Daisy had accidentally revealed herself at some
point? She could have made some expression she shouldn’t have, or
slipped up and used the wrong pronoun. She couldn’t think of a
specific thing that would have given her away, but that didn’t mean
it hadn’t happened. Riva could have noticed and decided to use
that—just the way she’d tried to use Emmy.

Daisy didn’t want to think about Riva like
that, but how could she not? Seeing Iris and Nico only made her
discomfort more pronounced. Would Jo have casually hung out with
Iris and Emmy? Even though everyone was supposedly so okay with gay
people now, why did it seem like they still treated straight people
and straight relationships as if they counted for more?

Even if Riva didn’t mean to use Daisy, wasn’t
it already clear that she thought her relationship with Benton was
more important than anything she might discover from kissing Daisy?
She’d confessed that she wanted to “experiment,” but if Daisy
hadn’t been so caught up in her crush, she would have known better
than to agree to that. Riva wasn’t even entertaining the
possibility that she might fall for Daisy. She was treating her
like an amusement or a curiosity, not as a possible threat to her
current relationship. That spoke volumes.

Jo returned, still grinning from whatever
Declan had said to her. “I don’t want to be gone too long,” she
warned.

“I know.”

“So what’s up?” Jo shut the door behind them
and led the way out to the sidewalk. She walked straight through
the grass, though her parents always insisted that the paved walk
was there for a reason.

Daisy glanced at her, concerned about this
unusual behavior, but she knew she couldn’t push her luck with Jo
right now. “There’s been something going on.”

“Obviously. Are you actually going to talk to
me about it this time?”

I’m gay.
That simple statement sat in
the back of Daisy’s throat again, a lump she could neither spit out
nor swallow. She didn’t try to force it this time. “Riva Corley has
this boyfriend,” she said instead, and told Jo the story about
Benton and what he’d demanded over Spring Break.

Jo’s eyes gleamed as Daisy talked, and a
tremor of foreboding ran through Daisy’s body.

“I know you love gossip, but you need to keep
your mouth shut about this,” Daisy said.

“
Why?
This would set the record
straight. Everybody’s already talking about Riva. How cool is it
that
we’re
the ones who know what’s really going on?”

Daisy stared at Jo. She focused on cooking
with her Friday night, and called to mind the ways her best friend
had shown her affection over the years. She needed those images
because lately she’d been wondering what sort of person Jo actually
was. So much of what she said seemed cruel these days.

There was only one way to stop Jo from
walking back into her living room and blabbing this whole thing to
Iris, Nico, and Declan.

I have a huge crush on Riva Corley.
She could say it. She closed her eyes.

Jo nudged her. “What’s the matter with you?
It’s not like
you
care if people know about this. I mean,
it’s not like she’s actually going to find a girl who would do this
with her.”

Daisy’s eyes snapped open, and her face
froze. Jo’s mouth fell into a slack
O
, the muscles of her
cheeks twitching as she ran her gaze from one side of Daisy’s face
to the other as if reading a book.

“You didn’t…you’re not…” Jo whistled. “You
said
you’d
do it!”

Much as Daisy wanted to deny this, it was
true, and her flaming cheeks would never allow her to pretend
otherwise.

“Daisy,” Jo said. “I know you’ve never had a
boyfriend. This is not the way to start. This Benton guy sounds
like he might expect things. And how do you know Riva’s going to
watch out for you?”

There had to be an explanation Daisy could
give for what she was telling Jo. There
was
an explanation,
but Daisy still couldn’t get herself to say it out loud. She
thought of Emmy’s plan for a gay/straight alliance and tried to get
herself together. She needed to learn how to talk about herself
soon, or she’d be in a bunch of trouble. It would not be okay for
Jo to hear about Daisy’s orientation from anyone besides Daisy.

“Why are you doing this, anyway?” Jo
asked.

Daisy could only shrug. “Riva really needed
someone to help her out.”

“So you said you’d
make out with her
?
I didn’t know you were so helpful. Maybe you should help me out
right now. I bet Declan would be really impressed if the two of us
started kissing right in front of him.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Right. Because Declan’s just an ordinary
tool, not a grade-A borderline sociopath like Benton.”

“She’s really in love with him.”

“Apparently, or she’d be less of an idiot
about him.” Jo rolled her eyes. “Some guys are obsessed with stuff
like this, but it never stops. They want to see how much they can
get out of you. They want to turn you into a fantasy, and they
forget that you’re a person. I’m not saying all guys are like that.
Some are really nice and really fun. But you have to learn how to
recognize the kind that aren’t and get the hell away from them when
they start making their demands.”

“You’re probably right,” Daisy conceded.

Jo had pretty much described Daisy’s
suspicions about Benton, but Riva wasn’t the only one willing to
blind herself in the name of romance. All Daisy’s clear thinking
had gone out the window last night. It didn’t matter how much of a
train wreck Benton turned out to be—Daisy couldn’t have refused
Riva anything while she had looked so vulnerable and full of
longing.

“Then why go ahead with this? I bet it’s not
too late to back out.”

Daisy shrugged. “I’d feel bad bailing on her
now.” That wasn’t at all the real reason. Did she need to write Jo
a letter? Why was this so hard to spill?

Jo snorted. “You’re going to feel a lot worse
when her douchebag boyfriend gets you in his clutches. She stopped
walking and grabbed a nearby mailbox to steady herself as she
turned to give Daisy a serious look. “I’m not trying to be funny.
I’m worried about you, Daisy. I don’t like the idea of you with a
guy like that.”

“Riva will be there. I won’t be alone with
him.”

“Riva’s already shown herself more than
willing to throw you to the wolves. You think she cares about you?
You think she’s going to choose you over him?” Jo took a shuddering
inhale. “Look, I’ve been in some bad situations. Luckily, it’s
never gotten totally bad, but there are guys who think the whole
world belongs to them, including you. Do you understand?”

Something curdled in the pit of Daisy’s
stomach. “That’s heavy, Jo.”

“I know.” Jo shook her head. “I really,
really don’t like this Riva girl. You should get away from her. Not
only is she making you act weird, she’s talking you into stuff you
shouldn’t be doing.”

Daisy wanted to defend Riva, but she didn’t
really know how. She could see Jo’s point, and she wasn’t sure how
to argue against it. At the same time, she didn’t want to just give
in to it.

Jo tilted her head back. “Look, I’m not
working at the restaurant tonight. We should hang out. I’ll get rid
of the kids at my house, and we’ll just do something chill. Cook
with your mom or watch a movie or whatever.” She lifted her hand
and frowned at it. Even the inside of her wrist was flushed from
whatever she’d been drinking. “Maybe we’ve both been acting sort of
weird,” she admitted. “I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Daisy said. She took a deep
breath. “But I’ve got plans with Riva tonight…”

“And you’re not going to bail on her.” Jo’s
features hardened. She adjusted her purse on her shoulder and
smoothed her skirt. “Fine. Forget it. I hope this doesn’t all go
wrong the way I’m afraid it will. You’re lucky I’m not telling your
mom what you’re up to. Enjoy your new best friend.”