Bad News Cowboy (37 page)

“Are you going to clean all this yourself? Are you going to get someone in to help you?”

“I don't know. I'm trying to find the line between how much work I can miss, and how much money I want to fork out. Basically, I'm sacrificing vacation days that I never take to be here. So at this point I'm not losing money. But I'd really like for this venture to be an asset, and not a drain. So there's only so much I'm willing to invest.”

“That makes sense.” She thought about their previous conversation. “And you want to use the money you get to buy the mechanic shop you work at.”

“Yep.”

“Why is that so important to you?”

“Because it's what I've been working for.”

“And you only want what you worked for.”

“Makes sense, right?”

“I suppose so.” She stuffed her hands in her back pockets and walked deeper into the room, looking at all the furniture, the dusty Afghan laying across the dusty couch. It was such a quiet space. And she had a feeling it hadn't been when Jake and his father had lived here. “Is it weird to be back?”

“You have no idea.” His voice was rough. And all she wanted to do was reach out and touch him. Offer comfort. But she didn't know if she should. Didn't know if he would feel like she was invading his space. Or take things further than he wanted to.

“So you've never thought about staying?”

“I can't stay here.” Blue eyes clashed with hers. “There's nothing for me here.”

I'm here.

She left that unsaid. Because hadn't he just told her that she wouldn't have him for long? He made it very clear that this wasn't permanent. One night hardly meant forever. And she knew that intellectually, but it didn't stop her from wanting more. The ache that was building in her chest wasn't based on logic. It was based on that connection that had always been there. That had never been uprooted, no matter how life had tried to dig at it.

“Well, did you ever wonder why he left it to you?”

His hollow laughter filled the room, and he put his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall, resting his head against the cracking plaster. “I've done nothing but wonder that since I came back.” He cleared his throat and lowered his head. “The old man told me never to come back. So why the hell would he leave it to me? I would've thought he'd be more likely to leave it to you. Or to some vagrant. Or a drinking buddy.” Jake shook his head. “I have no idea why he picked me. No fucking idea.”

“Do you think the reason is important?”

“I've never treated anything the old man did like it was important. Why should I start now that he's dead?”

“I suppose that's a good question. You know, I never knew my dad.” She didn't know why she was telling him this. She didn't waste a whole lot of time worrying about her dad, or lack of one.

“I suppose that means you're going to tell me I should appreciate the one I had.”

“No, I don't think that at all. I just think crappy parents have a lot to answer for.”

He laughed again, and this time it was much more genuine. “Now on that I absolutely agree with you.”

“So, can I help you today?”

“It's your day off, Cassie. I hardly think you should spend it scrubbing out this place.”

“I want to. Jake, let me do this for you.”

“Why do you want to do anything for me? I thought I was just your rebellion.”

“My rebellion can take a backseat. For today I can just be a friend helping another friend. Two people who have something in common hanging out together.”

“Is that something in common that they really like getting in each other's pants?”

She had a feeling he was trying to be offensive, but instead she was flattered that he wanted to get into her pants again. “Sure, that. And the fact that we're both trying to make lives for ourselves outside of what people told us was possible. Outside of what people told us we should want.”

“All right, Cassie. I'll accept your help. But only because I'm in no position to do otherwise.”

“You flatter me so. Now where can I find a mop in this place?”

* * *

B
Y
THE
TIME
Cassie was done cleaning she could hardly say the place sparkled. If anything, the house seemed like it had been brushed over with a patina, leaving a dull, well-worn look to everything. But it couldn't be helped. In some ways it was charming, especially now that there wasn't a layer of dust covering every available surface. Baby steps.

Jake had been outside all day, throwing junk into a Dumpster that he'd had the disposal company bring out to the property, and making arrangements for the bigger things to be hauled away. He was also working on finding homes for the animals. By the time they got on his motorcycle and headed back into town, they were both on the brink of exhaustion.

About halfway there, it started to rain. The sky seemed to break apart as cold water poured out over everything, fat drops hammering the two of them as they rode on.

By the time they reached the apartments, they were both soaking wet, and Cassie was saying a prayer of thanks for face guards. They dismounted the bike and she tugged off her helmet, shaking out her hair, the damp ends splattering the leather jacket.

Jake turned to face her. “Thanks for your help. I really do appreciate it. I know sometimes I have a hard time showing it. But I think now I'll go ahead and pay for that muffin you dropped on the floor.”

A crack of laughter burst from her lips. His displays of humor were so rare, so few and far between that they always shocked and delighted her. “Well, your generosity is appreciated. I fear the lack of revenue from that muffin was really going to affect my bottom line for the month.”

“Hey, the hazards of owning a small business.”

She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Such a simple thing, but it made her heart squeeze tight. Made her stomach flip over. “We're still standing in the rain,” she said, her words sounding a little dazed. Because she was a little dazed. By this. By him. By whatever was happening between them.

He looked up, raindrops falling on his face, rolling over the bridge of his nose and down his cheeks. “So we are.”

“Do you want to go inside and get dry?”

“Just a second.”

* * *

J
AKE
DIDN
'
T
OFTEN
act on impulse, not anymore. But something about Cassie seemed to bring out a side of him he had long repressed. And tonight, he was acting on impulse. Again.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her against him, relishing the feeling of her soft breasts pressed against his chest. Then, before he could think it through too much, before she could protest, he brought his lips down on hers and kissed her.

Her lips were soft, wet from the rain, tasting like salt air, sex and Cassie. He dipped his tongue into her mouth, sliding it against hers, feeling her shiver beneath his touch.

She was so hot. So perfect. Everything he could ask for in a woman, and then some. He had never wanted like this, or if he had, he certainly didn't remember. And if he couldn't remember, the feeling couldn't have been this strong.

Because this kind of desire would stay with him, just the way a rainy afternoon in the library studying math had. Memories like that should've faded, and yet they hadn't. Cassie was too vibrant. When he was touching her, when he wasn't touching her. It was like holding life in his hands. Not just something alive, but the very essence of life. Warmth, beauty, air. Everything a person needed. Everything they could possibly want. And he knew without a doubt he didn't deserve to be holding her. But he was. For now, for as long as he could, he would.

And it didn't matter that it was raining. Or maybe it did. Maybe it was the rain that made the two of them together feel possible. That made this feel fresh, and new. Maybe it was the rain made him feel different, like he could have this. If only for a moment.

He wanted to push her up against the side of the building and take her there. Right there on the main street of Copper Ridge. He wanted to stake a claim on her, when he had no right to do that. He wanted to shove his control to one side and simply do as he pleased.

Dangerous. Those thoughts were dangerous. And right now, he didn't even care.

He managed to wrench himself away from her, his body protesting, his brain driving the boat for a moment as he tried to convince himself that they needed to move this somewhere a little more private.

“Let's go back around to my door,” he said.

He didn't want to walk through the coffee shop with her, not now. That desire was in complete opposition to the one he had only a moment ago. To the fantasy he'd had about taking her outside so that everyone would know she was his. In reality he knew he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't link her that closely with him in public.

Because in the end, he would be leaving. And Cassie had to stay. Cassie was the one who would have to deal with the fallout of having a fling with him. And he wouldn't do that to her.

He had a feeling he wouldn't be able to leave her entirely unscathed, but on this score, he would protect her.

“Okay, I'm not going to argue.”

He grabbed hold of her hand and started to lead her to his door, fumbling for the key and opening it as quickly as he could, his fingers clumsy, numb from the cold rain.

He waited for her to walk inside before he slammed the door shut behind them, making sure it was locked. Then he turned to her, his heart pounding heavily. “My hands are cold.”

She pulled her shirt up over her head and gave him a defiant look. “I don't care.”

“Maybe we should go upstairs instead of standing here in the entry. I don't have condoms.”

“Well, the condom thing I do care slightly more about. But, happily for you, and for me, I was not actually just getting out of bed this morning when you ran into me here.”

“What were you doing?”

“I was coming back from the store. Where I got these.” She dug into her big purse and produced a box of condoms. “Which is...you know, a lot of them. Slightly ambitious. Especially considering you disappeared on me after...but I thought just in case. I'm an optimist.”

He laughed, completely amazed that he was able to be both this turned on, and amused. “A little bit. But I like it.”

“I'm glad. Because I don't think I'm going to suddenly transform into a smooth-talking siren.”

“I wouldn't like it. Because then you wouldn't be you.”

Her dark eyes, which had been sparkling with humor, suddenly took on a glossy sheen. “I don't think anyone's ever said anything like that to me before.”

“Anything like what?”

“Like... Anything that made me feel like being me was an asset.”

His heart squeezed tight, and he hated those who had come before him. The people who had been in her life before this moment, for having her around all those years and never saying just how special she was. And then he hated himself, for realizing it back when they had been in high school, and never saying it then. Because someone should have. This woman should know how special she was.

“I need you to be you. I don't think you can possibly know how much.” He shouldn't have said those words. And yet, he couldn't keep them to himself, either. She needed to hear them, but it should be from a better man. From a man who wasn't going to leave her, who wasn't going to put her business up for sale to serve his own interests.

Are you still going to do that, you prick?

He didn't really have a choice. It had nothing to do with her, it never had.

But everything right now was about her. Everything. He felt like he was being kept alive by her very presence, which was a strange and terrifying sensation. And also one he didn't particularly want to lose.

He didn't understand it, either. But what he did understand was the hum of sexual attraction that burned beneath the feelings that were swelling in his chest. He couldn't do anything with the feelings even if he'd wanted to, so he figured he would just follow the sexual attraction. That he knew. That he could deal with.

It was all they could ever have.

And since she'd been forward-thinking enough to buy condoms, they could have it right now.

He took her into his arms and kissed her deeply, gripping the clasp on her bra and undoing it with one hand before moving deeper into the entryway.

She pulled away from him, her eyes wide. “You're very good at that.”

“I've honed some very specific skills over the years. If your transmission needs replacing, I'm your guy. If your bra needs removing...I'm pretty good at that, too.”

She blinked rapidly, a smile curving her lips. “What else are you good at?”

He pushed her back against the wall, kissing her neck. “What else?” he whispered. His lips were close to her ear, so close he couldn't resist biting her gently. “I've been told I really know my way around a woman's body.” He lifted his hand and cupped her breast, squeezing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. And suddenly, thoughts of all of his previous experience fled from his brain. The words he'd been about to say drying up on his tongue. Because no other women mattered. “I suppose that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I know my way around your body.”

“I don't have any complaints.”

“What do you like?”

“You.”

He kissed her cheek. “I'm flattered by that, honey. But I really do want to know.”

“I... I liked what you did in the apartment last night. No one has ever done that for me before.”

“What? No one has ever gone down on you before?”

Color flooded her cheeks. “Well, technically now someone has. But before that...”