Ballad (Rockstar #5) (24 page)

“They’re blessings until they’re shitting every five minutes,” Trace announces.

“Nice, real nice. Don’t you want kids, Trace?” Sera asks.

He shrugs. “I never gave it much thought.”

“You might want to. You and Megs are pretty serious and she just might want some little ones,” Sera tells him.

His face pales a bit but then he relaxes when he looks at Meggie across the room. “Kids with that hair. Yeah. And those eyes.”

“We definitely want them to look like Megs. You, sir, are one ugly mofo,” Xan teases.

“Fuck off,” Trace replies.

“Swear jar,” I announce.

“Well worth it, darlin’. Well worth it,” he says, heading out of the room.

Ben squeezes my hand and I meet his gaze.

“I can’t believe you’re staying,” I say, then shake my head.

“Yep, I’m staying. I’ve also been thinking.”

“That’s what that smell was,” I tease.

“Harsh, lady. Harsh.”

I shrug.

He chuckles.

“You were thinking?”

He swallows hard and if I didn’t know better, I’d say Ben’s nervous. But really, what’s there to be nervous about?

“I was. I was thinking that maybe you’d want to marry me,” he blurts out and I spit out the sip of water I just took.

“Pardon?” I ask, eyes wide, jaw dropped.

“Marry me.” When I hesitate he grasps my hand between his. “Do you know I’m it for you?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“And I know you’re it for me, so what are we waiting for?”

“Ben. You don’t have to do this,” I tell him softly, knowing he’s moving at a pace that’s less than comfortable for him and one that has me blinking in disbelief.

“Nicole, I love you. I’ve spent enough time away from you and apart from you. Marry me. Be my wife so we can go everywhere together,” he pleads, his eyes shining with emotion.

I don’t look away, just stare at him and think, why not? Who knows how much time I’ve got left, and if it’s only a short time, I’d be damn lucky to spend it as Mrs. Ben Kingston. Maybe that’s what’s brought this on and I don’t care. If I make it through this, I’ll offer him an out if he wants one.

“Yes.”

“What?” he asks, blinking. “Did you just say ‘yes’?”

I nod and smile. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He leans in and kisses me, so deeply and so tenderly, I feel his love seep into me.

“Holy Hannah,” Xan says next to me.

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Sorry, man,” Justin mutters to Lucian.

Lucian shrugs. “It was always going to be him for her. I just want her to be happy.”

I want so much to hug him in this moment, to tell him how sorry I am, but I think it would just make him even more uncomfortable.

“Dude,” Xander says walking over to them, “your chick is out there.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Justin mutters. “Quit with the girlie shit.”

“Oh my God!” I hear Lucy shout. “Ben Kingston! Oh!” Then I hear sniffling and Ben grins down at me. “You proposed and I had to miss it,” Lucy yells through her tears. “Ever since I got pregnant, I seem to miss all the good stuff.”

Jesse chuckles. “Baby, you’ve got me and
I’m
your good stuff. That’s all you need.”

“What the fuck is going on? The Kingston men are emotional today,” Ethan states, his disdain clear.

“No shit,” Jace agrees. “Think they’re on their periods?”

“Gotta be. That’s the only explanation for them acting like chicks,” Ethan replies.

“Fuck off,” Jesse and Ben both say at the same time and I laugh.

“Swear jar,” Kennedy announces from the doorway. “Looks like it’s filling back up again. You’re slipping, Kingston.”

Jesse grunts. “I can’t help it with these assholes around.”

“Little sister, you’re sure you want to marry this guy?” Kennedy asks, coming to sit next to me when Ben walks out to Lucy, who still isn’t allowed in the room—just to be safe. “You know it’s forever, right? Marriage will tie you to Ben for the rest of your life no matter what happens. He’ll be the ol’ ball and chain.”

I nod. “I know. This is all happening so fucking fast I can’t keep up.”

“Better than the alternative where he had you waiting and wanting and hurting.”

“Yeah, much better.” I look down and pick at the blanket again.

“What is it?” Kennedy asks softly.

I shrug. “I don’t think it’s real.”

“What do you mean?”

“Him asking me to marry him. I think it’s just because I’m sick, you know? I know for a fact he wouldn’t have asked me if I was healthy,” I tell him quietly.

“You can’t know that, and Ben rarely does anything he doesn’t want to.”

“But—”

“Nicole. Is there anything about you—important stuff—that Ben doesn’t know?”

I lift my eyes from the blanket to Kennedy’s baby blues. “No. Not anymore.”

He nods. “Is there anything about him you don’t know?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. Even what he hasn’t told me, others have.”

“So, what’s the problem? You both know you’re it for each other, hell,
we
all know it. Anyone with two eyes can see it. This is as real as it gets, baby sister,” he tells me, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

“It’s scary,” I admit.

“Scarier than your old man? Scarier than
cancer
?”

“No. Nothing’s scarier than being sick. There are no absolutes. There are no cures. Obviously the cancer is stronger than some seriously potent meds that made me sicker than sick. My fear is I won’t make it through to the other side of this and come out alive so I can go to college and spend the rest of my life with Ben,” I tell him honestly.

Kennedy just nods. “We fight.”

I nod back. “It’s all I can do.”

“What did you do to put that frown on my pretty girl’s face?” Ben asks Kennedy with a scowl.

“Nothing much. All I had to do was ask her if she really wanted to marry your ugly ass and she nearly burst into tears,” Kennedy says with a grin.

“Fuck off, man,” Ben scoffs. “Seriously, you all right, honey?”

I nod. “I am. Just not looking forward to what’s coming.”

“I’ll be right there with you. Through it all,” he vows.

I smile softly, tears filling my eyes. “You’re amazing, Ben Kingston.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s why you can’t help but love me,” he teases and I snort. “There she is, the girl with the sunshine smile.”

“Fucking waxing poetry and shit,” Kennedy mumbles.

“For real, man. Her smile, it lights up a room.”

“Yeah, I just wouldn’t have said that out loud.”

Ben chuckles. “One day you’ll find your girl and you’ll say even more than that.”

“The fuck I will,” he says, giving Ben a shove and standing up.

“And when that day comes, I’m going to enjoy reminding you of this moment,” Ben taunts.

“Of course you will, you dick.”

Dr. Donovan walks into the room and I let out a sigh. “It’s time to go.”

Kennedy leans in and gives me a hug. “I’m a phone call away, little sister. If you need me, I’m here.”

“Thanks, big bro,” I tell him and kiss his cheek.

He clears out fast and I’m not the least bit surprised. He stayed much longer than I thought he would.

“Time to go, Coley,” the doc says.

“I know,” I mutter, anger in the pit of my stomach at this disease that is, once again, fucking with my life.

After all the goodbyes, we climb into a black SUV and head to the hospital.

Fun times ahead.

N
ICOLE’S BEEN IN
the hospital for five days and each day she gets worse. Her bone marrow is being tested against the tens of thousands in the database of donors, but so far there hasn’t been a match. I’ve never been more frustrated in my life.

I watch her sleep as I take a sip of my shitty hospital coffee. She looks so peaceful. You’d never know she was sick by just looking at her—okay, that’s a lie. She’s developed dark circles under her eyes, her lips are dry and cracking, and her hair is falling out again from the chemotherapy they started her on. They call it conditioning. It’s a way of killing the cancer cells before the transplant, they said, but holy God does it make her sick.

It’s strange how they flood a person’s body with toxins to kill cancer cells, or radiate them to the point of disintegration, and a person can survive that. All those toxins and people are worried about household cleaners poisoning the environment. Maybe we ought to worry about what’s poisoning patients so they can beat a disease that should already have a fucking cure.

It burns me up that after all this time there’s no cure. I went online and saw some sites where people say it’s a government conspiracy, that there really
is
a cure for cancer—even HIV and AIDS—but unless you’re on some special list, you’ll never know about them. I’d like to think that’s a bunch of bullshit a bunch of frustrated are spewing but, to be honest, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Kingston,” the nurse greets.

“Call me Ben, please.”

She nods and blushes a bit. The nurse who was on last night told me my presence has been talked about throughout the hospital—as well as the Blush Baby’s—Nicole’s.

“How’s our girl?” she asks.

“She’s better. Yesterday was brutal,” I admit.

She sighs as she reaches to change the IV bag.

“I imagine it was. She’s such a little thing.”

“She is, but she’s got one hell of a fight in her,” I say with pride.

The nurse smiles wide. “Then she’ll win this battle.”

“She will,” I say with conviction I don’t really feel. There’s so much uncertainty and I’m scared for my girl.

“Ugh,” Coley moans as she pukes again and again, dry heaving because there’s nothing left in her stomach to regurgitate.

I wipe her forehead with a cool rag, then along her cheeks and neck.

When she’s done, she flops back, panting as if she’s just run a marathon. The increasing paleness hasn’t escaped my notice. I asked if that was normal and they assured me it was. I don’t care if it is or not, I don’t like it.

“Ice chip?” I offer and she nods. I spoon one into her mouth and she sucks on it.

“I wish you didn’t have to see me like this, Ben,” she says for the millionth time.

“Shush now. It’s what fiancés do, right? Take care of their wife-to-be?”