Ballistic (22 page)

My parents are taking me to Tiger Stadium for the day. My Pop’s has had it planned for weeks. He even took the weekend off for it.  My mom took me shopping for a new
mitt, a jersey, and the hat of my choosing. This was my first professional baseball game and I was beyond excited. The Tigers play New York and according to my Pop, if they pulled it off, it would be a huge victory for Detroit.

Walking through the halls, past concession
, and toward our seats, I struggle to take everything in. It’s so bright and loud that I can’t hear what they’re asked me. When Mom points to the vendor, I smile in answer, then wait for my hotdog. Carrying my food and drink down to our seats, I settled in for the big game. If there’s an empty seat, I don’t see it. The place was packed.

While Pops and I are dressed in baseball
gear, Mom isn’t. She wore her street clothes. “Mom,” I asked, nudging her, “who’s your favorite player?”

Leaning toward me she
smiled “I don’t have one,” she said, looking around the park. “It’s not about the team so much as it is the game, I guess. I just love watching baseball.”

“Everyone has a favorite player,” I argue
d.

“Maybe most do,” she
said. “Some are more fun to watch than others. I guess I like watching the facial expressions of pitchers, but not one in particular.”

Moments later the game started and I swept away by it. Maybe kids my age were too cool to hang out with their parents but not me, I loved it. My parents were awesome.

Instead of relaxing at home they brought me here so I could see my first game. I’d remember this game for the rest of my life. Until years later, my mother promised when she said another game would take its place.

I’m reeling.

There are no words for what I’m feeling right now.
Déjà vu
isn’t something that’s ever happened to me before, but thirty minutes ago it did and now, I can’t shake it. That’s not true either. Fuck, I’ve had so many flashbacks since meeting Lina, it’s terrifying. Almost twenty-five years ago, my own mother spoke the same words to me that she just did. Lina has many of my mother’s traits and many of her own. My mother was a caring woman, a good listener and she was extremely honest. She didn’t sugar coat and she was selfless. Looking over at the woman next to me, I can say the same. Lina may not be the most conventional woman around, but she’s perfect the way she is, perfect for me, and I recognize that on every level.

After parking, paying the attendant
, and heading to grab drinks, out of nowhere she grabs my hand and squeezes hard. “Wait,” she says firmly.

Looking down at her I ask her
, “Something wrong?”

“I don’t know
, is it?” she asks, looking worried. “Am I doing something wrong, coach?”

“What? No!” I assure her
.

“Are you sure? Because you haven’t said a word since we left and you keep looking at me funny.”

“Christ,” I groan, leaning in to kiss her. “I’m sorry. I was thinking of my parents, bringing you here brought back memories, is all. Good memories.”

“Oh,” she says
, looking relived. “Okay then.”

“Lina wait
.” I hurry before she let’s go of my hand. “It’s not possible for you to do something wrong, remember that.”

Laughing
, she pats my ass and shakes her head. “You’re setting yourself up for disappointment, coach,” she says. “I almost always do something wrong.”

I wasn’t sure what to make of that
, so I let it go. Grabbing two beers, I watch her pile so much onion on her hotdog I’m shocked it didn’t break in half. Making it to our seats she flops down, takes a huge bite, followed by another, and before you know it, it’s gone.

“Delicious!” she says
, beaming. “Great seats, coach! So, let’s make a wager before it starts.”

“You’re on,” I tell her smiling
. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking Detroit will take this one,” she says
, sipping her $9 beer. “Final score 4-3. If I win, you come to practice with me and slap on some skates when this cast is off. Your turn.”

“Deal,” I tell her
. “New York wins 5-1. If I win, you have to blow me.”

“Blow you?” she asks
, laughing. “You don’t need to win a bet for that.”

“Let me amend
. You’ll blow me in the lot where we’re parked.”

“Shall we shake on it?”

We did shake on it, then we sat back and witnessed New York wipe the floor with Detroit. Every time New York scored, I’d watch as she squirmed in her seat. She didn’t want Detroit to win any more than I did. When it’s over, she whispers, “A bet is a bet,” then takes off running and without hesitation. I chase her. The moment I am in my seat, she goes for my jeans with purpose. Freeing me, she licks her lips and looks up at me. “I’ve never been so happy to lose a bet in my life. I should have mentioned, I’m horrible at betting.”

Staring me in the eyes while she begins her descent, my nose
starts to twitch, then suddenly she draws back too. Looking around the car, then back at me, she asks, “Anthony, what is that smell?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“It’s fucking gross,” she groans. “Oh god, you didn’t blow ass did you?”

“No,” I laugh
. “I did not
blow ass
.”

Turning
, she starts checking between the seats, then when she finds nothing, leans over the arm rest to look in the back. “Oh, so this is embarrassing,” she says, coming back to face me.

“What is it?”

Covering her mouth with the back of her hand, she starts laughing. Not just a little laugh either, full out tears down the face, shaking, and howling laughter. When she starts stomping her feet on the floor board, I can’t help it, I join her. Removing her hand, she pulls her shirt forward and I look inside.

“So it might be me,” she says
, howling so loud she started to hiccup. I just sat there with my eyes watering.

It
was
her.

She had a cleavage full of onion and the smell was horrific and hilarious. When my own laughter took me over
, she squeals, “Unlock the doors, coach! I need to air the girls out!”

Taking it all in, I watch her climb out and shake her tits in the parking lot
, while onion goes everywhere. Sitting there with my cock hanging out laughing, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. She did pay up on her bet though, but it was well after a shower and two rounds of mouthwash.

“He doesn’t even pay her,” he laughed outside my door,

“She’s practically homeless
. She’s lucky he lets her in here,” the other one says.

“Yeah
, well, if you ask the captain, he says she’s the real deal, said she owes him for bailing her and her friends out. He cashed in but he ain’t got too much longer. She graduates and leaves for college soon.”

“College girls,” he
laughed. “Remember those days?”

“Have you seen the tits on her?” the other
laughed “Please let her be legal.”

“Cap says she’s too smart for her own good
. Our numbers have never looked better.”

“Good,” the other
said. “Less work for us.”

“I’m sick of working for pennies
. If she owes him, let her do the fucking work.”

Listening to their banter made me sick to my stomach. Men weren’t good for much
, I’d come to figure out. There wasn’t anything they could do for me that my own hand couldn’t. These two fuckwits were the protectors of my city. Pathetic.

The captain
clears them away and, like always, comes in singing my praises. “We got another one,” he said smiling and I want to roll my eyes because I got another one, he just took the credit for it. I’d have walked a long time ago if I didn’t actually like what I did. But it’s to the point where it’s gone beyond being used. Now it’s pissing me off.

“Can you give me a reference for the criminal justice program I’m applying for?”

“Of course,” he said, lying to me with a smile on his face.

“Okay,” I
told him, handing him a piece of paper. “That’s the address it needs to go to with my name as the subject.”

“I’ll do it first thing in the morning,” he
promised me, but I felt it. The lie came so easily for him that the next morning I never mentioned it or asked for another favor again.

After a fun-filled afternoon yesterday, I promised Anthony I’d take a break from working, and I did. Mostly. But this case isn’t going to solve itself so, this morning when Anthony caught me trying to sneak into the spare room, he shut me down hard. Cocky bastard. The only reason I didn’t kick him in the shin was because he said Max wanted help putting his grill together so Jules and I decided to grab lunch before she takes off on her honeymoon (finally). Anthony leaves first while I wait for her to pick me up. The curious part of me wants to go through all of his cabinets and look under his furniture, but I hold back. I freak when people touch my shit. No doubt he wouldn’t appreciate it if I did it to him.

Sitting on the porch
, I just finish my smoke when she pulls up. The ride over to Supino’s is interesting as she explains the games the captain was playing—her team busting her out, her reinstatement into the DEA and the best part? She’s now the head of security for Lush. That is tits on so many levels I can hardly process it. But once we’re seated it isn’t about the big changes in her life. It is about the big changes in mine. Jules can hardly sit still, so I decided to put her out of her misery.

“Go ahead,” I tell her
, reaching for the bread because it’s fucking garlicky. “I know it’s killing you, so ask.”

“You and Tony are a thing?” she asks
, stealing from my plate. “It’s a good fit, Lina, why are you so standoffish about it?”

“I’m not standoffish,” I defend
. “Who even says standoffish? I have my reservations about it. I don’t do relationships for a reason Jules, you know that.” What I don’t tell her is my reservation is that I’m back up to Venessa. I feel like her replacement. She’s not available, so maybe he’d take a shot at second string.

“He’s into you,” she says
. “You’re into him too, if I’m reading this right.”

“Look, he’s the total package,” I admit
. “You’d have to be blind not to see that, but he’s very secretive, possessive and overwhelming. I’m secretive enough as it is. I don’t like feeling possessive, and me and overwhelming do not mix. We have a mutual stake in this mess, that’s it. He has the same objective I do.”

“He makes you happy,” she says
, not willing to drop it. “I can see it.”

“He doesn’t make me unhappy,” I defend
. “But that’s it. I don’t trust him and you shouldn’t either.”

“Then why are you with him?”

“Because, I only slightly trust him more than I don’t trust him. Look, he knows things, alright? He did something for me a while ago and I told him I’d stick around and help repay the debt. He’s using me to get answers and I know the score.”

“Using you? Using you how?”

“I was born to be used, Jules,” I tell her with my heart open. “I’m good at getting answers and this is personal for me too. When this is over, who knows what will happen? If he walks, he walks. You know I’m not the kind of chick men stick around for. They can’t. Who could blame them? Always watching what they say, me always waiting for it. I don’t want that kind of headache any more than they do.”

“He’s different
, Lina,” she says, grabbing my hand. “How can you not see it?”

“True,” I admit
. “He is different, but he’s also human. I’d be foolish not to remember that everyone lies sometimes. Even if he stuck around, I’d be waiting for his excuse to leave.”

“Lina,” she whispers
, looking sad for me, “isn’t he worth the risk?”

Taking my hand back I can’t do it, I can’t open up anymore. It hurts too fucking much. “I took risks before, Jules and we both know how that turned out. I’m gonna grab a smoke.”

“I’ll come with you,” she says, standing up. “I’m not done trying to convince you yet.”

Following me out, she stands downwind while I light up.
Anthony must be wearing off on me because all my girly feelings are telling me to talk it out. “I like him, Jules,” I mumble. “I like everything about him.”

She tells me how even though Max lied to her she would do it all over again to be where she is right now. That’s fucking love
, right there. But he doesn’t love me and I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love, lust or confusion.

“I’m not you. He’s not Max and we aren’t in love. What does it tell you that when we fuck a condition of our fucking is that he doesn’t speak?”

“What?” she asks, completely shocked and sad.

“Yep,” I say
, inhaling. “If he doesn’t speak, then what I don’t know won’t hurt me. Because eventually he will hurt me Jules and I’m not built for that bullshit.”

“Shit Lina,” she says
, pulling me into a tight hug and before I can say another word, she tenses up and yells, “Down!” tackling me to the concrete. Then, all I hear is the deafening spray of bullets. With my right arm casted I’m having trouble reaching for my pistol with my left hand. It isn’t until Jules reaches for her own pistol that it freed me enough to unload the mag on a fucking black SUV that is firing AK’s at us.

When they speed off, I move over a bit
, but Jules isn’t moving at all. Moving her onto her back she’s just, still. “Jules!” I scream, shaking her. “Jules stay with me!” She isn’t responding. Oh god, she isn’t responding! Grabbing my hand with surprising strength, she’s so fucking calm that it triggers a terror in me I’ve never felt before.

“It’s okay
, Lina,” she says while my tears fall. “It’s going to be okay.”

The lie wrecked me. It tore my soul from my body. It pissed me off. “Don’t you fucking lie to me! Don’t you fucking dare! Why did you do that? It should have been me!”

She smiles a knowing smile at me and her hand falls and when I go to grab it again she can only whisper, so I lean down. “Lina,” she whispers, “flashdrive in my pocket. Take it. Keep it safe. Gonna need it.”

“Jules please,” I beg her
. “Stay with me, I need you!”

“Take the risk
, Lina,” she manages. “You’re worth it. He’ll protect you.”

Sirens are blazing nearby. She closes her eyes and I just fucking pray for her to hold on. As soon as
the medics spot us they run over and just before they reach her, I fish out the flash drive and tuck it in my pocket as she requested. Grabbing my phone, I call Anthony and I keep it simple.

Climbing into the ambulance with her, I watch them run IVs, give her injections
, and try and staunch the bleeding. The amount of blood she was losing was startling. I couldn’t tell where she was hit or how many times because the blood was everywhere. I would remember the smell of Jule’s blood for the rest of my life. Refusing to let them move me, I held her hand needing to be close to her. Through it all, she doesn’t move a muscle and I realize at the moment, I could kill anyone and everyone responsible for this. I could do it and never lose sleep over it.

Right now, that’s my most basic truth. And if I wasn’t so fucking lost with the threat of floating close by, I’d realize my premonition was playing out exactly how I saw it.