Bang Up: Prison walls don't just keep criminals in, the keep the outside world at bay (19 page)

Rachel thought about the next time she would ever receive any flowers. It would probably be when she was six feet under. Who would turn up to her funeral anyway? Everyone she had ever loved had turned against her. They’d probably spit on her grave, never mind place flowers on it. Rachel was feeling sorry for herself again and sniffed hard as she scratched the end of her nose. She turned and looked at Sarah. “It smells of old people in here. You know like pensioners pissing everywhere.”

Sarah’s jaw dropped low. Was she hearing her right or what? She was getting told. How dare she call her gran’s humble abode? “You cheeky cow, you can go back home if you say stuff like that. My gran does not smell of urine. Are you sure your nose isn’t too near your own arse.”

Rachel realised what she’d just said and tried to backtrack. “No, I mean, well, it smells a bit stale in here that’s all, just saying.”

“My Gran hasn’t lived here for over two months so it probably needs a bit of a spring clean. If you’re that concerned you can help me freshen things up. I’ll open the windows and let some air in.”

Rachel sniggered, she never did know when to keep her mouth shut and she’d dropped a right bollock here. Sarah opened the windows in the front room and the morning air circled in; a crisp, fresh breeze. It was summer time and just a few white fluffy clouds hung in the blue sky. Rachel loved clouds, there was just something about them that mesmerised her. She would stand watching them all day if she could. She liked to watch them move about in the sky and sometimes she was sure she could see faces inside them. As a small child she always thought that the clouds were the stairway to heaven. Silly, I know, but that’s what she believed. Rachel imagined in her head that after she passed away she would bounce on every white fluffy cloud until she reached the white pearly gates to meet her maker. Part of her still believed that was true and it gave her inner-peace to know there was another life after death. Perhaps, her next life would be better than this one, she wouldn’t be rotten to the core anymore. And, that’s what people said about her you know, rotten. Her own mother had said it on more than one occasion to her so it must have been true.

Agnes was never one for holding anything back and she’d told her own flesh and blood that she would be better off dead. Sad but true. Rachel touched the windowpane with the tips of her fingers as if she could move the clouds in the sky. Her finger glided about gracefully and she seemed lost in the moment as Sarah came back into the room. “So, what now? You can’t stay here forever, somebody will find out. My gran’s neighbours are very observant and they will report any strangers at the house to my father as soon as they see them.” Rachel was still in a deep trance and her finger was still moving about on the window. Sarah shot a look at her and raised her voice slightly higher. “Rachel, did you hear me. I said you can’t stay here for long?”

She shuddered and turned slowly, hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. “Yeah, I’ve heard you. I’ll sort something out. I just need a few days to get my head back together, that’s all, them bastards don’t scare me.”

Sarah plumped the cushions up on the sofa and sat down for a few minutes. “What are you going to tell Mikey? Do you think it’s best that you try and find Gary first and see what he has to say for himself?” Sarah was eager to hear her answer and sat playing with her fingers.

“That prick will be miles away from here now. He’s not daft. He won’t show his face in Manchester again for a long time. I should have known better. He’s always been a shady cunt.” Sarah watched Rachel carefully. She was quite attractive under all that untidiness. Her deep blue eyes held so much sadness, Sarah knew this woman had suffered but could she ever change? Was she too long in the tooth to ever turn her life around? Rachel was a bag of rags and you could tell her hygiene level was minimal. She was the sort of woman who would have body odour and a sweaty biff, you know the sort.

Sarah pulled a sour expression and let out a laboured breath. In her own head she thought she could save the world and help people, but how can you help someone who doesn’t want to be saved? Rachel would rather spit in her eye than admit she’d failed in life. Sarah cringed a little and tested the water. “Shall we have a girly day, Rachel? I mean, a day of me and you bonding? We’ve not really spent any time getting to know each other have we and this could be a blessing in disguise for us. We can paint our nails, have a manicure, a facial and I can style your hair for you.”

Rachel nearly choked. A fucking beauty day! Was this girl on this planet or what? Did Rachel really look like one of these women who gave a flying fuck about her appearance and how she smelt? She was a soap-dodger, a sweaty skank. Sarah rubbed her hands together and before she could get a word out in protest she was by her side holding her hand, examining her nails. “Eww, these have never been touched for years? Look at your cuticles growing over your nails.”

Rachel cast her eyes down to her digits and watched as Sarah started pushing some skin from her thumb downwards. “Ouch, you barmy cow that hurts. Just leave me alone. Look, you’ve made it bleed now.”

Sarah smirked and wasn’t giving up that easily. “Just relax will you. I’ve got some products in my car to sort you out. Why don’t you go and have a shower and wash your hair and I’ll sort the rest out?”

Rachel wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. The girl was only trying to be nice and she knew that her heart was in the right place and she was only trying to win her over… but a bonding day! She wasn’t really sure about that. Sarah left the room and headed down the garden path towards her car. Rachel lifted her arm up and whiffed the edge of her hairy armpit. This was the bog of eternal stench for sure. What a skank she was! She hummed, she actually smelt like the crack of a homeless person’s arsehole. Her cheeks were beaming and for the first time ever she admitted to herself that she needed a good scrub, jet washing even. Rachel wasn’t one for soaking in the bath but today she was going to make the most of it and pamper herself. She was a walking disgrace.

Sarah had been ages and she’d decided to nip to the shops to get some treats. She was stood over the stove melting a block of thick creamy chocolate inside a bowl over a pan of boiling water. She clocked Rachel coming out of the bathroom and sniggered. “You just take a seat in the front room. You’re going to love what I’ve got for us. It’s going to blow your mind.”

Rachel was dressed in one of Sarah’s grandmother’s housecoats and her cheeks were bright red. She’d heard what Mikey’s girlfriend had shouted after her and wondered what on earth she was going to bring into the room. It needed to be some strong shit if it was ever going to blow her mind. Was she forgetting her drug use in the past or what? Rachel smirked to herself and plonked down on the sofa. For the first time in ages she actually felt clean. She’d even trimmed her private bits too. Her big hairy beaver was now nicely shaped and half the size it used to be. Sarah was in a fluster as she came into the room with her hands full. “Ouch, it’s boiling hot. Quick, get hold of this before it burns my fingers off.” Rachel sprung up from her seat and grabbed a few packets from her grip, ducking and diving and scared she might drop it. The melted chocolate was now neatly placed in the centre of the table with steam coming out from the top of it. Sarah shoved a wooden stick through a pink marshmallow and dipped it deep into the bowl. The chocolate oozed from it as she passed it over to Rachel. “Try one, go on, it’s pure heaven.”

Rachel was unsure, it looked so sickly and not her usual cup of tea but she had to try it just to be polite. Her mouth was wide open as she shoved the food into her mouth. The corners of her mouth started to rise. With a gob full of chocolate she gave the thumbs up to Sarah. “This is heaven, what’s it called again. Get me another ready, these are bleeding lovely.” Sarah was over the moon, at last the old hag had raised a smile. They both sat munching and Rachel was going for gold, what a greedy cow she was, she devoured at least ten of them one after another. Rachel fell back onto the sofa and rubbed at her stomach. “I’m done in now, look at the size of my gut.” She pressed down on her housecoat and there it was, a little pot belly. Rachel had chocolate all over the sides of her mouth. She looked like a little kid. “All I need now is a bifta. Do us a favour and just pass me my fags from the table queen. I honestly can’t move.”

Sarah smirked, had she heard her right, did she call her queen? This was a breaking point for sure. Without hesitation she got her fags. Rachel popped one in the side of her mouth and slung her feet up onto the sofa. Her head fell back and she closed her eyes slowly as she sucked hard on her cigarette. Smoke hoops oozed from her mouth and her jaw clicked slowly. “I love a fag, I do. I know I’m not supposed to say stuff like that because it’s unhealthy for you to smoke but it really chills me out.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows and sucked on the corner of her lip. Mikey smoked too and she hated the smell of it if she was being honest. She would never kiss her boyfriend if he’d just had a cig, no way, she always made sure he brushed his teeth. It was a hanging habit and she couldn’t see why people would choose to pollute their bodies with so many toxins. Sarah sat on the chair facing Mikey’s mother. Once the food had settled in their stomachs she was going to give her a makeover. Rachel was still puffing her head off on the sofa. Sarah was such a nosey cow and she just couldn’t help herself. “I know it’s none of my business but why don’t you try and make friends with your family. It must be so lonely for you with nobody to back you up when you need them, especially at times like this?”

Rachel twisted her body and lay on her side. She was in no mood to go over her life story and she tried to keep it simple. “No point, been there and done that over the years. Our Cath still speaks to me a bit but that’s only to be polite. I can see it in her eyes that I repulse her. She’s not said that to me directly but I know. It’s my own fault really, what can I expect?”

Sarah was thankful she’d not told her to fuck off and thought she’d crack her one for being nosey. “But, that was then, maybe things have changed now. I mean, your mother must miss you and Mikey.”

Rachel was getting agitated, she hated talking about stuff like this and her blood started to boil. This was her weak point and whenever anyone mentioned her mother’s name it always got her back up. “Turn it in will you. That old trout has never given a shit about our Mikey. For crying out loud she let him go into care. I was locked away in that hellhole and the selfish bitch let him be taken from his family. I’ll never forgive her for that. I swear on my life.” Rachel’s eyes began to cloud over and for a second it looked like she was going to burst into tears. Her tone lowered and she sat playing with her fingers. “He was a kid for crying out loud. She must have known what those places were like. And yet, just to have a go at me, to prove her point, she sold her own grandson out. Fucking bad news that is! I don’t care what anyone says, it is.”

Sarah was fascinated by the way this woman had lived her life and delved deeper. She wanted to get inside her head and see what made her tick. She was playing with fire and Rachel could have switched on her at any time. “But, your sister, you even said yourself that she still speaks to you. At times like this you need to build bridges and forget the past. Why don’t you make the effort to go and see her? You can’t turn back time but you can make a better future.”

Rachel sat thinking, twiddling her hair. If the truth was known she did miss her sister. They used to have a right laugh when they were younger and they had each other’s back. Nobody fucked with them. Okay, she’d hurt her, stolen from her and said some things that she could never take back but was that really the only reason she’d never made contact with her sibling? Sarah was on her high horse now... “Family means everything to me Rachel and without them I don’t know what I would do. My dad’s a bit irate sometimes but he means well. I love all my family warts and all.”

Rachel was hiding something and it was on the tip of her tongue, whatever it was she wasn’t ready to disclose it just yet. There was a silence and Rachel sat thinking. She closed her eyes slightly as she started to remember the days gone by. “Our Cath blames me for what happened. She never listened to my side of the story. It was all him. He was a dirty bastard and I just told her he was a wrong’ un from the start. It’s not my fault she ended up marrying the tosser. Our Cath said it’s all in the past but she watches every movement he makes when I’m in the same room as him.”

Sarah’s eyes were wide open and she was on the edge of her seat. This was better than any other gossip she’d heard in ages. Families always held secrets and it was only when the shit hit the fan or when they were pissed that the truth came out. She was bursting with excitement, she couldn’t hide it. “So, are you saying you had a fling with your sister’s husband?” Rachel hated to admit it but yes, she did have a bit of slap and tickle with Cath’s fella. A passionate few dates it was, where he fucked her brains out for hours and this all happened while her sister was working. She was a dirty slag and she should have never crossed the line. Sisters before misters it should have been.

Rachel was opening up now. Well, she was once Sarah cracked open a bottle of red wine. She topped her glass up and passed it over to her, she was fuelling her up, loosening her mouth. “It was him who come onto me. Our Cath was out working and he was sat waiting for her at my mam’s. He was always flirting with me and if I’m being honest, he was a dirty rat. But, he got me at a really bad time in my life and the drink didn’t help either. John was a charming fucker. Honest, he was drop dead gorgeous. He had the body and the gift of the gab. I was putty in his hands.”

Sarah sipped at her vino and stroked her neck. This was a passionate affair and the more she was hearing, the more she was aroused. She’d heard from friends before about having affairs, secret meetings, the forbidden fruit, the fantastic sex, but as of yet she’d never had one herself. It wasn’t right, people got hurt. Sarah had always declared she was a one-man woman and liked to think her loyalty to any man she dated was something special. Rachel was getting down to the nitty-gritty now, the real reason her sister had disowned her. Her head dipped as she stared into the bottom of her glass, slowly running her finger around the rim. “I was pissed out of my head. And, there he was, ready for the taking. I was fed up and just wanted to feel good about myself. I only wanted a kiss, nothing more. Someone to show me they cared. But, we just got carried away and before we knew it we were having sex. None of us heard the door opening and there she stood… I will never forget the look in her eyes,” Rachel choked up and it took a while for her to compose herself. “I’d hurt her so badly, done her right in. Cath just looked at us both and closed the door behind her and left the room. It would have been easier if she battered me, kicked fuck out of me, but all she did was give me the silent treatment.” A chill passed over her and goose pimples started to appear all over her arms, she was spooked. Her back was up now and her grip tightened around her glass. “Of course that twat blamed me for it all. He’s dead smarmy and one of these days he’ll get what’s coming to him. She’ll see what he’s all about. Cath thinks he’s innocent but he’s a dark horse. I’ve heard loads of stories about him with other women but if I told her, she’d just turn a blind eye to it all. She’s like that, our Cath, she just likes to think she has the perfect life.” Sarah was caught up in the whole episode now but Rachel switched the subject so quickly that there was no going back. “You’re right, you know. I should try and fix stuff with them all. I’m not getting any younger am I?”