Barefoot and Lost (11 page)

     ‘Sorry Lion didn’t mean to go on, just
got carried away’

     ‘Wish you could be sometimes’
Lion
gives
me a grin and a playful punch on my arm then turns to look
at Peter, ‘I expect you are wondering why Phil wants your envelope and stamp?’

     ‘No, not really, he can have it if he wants, I don’t mind.’

    
‘We need to explain, it is very important, and you need to know what is going on for your own protection.’ Lion; then went on to explain all about Flynn, but looking at Peter’s expression I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really understand what he means. ‘
Peter
you don’t understand what
Flynn
is doing do you?’

     ‘No
Phil
, not really, I know it must be wrong but why does he do whatever he does?’

     ‘Of course it’s bloody wrong, I’ll tell you what happens, this is what happened to me; I’ve never told anyone this before I’ve wanted to but couldn’t bring myself to do it but the time seems right now, it makes me feel sick even now, when I think of it.’

     ‘Lion you don’t have to tell us.’

     ‘No Toby I want to, everyone should know what can happen if we don’t stop that pervert.’ Lion  goes to his bed and removes his pillow he then sits on the edge of Peters bed hugging the pillow
,
he then takes a deep breath and says ‘Yes I do, I definitely do want to talk about it, I must bring it out into the open’  

     ‘When I first came here just over two years ago I had never had a family or ever been fostered, I never knew my mum or my dad, I have always lived in a home like this.
Flynn
was nice to me, nicer than anyone had ever been, he told me he wanted to be my dad, but couldn’t, but he would do everything to be the next best thing. I thought he was great; no one had eve
r taken that much interest.
One night, at bath time, he did the same to me as he did to you Phil. I didn’t know any different. I thought what he said was true. He told me this is what fathers had to do to make their sons men, make them big so they could go on to be fathers. He told me it was normal for a dad to give his son penis therapy, PT as he called it, I believed him. I then had to go to his room for PT. This started by him making me take off all my clothes, then he would take hold of my Willy and stretch it
until
it hurt. He kept telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough but in a nice quiet voice, calling me son while he rubbed his hand over my back and my bum. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do; I didn’t know what was supposed to happen. 

     He would then tell me to get dressed and go to my room. He told me that, at every opportunity when I was on my own, do PT to myself, he said the more practice I had the better it would be. This went on three times a week for about four months then, on
e night when he touched my dick
it grew bigger by itself, Flynn got very excited he then did something he’d never done before, he dropped his trousers and showed me his penis, it was enormous, he the---- sorry I can’t talk about it.’ We are all looking at Lion none of us knows what to say, Brian speaks first putting his hand on Lion’s
shoulder
,

     ‘You don’t need to say anymore Lion.’

     ‘No, I’m okay, I want to finish.’ Lion clears his throat, choking back the tears, gathering himself. ‘He then made me put his dick in my mouth,’ we all gasp, Peter lets out a little squeal,  ‘I tried to pull away but he held my head. His dick was choking me but all he did was push it in further with my nose pressed up against his belly. His fingers were digging in to my neck as he grabbed my hair, he was pulling me closer to him, I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move, it was then, only then, I realized he was doing this for him, not for me, not to make a man of me he wasn’t doing what all fathers do, he was just being a fucking pervert. I started to hit him but couldn’t hurt him as I could only hit his back, I couldn’t reach anywhere else. Then he screamed and let go of my head, my mouth was hot, and wet, and full of something that felt like phlegm, I thought I was being sick but now I know it was semen. Flynn then leaned back against the table panting and sweating, being free I darted to the door, unlocked it and ran naked to my bed. I cried all night I couldn’t sleep, I wanted to wash my mouth out but was afraid to go to the bathroom in case he came after me. He made me feel so dirty, so ashamed, and foolish, how could I have believed him? I still feel dirty, I even feel ashamed when I touch myself, when I bath or go to the toilet. I can’t even use a urinal in a public toilet, fearing that the person beside me is another
Flynn
. He has ruined my life.’

     Lion, our big strong leader gets up and goes to his bed, crying.

     ‘Lion, didn’t you tell anyone?’

     ‘No
Jack
, next morning he grabbed me by the back of my neck and whispered in his quiet way, the way he had used when we were together, ‘Son you are very good at it you know, we must do it again. This is our secret; don’t think for
a minute you can tell anyone.
Who would believe you? They would think you’re just a crazy kid that had a grudge against me and was making up stories to get me into trouble. I’m a respected member of staff, no one will believe you: think about it.’

     ‘I feel sick; if you hadn’t come in and hit him
he would be doing that to me.
Do you think he is doing that with all his favourites?’

     ‘He probably is
Phil
, who knows?’

     ‘He never tried it with me.’

     ‘Nor me.’

     ‘That’s because you both were too old, he likes them young like Toby or
Phil
.
He tried it with both of them and me. I was their age when he tried it on me; he is bound to have a go at
Peter
so we must protect him.’

     ‘Lion, what’s semen?’ I’m glad
Peter
has asked the question because I don’t know either.

     ‘You don’t know, no I don’t suppose you do, it’s called different things its proper name is semen but is sometimes called spunk or cum; it is what a dad puts inside his wife to make a baby.’

     ‘Did you have a baby?’

     ‘Of course not, only women can have babies.’

     ‘I don’t want this horrible
Flynn
doing those things to me; I’m going to tell the Reverend in the morning.’

     ‘You can’t Peter, all you can tell them is what I have told you, they won’t believe you, and they will tell you that I made it up to scare you, and then it will be me that gets into trouble, let us stick to our plan and let Phil write his letter.’

     ‘You can see
Peter
, why it is so important for me to have your envelope.’

     ‘Yes you can; anything to stop that horrible man.’

     ‘I’ll get it in the morning; don’t worry about what Lion has told you, we won’t let anything happen to you.’

     ‘That’s good, are there anymore terrible things about this place you haven’t told me?’

     ‘No, that’s about all.’

     ‘That’s bad enough, I hate it here.’

     ‘Yeah
,
that makes all of us. N
ow let us all go to bed before someone hears us.’

     At chapel the Reverend is asking us to thank God for bringing this war to an end. There is no cheering or singing like there was
at my school in
Hastings
,
when Mr.
Chapman
told us about V.E day, no mention of a party or anything special, he doesn’t even look happy. The only one smiling is Mr,
Simmons
and he looks as though he is trying to hide his smile.

     The rain has stopped,
Brian
has gone to recover the tools, and
Lionel
is hiding
Peter
’s money. I expect it has gone into Lion’s bank like mine did but I haven’t told
Peter
, let him think it is safe, he won’t need it anyway.
Jack
and Toby are cleaning up and I am giving
Peter
the grand tour. We start up the stairs to the games room when I hear Mam call.  

      ‘
Phillip
,
Peter
I want a word with you both.’

     ‘Yes Mam, coming.’ Turning to
Peter
, ‘don’t say anything about what we were told last night, Lion would get into very serious trouble, okay.’

   
‘
Okay I won’t
,
I promise.
’

     ‘
Peter
, the Reverend has a couple of questions he wishes to ask you.
Phillip
you had better come along as well.”

     ‘The Reverend said he didn’t want to see me unless it was to praise me, is he going to?’

     ‘No, you are not going to see him, you are just going to wait outside so you can show
Peter
back to where ever you are going. Come to think of it, where are you going?’

     ‘I’m giving
Peter
a tour of St S’s then we are gardening’

     ‘That is very good, now come along; its
Saint
Stephen
’s do not use abbreviations, be proud of your home, come on, and hurry up’

     When we arrive at the boundary fence we fi
nd the other four hard at work sitt
ing down, except for Jack who i
s
the look
out
,
he was l
eaning on the rake. We discuss
last night
and decide that Peter and I a
re to go to the library this afternoon. Using pages from
Peter
’s exercise book,
I am going to write to Pop. We have all had a good look at Peter’s envelope deciding that we can cover the old address and post mark with a label made from a piece of blank paper.

     ‘
Phil
, what are you going to use for paste?’

     ‘Flour and water, that’s what we used when we made paper chains on V.E day,

     ‘Yeah
I know that, but where are you going to get some flour?’

     ‘Good question
Brian
; anybody got any ideas?’

      ‘What about you forget about using the envelope, and make a new one. Use a double page from the book, open it out and only write on the inside, then close it like a book. Then, fold it in three, tuck one edge inside the other, write the address on the outside and stick on the stamp, job done’

     ‘Brilliant Lion, I never thought of doing that’

     ‘There is still one problem.’

     ‘What’s that
Jack
?’

     ‘What are you going to use for glue on the stamp?’

     ‘We use the glue alr
eady on it. If we soak it off
,
keeping it wet, and then put it on the letter still wet it will dry fixed.’

     ‘Are you sure the last thing we want to happen is for the stamp to fall off in the post.’

     ‘I’m sure; Mr. Milligan collects stamps, and I have watched him lots of times soak stamps from old letters and then stick them in his album, it will work’

     ‘That’s settled then. N
ow I think we should do half an hour of real weeding in case someone checks up on us and sees there is nothing done.’

      There is nobody else in the Library, I have recovered my book from the bottom shelf, and my marker is still there. Peter doesn’t want to read he says he hates it, but with him talking all the time I can’t concentrate on my letter and so far I have only written our address, which I don’t know properly I’ve put Saint Stephens, Pen Dalton, Kent, the date 16
th
of August 1945 and Dear Pop and Tess. ‘
Peter
, I can’t think when you keep talking do you think you could shut up?’

    
‘Sorry I’ll try to keep quiet.’

    ‘You don’t have to keep quiet, just help me with the letter.’

    ‘I wouldn’t know what to say I’m not very good at letters, that’s why I have never written back to Evelyn or wrote to Jane, I never know what to say.’

     ‘You’re going to be a great help then aren’t
you, why don’t you go down to the games room and play a game and leave me to concentrate?’