Barefoot Girls (33 page)

Amy said, “Who says? You can stay at my house.”

“Your mom will end up going to talk to my mom if I stay over every night.”

It was true. Amy’s mother was caring and protective. She would go on red alert if one of her daughter’s friends started staying over every night.

Pam said, taking Keeley’s hands in her own, “You can stay at my house. My mother doesn’t talk to anybody if she can help it. And Dad’s got a big project at work. He’s hardly been around all summer.”

“What about Jeff? Won’t he complain about having me around all the time?”

“Nah, Jeff’s been in a lot of trouble lately. I told you? About the shoplifting? In my letters? He’s in too much hot water to complain about anything. Plus, he’s hardly ever around either. He and that kid Rusty are off back-island most of the time, fooling around at the dump.”

Keeley looked at Pam and then her eyes were brimming again. “Why? Why, do you think?”

Pam made a clucking sound, swallowing tears of her own, and shook her head. “She’s crazy. And she’s hurt you so much all these years. It’s not right. Doesn’t your dad see it? Why doesn’t he do something?”

Keeley mewled and shook her head, looking down. The girls exchanged helpless glances.

Suddenly, Keeley shook her head more violently and twisted away, breaking Pam’s clasp. She went to the window that overlooked the water, the bright moon high in the corner of the glass, and stood there for a moment, her arms out straight and stiff at her sides.

“I can’t stand this,” she said in a low choked voice.

She spun around to face them. She stood taller and put her shoulders back. “I can’t stand it. I won’t. I never want to feel like this again. I’m going to be happy,” she said, a little sob escaping. She stopped and swallowed. Her eyes were shining, her expression suddenly fierce. “I’m not going to let her ruin me. I’m going to laugh and have fun and live. I’m going to have the best summer ever. We’re all going to. Let’s pretend tonight was just another fun night. Let’s have a midnight picnic like we used to. No, wait, let’s go skinny dipping! That was so much fun last year. Let’s do that, right now, okay?”

Amy smiled and shrugged. “Sure. That was fun.”

Pam pointed at Keeley’s shoulder. “But your shoulder. It’s hurt. You shouldn’t be swimming. We should see a doctor.”

“No, no doctor. It’s stopped bleeding. See? It’s just a little cut. Besides, stop talking like that. We’re having fun, okay? So are you in, or are you out?”

Pam bobbed her head around in a maybe-yes, glancing down at her chest. Zooey looked at her and remembered how Pam had been the only one last year with a womanly figure, how shy she’d been when they’d stripped to go in the water, waiting to the last minute to take off her clothes and then rushing clumsily in. It had been a crescent moon that night, the night barely silvered with light. Tonight, the full moon was a spotlight, creating a gray moonscape.

Zooey could feel everyone turn to her. God, she didn’t want to strip naked in front of them. It would be so embarrassing, showing them her flat breasts with their pointed nipples, her delicate dusting of pubic hair, her skinny boyish hips.

“Zo?”

She looked at Keeley and saw the pleading in her eyes. Oh, damn. “Okay. I’m in.”

Her fears were for naught. All of them stripped as if in a public dressing room, focusing on removing their clothes, studiously not looking at the others. That was when Zooey knew that they all saw how much things had changed. Last year, Keeley and Amy kept making cracks about full moons and wiggling their fannies around. Last year, they had all stared at Pam and stifled laughter when she ran into the water.

They went into the water quickly and swam out toward where the moon was creating a rippled path of light on the small waves in the channel between the island and the causeway. In the center of the channel they paused, treading water.

“Isn’t this fun?” Keeley called.

The girls all nodded. “Yeah! Sure! Really fun.”

But it wasn’t the same. The electricity of doing something illicit and forbidden was missing, the bubble of hilarity deflated. It was just too much. All that had happened was too much.

Then Keeley’s brave smile dissolved and she was crying.

“Oh!” Pam swam over towards her.

“No! Stop trying to make me feel better,” Keeley sobbed and pushed at the water in Pam’s direction, warning her off. “It’s never going to be okay. I wish…” Then she was crying in earnest, her head sinking lower in the water so that she had to tip her head back to keep her mouth above water.

Then she sank below the surface.

“No!” Amy screamed and dove down. Pam and then Zooey followed.

They pulled her up to the surface, all their arms intertwined to support her. “Don’t!” Keeley wailed when they had her above water.

Zooey couldn’t stand it anymore. They needed something. Something more than platitudes and assurances. They would pray. She used her most commanding voice. “Powers that be. God and all that is above. Help us. Help Keeley. Wash away our tears. Wash away the blood. Make everything right again.”

They were all looking at her, looking to her for an answer. Zooey continued, “Full moon, blackest water, wash it away. Full moon, blackest water, wash everything away. Help us tonight. Hear our prayer.” She put out her right hand, palm up. The other girls took it and they were a cross in the water.

Amy spoke. “We pledge our eternal friendship and true hearts. Forever and ever”

“Amen,” they said in unison.

And then it was right again. Zooey could feel it. She saw her friends’ hopeful faces, heads bobbing on top of the water, and thanked God for answering their prayer.

Chapter 27

Keeley sat on the hard cushion of one of the ornate chairs that flanked the couch in Brooke’s library, waiting for the other two members of the entertainment committee. Tatiana always managed to arrive exactly on time, so she would arrive in exactly five minutes, the elevator door sliding silently open as the clock struck three. Brooke, who always seemed flustered when it was just the two of them, had made excuses after depositing Keeley in the room, saying she’d be right back with the tea. The phone had rung as she was exiting the room and Keeley could hear her answer it in the hall, her voice too quiet to be overheard.

Ever since the first meeting, Keeley had tried unsuccessfully to get it right. Afraid of being late again, she arrived ten to fifteen minutes ahead of time. Unfortunately, just as being late was a problem, so was being early. Today, Keeley had arrived twenty minutes early and then spent ten minutes walking around the block in the rain to kill time, the cold and damp cutting her to the bone. Finally, shivering, her feet wet from the splashing rain, and at a loss with no nearby stores or restaurants to take refuge in, she’d given up and gone in. When Brooke answered the door, the extreme alarm on her face made Keeley feel her gaffe more keenly; as if she had had done something insane like arriving in the nude.

Next time she’d do whatever it took to arrive exactly on time, even if it was raining and cold. Even if there was a blizzard. Even if cats and dogs actually fell out of the sky and landed on her head, she wouldn’t arrive early or late. She and Tatiana would share the elevator.

She crossed her legs again, trying to find a comfortable position on the rock hard chair. She’d love to sink in to the soft padded couch facing the fireplace, but that was reserved for Tatiana and Brooke, the queen bees. Queen bitches, more like. Damn it, if it wasn’t for Rebecca, she wouldn’t be here. But if it wasn’t for Rebecca, she’d still be talking to waiters at parties.

Lately when Ben told her of a party they were invited to due to his business connections, she actually looked forward to it. With Brooke’s seal of approval, the women looked at and spoke to her now, and the men, released from sanction, flocked to her for a little light flirtation and her often-bawdy jokes. And to look at her.  She knew that, though she couldn’t see it, that often-quoted great-beauty business. When she looked in the mirror, all she saw was herself, some days looking tired, some days looking downright old. Recently, looking fat.

It was the bottle – again. She used to resist the siren call of her wine until five o’clock on the dot. Lately, she gave in earlier and earlier. And with that soothing tonic came bags of gourmet chips and other “nibblies” she couldn’t resist once she had a glass or two. The black slacks she was wearing were her fat pants. What was she going to wear next? A muumuu?

From the minute she woke up in the morning until she heard that satisfying pop of the wine cork slipping out of the bottle, she was assaulted by terrible memories that flashed across her mind like snippets of projected movies. Some she had actively and successfully tamped down for years. Others must have been unconsciously suppressed – so terrifying she had trouble believing they were true. Did that really happen with her mother and the knife, or was it her imagination? She remembered reuniting with the Barefooters and their midnight swim, but it was a shadowy memory of skinny dipping with the girls. The only thing that was bell-clear was that magical prayer of Zo’s, one she still loved with its message of water-borne absolution.

What also plucked at her nerves all day was her daughter’s book, two copies piled together on her bed stand. Who had sent the other copy? What were they trying to say? She had opened the novel at various places, searching for some clue, but the whole of the book seemed to be about a little girl wandering her neighborhood, an old woman who loved to bake, and some kind of lawsuit with all the typical courtroom drama involving the child and the old woman. It had nothing to do with Hannah or herself, and she really couldn’t understand what that awful reviewer had been talking about. Or was she missing something? She picked up the book every day, opening it to read a random paragraph, searching.

Keeley turned her head slightly in order to look at the large portrait on the far wall out of the corner of her eye. The two women sat in sleeveless evening gowns on a couch much like the one next to Keeley, but with a moss-green brocade fabric instead of a pale cream stripe. Brooke’s face in the painting seemed as rigid and hostile as ever, but it was hard to believe that the artist would paint her that way. In stark comparison, Brooke’s sister looked as soft and delicate as a flower, her eyes and lips gently smiling, her blond curls cupping her lovely face. Keeley couldn’t see the resemblance between her and Brooke’s sister that Rebecca had spoken of, except for the blond hair. Anne was much prettier.

The soft bing-bong of the doorbell came in unison with the delicate chiming of the porcelain mantelpiece clock. Hurrying into the room, Brooke deposited the tea tray on the low table in front of Keeley with an uncharacteristic clumsy clatter, winced and smiled her toothy-fake smile at Keeley, and then trotted out to the hallway to greet Tatiana.

Keeley tried to position herself to look relaxed, but it was impossible sitting on such a hard bony chair. Finally she just crossed her legs and sat up straight. She could hear the two women do their usual routine where they acted like they hadn’t seen each other in years, their excited voices bouncing down the hall and into the library. Then there was the clicking of heels as they approached, and they entered the room. Keeley rose and stepped forward to press cheeks with Tatiana, who always smelled of baby powder even though her children were in high school. With her straight yellow-blond hair in a girlish pageboy and her overdone wind-tunnel facelift, it appeared that she wanted to pretend that time had stood still, her babies still crawling and cooing.

“Keeley, lovely to see you.” Tatiana smiled perfunctorily at her and sat down in her customary spot on the opposite end of the couch.

Keeley marveled. How was it possible to sound so bored? “You, too.”

Brooke poured their tea. Keeley took her cup and saucer wishing it was a big glass of wine, which she had been craving horribly since lunchtime, and put a small almond cookie on a rosebud-decorated little plate in front of her. If any of the Barefooters could see her sitting here having this fussy little tea with the-ladies-who-lunch, they would laugh out loud. Amy would probably make gagging noises. They wouldn’t understand, they couldn’t. Even Keeley didn’t understand until she moved into Ben’s moneyed and rarified world.

“Well, let’s get started, shall we?” Brooke, after taking a quick sip of her tea, picked up her notepad and pen.

“Yes, let’s,” Tatiana said, sounding excited again.

“So, Keeley. Tell us. Has Ben had a chance to talk to Susan yet?”

Keeley clenched her teeth. She hated how Brooke referred to the recording star as “Susan” even though they had never met. As if, through Ben, they were now good friends. In a way, the arrogance of it made saying the dreaded words easier. “Yes, well, he did. Unfortunately, she has another obligation for that date. She’s very sorry.”

Brooke blinked and shook her head a little. “Already? It’s six months away? Are you sure?”

Keeley wondered if she was imagining it, or if Brooke was implying that she had mixed up a simple date. “Oh, yes, I’m sure. He was very clear about the date. He even emailed her the link for the website page with all the details.”

Brooke turned to look at Tatiana. “Oh, dear. We were really counting on her. Hmmm.”