Battlefield of the Heart (22 page)

Tom studied her for a long moment and then nodded. “Welcome to the family, Cindy.”

She smiled and blinked back tears as he gave her a hug. Finally, Danny's parents accepted that she truly loved him.

They continued to the emergency room entrance and stepped into the waiting room. Tom led the way to the nurse's station, and the brown-haired nurse in her forties sitting behind it gave them directions to the cubicle Danny waited in. Cindy followed Tom and Linda back, and a moment later they reached the small cubicle with a door that could be locked if necessary. Cindy entered first.

Danny lay propped up in the bed by the wall across from the door, staring at the ceiling. Depression filled his features and every bit of his body language. Moisture stung Cindy's eyes at the despair he exuded, and she prayed his stay in the hospital would help him get back to normal soon.

She took a step toward him, and he looked over. He opened his arms to her, and she stepped into the hug without saying a word. Even with everything his parents had told her about his mental health history during the long drive and everything she'd learned on her own about post-traumatic stress disorder, she still felt ill-equipped to help him.

“You'll get through this.” She held him tightly, ignoring the unwashed scent. “And I'll do whatever I can to help you.”

“Just knowing you haven't left me yet helps more than you can imagine.” He drew in a deep breath and slowly released it.

Cindy straightened and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, unsure of what to say.

“Did my parents come with you, or did you drive yourself down here?” Danny said, his gaze never wavering from her face.

“Your parents brought me.” She smiled and stroked his arm as she glanced toward the door. “They're right over there.”

Tom and Linda stepped forward and greeted their son with hugs. He leaned back against the mattress and reached for Cindy's hand, tugging her to sit beside him.

“They stuck me in here and check on me every two minutes or so, claiming I won't have to wait much longer.” Danny glanced at his parents and sighed when his father shook his head. “I guess I still have to wait.”

Cindy gave his hand a comforting squeeze, sensing he was anxious for something to happen, even if it was just getting admitted. Linda and Tom took seats on the only two chairs in the room, and they waited in silence. Thankfully, a psychiatrist came in a few minutes later.

“Good afternoon. I'm Dr. Filbrun,” he said with a friendly expression as he focused on Danny. “I hear your local emergency room thinks you need to stay with us for a while. Why don't you tell me why you're here?”

“It wasn't a good weekend.” Danny glanced at Cindy. “It wasn't a good weekend for my girlfriend, either.”

The psychiatrist made a note on the pad he carried. “What happened to make it a bad weekend?”

Danny laid his head back against the pillow and told Dr. Filbrun about miniature golf and what little he remembered of his flashback. As he told the psychiatrist about coming back to reality, he held tightly to Cindy's hand. She had to dry her eyes as she listened to him talk about his frustration and anger when he realized he'd lost a chunk of his life and had no idea what he'd done during that time. Her heart broke when he spoke of the boy he'd accidentally shot two years before.

She glanced at his parents and found them misty-eyed. It took her a moment to remember this was the first time they'd ever heard their son mention the incident, but their expressions let her know that Danny's fear of rejection was a moot point. They obviously heard the emotional torture in his voice as he explained reliving the aftermath of the incident as he returned to reality, and Cindy knew they wouldn't turn their backs on him.

After asking Cindy, Tom, and Linda numerous questions about Danny's recent behavior, Dr. Filbrun studied his patient. “Okay, Danny, just a couple more questions. If I let you go home right now, do you think you might hurt someone?”

He straightened with an emphatic shake of his head. “No! I don't want to hurt anyone.” He glanced at Cindy with a pained expression. “It kills me to know I'm responsible for Cindy getting hurt.”

Dr. Filbrun nodded and made a note. “If I send you home, do you think you might hurt yourself?”

Danny looked toward the wall but didn't speak. After a moment, Dr. Filbrun repeated his question. Danny looked over, his features full of reluctance. “I don't want to lie to you.”

“I appreciate that. Now, will you give me the honest answer?”

“Yes.”

The psychiatrist lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, you'll give me an honest answer, or yes, you think you'd hurt yourself if you went home right now?”

Danny glanced at Cindy, his eyes misting over. She put her arm around him and gave him a hug. “It's okay. Just tell him the truth. You know it's not going to scare me off.”

He nodded and lowered his gaze as he spoke barely above a whisper. “Yes, I think I'd hurt myself if I go home right now.”

Cindy's chest constricted. She hadn't expected him to say that. She'd thought he would say he didn't plan on hurting himself but knew he needed the inpatient treatment saying he did would get him. Apparently, he didn't count himself when he said he never wanted to hurt anyone. His parents and the psychiatrist didn't look at all surprised by his statement. Did that mean he'd been self-destructive before? With as depressed as he was now, she suspected he had. She gave Danny another hug to let him know she wasn't going to abandon him.

“Okay, Danny, you get to be our guest here for a while,” Dr. Filbrun said after Tom and Linda had expressed their concern about him going home. “We can't have you hurting yourself.”

“I know,” he said softly, his focus straying to Cindy. “I'm sorry.”

She held him close as she blinked back the tears blurring her vision. “There's nothing to apologize for. You just told the truth. You're hurting, and everyone here can help you get better if you're honest with them.”

“You've got a smart girlfriend, Danny,” Dr. Filbrun said.

“Yeah, she's great.” He straightened and searched Cindy's face. “I hope you know you're the one bright spot in my life.”

“I do. I just want you to remember that you have a bright spot, and your life isn't all bad. Kind of like the photos in your closet.”

He stroked a finger along her jaw as Dr. Filbrun moved to the door. “Okay, Danny, a nurse will be here in just a few minutes to do an inventory of everything that came in with you. Then we'll see about getting you a bed upstairs.”

After the psychiatrist left, Danny sighed. “I hope that nurse gets here soon. I'm sick of waiting and just want to go to sleep.”

Cindy took his hand and held it tightly. “I'm sure they'll get you moved upstairs as quickly as they can.”

“Not fast enough.” He pulled his hand away and thrust his fingers into his hair. “I hate this part! If they'd just let me sleep for a while, everything would be better. But they won't leave me alone. They won't let me sleep!”

Cindy's heart pounded as she glanced at his parents. They didn't look surprised at his outburst, so she assumed this was some of the irritation his PTSD caused. She smoothed his hair away from his forehead, wishing she could fix everything for him. Knowing she couldn't, she said the only thing that came to mind. “Why don't you rest while we wait for the nurse? I'm sure it won't be for long, but maybe it will be enough for now.”

He blew out a breath and closed his eyes. His hand sought out hers and grasped it as he spoke barely above a whisper. “I love you, Cindy.”

“I love you, too.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, sending a prayer for his comfort heavenward.

By the time a male nurse arrived, Danny had slipped back into his previous listlessness. The nurse approached the bed with a friendly smile, a clipboard holding several papers in his hand.

“Hi, there. I'm Jonathan. Let's take this inventory and make sure you didn't bring any contraband in with you. I'm sure you already know anything you're not allowed to have on the ward will have to go home with your family.”

“Yeah, I've been here often enough.” Danny shifted to one side and dug his wallet out of his jeans. After handing it to Cindy, he pulled out a couple of folded papers and handed them to her as well. “I have no idea what those papers are, but I probably don't need them.”

“Okay,” Jonathan said. “Do you have anything else in your pockets?”

Danny shrugged and checked the rest of his pockets. He pulled out a couple of receipts and handed them to Cindy before leaning back against the bed. “That's it, but I don't remember buying anything.”

Cindy laid everything on the mattress beside her except for the receipts. She scanned them and discovered they had both come from convenience stores, and then she handed them to Danny. “Well, at least we know you didn't go completely without food and liquid.”

Tom gave her an odd look. “Don't you mean food and water?”

Danny looked up from the receipts and shook his head. “No, it looks like I survived on beef jerky and sports drinks.” He reached for the folded papers. “I wonder what these will tell me about my weekend. Assuming you don't mind a short break in the inventory?”

“Go ahead.” Jonathan waved a hand. “Your clothes aren't going anywhere.”

Danny unfolded the first paper and passed it to Cindy. “I went to church.”

She opened the church bulletin, noting the name. “You stayed in town to do it, but you went to the far side of town.”

He didn't respond, and she glanced over to find him scanning the handwriting scrawled across the other piece of paper. His expression bothered her. “Danny? What's wrong?”

He blinked a few times and silently passed her the page. She shifted her attention to it, aware his parents and Jonathan watched closely. The page held Danny's handwriting, but it only took her a few lines to understand why it had upset him so much. Tears stung her eyes as she laid the page in her lap and embraced him.

“You're back in the present,” she said softly, praying for his comfort. “You've been reliving some terrible things, but you're here now, and I'm here with you.”

“Danny,” Jonathan said in a gentle tone, “what is on that piece of paper?”

“A letter.” His voice was pained, and Cindy held him tighter as he slipped his arms around her. “I wrote a letter to Philly's wife apologizing for not driving. If I hadn't given him the keys, he'd still be alive.”

The scratch of Jonathan's pen was the only sound in the room for several moments.

Finally, Tom cleared his throat and spoke. “Danny, I'm sure she doesn't hold you responsible for what happened.”

He sat back and shook his head. “Doesn't matter. Because I delegated my duty to Philly, there are two little kids without a father and a sweet woman without a husband. That's a mistake I can't fix with a letter or anything else.”

Linda leaned forward, tears glistening in her eyes. “Danny—”

“No. I'm done talking about it.” He sighed as he gazed at the letter. “Never should have mentioned it anyway.”

“Let's finish the inventory, and then we'll get you moved upstairs,” Jonathan said.

Cindy only half listened as the nurse finished making the list of everything that had come in with Danny. She had a feeling Danny would try to lock the survivor's guilt from Philly's death in a dark corner of his mind, but she doubted it would stay there for long. So much seemed to be coming out lately, things he'd apparently shut away since the original events. The sooner he realized he couldn't run from those things and turned around to face them, the sooner he could start to recover from them.

“Okay, that's everything.” Jonathan clicked his pen and tucked it in his pocket.

The door opened and a frazzled nurse stuck her head in. “Jonathan, we need you.”

He moved toward the door, calling over his shoulder. “Danny, someone will be here soon to take you up to the fifth floor.”

Danny nodded but remained silent as the nurse left the room. Linda and Tom didn't speak either, and Cindy drew in a deep breath as she realized just how much information the psychiatrist had required during the evaluation. She had learned more about Danny than she knew what to do with, but he and his parents had taken it all in stride. At some point, she'd have to ask him how many times he'd been hospitalized. From the way he and his parents were acting, it had to be more than just once or twice.

The thought of how much he'd involved her in his hospitalization nearly overwhelmed her. She now understood why Tom had been so insistent that she promise to stay with Danny if she came into the hospital. His welcoming her to the family made perfect sense as well. By sticking with Danny and going through the intake process with him, she'd made a big commitment, one that promised to change her life forever.

Danny reached over and squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Cindy returned the pressure of his fingers with a smile. She wanted to be sure he knew she understood the size of what had just happened in their relationship. “Just thinking about how much info they need to check you in.”

He sighed and dropped his head back against the bed. “That was only a small part of it. They'll talk to me about even more after I'm on the ward.”