Battlescars (17 page)

His mother wrinkled her nose. “We agree about the fighting!”

“Mom…”

She waved away his protest. “We will agree to disagree, you and me. Tell me more about this woman. Does she have a name?”

“Kayla. Her name is Kayla.”

His mother smiled and just waited for him to continue.

And so Dyson talked – for an hour, he talked. He told her about Kayla, and then about fighting, and then about Chester, and about everything else he could think of to tell her. He didn’t once speak about the war, and his mother didn’t ask. He didn’t want to talk about dark things, things that would make her see the world in anything but the bright, positive light that she would surely revert back to by morning. Tonight was about celebrating the good things.

The night nurse looked in on them but this time, and decided not to disturb the mother and son, letting them enjoy the evening. The nurses knew that these moments of clarity would come less often and last for shorter periods of time, and that eventually Dyson’s mother would fail even to recognize her own son. Best to enjoy the lucid moments while they lasted..

When Anne began to struggle to stay awake, Dyson realized it was time to go. He didn’t want to let go of the moment, but she needed rest – and no matter how much he wanted this to go on all night, what she needed mattered more. He felt a real sense of loss as he stood up, knowing that when he came back to see her, she would be another person. A happy person, a childish person, and still his dear mother – but not like this.

“I’m going to go home now, Momma.”

“Okay,” she said reluctantly, even as her eyes were beginning to drift closed. “I wish I could stay up later. I used to stay up all night with your father.” She paused, opened her eyes, and gave him an impish grin. “We would make love after you were sound asleep,” she whispered, as if telling him a solemn secret.

Dyson smiled. It felt so strange to hear his mother say that, but at the same time, it was immensely comforting. He loved that she remembered so many good things.

“Here…let me help you get into bed.”

A few minutes later she was lying in her bed, looking up at him with adoring eyes. “You’re the best son I could have ever asked for,” she said.

“And you’re the best mother,” he told her.

“And your father…your father loved you like you wouldn’t believe. He loved you more than he loved me, but that’s how it was supposed to be. Your children always come first. They become the reason you exist.”

Dyson thought he might cry. “I miss Daddy, too.”

“He would be so proud of you for taking care of me when he couldn’t. I know he would love you even more for that, Dyson.”

This was both wonderful and heartbreaking. Dyson knew that he would remember every word of the evening for as long as he lived. If this was the last time she would be clear-headed, it was certainly a gift beyond compare. How beautiful, he thought, to recognize a blessing at the moment it is handed to you, to truly savor it.

“I love you, Momma.”

“I love you too, baby. Drive safe.”

“I always do.”

“Tell your aunt Jenny I said hello?”

The question took his breath away, and Dyson closed his eyes. Her sister had been dead for years. His mother had moved from the here-and-now to the past so quickly, so fast it seemed impossible, but it had happened. The dementia had taken over again, but not before he had had some precious moments with her, ones that would have to sustain him for the many years ahead.

She drifted off to sleep, and Dyson walked out of the room. He nodded to the nurses, who gave him wide smiles. They knew what he had just been given, and they knew he wouldn’t take it for granted. These were the moments that so many family members wanted, but didn’t always have the chance to experience.

What a lucky man he was, in so many ways.

When Dyson got into his car, he sat there thinking long and hard about the conversation with his mother. He had told her all the good things about Kayla, but nothing about the fact that the girl he was so crazy about had stopped answering his calls for some reason.

He thought about his mother’s sadness at missing his father, which led to wonderful memories of his childhood. His had been an idyllic upbringing, loved dearly by two parents whose relationship was as solid as a rock. Love and respect guided their interactions, and a childhood like Kayla’s could never have happened in the home Dyson grew up in. His parents hardly drank, and the one and only time Dyson had actually seen one of his parents tipsy was the night they celebrated their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. It had been the first and last time he had seen his mother sip Champagne all evening, and she had been an absolute delight. He still remembered her clumsy dance with his father and her risque language, using words that made Dyson blush.

And what she had said about her father after he went to sleep – woohoo! What a thing to hear from his own mother! Of course she was only putting into words the kind of love she and his father shared through their many years together. She was only telling him what he really already knew. He remembered being a little child and waking up in the middle of the night, and seeing the light underneath his parents’ bedroom door. Even then, he knew that if they were up that late, they didn’t want to be disturbed. So he would go get a glass of water himself, and sometimes he would hear his mother laughing as he went back to sleep.

Thank goodness he had been too young to know what was really going on in there!

Dyson smiled at the memories, but then he sobered when he thought about Kayla. He was willing to bet she didn’t have memories like that. She didn’t have the good things of both her parents to hold onto. Her mother had been a good parent, Dyson thought, but too weak to leave her husband for the chance at a better life for herself and her daughter. Kayla’s father really had nothing to recommend him as anything other than a mean-spirited drunk whose anger destroyed the lives of those around him. Kayla didn’t have memories of watching her parents dance on their anniversary. She had never seen someone get tipsy and think it was something fun and interesting. She had never had the luxury of both parents loving her so much that she became the reason for their very existence. Her mother had given her that, surely, but her father had never given her anything but abuse and heartache.

It occurred to Dyson that Kayla didn’t just lack his wonderful memories, but she also was missing the example his parents had set of a loving, stable relationship. He knew what a good relationship was, because he had always been surrounded by one. But she probably didn’t even know where to begin. Was that why she was so hesitant about beginning a romance with him?

Dyson had never realized that he craved the sort of supportive, vibrant relationship that his parents had shared. He wanted that wonderful feeling of stability, and he wanted to provide that foundation for his own kids one day. But in order to do that, he would have to find a woman who wanted it just as badly as he did. He wondered if Kayla was capable of – or even interested in – a committed relationship. Like he never had in his whole life, Dyson finally knew what he wanted.

The big question he had to answer was what Kayla wanted

By the next morning, Dyson decided that something had to be wrong. After talking to him about relationships and possibilities and hopes for the future, it just didn’t make sense for Kayla to have vanished.

Making up his mind to find Kayla no matter what, he left early in the morning and headed for Kayla’s school. While she might have a reason to ignore him, he knew she wouldn’t miss her classes unless something was seriously wrong. He didn’t know her schedule with the exception of the class he’d seen her in, so he headed there near the time class should let out, and he waited near the classroom door, hoping to catch her as she came out.

He didn’t see her, but he did see the girl she had been with the day they’d spoken in the hallway. He didn’t recall the girl’s name – he wasn’t even sure she had mentioned it – but he recognized the pretty face. The girl had been friendly when he’d first met her, and Dyson had no reason to believe that she wouldn’t be happy to answer his questions about Kayla. He was surprised when she looked straight at him and acted as if she hadn’t seen him or didn’t recognize him.

“Excuse me,” Dyson said, but the girl kept walking. In fact, she picked up the pace. There was no doubt she had heard him.

“Excuse me,” he said, louder this time, loud enough that other people turned around. The girl couldn’t keep walking away from him without drawing attention to herself. She slowly stopped and turned around, then looked up at him with defiant eyes.

“I’m Dyson Maddox,” he said by way of greeting, but she cut him off.

“I know who you are.”

Dyson was puzzled but forged ahead anyway. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name, but I know you’re a friend of Kayla’s…I’m looking for her.”

“My name is Jasmine.”

That was all. The two looked at each other, Dyson expecting more information and, Jasmine determined to make him work for whatever it was he got.

“Have you seen Kayla today?” he asked.

Jasmine shook her head.

His patience was already wearing thin. “Did you see her yesterday?”

She shook her head again.

Dyson sighed with strained patience. “Ok, did you
talk
to her yesterday?”

Jasmine put one hand on her cocked hip and glared at him. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you looking for her? Maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Maybe she’s been through enough already.”

Dyson shook his head. “Listen, I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything to her. The last time we talked everything was just fine. But then she just vanished, and I have no idea why, and I’m worried, okay? I’m just really worried.”

Dyson’s explanation put out the fire that had been smoldering in Jasmine’s eyes, and her defiant posture softened a bit.. She lowered her voice and took a step closer to Dyson.

“She’s had a rough few days,” Jasmine said, deciding the Dyson wasn’t a threat to Kayla. “What do you know about her father?”

Dyson grimaced. “Enough.”

“Well, she’s dealing with that. With a lot of things. You’re going to have to be patient with her.”

“Is she okay? Did something happen?”

Jasmine slowly shook her head. “I guess that depends on what you consider okay. But no, she’s not hurt or anything like that.”

“Did that bastard come here? Did he show up? Did he hurt her?”

Jasmine took a step back, eyeing him warily. “No.”

“Okay…” Dyson was starting to see the light. He realized his fists were clenched. He took deep breaths and ordered himself to calm down. Jasmine watched him with interest.

“Where is she?”

Jasmine cocked her head, crossed her arms across her chest, and said nothing. Dyson stared at her for a long moment, and finally gave up. Jasmine clearly wasn’t giving up any more information. “Thanks for your time,” he said, and turned to walk away.

“Dyson,” Jasmine called. He turned and looked at her. “Good luck.”

Dyson was finished with the passive attempts to find Kayla and headed straight for her apartment, determined to figure out which door was hers and beat on it until she answered. Before he was halfway there, his phone rang. He snatched it out of his pocket and answered within seconds. “Yes?”

“It’s me,” she said. Her voice was so soft that it seemed she was in a distant tunnel.

“Kayla, are you okay? What happened?”

“Meet me at the bar, okay?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Just meet me at the bar?”

He had so many things he wanted to say, but the idea of asking her things while she was right in front of him, while he could touch her and look her in the eye was much more appealing. “Okay,” he said, and ran for his car as he hung up the phone.

Kayla was already waiting when he got there. She gave him a sad smile and the bartender poured him a beer from the tap as he sat down on the stool. The silent barkeep retreated to the other end of the bar, giving them some privacy.

Kayla toyed with her glass of water. “I found my father,” she said directly.

Dyson’s heart was pounding and his mouth was dry, but he tried not to show how confused and worried he was. He had known that she was looking, but he was surprised that she’d found him so fast. And what did she find? What could have been bad enough to cause her disappearing act? He wanted to ask her every question in rapid-fire order. He realized, though, that she needed to tell her story in her own way, though, so he took a sip of his beer and waited for her to continue.

“Dyson,” she started, but said nothing else. He watched her as she stirred the ice cubes with her straw. She looked as though she hadn’t slept. Though she was still gorgeous, her eyes were a little red and swollen, and Dyson would have bet his last dollar that she’d been crying.

“You found something you didn’t expect?” he asked.

“No…I found exactly what I thought I would.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said, and then the words came out in a rush. “I’m just not ready, Dyson. It wasn’t fair to you for me to believe I could go into a relationship right now. It wasn’t fair to me, either. I didn’t realize…” she shook her head, and then she laughed, a bitter sound that didn’t seem to suit her. “I didn’t realize how fucked up I was, Dyson. I didn’t realize how much damage he had done to me. I’m not sure I will ever be able to sustain a relationship with myself, much less with someone else.”

Dyson had gone from confusion to the verge of panic. He could see all the dreams he had thought about last night, all his hopes for what he wanted in the future, retreating a bit more with each breath. He hadn’t realized just how invested he was in Kayla until this very moment. What the hell was happening here?

“Kayla,” he said, trying to sound calm and reasonable. “I understand that you have been through hell. I know that you’ve suffered through things most people could only imagine, and even then, they wouldn’t want to think about it.” He paused, searching for words. “But you’ve grown beyond that. You have become a good, decent person with goals and dreams and all the goodness your father lacked. You have the ability to move past what he’s done to you in every way…”