Bayview Heights Trilogy (29 page)

“I won’t drive with you if you’re drinking. I
won’t let
you
drive.”

He dragged the keys out of his pocket. “Here.
I just wanna be with you a minute.”

Meg took the keys and followed him to the
car.

As soon as they got inside, he was all over
her. He’d never come after her with a man’s passion before, but
that didn’t mean he didn’t know how.

At first she giggled when he touched her. He
kissed her deeply. For a minute, she responded.

But when his hand went to her blouse, she
shrank back from him. “Johnny, what are you doing?”

“For a smart girl, that’s a dumb
question.”

He yanked at one of her buttons.

“Johnny, stop.” He didn’t. “Johnny,
please.”

Despite the booze and pot, her plea
momentarily got to him. But a voice nagged at him from inside,
Finish this. Finish with all of them.

“You said you respected me.” Meg’s voice was
strained.

He gave her a disgusted roll of the eyes. “I
do respect you, baby. But I’m human. I got needs, Mary Margaret.”
Reaching out, he took her hand and brought it to his crotch. “You
gonna meet them or should I go somewhere else?”

“Why are you doing this?”

He wished people would stop asking him that.
“I told you, I got needs.”

She tilted her head like she did when she was
trying to figure out a complicated calculus problem. “You’re doing
this on purpose, aren’t you? To alienate me.”

“Baby, I don’t wanna alienate you. I wanna
fuck you.”

Even
her
courage couldn’t withstand
that. Tears welled in her big brown eyes. “I thought, some day, we
might make love, Johnny.” She threw her head back proudly. “But
you’ll never, ever fuck me.”

She yanked open the door and tumbled out.

Johnny laid his head back on the seat and
closed his eyes. It was done now.

Mary Margaret was gone.

Kurt and the clinic were gone.

Lansing was gone.

School and Cassie—especially Cassie—were
gone.

He reached for the ignition before he
realized Meg had taken off with his keys. It didn’t matter. Where
he was going wasn’t far from here.

o0o

CASSIE SANK TO THE FLOOR in her living room
and dragged out a box from underneath a table. Pulling back the
cardboard flaps, she dug through the tissue paper. It rustled
gently, but the sound seemed loud in the still semidarkness just
after midnight.

Carefully, she took out a leather-bound book
and ran her fingers over the title,
The History of
Medicine
. She’d begun collecting the volumes when Johnny had
chosen the topic of medical history for his senior research paper.
She’d found the first book while exploring her favorite Manhattan
used-book store. After checking around, Cassie had discovered there
were ten volumes in all. Over the last six months, she’d managed to
locate three. They were expensive, but she was going to give them
to Johnny for his birthday—today—and for graduation.

Sighing deeply, she doubted she’d see him
today. And it looked as if he wasn’t going to graduate from high
school, either.

Cassie swallowed hard to stop the despair
that threatened to engulf her. Johnny had been suspended from
school for an incident that Seth suspected the boy had purposely
instigated. Cassie had been unable to get in touch with Johnny at
home. The most she could do was hope he’d calm down and come back
to school at the end of the suspension. Then, when she’d talked to
Kurt about Johnny quitting the clinic, she’d become alarmed. But it
was the phone call from Meg Mancini that had edged Cassie into
all-out panic. The girl had told Cassie directly and without
embarrassment how Johnny had treated her in the clinic parking lot.
Meg seemed to realize Johnny was trying to alienate her, and after
a few days, she had decided to call Cassie. Though Meg’s voice
betrayed the hurt Johnny had inflicted, she was obviously more
concerned about his welfare.

“Cass? What are you doing down here in the
dark?”

Cassie turned to see Mitch silhouetted in the
moonlight. He looked big and strong and safe, and Cassie wanted to
bury her head in that safety. As he stepped farther into the room,
she noticed he wore the dark green terry robe she’d bought for him
to keep at her place.

Something had changed between them when
Johnny had stormed out two days ago. Mitch had been distant, though
he’d stuck around and tried to talk about how to get Johnny back.
It hadn’t been the time to discuss their feelings for each other,
but Cassie worried about what was happening to them.

Mitch came close enough to see what she held.
“Honey, what are you doing?”

“Just looking at the present I bought Johnny
for his birthday.” She stared up at Mitch. “I couldn’t sleep. I’m
sorry I woke you. You need the rest.”

“No more than you.” He sat down on the floor
next to her.

“Are you kidding?” she said, reaching out and
rubbing her hand over his jaw. It was rough and raspy. “For the
past week, you’ve been working day and night with the New York City
police to ferret out the Blisters and find Johnny.”

“A lot of good it did.”

“Well, we got Joe DeFazio into the Crisis
Intervention Network your friend runs in the city.”

“Yeah, thanks to your testimony at the
hearing that he needed help and not punishment.”

“He got community service, too.”

Mitch was silent, then said, “There’s been no
sign of Johnny.”

When they’d found Joe DeFazio hiding out at
Johnny’s house, he’d told them about the Den. Cassie had hoped they
were on their way to locating Johnny. But the hangout had been
abandoned, and the anti-gang specialists from New York said the
group had gone underground to avoid being found.

“Today’s his birthday.”

“I know.”

Cassie showed Mitch the books. “I’ve been
collecting these.”

Slowly, Mitch ran his fingers over the
embossed cover of the one she held. “He’ll love them.” Mitch
grasped Cassie’s hand. “I’m going to find him, Cass. I
promise.”

The determination in Mitch’s voice reflected
his behavior for the last seven days. He’d worked feverishly all
day, then come to her at night and made love to her with a
desperation that frightened her. She welcomed him, though; they
both needed the solace. They’d grown closer, sharing their despair,
seeking respite from it.

Still, neither had spoken of the future.

She tried to tell herself it didn’t
matter—that this wasn’t the time for promises. That they should be
concentrating on getting Johnny back.

But it did matter. Because she felt the two
were connected.

Deep in her heart, Cassie knew Mitch cared
for her. And she’d never experienced such passion in a man before.
But his reticence to talk about his feelings for her was connected
to Johnny.

“What are you thinking?” he asked her.

She held his gaze. “Things you don’t want to
hear.”

He ran his knuckles over her cheek. “You know
how much you mean to me.”

“Mitch, what happens when we find
Johnny?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you sticking around? For us both?”

He drew back his hand. “I’ve ruined things
between you two.”

“No, you haven’t.”

He stood, distancing her physically and
emotionally. “Yes. In twenty minutes, I destroyed years of work you
did with him.”

“Are you saying you were wrong to ask him for
help with the gang?”

“No, I don’t think I had a choice. Too many
young lives are at stake. But maybe somebody else could have
handled it better. I feel as if I’ve ruined Johnny’s life.” After a
pause, he finished, “Just like Tam’s.”

Cassie felt herself go cold. “No, Mitch, the
situation with Johnny has nothing to do with Tam. And you weren’t
to blame for Tam, anyway. Cold-blooded killers murdered that young
boy.”

Mitch tossed back his head and closed his
eyes. “It seems as if my actions with kids always end up causing
them harm in some way. Sometimes I think I was right to keep to
myself, not to get involved.” He looked directly at her then. “With
anyone.”

Panic skittered down her spine. “With me,
too?”

“Maybe.”

Cassie stood and looked into his eyes.
Raising her chin, she said, “I love you, Mitch. Can you just let me
go, knowing that?”

A muscle leaped in his jaw. He swallowed
hard. After a moment, he pressed his fingers against her mouth.
“Shh, no declarations now. No questions. Let’s just concentrate on
getting Johnny back. We’ll decide what to do then.” He reached for
her hand. “Come back to bed now.”

She knew him so well, she thought as she
placed her hand in his. The stubborn set of his chin. The tilt of
his head. The bleakness in his beloved green eyes.

Cassie had her answer, even if Mitch didn’t
know he’d given it to her.

o0o

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO,” Zorro said, passing a
joint to Johnny.

Johnny took a long drag and let the drug
anesthetize him. It was taking more and more these days to block
out the memories, more and more to quell the doubts. He’d spent the
week in a haze of alcohol and marijuana, and it still wasn’t enough
to forget who he used to be. To forget the dreams he’d
abandoned.

“Thanks, Zor.”

Johnny’s best friend stood and crossed to the
battered bureau on the other side of the room. They’d crashed at
Zorro’s place at four this morning and had just awakened in the
late afternoon.

A drawer creaked when Zorro opened it. From
inside, he pulled out a package. “For you.”

Ludicrously, Johnny noticed that it wasn’t
wrapped. It was in a plain brown paper bag. Out of nowhere, a
memory hit him....

“Isn’t this a little frilly for me?” Johnny
had asked Cassie after she’d handed him a brightly wrapped present
on his last birthday.

Cassie had laughed and ruffled his hair.
“What a sexist statement for a liberated guy like you....”

“Open it,” Zorro said.

Viciously, Johnny banished the memory. Cassie
was dead to him. They all were. From the bag, Johnny drew out his
present.

He stared at it, feeling a surge of panic so
great his hand started to shake. His gut told him to drop it and
run like hell. His mind reinforced what he knew to be true.
They gonna use you, man...
.

Zorro was watching him intently when Johnny
looked up.

“Like it?” Zorro asked.

“I don’t carry a blade, Zorro. Why’d ya give
this to me?”

His friend sat down on a straight chair
facing Johnny. “Time to make the tie, Tonto.”

“The tie?”

“Yeah. I been coddlin’ ya for months now. And
this last week, I been lettin’ ya coast. But it’s time you prove
you’re with us.”

Johnny’s heart slammed into his rib cage.
“How?”

Zorro leaned back. “Well, I thought since
this was your eighteenth birthday, that you oughtta ‘come of age,’
so to speak.” Black eyes narrowed on Johnny, losing all of their
warmth. “We got some action on for tonight. At eleven. We gonna
e-lim-i-nate one of our enemies. The way I figure it, you get to
use this blade like you always wanted. You know, in your future.
You gonna perform a little surgery.”

“Who is it?”

“A friend of yours, Tonto.”

Johnny steeled himself. “Who?”

“You gotta make a commitment, buddy. You
wanna stay with us, you got to prove it. Tonight.”

Johnny simply stared at him.

“You one of us or not, Tonto? Tell me
now.”

“TWELVE.” MITCH CURLED his arm, pulling the
barbell toward his body, expelling a heavy breath. With
excruciating slowness, he lowered it, then dropped the weight to
the floor. Sweat poured down his forehead and he wiped it with a
towel. He winced and rubbed his shoulder.

I’m great at back rubs. Let me give you
one, then I’ll get out of here.

Despite his black mood, he smiled at the
memory of Cassie coming to comfort him the night she’d found out
about Vietnam. She was such a treasure—defying him, forcing him to
let her help him. How could he ever give her up when the time came?
Did he have to? What would be best for Johnny? For Cassie? He
thought about how he’d blown his relationship with Johnny. He
thought of how he’d hurt Cassie with his need for rules, and her
need for flexibility. She’d gone along with his plan to eliminate
gang activity at Bayview, but she’d hated his method. Would they
ever be able to compromise? The thoughts only added to his
frustration, already too close to the explosion point.

He looked around his exercise room. He’d come
here at nine tonight when he’d finished work, instead of going
directly to her house. Oh, he’d go to her. He wasn’t strong enough
to resist her yet. But he had to rid himself of some of his rage
before he saw her. She’d come to know him well. Too well. She’d see
right away how desperate he was tonight.

There was no sign of Johnny anywhere. Mitch
had personally scoured all the known hangouts of the Blisters. He’d
made every street contact in New York he could think of, and had
coerced the city cops to do the same. He’d called in a hundred
favors. But there was still no trace of the boy.

The irony of his situation didn’t escape
Mitch. Leaning back against the weight bench, he told himself once
again that if he found the kid—no, when he found the kid—he should
let Cassie go. That would be the unselfish thing to do. Johnny
needed her more than Mitch did.

Yeah, and if you believe that, I got a
bridge to sell you.

Flinging the towel aside, swearing vilely, he
stood and kicked the gym bag he’d left on the floor. “All right,”
he said aloud. “I need her as much as Johnny does.”

Torn by the conflicting emotions, he jammed
his hand through his hair. Cassie had said he wasn’t thinking
straight because he felt guilty about Johnny going back to the
gang. Was that true?