Be in the Real (27 page)

CHAPTER 35

Time passed by in a flurry, where everything that she touched and felt was real, and so much more than she had ever predicted. When she petted the white Shetland pony at the zoo, its coat was coarser than she had expected, and when she had gazed into its glassy eyes, it was as if she had stared into eternity. And when she had eaten cotton candy, sticky and pink, after she had watched a man swirl a paper cone a dozen times in a spinning silver vat, she let the floss melt on her tongue, and return to sugar granules that dissolved into nothing.
 

The water in the fountains that sprayed up, had caught her in the stream, and had made her giggle at the feel of the cold on her legs and face. She marveled at how shocking the iciness was and how it was exactly what she needed in the heat that was bearing down upon she and Derrick. It didn’t bother her when she was soaked, or that her shoes squished and sloshed when she walked.
 

Kaila sniffed the scent of the grass, wondrous about how it managed to grow in places where it seemed physically impossible. She pushed her nose into every flower she saw, noting that some had a scent while others none at all. And she squeezed those memories inside her mind with the others.
 

She squealed with a mix of fear and delight when they went to the highest point on the Ferris wheel. The rush of air that came when they descended was fresh and so very real. A roller coaster ride had her feeling both excited and terrified at once, and she had gripped the handles of the seat while they had dipped and spun. When she had come off the ride she had felt so dizzy that she staggered when she walked. Derrick had been there and had allowed her to lean on his frame until she felt steady again. Derrick did not go unnoticed as Kaila made deposits of time into her mind, as she constructed a movie that she would some day play again. Kaila saw how relaxed and into the moment he was, and it made her heart grow with something that felt warm and toasty.
 

Trillian tried many times to step forward, to take control, but Kaila stood her ground, pushing back as hard as Trillian shoved to be out. Kaila didn’t care what came after, only what was now. She refused to allow Trillian even a solitary second of what she was experiencing, it was Kaila’s real, not Trillian’s. And when the day was spent and all that she had experienced was tucked inside her mind, encapsulated, ready to be retrieved at her desire, she felt bliss like she had never known before.
 

Tucked back into the same bed where she had first found herself with the fairy, she closed her eyes and slept, finding peace and tranquility in merely being alive.

CHAPTER 36

“
See me, know me, hear me. I am here and I will show you the way
.”

Trillian’s words woke Kaila. Daylight was just beginning to seep in around the curtain that she had only pulled half shut the night before. The rays came to rest on the scuffed hardwood floor, puddling into a perfect circle of light. When another circle joined the first, she remembered it all and that it was the day, or at least she thought it was the day.
 

According to Derrick’s prophecy Pauline was destined to die today, unless she and Derrick saved her. In the space that had been the day before, Kaila had lost herself again and had forgotten about Pauline. With all that went on in the real world, it felt impossible to keep all her thoughts in line. She only needed to gaze at something she had never seen before, a flower that was unknown, or to run her hand across the soft coat of a black Labrador puppy to be taken away on a sea of exhilaration. And when she found herself in that space and time, she forgot that there was a past or a future; there was nothing but being right in that exact moment.

There had been a pool too, filled with splashing children and adults alike, all attempting to cool down on a scorching hot day. Derrick had tugged off his shirt, and had tossed it aside before joining the throngs. Kaila had her shirt half way off, revealing her bra beneath when Derrick had exited the pool and gently urged her to leave the shirt in place. She had eventually agreed. Then they were lost in the crowds, splashing the water at each other until Kaila couldn’t catch her breath and had to pause, only to begin again with renewed fervor. It was in this tight space that Kaila felt a few spiders tap across her arms and back and sometimes her legs, but they never stayed long enough to ruin her fun.

Kaila leapt from the bed, anxiety running a serrated knife across her spine. Her green bag was resting on the chair. Even without searching through the contents she knew that there were no clean offerings inside. The clothes that she was wearing were a day old and she could smell the unclean on her, clinging to the fabric of her tee and sweatpants. Despite having no fresh clothes to change into, she couldn’t forgo her morning ritual. A shower and grooming were not only essential, but also gave her comfort in the semblance of her old routines.

The concept that Pauline’s life was in the balance nagged at her as she soaped and washed her body, then shampooed her hair, but she could not move against her need to do what was familiar. When she had donned her soiled clothes once again, she went in search of Derrick, attempting to remember the last words he had spoken to her the night before. As hard as she tried to bring up the memory, she couldn’t quite manage. What he had said had seemed so insignificant in comparison to what had happened on their adventure.
 

Urgent now to find Derrick, the only person who knew the importance of the day, she did what felt right, she paced up and down the corridor outside the room she had slept in, calling out his name at the top of her lungs. A few doors cracked and she could feel eyes on her, but nobody came out to stop her. In fact when she put her focus on any one of the partially opened doors, they closed rapidly, audible clicks of locks engaging followed. Despite her attempts to find Derrick, nobody bothered to tell her where he was. The nameless strangers and their ignorance of her desire to find Derrick only made her agitation double, then triple. Kaila raised her voice even higher, to the limits of her vocal cords, until her throat pulsated from the abuse. Only when Derrick raced up the stairs and was standing a few feet away from her, did she halt what she had been doing. By this point her throat was so sore that she imagined it bleeding from strain.

“Pipe down, I’m here.”
 

Without the gel that he normally used, Derrick’s hair was flat and lifeless. He was rumpled as if he had just jumped out of bed. There was no sign of his jeans or his t-shirt. He stood before her in merely a pair of navy boxer briefs that framed his penis beneath them. Kaila’s eyes came to rest on the bulge that said he was a man. She wondered what Derrick’s penis looked like, and if it was the same or different than Norm’s. She was certain that all men had different penises to a degree, but she didn’t think that they were altogether that different, much like women’s breasts that all came in pairs with nipples, where only the size and position on the chest varied.

“Can you stop staring at my crotch?” Derrick said.

 
Kaila’s eyes detached from where they had just been glued. She stared at Derrick. In his expression she saw something that she hadn’t seen before, embarrassment.

“I was just comparing the size of your penis to Norm’s and…”

“I don’t need to know,” Derrick said, throwing his hand up for her to stop speaking.
 

Kaila shrugged and walked forward, toward him. When she reached him, he shifted to the side, out of her way. She repositioned her laptop under her arm as she descended the steps. Derrick followed her silently.

When she had reached the main floor she spotted the sleeping bag centered on the floor; apparently it had been where Derrick had slept for the night. His lost jeans and tee were in a ball beside it. Kaila cocked her head then turned to face him.

“Don’t you have a real bed?”
 

He nodded.
 
“Yeah, kind of, but not here. I wanted to be sure that I was around when you woke up, hence this…”
 

He motioned to the sleeping bag.

“Where’s your real bed at?” Kaila said.
 

She had never imagined where Derrick was when he wasn’t with her, until that very moment.

“I live with my girlfriend a few blocks away.”

All the air came out of Kaila’s lungs in a rush at the mention of this. In her mind Derrick wasn’t supposed to have a girlfriend…

“But why did you kiss Pauline? Why did you put your hands in her shirt, why did you…”
 

Anger surged inside Kaila at the idea that Derrick had lied to Pauline, had lied to
her
. But even as the thoughts swished around in her mind, she knew that he had never told her that he didn’t have a girlfriend, she had never asked.

Derrick rubbed the side of his face with the palm of his hand. He still had a red line of sleep on his cheek.

“That’s complicated.”

“That’s not an answer,” Kaila retorted.
 

She was already deflating. The mention of Pauline’s name had been enough to diffuse her, long before her wrath had grown out of control.

It was Derrick’s time to shrug.
 

“I need to see Pauline now.”

 
Kaila glanced down at her watch. She read the time as 7:00 o’clock. She was relieved to see that they still had time, or at least she hoped they had time. Kaila had no idea how these prophecies worked, and if the day was meant to be all day, or if there was a specific time when Pauline was supposed to die.

For a change Derrick didn’t put up a fight. He nodded.
 

“Let me get my clothes on and use the toilet,” he said.
 

He moved forward, scooped his jeans and tee up in a fist then turned back toward the stairs. Kaila admired the tattoo that ran the length of his spine, knowing that it was another sign, though she still wasn’t exactly sure what it meant.

 
She heard the stairs creak beneath him as he ascended, then the sound of the bathroom door shutting. It didn’t take long for her to hear the clang of the old pipes being turned on as they drew water up to the ancient bathroom. Alone again and with nothing much to do, Kaila took a seat on the floor. She stretched her legs straight in front of her then positioned her computer on her lap. It seemed like forever since Trillian had had a chance to write, and she could feel Trillian try to push in and snatch the time away from her.
 

Kaila opened Trillian’s blog and noticed that there were even more comments, more followers, more of everything, despite Trillian being noticeably absent. Kaila also noted the date was July 11
th
, and that it had been exactly five days since Derrick had told her his prediction about Pauline’s death. With everything that had happened since they had left, it felt much longer than five days, as if she had squeezed a whole lifetime into less than a week.

Knowing that she was on a schedule, Kaila pushed all of it away. She searched the blog for something that would lead the way. Amidst the clutter of words and musings Kaila spotted the message.

Do not forgo truth for the lies you choose to believe
.
∞
 

Once again the words added up to eleven, a master number. Kaila drew in a heaving breath, thrilled at the newest communication. She had no idea what it meant only that it was something more. All the signs were adding up, mounting until she imagined they would crest.
 

Today would be the day.
 

Trillian was pulling so violently on the tether of restraint that Kaila knew she would have to let her have her way this time. Still high from her day out, and buoyed by the concept that she was going to see Pauline very soon, Kaila released Trillian.

“
The spark that is the beginning will set the inferno free, and that my dear friends is what the essence of truth and understanding entails. The truth of what is, may not be the illusion you choose to believe, but that which you ignore, forgo, dispute and disband. And in that process you wonder why the gut that tells you the truth, sometimes lies, allows us to believe something that is not entirely real.
 

I will impart a truth upon you that you may or may not absorb, and it is, belief is the seed, and the truth in the seed is revealed at its sprouting. Yet that truth must be the real, not the imagined, and when the mind is dark the truth feels dark, and when the thoughts are of light, it is light. The truth my dear readers is not bendable, to be stretched to and fro like an elastic band, it is solid, it is the interpretation that is malleable, able to be worked into that which we fashion.
 

And how may we discover the real, the unfiltered reality of our being, where nothing stands in the way, where nothing mirrors the illusions that we work to bring into reality? The answer is simple, for when the truth is solid and the outcome is assured, then why dither and wonder when it is already done. If in fact time is not linear and the past, present, and future all reside in ONE, as it does in dreams, then how is it that we cannot believe and see that reality of that which we desire most in our lives. But so too, can we see and know and believe, the reality that we do not desire? Is desire in fact a branch with many feelers and each one leads to an alternate being, a reality that is only slightly different, and when the chooser chooses, that in fact taps the line of dominoes and in a clacking motion, one against another they fall in unison, or do we believe in a line. Now, that is a true question, for if time is in fact not linear the dominoes might fall at once.

 
Is your future written in time already, or do you have a paintbrush in your hand that determines what is, and what will be, or is it in fact a combination of sorts. Where choices intermingle with fate, twined together, separating and connecting, where a snip here and there, a pruning of sorts, will lead to a different shape. Not in fact a rapid shift, yet a shift all the same, slowly, steadily, pruning and clipping until the desired or maybe undesired has manifested. Truly the power is within us to reshape our own existence, not that of another, only ours, and when we attempt to prune another’s branches we will not notice the natural patterns of growth and may cut that very branch that is the strongest, the life force. It is dangerous work to shape another, and so in our journey we must guide the growth, never cutting, only guiding a branch to another place, gentle and kind. It is the only way…