Beach Wedding (16 page)

“Sure, sounds good,” I answer, although food is the last
thing on my mind. My stomach is still tied up in knots, even if I
have managed to relax a little on the outside and stop tripping over
my words.

The restaurant is a chic beachfront place, set right on the water
with an open terrace and breezy, clean décor. There are
already people waiting around outside for a table, but Luke leads me
right up to the hostess’s station.

“Porter, table for two,” he says.

“Luke?” A voice calls from across the restaurant, and a
stylish woman comes over, wearing loose linen pants and a blouse, her
long dark hair in a braid. She hugs Luke warmly, kissing him on the
cheeks. “I thought that was you in the book. Why didn’t
you say something? I would have had a table all ready.”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Luke says. “I
figured you’d have enough on your plate. This is Ginny,”
he adds, introducing me. “She’s in town from New York, so
I figured I’d show her the best seafood on the coast.”

“Oh, stop.” The woman grins. “No, I don’t
mean it. Please, continue showering me with praise.”

Luke laughs. “Evie owns this place,” he explains to me.

“It looks great,” I say, looking back and forth between
them. I’m trying to figure out the vibe here. Evie is gorgeous,
and they seem so relaxed with each other.

“Come on,” Evie beckons. “Let me find you a table.”

She leads us through the restaurant out to the back terrace. It’s
decorated with white lanterns and overlooking the beach, with the
ocean waves crashing onto the shore. There’s a free table off
at the side, with a gorgeous view and privacy from the other diners.
Luke pulls out my chair for me as we take our seats.

“This is great, thanks,” he tells her.

“I can have your server bring you menus,” Evie says, “Or
you can put your trust in the chef tonight? What do you say to menu
roulette?”

Luke looks over at me. “What do you think?”

“I’m game,” I say with a shrug. “Let’s
do it.”

“You won’t regret it.” Evie winks. “Have a
great meal, you guys.”

She heads back inside, and a moment later, a server comes with water
and to take our drink orders.

“She seems nice,” I say casually.

“Yeah, Evie’s great.” Luke drinks some water. “We
dated a while back when she first moved to town, but it didn’t
go anywhere.”

I feel a wave of relief, followed by guilt. Why should it matter who
he dates? I want him to be happy, don’t I?

“Oh, that’s a shame.”

He shrugs. “Some people just aren’t meant to be together.
But we stayed friends, so it worked out in the end. How about you?”
he asks, his gaze turning to me. “Anyone special waiting back
in New York?”

I shake my head. “Nope. Nobody.”

“I don’t believe that.” Luke’s grin is
teasing.

“Believe it. I guess I’ve just been focused on the
business. And like you said, you can’t really force it. Some
people aren’t meant to be together.”

And some people are.

The words appear in my head, but I do my best to ignore them. A
server arrives with a platter of appetizers, distracting us.

“Mmm,” I say loudly. “This looks delicious!”

And it does. My appetite suddenly returns as I take in the spread of
crostini, watermelon salad, and delicate grilled shrimp. I dig into
the food, and Luke does too. “I’ve missed great
seafood,” I tell him, savoring the flavors. “They have
plenty of amazing restaurants in New York, but nothing beats shrimp
that just came out of the water.”

“You must be eager to get back.” Luke’s voice is
casual, but I think I can detect a questioning look in his eyes. “You
probably didn’t expect to be stuck down here so long.”

“It’s actually been nice,” I say. “Spending
time with Rae and Betts, seeing Jules again.”
Seeing you
,
I silently add. “It makes me regret staying away for so long. I
guess a part of me will always think of this place as home.”

“And the other part?” he asks.

I look away. “I built a life for myself in New York, and I’m
proud of that. Growing my business from the ground up… I’ve
helped a lot of happy couples on their special day. I’ve really
made a name for myself.”

Luke nods slowly. “I understand that now. When I was younger, I
figured work was just what you did to get by until the weekend. Clock
in, clock out, pick up the paycheck, you know? I never thought any
further than that. But having my name on those plans, getting calls
from people who’ve seen my work and want to hire me to work on
their projects – it feels good.”

“You deserve it,” I tell him, proud. “You’ve
really made something great for yourself.”

“I guess I should thank you.” Luke gives a wry smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you leaving forced me to rethink things. Take a look at
my life, and figure out what I could have done to change things.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, feeling guilty.

“I’m not saying it was all your fault,” he adds
quickly. “But it was a pretty big wake up call that I couldn’t
just sit around and let life pass me by. It took me a while, but I
realized I wanted to make a life, too. I didn’t ever want to be
left behind again.”

“Is that what you think?” I ask, a lump in my throat.
“That I left you behind?”

Luke raises his eyebrows. “I’d say the tire marks on the
highway out of town were a pretty big clue.”

I swallow. I’ve been biting back the truth for years now, but I
realize I can’t hide anymore. Luke’s been thinking all
this time that he wasn’t good enough for me to stay. No matter
how painful it is, I need to share what was really going on in my
mind all those years ago.

I look around. The restaurant is packed now, and the terrace is loud
with laughter and conversation. “You want to take a walk?”
I ask suddenly. “Just for a moment?”

Luke looks at me, but he must guess I have something on my mind,
because he nods. “Sure.”

He flags down our server, and tells him to hold our main course for a
while. Then we take the steps down from the terrace onto the beach.

I kick off my sandals and carry them in one hand. The sand is still
warm on my bare feet, the night breeze rustling the palm trees that
line the shore. It’s still light out, the sun sinking over the
ocean as we walk in silence towards the water.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” I start in
a halting voice, my heart suddenly beating faster in my chest. “About
what happened back then. Why I left the way I did.”

Luke looks over at me, questioning, but he doesn’t say
anything. He just walks beside me, waiting for whatever I’m
going to say next.

“Senior year, everything was going great,” I say quietly,
trying to find the words. “You and me, we couldn’t be
better. We were so in love, talking about the future. I’d just
been accepted to NYU, but I was thinking about giving up my place.
Staying down here and going to school nearby so we could still be
together. Getting a little apartment somewhere, and setting up on our
own.”

“I remember.”

“I went back and forth, trying to figure out the right choice.
I wanted to stay so badly, I couldn’t imagine being apart from
you, but I still wanted to see the world outside Pelican Key Cove,
too. You didn’t want me to go away for school, and the conflict
was eating me up inside. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I didn’t realize.” His voice is heavy with regret.
“You never said anything.”

“I couldn’t.” I tell him. “You were so
excited about the life we could have here together, making all kind
of plans. Every time we talked about it, I got swept up in that
vision of our future, together. I tried to tell myself the
restlessness would pass, but it didn’t. It stayed, gnawing at
me from the inside out. And then…” I pause, taking a
deep breath. “And then I found out I was pregnant.”

Luke stops dead. He turns to me, his eyes wide in the dusk light.
“Ginny—”

“It didn’t last,” I tell him quickly. I’m
clenching my hands so tight I can feel the nails bite into my palms.
“A couple of weeks later, my period came. The doctor said it
might have been a false positive on the test, or maybe it just didn’t
take, but either way, it was over.”

Luke’s jaw clenches. “A couple of weeks? How long were
you planning on keeping it from me?”

I shake my head, remembering the panic I went through, all those
nights I cried myself to sleep because I was so lost and confused.
“It wasn’t like that. I spent those weeks in hell, trying
to figure out what to say to you—what
I
wanted to do.
Because I was just a kid,” I remind him, praying he’ll
understand. “We weren’t just messing around anymore.
Suddenly, it was the rest of my life I was looking at.”

“Our lives,” Luke corrects me. “I could have been
there for you. We could have figured it out together. You didn’t
have to keep it all bottled up to yourself.”

“I did,” I say slowly. “I’m sorry I didn’t
tell you. Looking back now, maybe I would have chosen differently.
But you have to understand, when I first saw those little blue lines,
it made me realize I wasn’t ready. Not for marriage, a baby,
any of it. I needed to figure out my life before taking those steps,
so I wouldn’t have all these regrets eating me up inside and
tainting whatever we did share. That’s when I realized I had to
go. And everything that came after… well, I made a mess of it,
I know, but it felt like the only way at the time. I couldn’t
bear to look you in the eye and tell you I was leaving. It was a
weak, cowardly thing to do, but I knew, if you asked, I would find
some way to stay, and then it would all have been for nothing.”

I stop, looking anxiously at Luke for his reaction. He stares out at
the water, his body language tense.

“Say something,” I whisper, desperate. “Luke, you
have to know I’m sorry. Tell me you understand, even just a
little.”

Finally, he lets out a long breath and nods, turning back to me.

“I understand,” he says slowly, and relief crashes
through me at the empathy on his face. “I guess I always
wondered what made you go like that. If I’d known, I probably
would have freaked out, too. But I wish you hadn’t gone through
it alone.”

“I had my aunts,” I say softly, “They helped. But
mainly, I just wanted to put the past behind me. After I made the
decision to leave, I couldn’t stick around through a dozen
painful goodbyes. I figured if you were going to hate me either way,
it was better for the both of us to just be gone.”

“I hated you, all right,” Luke agrees, but his expression
is softening now. “I spent a few too many nights down at the
bar, sneaking drinks and cussing your name. Wes didn’t know
what to do with me that summer. I wasn’t good for anything
except starting fights and drinking.”

“I’m sorry.”

Luke gives me a quiet, sad smile. “I know you are. And I am,
too. I should have listened to you back then, not railroaded you into
a future you didn’t want. Talking you out of NYU, ignoring all
the signs you needed more – it was selfish and stupid of me.”
He looks down, kicking at the sand, and for a moment he’s
transformed into a teenager again, nervous about being vulnerable and
exposing his feelings. “I was just scared,” he admits,
“That you’d leave for your fancy big city college and
realize you wanted more than me, that I didn’t fit with your
plans anymore. I held on so tight because I was scared of losing the
best thing I’d ever had.” He gives a hollow chuckle.
“How’s that for irony? I tried to make you stay, and it
only pushed you further away in the end.”

“And I loved you so much, I only broke both our hearts in the
process,” I add sadly.

“We messed things up, didn’t we?” Luke says. He
pauses, his eyes full of questions. “Do you ever wonder…?”

“What?”

A beat. “Nothing.” He turns back to me with a rueful
smile. “Thank you for telling me. I know it can’t be
easy, digging up the past like this. But I’m glad I know. Helps
put the past to rest.”

To rest? His words sound so final, like now I’ve come clean
there’s nothing left between us anymore. My heart sinks. I’ve
got the closure I was wanting, but instead of feeling free, a part of
me is still aching for more.

I turn away. “We should get back to the restaurant,” I
say brightly, trying to hide the emotions still whirling in my mind.
“Evie is probably wondering where we’re off to.”

“Ginny, wait.” Luke catches my hand, stopping me.

I turn back. His hand on mine sparks a thousand memories. I stare at
him, butterflies suddenly bursting to life in my stomach from the
intensity in his eyes. I wait for him to speak, not even sure what
I’m hoping to hear him say, just knowing that after all these
years this is still the man that can make my pulse race from a single
touch.

Then my cell phone rings, breaking through the moment.

I flinch. “I’ll turn it off,” I say, scrambling to
find it in my purse.

“No, it’s fine.” Luke drops my hand. “It
could be an emergency.”

I finally find it. Marcie’s calling. I silently curse her.
Pixie and Clyde better have eloped to Mexico to justify her
interrupting like this. “Really, it can wait.” I decline
the call, and look back to Luke, desperately hoping we can pick up
the moment where we left off. “What did you want to say?”

“It’s nothing.” He says, looking away. “You’re
right, we should get back. And you should answer that,” he
adds, as Marcie calls again.

He starts walking back towards the restaurant. Whatever we had
between us in that moment is gone now. I sigh, and pick up the phone.

“This better be good.”

What Luke didn’t say to me on the beach haunts me for the next
few days. We finished up the meal and he took me home, chatting about
work, and the wedding, and where our old friends wound up in the end,
but we never mentioned the talk on the beach again. I can’t
help feeling like I lost some chance – a window of opportunity
to tell him how I’m feeling – even when I’m not
quite sure what those feelings are myself.