Bearly Holding On (3 page)

“Awen, has your friend changed your mind?” he asked sternly. “I really cannot recommend you going home alone in this condition.”

“She won't be going home alone,” Mati spoke up. “She'll be coming with me.”

“What is your relationship with the patient?” the doctor asked.

“I don't see how that is any of your business,” Mati answered, turning to face the doctor completely.

“She hit her head, sir,” the doctor explained. “I'm sure you can reasonably understand that I can't let her go home with just anyone.”

“Please, don't make me stay here,” Awen begged the doctor anxiously.

“You know if you leave it will be without the meds that are keeping your nausea down,” the doctor told her. “And no pain medication.”

“I don't care,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“So be it,” the doctor snapped. “I'll grab your release forms.”

Before he was able to leave, Mati grabbed the doctor's arm with enough force to cause discomfort.

“Sir, you better—” the doctor began, but Mati quickly interrupted.

“You better listen,” he growled, stepping close enough for only the doctor to hear. “You will be sending her home with everything she needs to be comfortable under my care. Do you understand?”

“How about I press charges for—”

“How about I split your skull?” Mati squeezed harder, his inner bear getting the better of him. “You do whatever you have to, but you make sure this woman has everything she needs. And quickly. My temper is very short tonight.”

Mati's eyes took on a strange glow and the doctor nodded his head quickly.

“Yes, sir,” he quavered. “I'll be right back with those.”

Mati released the young doctor's arm and watched as he left the room in a hurry. He took a moment to breathe. His inner beast was truly drawn to this woman and so was he. For once in his life, he felt something more than rage and anguish. When he looked at her, he felt hope.

They waited in silence as a nurse walked in and unhooked the I.V., assisting Awen to a sitting position. Mati looked at her as she tried to stand and grabbed her before she wobbled to the floor.

“My head is spinning,” she told him, leaning heavily against his chest.

“Just wait a minute,” he ordered. “Let the nurse do her job and bring a wheelchair.”

“I don't need a wheelchair,” she argued, trying to stand on her own. His grip tightened around her waist.

The world around her stopped spinning enough to look into his eyes. They were so dark she could barely make out his irises. His nearly black hair fell just past his shoulder blades. Her attention was drawn to his chiseled jaw. He was a perfect specimen of the male gender and exactly the kind of man that made her knees weak.

“See something you like?” He smirked, and she liked that too.

“Here we go, dear!” a cheerful older woman chirped, pushing a wheelchair. “You have a seat, and Mr. Mati can sign these release forms.”

“Thank you, ma'am.” He guided Awen to the chair.

“Shouldn't I sign those?” Awen asked, rubbing her face to clear her head.

“No, sweetie,” the nurse replied, handing Mati the clipboard. “We're releasing you into his care, so he's to take good care of you.”

Mati signed the clipboard, and the nurse handed him a few prescriptions and a few capsules in a bag to take with him.

“Administer these every six to eight hours for nausea,” she directed and handed him another bag. “These are for pain every four to six hours. The spinning should be much better by tomorrow. Try to keep her off her feet until then and she'll be good to go. You should be covered with those meds until you can get the prescriptions filled.”

“Yes, thank you,” he said, placing the items in his pockets. “I appreciate your kindness.”

“Oh, no problem, dear.” She placed a gentle hand on his arm. “The doctor you had a talk with is really just a smug bastard, but he'll learn.”

Mati's deep chuckle reverberated through the small room as he followed the nurse out, pushing Awen in front of them. When they were finally through the exit, Mati wheeled Awen to her car and lifted her inside. The nurse made sure she was buckled in safely and bid them both a good night.

Awenasa tilted her head back and let her arms sprawl out as far as she could to keep her bearings as Mati pulled onto the main road toward the reservation.

“Where are you taking me?” she questioned as she fought sleep.

“My place,” he answered simply as he slowed down for a pothole. “You shouldn't be alone.”

“You barely know me,” she argued. “Why would you even care?”

“Been asking myself the same thing,” he answered honestly, “but you're staying with me and that's the end of it.”

“Whatever,” she answered flippantly. Deep down, however, she didn't really mind. She wanted to get to know him better; he seemed like a good man. The thought of him killing Jason Rhodes or any of the others seemed more and more like a joke, but she still had a job to do, not falling for the suspect being a paramount requirement of that.

A half hour later, Mati pulled up as close as he could to his solitary cabin. He walked over and opened the door as Awen unbuckled her seatbelt. When she went to get out, he quickly lifted her in his arms, bumping the door closed.

“I can walk,” she objected. “I'm not a child.”

“You heard the nurse lady,” he grunted, stepping over some small branches. “You have to stay off your feet.”

“You won't listen to the doctor, but you'll listen to his nurse?” she asked sarcastically.

“The doctor was an asshole,” he said, ducking under a tree. He knew the way so well it didn't matter that he didn't carry a flashlight. “You're the one that disobeyed the doctor. I just made sure he wasn't going to send you home suffering.”

“Yeah,” she admitted softly, remembering what he'd done for her. “Thanks for that.”

“Thank me later,” he said as he reached his front door, kicking it open with his foot.

He crossed the room and laid her down gently on his fur-covered bed. It was firm, Awen noticed, but oddly comfortable. Mati crossed the room and turned on a lantern.

“It's not much,” he told her. “Certainly not as good as what you're used to, but it's warm, it's dry, and its mine.”

“You know they invented electricity, right?” she deadpanned “And there's this cool thing the city people call cable! There's a box and people talk in it. It's amazing!”

“You're really funny,” he said flatly, handing her a bottle of water and beginning to rummage around in a small box in the corner of the room. He pulled out a little, old fashioned radio and switched it on. “Did you know about these things called batteries? They power things without a need for electricity.”

“It's better than silence,” she admitted, chuckling at him. “Too much quiet makes me nervous.”

“I understand that.” He sat on an old chair beside the bed as he began to tune the radio. “The calm before the storm.”

“Yeah,” she murmured quietly. “It was silent the first time I was shot. Ever since then, I've been terrified of the quiet.”

He nodded his head in understanding. He too had been shot at, by hunters seeing him in his bear form trying their luck. He got nothing but static on the device and switched it off. He got up and sat next to her on the bed.

“Sometimes,” he said, sighing, “what you think is silence is actually filled with all kinds of sounds if you learn to listen behind it.”

She cocked her head at him.

“Really,” he admonished, turning to look at her. “Try it. Listen for that ringing in your ears and focus past all that. Hear the wind shifting the trees, the crickets chirping, the coyotes howling off in the distance. The forest is full of sounds if you open your ears to it.”

She smiled at his brief softness and did as he told her. He was right; she could hear those things, but more than anything and what she had been missing most was feeling them. She could almost feel the wind blowing through her soul, lifting her higher into the atmosphere. The connection she had felt to the forest as a child was the most empowering thing she'd ever felt—more powerful than the gun holstered at her side.

She looked at him as he watched her and laid a hand on his, squeezing it tightly.

“Thank you,” she said warmly as his big hands encircled hers. “It's been a long time since I've felt so connected.”

“We are children of the Earth,” he told her. His eyes seemed to travel back in time. “We must all return to it eventually. You may live an urban life, but this place will always be your home.”

He looked into her eyes. His inner beast pawed within him, excited by the tenderness he found there. Finally, it seemed that he and his beast were on the same page. They both wanted her, but Mati was feeling an emotion quite different from his inner animal. The beast was more primal, raw in his emotions; he wanted to own her. Mati, on the other hand, just wanted to love her unconditionally. The feeling itself was so overwhelming that he could barely contain himself when Awen stroked his hair, gently tangling her fingers in his dark locks.

It had been a long time since he had felt a woman's touch, but he reveled in it as she pulled him closer to her.

“I don't know why,” she whispered as his body loomed over hers. “but I feel like this is supposed to happen.”

Mati swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly very dry as she positioned herself under him, pulling his face closer to hers.

“It's powerful,” she said breathlessly. “The connection we somehow share.”

She dropped her hand between them, putting it under his shirt and rubbing against his chiseled abs as she rose up, kissing him softly.

Mati quickly responded, deepening the kiss, keeping his hands on both sides of her. They stayed like this for a brief moment, lost in blind passion. Mati felt Awen pushing against his shoulder and allowed her to overpower him as she climbed on top, lifting his shirt over his head. She straddled his middle, feeling his excitement beneath her, but leaned forward, locking their lips in a heated kiss.

Awen found that he was surprisingly gentle as his fingers tangled in her hair, pulling them tighter together. His tongue sought entrance, and she granted it quickly, sucking on the tip of it suggestively. Mati's hands began to wander down her body and fixed themselves on her hips, pulling her down harder on his lap for added friction.

Awen moaned softly against his lips. Without warning, Mati’s inner beast began to surface with a vengeance. He slowed his breathing in an attempt to calm himself down, but the beast pushed back harder. Mati sat up quickly being, careful not to harm Awen.

“Oh, no.” His voice was barely a whisper. He felt it then, that deep longing; the forest was calling out to him.

“I'm sorry,” Awen murmured. “I'm definitely being too forward.” She reached out towards him, a calming gesture, but stopped when he flinched.

“It isn't you.” His voice was a low growl. “I want this too.”

Awen shuffled closer to him, her features ground together in confusion. He jerked away, skidding across the floor on all fours. He faced her.

“Mati, what's wrong?” Awen’s voice wavered.

Mati’s only response was a loud snarl. Awen couldn’t believe what she was seeing; his eyes began to glow yellow. She un-holstered her gun and Mati lunged out the front door, battering it off its hinges.

Awen staggered after him determinedly. When she reached the outdoors the breath hitched in her throat; Mati was grappling with himself, tearing at his skin viciously. As pieces of flesh fell away from him, she was surprised to see patches of fur emerge, instead of the blood and gore she had expected.

“Mati!” she screamed. She raced forward, arms outstretched, trying to reach him.

When he fixed her with his gaze his eyes were no longer human. She watched in terror as his nose protruded from his skill, a great roar emitting from the mouth below it. He dropped to the ground suddenly, and contorted his limbs as a sick cracking noises filled the night air. One final, loud roar completed the transformation. It was no longer Mati standing before her; it was a great grizzly bear, at least eight feet from nose to tail. Awen watched in shock as the hulking form that had previously been Mati took off into the night.

“What the hell,” Awen muttered into the darkness. She couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed. Mati, snarky but sweet Mati, had just transformed into a bear before her eyes. Her knees wobbled in shock, but within seconds of the beast’s departure she was able to steady herself enough to run into the forest after him.

Adrenaline alone kept her on her feet as she tore through the underbrush. A scream in the distance had her charge forward even faster, and she held the gun firmly in front of her as she went. Reaching a small clearing, Awen heard a roar. The moon lit the scene in front of her; a woman, half dressed, was crawling away from a stocky man. The bear closed in, a giant paw raised, ready to strike.

“No! Stop!” Awen screamed, running towards them. She fired her gun in the air wildly. The bear’s wild gaze fixed on her. His eyes almost seemed sad, regretful.

The man grabbed a long stick from the ground, whacking the bear hard across his muzzle. As he shifted with the blow, Awen was able to finally get a clear look at his face.

“Chief Enyeto!” she called out. He was the chief of the Cayuse tribe nearby.
What was he doing on their lands?

At her cry, Enyeto’s eyes darted to meet hers, in shock. The bear swung blindly, enraged by the assault. Enyeto was thrown off of his feet, hitting the mulchy ground with a
thud.
His reflexes were fast, though, and he managed to roll quickly back into a standing position. The bear began to lunge again, and Awen threw her body between the two. The grizzly snarled, pacing but not attempting to barge through her shaking form.

Awen reached out slowly.
Is it really Mati?
she wondered. The bear regarded her with bright, intelligent eyes; she realized, despite everything she knew about the world, that it must be true. The bear in front of her was the man she had been held in a passionate embrace by only moments before.

Footfalls, padding off into the woods, caused her to glance behind her. Enyeto had disappeared. The woman that had been with him stepped out from behind a large pine tree, studying Awen and the bear with equal interest.

When Awen turned back, the bear had begun to change in shape. His fur molted away, revealing dusky, sinewy flesh beneath it. The snap of bones moving back into place resounded through the air as both she and the unnamed woman watched. In moments the bear was gone, and Mati stood, shaking, in his place.

“Mati?” Awen took a tentative step forward.

Mati grabbed her arm forcefully. “What were you thinking?” He was seething. “You could have been killed.
I
could have killed you!”

“You were going to kill that man!” she screamed in retaliation, wrenching her arm from his grip and regarding him with defiant eyes. “Do you know who he is?”

“I do,” he growled lowly. “He was that man trying to kill that woman.” He pointed to the woman by the trees, who had begun to sob, clutching her throat. “When I found them he had his hands wrapped around her throat.”

“And I let him get away,” Awen said softly to herself. She felt a pang of guilt before she remembered how exactly the situation had played out. She turned back to Mati. “You’re a bear!”

Mati rolled his eyes and stepped past Awen, walking towards the crying woman with measured, cautious steps. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

She nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking intently into his eyes. Her evident relief and gratitude rolled off of her in waves.

Awen’s police training kicked in and went to move towards the woman. Her head began to spin again and her step was more like a lurch. “What happened?” she asked, choosing to ignore her sudden lightheadedness. “I need to get a statement.”

“Not here,” Mati grumbled, his eyes scanning the surrounding forest. “We need to take her back to the reservation. We might not be alone.”

A shiver crawled down Awen’s spine as she looked at him—not the least because she noticed he was decidedly unclothed.
He’s a bear,
she thought.
The attractive guy I made out with is a bear.
Yet, somehow, the more she thought about it, the less it surprised her.

“Come on,” she told shivering woman. “Let’s get you home.”

The woman nodded wordlessly. A sick feeling rose in Awen’s stomach when she realized that her vocal chords were probably too bruised to talk.

Awen began to walk to the edge of the clearly on shaky legs, but Mati stopped her. “Oh no,” he said, sweeping her up into his arms. “You’re not walking.”

Awen smacked at his chest. “I can walk!” she cried. “Put me down!” Her blows had little to no effect on him. Defeated, Awen allowed him to continue holding her with a resigned sigh.

The trio said nothing as they trekked through the forest. What was there to say? One of them had been nearly killed, the other had transformed into a bear, and Awen was wondering if perhaps it had all been a Vicodin-fueled dream.

They reached the road within ten minutes. At the same time as they emerged from the woods, a group of men, including Awen’s father, was just about to head in. Each one gripped a rifle, aiming it at Mati and the two women in surprise. Once they saw who it was they immediately disengaged. Mati put Awen gently onto her feet.

Awen’s father rushed up to her. “Awenasa!” he cried, enveloping her in a fierce hug. “We heard gunshots. Did this man…?” He left his sentence trail off, hardening his gaze as he turned it to Mati.

“No, father,” Awen answered quickly. “Mati didn’t hurt anyone.”

“Why is he naked?” one of the other men asked incredulously. Awen ignored him.

Keme relaxed slightly, but kept a watchful eye on Mati as the others surged forward to assist the other woman, who had begun crying again.

“He tried to kill me!” It was the first time Awen had heard the woman’s voice, and she cringed. It sounded so ragged, so broken. The men, misinterpreting her, immediately cocked their rifles and at Mati’s tall figure.

Mati put his hands in the air in surrender, though his face remained calm and impassive.

“It wasn’t Mati!” Awen insisted, pushing herself in front of him and raising her arms in a calming gesture. “I’m still not sure what happened, but Mati didn’t do this.”

The men grumbled and lowered their guns. They turned their attention back to the sobbing woman.

Awen followed suit. “Ma’am?” she asked softly. “What happened before we got there?”

The woman inhaled deeply, steadying herself. “I met him on one of the riding trails,” she said between sniffs. “He looked harmless, so I said hi. We got to talking and he seemed nice at first. It got dark and he offered to walk me home. Then...” She took another deep breath.

Awen patted her arm reassuringly.

“He tackled me to the ground,” she began again. “Tried to tear off my clothes. I hit him and—” Her voice cracked with a hard sob. “He started choking me.” She glanced at Awen, then Mati. “You know the rest.”

Mati breathed a sigh of relief; she hadn’t told them about his shifting. He glanced over to Awen, who was walking over to him with her father trailing close behind.

“Did either of you get a look at the man’s face?” her father inquired.

“Yes,” answered Awen, “and we know him—but I have to do this the right way.”

Her father nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

“I can’t give you his name,” she continued. “This could cause a lot of trouble for our people if not handled properly.”

“I trust you, Awenasa.” He looked over at Mati and extended a hand towards him. “Thank you for helping a daughter of our tribe.”

“Seems to be a trend here lately,” Mati said under his breath, shooting a devilish grin at Awen. “I appreciate your gratitude.”

Keme sent his daughter a questioning look.

“I got into a little accident on my way back to town,” she explained. “Hit my head pretty hard. Mati was there and took me to the hospital, the doctor released me into his care since I refused to stay. He was—uh—in the shower when we first heard the commotion.”

Keme gave Mati a stern, appraising look. “I see,” he said finally.
Shower indeed,
his expression seemed to say. “Awen, you can stay with your mother and I. We will look after you.”

Awen protested, “I don’t want to worry Mother. You know how fretful she can be.” She grasped her father’s hand reassuringly, still warm inside from their renewed bond. “I’m fine with Mati. He’s been a gentleman, I swear.”

Keme pursed his lips, but ultimately ceded to his daughter’s will. “I'm just a stone's throw away if you need anything.” He hugged Awen tightly. “Are you sure you'll be alright?”

“Of course.” She patted his back. “I'll be perfectly fine by morning. I'll only stay this one night.”

Her father broke the hug and nodded. “Make sure your gun is loaded,” he threw over his shoulder as the group began to lead the woman home. “And god’s sake put some clothes on.”

Awen shook her head, amused, and turned to Mati. “Well.” She sighed and leaned against his shoulder. “That was super awkward.”

“Hmm,” he mumbled in agreement. “Let’s get back, you should be in bed.”

Awen stifled a yawn. She was too tired to argue when he lifted her into his embrace to carry her back to his cabin. In fact, she was grateful. The day’s events had been too much for her to fully comprehend. Her brain had reached an overload.

Mati is a shape-shifter,
she thought.
A bear-shifter...a were-bear.
The last thought made her chuckle out loud.

They had just stepped over the threshold into the cabin when he noticed her giggles. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

“You’re a were-bear,” she explained, grinning from ear to ear as he laid her down on the bed. “It’s just fun to say.”                

Mati grimaced. “I prefer shifter.” He walked over to the door and fiddled with it until he was able to shut it. The hinges were broken, but he would be able to fix them in the morning.

As he worked on the door, Awen finally took the time to examine him. He was all muscle—hard, defined muscle. His skin shone in the lamplight, almost golden. And his butt—well, it was just as defined as the rest of him.

Awen giggled again, suddenly feeling very mischievous. “Were-bear not manly enough for you?” she teased.

He ignored her, making sure the door was in place properly before he slipped on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from beside the bed. Then he grabbed a chair and spun it so the back was facing her, straddling it and fixing her with a serious stare. “You’re not terrified?”

Awen smirked, quirking a brow. “Honestly no,” she replied, leaning back against the pillows. “I know I should be, but somehow I’m not. I don’t think you’ll hurt me.”

“No,” he answered softly. “Never intentionally, at least. But when I’m a bear...you have to understand. It’s all instinct...all primal rage. I could have hurt you tonight and I would have never forgiven myself.”

“So how does it work?” Her voice was eager, damn near enthusiastic. “Can you change at will?”

He grabbed a canteen from the end of the bed and took a long swallow. “At times. Though sometimes I can’t control it. When someone is in danger it’s like I receive a call—a call to protect your people.”

“So when we found those men close to Nez Perce…” She let the question hang in the air.

Mati’s stare was even, calm. “I killed them.”

Awen held his gaze, refusing to let him shock her.

“They weren’t innocent men. They were all in the process of doing harm to someone from your tribe. I had no choice.”

The puzzle pieces came together in Awen’s mind. “The curse…” Her brow furrowed. “Are you Uzumati? The Ghost Bear?”

Mati ground his teeth at the name. “I am,” he confirmed, “but the story you’ve heard isn’t true. I’m not a ghost, first of all, as you can see for yourself.”

“But how?” she asked, leaning forward slightly. “You must be—”

“299 years old,” he supplied. “My birthday is next month.”

“I’ll be sure to send a card.”

The silence hung between them heavily while Awen processed everything she had just learned.

“So you killed Princess Awesana?” she asked softly. “The woman that was chosen to unite us with the Walla Walla?”

“I didn’t kill her,” Mati snarled. He jerked himself out of the chair, pacing the room. “I know that’s what everyone believes. But I didn’t.”

“Then who did?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory—simply curious. “Is it not true that they found you holding the knife, covered in her blood?”

Mati turned to her and his eyes were filled with so much pain that she wished she hadn’t asked. “I was holding the dagger, yes. But the killer had already left. I grabbed the dagger because—” Rage and anguish that had been simmering just under the surface for years began to boil. “—Because I loved her. I loved her and when I found her dead I wanted to be dead too.”

Awen was touched. He looked so human in that moment, so fragile, that she forgot for a moment that she had nearly seen him rip a man to shreds.

“And you took your punishment silently because you thought they would kill you,” she finished for him. “So you wouldn’t have to do it yourself.”