Beast Machine (23 page)

Arkansans didn’t want to
hear about “love and charity” what they wanted to hear about were
jobs and bright futures for their children, even if those jobs
weren’t important to mankind. Key words were important for politics
– it was all about soundbites and quick consumption of information
– and Steenburgen had selected her key words poorly, even if they
were well-intended.

Steenburgen didn’t look the
part of governor either; she looked more like an Aunt that you
never wanted to receive a hug from; a friend’s mom that smelled
funny and you weren’t sure why; that woman at the bus stop that
never seems to get on a bus and just sits at the bus stop talking
to everyone that sat down next to her. She didn’t even look the
part to be a mayor of a village with five residents. Steenburgen
would be better suited to run a crocheting club or be a manager at
a fast food establishment.

Nonetheless, Steenburgen
put forth
her
idea
of a strong platform for the state of Arkansas and it really wasn’t
too different from Chairman Obelis’ true platform, except
Steenburgen’s had more flowers, pretty colors and loftier,
unattainable goals. It wasn’t going to work the way Steenburgen was
going to present it and Chairman Obelis expected Southwyck to
dismantle Steenburgen enough to cause her to fold into a panic.
Chairman Obelis was relieved at the fact that he wouldn’t have to
hurt Steenburgen’s feelings much if Southwyck did it for
him.

“
Good evening residents of
Bella Vista!” said the announcer amiably. He didn’t appear to be a
local, as he wore a brown suit instead of overalls, shorts or
jeans. “Welcome to the first debate for these three candidates
wishing to be the next governor of Arkansas!”

The crowd applauded lazily.
A few whistling noises could be heard as well.

“
First let me introduce the
three candidates: The republican candidate is a former fullback for
the Razorbacks and currently the CEO of his father’s realty
company, Ryan Southwyck!”

Southwyck waved to the
crowd with a plastic smile adorned on his chubby mug. He stood
quite hefty for a user of cocaine and was at least 80 lbs. heavier
than his playing weight.

“
Ryan’s story is truly one
of redemption after not making the NFL and having to come home to
amend his life. Ryan says he is now ready to lead our great state
to the Promised Land!”

The crowd clapped much
louder than before. Several members in the audience stood up to
clap and shout “PIG SOOIE!” – the University of Arkansas rallying
cry during football games. Chairman Obelis looked at the Bella
Vista residents that stood up; they were all wearing University of
Arkansas razorbacks’ hats, shirts and jackets and weren’t part of
Southwyck’s entourage.

Chairman Obelis wrote a
note to himself stating, “Carda Implants are an absolute
must
for football
fanatics.”

“
Our democratic candidate
is…”

A man stood up and booed
loudly. He screamed, “Boo! Fuck you! You support the innocent
killin’ of babies! Abortion is murder! Fucking disgusting bitch! Go
to hell – where your kind belongs!”

Steenburgen’s pale, freckly
face began to turn a bright red and her armpits started to drip
sweat. She stood a mere 5’3” but was nearing the 250 lbs. mark. Her
weight caused her to breathe deeply before speaking.

“
I’m… sorry you feel… that
way, sir!” breathed Steenburgen deeply into the microphone at her
podium.

Two skinny, likely teenage,
security guards gently escorted the man out of the building. His
ranting could still be heard until one of the teenage guards shut
the exit door.

“
Well then!” spoke the
announcer. “Our democratic candidate is Felicia Steenburgen! A
graduate of Vanderbilt University with a degree in education and a
graduate degree from Arkansas University for Philosophy, Miss
Steenburgen is a quality candidate that would make a great
governor!”

Southwyck said under his
breath, “I nailed a bunch of cows like her back in college!”
Southwyck had directed his comment towards Chairman Obelis, hoping
to pry a reaction from the quiet third-party candidate.

The crowd cheered lazily
once again. Except Steenburgen’s mother and friend, they stood up
and cheered loudly.

“
Thank you… for this…
opportunity…!” breathed Steenburgen deeply, once more. Her face
returned to its pale and freckly state after the mild clapping died
down. She tried to manage a smile but could only raise half of her
face in the effort. The half-faced smile gave Steenburgen the
visage of a constipated buffalo.

“
And now, we introduce our
third candidate,” said the announcer. “He’s not a native Arkansan
but since he has lived here for well over the twenty-five years
necessary, he is eligible to run for governor of our wonderful
state!”

The crowd didn’t clap,
minus the white-haired man that told Jeffrey he was excited to hear
Chairman O’Belis’ political points. The white-haired man’s clapping
began to slow, as the man looked around to see if anyone would join
him. No one did.

“
He is known as being the
‘Reclusive Billionaire’ but tonight we all get to meet, Chairman
Obelis!” said the announcer.

The white-haired man let
out a few claps, again, to show his appreciation toward Chairman
Obelis.

“
You can call me Huxley
Obelis,” said Chairman Obelis calmly into his microphone. The crowd
grew more interested after hearing the secretive billionaire speak
for the first time. Did his voice sound like they believed it
would?

Jeffrey scrunched his face
in confusion. Chairman Obelis had never let
him
call him Huxley! “Why do these
yokels get to call him Huxley?” thought Jeffrey.

“
Welcome to the fold,
Huxley,” smiled the announcer. “Who wants to begin the opening
statements?”

“
I… will go first…” said
Steenburgen as quickly and confidently as she could.

Chairman Obelis and
Southwyck were hoping the other would go first. Each man was mildly
surprised that Steenburgen stepped up to the plate, albeit slowly
considering her deep breathing in between words. The two men walked
to the edge of the stage to sit in their seats while awaiting
Steenburgen’s opening statement; Chairman Obelis made sure to leave
a chair in between Southwyck and himself.

“
Your time starts now, Miss
Steenburgen! Please be quiet in the audience,” said the
announcer.

Chapter 22

A Concrete Plan

“So, you’re saying we lure
this woman out into the woods to kill her?” asked Gora. “Seems easy
enough, I guess.”

“
Ja,” replied Owlbert. “It
vill be simple!”

The group had
unintentionally formed a circle as they sat on the ground nibbling
on food Gora had bought for them as they rested or researched the
next target. Gora rarely went out in public since being ridiculed
by the majority of the ASH members, but made a special trip to a
nearby store to buy goodies to reward her beasts – her
friends.

Hitbear had hushed away his
haunting memories for the time being through a forced nap. His
hair, though normally a shitty looking bowl cut, was shooting in
all directions after his slumber. He looked more ridiculous than
usual.

“
But how will we get her
out into the woods?” asked Hitbear. He quietly nibbled at
watermelon, bananas and muskmelon. Fruit remnants dribbled all over
his chest and down to his feet. “That’s the most important part,
right?” he said with a mouthful of the various fruit.

“
Yeah, that part I don’t
get. She doesn’t work anywhere near a forest or woodlands,” said
Gora. Gora dipped a spoon in a jar of peanut butter and shoveled an
enormous amount of peanut butter into her mouth. Her voice became
muffled. “I don’t think this plan is going to work, Owlbert.” She
licked the roof of her mouth, trying to removing any excess peanut
butter.

“
Did you two even listen to
the damn bird when he laid out the plan?” asked Tubman flatly. She
hadn’t been listening to Owlbert either. “It was a pretty simple
plan, but… if you want to explain it again, bird, I wouldn’t mind.”
Tubman had decided to only eat some muskmelon and some wheat bread.
She ate her meal much slower than her comrades. Her stomach was not
nearly as large as Gora’s or Hitbear’s and she liked to savor her
meals.

Gora and Hitbear looked at
one another, mouths’ full of food, and then back at the
group.

“
Yeah… I wasn’t listening
very well,” said Hitbear. “I’m really not the best at listening
since I usually do the planning. That’s what I was created
for…”

“
Oh shut it,” said Tubman.
“You planned
one
thing.” Hitbear gave Tubman a look of confusion. He severely
underestimated her ability to command a conversation.

“
Owlbert,” said Gora,
“Please briefly explain your plan again. This time we will listen.”
Gora smacked Hitbear’s stomach and gave him a rough glare. “We will
listen very closely!”

“
Ja, okay!” chimed Owlbert.
“So zee fraulein lives near San Francisco, California. Vich ist
several hours und hundreds of miles from Pendleton. So vee have zee
opportunity to locate ein spot in zee Northern part of California.
Northern California has ein very dense forest that vould suffice
und be enough away from civilization. At least as far away as vee
can get in this country. Zee mountains vill help too!
Ja!”

“
Okay,” the group said in
unison. Hitbear burped –
urp!
–
and apologized. He
placed the fruit he was eating on the ground. He wiped his paws on
his chest, removing the sticky juices from his paws and
transferring them to his chest.

“
Vee can use ein map to do
that part, but vill still have to check zee area to make sure nein
humans are camping in zee area! I vill be zee ‘lookout’ again! I
vas very good at that!” Owlbert stretched how his wings. He didn’t
eat much of what Gora had bought. He decided he would go the
natural route and stick with a diet that was suitable for owls. The
encompassing woods served as a buffet for the birdman: he feasted
on worms, mice, smaller birds, bugs and occasionally a rabbit or
squirrel. He was much larger than the typical owl; so much more
food had to be consumed. “After finding zee location with ein map,
vee will need to buy ein cement auto. Du know, zee ones that go
whirly, whirly, whirly!” Owlbert moved the end of his wing in a
circular motion, mimicking the rolling container on the back of a
cement truck. “They have ein yellow spiral on zee auto!”

“
Uh, what for?” asked Gora.
Gora squinted her eyes tightly while focusing on Owlbert. She
couldn’t predict where he was going with this plan and she wasn’t
sure if she wanted to hear more of it.

“
Ein moment, Frau Gora, ein
moment. I vill get to that! Now back to vas I vas saying. After
buying zee cement auto und mixing cement in zee auto, naturally,
zee next phase of zee plan vill need to go in motion! Frau Gora
vill do this part. She vill do this part on her own! Be
brave!”

“
Why me?” asked Gora, again
with her eyes still squinted and focused on Owlbert. “This next
part better be about me going to get ice cream on my
own.”

“
Vell it vould be quite
unusual for einen owl, ein bear or ein hare to speak to ein person
face-to-face. It vould spook zee fraulein doctor! Und zee plan, und
your revenge doctrine, vill be kaput. Just like that!” Owlbert
tried to snap his ‘fingers’ but, to his disappointment, couldn’t
snap his talons like a person could snap their fingers.

“
Ugh,” rang out from Gora’s
throat. She leaned her head down and put her head in
hands.

“
Gora, you’re the one that
wants us to do all this revenge crap,” said Tubman. “You created us
after all. If you don’t do your part, what’s the point of us trying
our hardest?”

Gora sat up slowly. She
knew Tubman was right. “Fine, I’ll go it alone,” sighed Gora. She
shoveled another large spoonful of peanut butter into her
mouth.

“
Now, continuing mein plan:
Gora vill meet vith zee fraulein doctor und vill beg und plead vith
her to come to zee forest area vee decided on; how du get her out
there ist up to du Gora.” Gora nodded begrudgingly. “Once vee get
her up there Gora vill take her to our exact coordinates. At those
exact coordinates vill be ein three meter deep hole covered by
leaves, foliage, sticks und any other thing vee find in zee forest.
Hitbear und Tubman vill dig up zee hole und cover it as best as
they can.”

Tubman moved over toward
Gora and put her paw on Gora’s shoulder. Gora nodded appreciatively
at the hare and the comfort she brought.

“
Next Gora vill push or
lead – vhichever! – zee fraulein into zee hole of death!” Owlbert
squawked.

“
So, we’re gonna let her
die of starvation?” asked Hitbear. “It would definitely be less
bloody, but more potentially more agonizing.” Hitbear looked at
Gora, “You’d prefer starvation over a massacre?”

Gora shrugged.

“
Nein! Zee cement truck
vill be revealed from nearby, being driven by Tubman or Hitbear –
doesn’t matter. Vee vill bury her in cement und then cover zee top
of zee cement with zee leftover dirt! Or vee could even create ein
memorial to honor zee doctor fraulein! Nein…nein… that vould be
stupid since it vould let someone know something’s there.” Owlbert
smacked himself in the face with his left wing.
Thwack.