Beasthood (The Hidden Blood Series) (37 page)

             
The scent was familiar, though he wasn't sure why.

             
The perfume smell on Jaz's coat and the poison in his hand, made him so mad he couldn't think. He scrunched up the paper bag in his palm and ripped his way out the room. “Where
is
she!?”

             
Edda stepped out his way, appearing docile as he rampaged round the cabin. It was then the bathroom door swung open in a rush.

              Jaz had been in the shower when she heard the commotion. She'd turned off the water, jumped out and quickly wrapped a towel around her. She'd listened at the door just as a furious voice had bellowed, “Where is she!?” before she'd whipped open the door, only to find Driver with his back turned. Edda by his side.

             
The moment between her opening the door and Edda seeing her was barely half a second. Edda's eyes widened slightly. At that moment, Driver turned to face Jaz.

             
Jaz's stomach plummeted to the floor. She nearly vomited. Driver's expression was pure rage and it was aimed right at her. She stood frozen, paralyzed by fear. Even when he thundered towards her she couldn't run away. Her wet, bare feet were glued to floor.

             
He grabbed her by the arm, the speed of it made his hand slide a little down her damp skin. He pulled her so harshly her arm was nearly dislocated. She swallowed her yelp as he dragged her into the living room, heading straight for the wall ahead.

             
It was a bare wall lodged between the front door and the living room window. He threw her against it, pinning her there with one powerful hand. Her already bruised back groaned in protest. She wheezed at the pressure on her chest not knowing whether to attack or just to let him treat her this way.

             
Though Driver could see that not only was she dripping wet, wearing only a towel, terrified and very bruised, his fury took over any inkling of compassion, lust, concern or shame he might have felt on a normal day.

             
Right now he was far from normal.  

“
I have never been so angry with anyone as I am with you right now.”

             
Expecting him to shout made her uneasy when his voice came out in a spine-chilling whisper.

             
Before Jaz plucked up the courage to ask, he held up a sealed plastic bag. Inside were the hemlock roots. She looked at it for a moment as if not certain what she was seeing. Her brain was moving slowly. Her eyes then widened momentarily as what was in front of her sunk in and then her lip became stubborn. Her whole face deadpanned,  shutting him out. “Why did you go through my stuff?”

             
Her whole response infuriated Nik even more. “WHAT the HELL were you thinking!?” he roared. Jaz closed her eyes, looked down and then hesitantly gazed up into his face. Nik shook the bag as he barked, “You could have killed yourself! We aren't invincible! This shit is still lethal to us!”

“
I was careful,” she replied firmly.

             
Edda's faint gasp as she discovered the accusation was true came from her place by the breakfast bar.

             
Nik threw the bag behind him into the air. It was caught by someone leaning in the shadows by the open front door. Only then did Jaz realize Garik was standing there, watching the whole scene with faint interest as if he'd seen it all before. She wanted to smash his face in. It was obvious he'd had a hand in this.

“
You were
careful
? You allowed yourself to be
poisoned
for what? What could be so damn important you'd risk your
life
for it!?” Jaz glared at him, wondering how the hell he could not see it. How could he not understand? “WHAT!?” He pressed on her chest harder, making her gasp.

“
Stop,” she whispered.

“
Answer me!”

             
She was so desperate to get him off of her; afraid he'd crush her ribcage it hurt so much. In a fit of anger and distress she said the first thing that came to her mind.

             
The wrong thing.

“
Because I don't want to be a monster!” she shrieked.

             
The realization of what she'd just said hit her like a sledgehammer. But it was the look on Nik's face that really killed her.

             
He stared at her with hollow eyes. After a moment he collected himself, leant back, removing his hand from her chest. She could feel it bruising but refrained from rubbing it.

             
He cocked his head to the side, without looking directly at Edda but letting her know he was addressing her. “Leave us.” Without a word Edda walked towards the door, gave Jaz a stern but equally concerned look and headed outside. Garik moved out the way to let her pass but did not go with her. Nik exhaled loudly. “You too Garik.”

“
I think I should stay in case you decide to break another wall with her spine again.”

             
Jaz gave him a sideways glance.

             
Nik gunned him a look that Jaz didn't see but she swore she could feel the heat of it as if she was standing next to a furnace. Without watching him go, she heard Garik's footsteps leave; the front door closed almost inaudibly and they were alone.

             
This was the first time since she'd been saved by Nik that night from Rufus that she'd been forced to face the memory head on. A lot of things had been left unsaid. Even earlier today in the gym office. They'd both held back.

             
Having Edda give Lora's belongings to Jaz instead of coming himself, was another topic in the long list of awkward conversations she really didn't want to have at this moment. She hoped she'd only have to get through one at a time. 

             
She began to sweat at the thought of talking about that night, now that she'd foolishly blurted out that she thought they were all monsters, herself included. It had genuinely been aimed at only herself, but Nik, unlike her, wasn't a fool. He knew those words ran deeper than that. Even when she didn't. He'd asked her only a few hours earlier,
What are you afraid of? Us? Or yourself?

Both.
She admitted.

             
She had tried so hard to shut all memories of that night away.

             
She was ashamed at what he'd seen. Ashamed of how she'd reacted when she'd seen him. As he was. A Beast.

             
He'd seen her transform her hand into a claw. The memory was persistent now, demanding her attention. She shut her eyes for a whole minute, giving up when she couldn't push the images away.

             
She looked down at her hand trying to imagine it. As a claw.

             
It didn't seem real. But it was. And it scared her so much, she trembled.

             
Nik noticed it; saw her glance down and he peered at her hand too without her seeing, thinking of the same night. But his thoughts differed greatly from hers as he went through it in his mind.

             
Then he stepped back and held out his own hand in invitation. “Sit.” She remained standing stiffly by the wall. He frowned at her. “Please.”

             
She couldn't move. It wasn't out of rudeness, she just physically couldn't move.

             
He dropped his hand and bared his teeth. She saw how sharp they looked and swallowed. Her throat was bone dry. “You going to speak to me?” he questioned gruffly.

             
She gazed around the room as if in a daze, then without warning a tear dropped from her eye and landed on her arm. They both remained silent. It was uncomfortable for them both. She hated herself for crying.

“
I'm sorry,” she whispered. Nik focused on her face. She didn't meet his gaze. “What I said. It wasn't what I meant.”

“
Yes it was.”

             
Their eyes met.

“
No it wasn't. This isn't me attacking you, or Edda or anyone here.”

“
And yet you're talking about becoming what we are. And you referred to it as becoming a 'monster'. So we're monsters,” he said impatiently.

             
She sighed, biting her bottom lip then rubbing her forehead in frustration. “I can't explain-”

“
So try!” he snapped.

“
You won't understand!”

             
He stepped forward in irritation. “Stop telling me what I will and won't understand, what you can and can't explain and just TELL me. Right. Now.”

             
He loomed over her making her feel so vulnerable, she remembered why she used to be so terrified of him. No that wasn't right. Not
used
to. She'd always been scared of him. Now she was very forcefully made aware of that fact.

             
She sniffed, angrily pushing back the tears that were threatening to appear. “I've spent my whole life believing I was a normal human until two months ago when I found out I turned into this horrible, terrifying Beast that would kill any person in a second without so much as thinking about it!”

“
We aren't all the same,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“
I nearly got killed by one! If you hadn't stepped in I'd be dead!”

“
You're right. Because I have stronger self-control than him, I saved your life. And I could say the same for pretty much everyone. Rufus has always found it harder than most.”

“
Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she snapped back haughtily.

             
He clenched his jaw in annoyance. “You shouldn't have been outside in the first place! Because you never listen and just do what you want when you want!”

             
She jumped forward in anger. “I went out that night because I couldn't stand one more second inside this cabin! In case
you
haven't noticed my body is not being itself and that night I felt like I was locked inside an incinerator! My first feverish instinct was to head straight to the lake. Edda was home and making her worry by shoving my head in the freezer or showering next door to her bedroom in the middle of the night didn't seem like a good idea,” she retorted.

“
So breaking curfew did?” he cut in coolly.

             
She glowered at him. “I didn't exactly
care
about the rules at the time. Do I even need to justify that?” He regarded her in silence, his forehead set in a deep frown. “And
excuse
me if I didn't know there'd be these nightmarish things stalking me, ready to rip me to shreds!” she crowed, watching Nik's jaw clench and unclench.

             
The strangest of moments, with such an insignificant facial movement, and yet she felt like she wanted him- to wrap her arms around him and do everything she'd fantasized about for the past two months- right there and then.

             
Why did she act this way?

             
This was exactly why she wanted it to stop.

             
She hated it. “I hate it,” she grumbled bitterly. Not realizing she'd said it out loud until she saw Nik scrutinizing her. “I hate being this way. I hate feeling things I don't know are real or just part of this- this darker side of me. I hate being in agony and not knowing when its going to happen or if it will even stop. I hate the shakes, the spasms, the cracking bones. I hate everything about it.”

“
You're a Were. You can't change that. And no poison or drug is going to stop that. Get used to it!”

             
Jaz felt something inside of her winding tightly, on the verge of snapping.“Am I a Were? Am I REALLY? Because from what I've heard it isn't even normal for them to change just small parts of themselves and that Changing an arm into a claw can't even be done-”

“
Who told you that?” he demanded harshly.

             
Jaz smiled sourly folding her arms across her towel-wrapped chest. “So it's true then?” His only reaction was to frown deeper. “You're a fucking hypocrite, making out that
I'm
the bad guy because I don't want to be a monster- and you know what I mean by that, so stop twisting it- you're just angry because you know I'm right. Because that's what we are. What
you
are!  What you've always been beneath this holier-than-thou facade!”

“
Don't.”

“
-So let's just be honest with each other and say this;  I do
not
like you. You do not like me or the way I am and think. I cannot stand to even look at you because all I see is my kidnapper, the destroyer of my hopes, and the man who couldn't even keep my sister alive, even with all his power and protection. The same man who stands by whilst the 'supposed' love of his life and unborn child are
killed
.”