Beautiful Bedlam (8 page)

“You know…I thought nothing in this town had changed…not the school, not the teachers, not even old lady Grover, but you…you look… ahem-“ he cleared his throat.

“You look different.” He stammered as he stared at her confoundedly as if he were looking at her for the first time.

“Why did you come back?” she asked cutting him off not because she was growing impatient of him but because she was afraid of how she’d react when he would say what she knew he would have said next. Suddenly it felt as though all eyes were on her. It was a seemingly innocent enough a question but it was her deliverance of the line that had sparked the interest in everybody in the room.

“Nothing has changed? Everything changed. But now you’re back and look. You can just snap your fingers and everything will be alright and we can all go back to the way we were, right?” she said acerbically, her voice low and quite menacing, a tone that nobody had ever seen her use before. Again she could see the ripple effect caused this time by her, only this time there was no laughter, instead there was a movement of shoulders, turning heads and silent hushed confused whispers.

“What’s the matter, McKenna?” Bethany asked patronizingly with a little laugh.

“Shut up.” she immediately replied bitingly.

“Excuse me?” she shouted outraged at Sienna’s unexpected response. Nobody spoke to her like that. Nobody! Just who did she think she was? Bethany made sure she would certainly get it. She stood up and flicked her hair over her shoulders.

“Not you.” Sienna winced and rubbed her temples. She just wished it would stop. She looked around and saw all their individual faces, heard all of their individual voices, felt all their pain. She shivered as some of the voices laughed, some of them were bored and uninterested, and some were upset about their own problems. It was too much. She couldn’t even make sense of any of it. There were too many voices constantly murmuring. She felt as though she had a fly trapped in her head, relentlessly buzzing and gnawing at her. She just wanted it to stop.

“Who do you think you are talking to
me
like that? You’re just a little nobody. You’re nothing but a piece of-”

“That’s enough, Beth.” Logan reprimanded, his loud voice boomed in the room shutting her up instantly with a stern look.

“Oh let her come. I’ll rip her hair extensions to shreds and then we’ll see how much of a natural beauty she is.” Sienna retorted as she grabbed her backpack. This caused a lot of muffled laughter and excitement. They were all hoping both the guys and the girls, probably for different reasons that the girls would just go at it in the middle of the cafeteria.

“Are you okay?” Logan asked worriedly.
“I will be.”
when I get away from you
, she wanted to add as she quickly fled the cafeteria leaving behind all the madness. She ran outside and leaned against the pretty orange crabapple tree she had so fondly admired earlier. She fished out her bottle of aspirin from her backpack and immediately swallowed two tablets with some water. Her headaches were getting worse. She decided she needed sleep. That’s all she needed. Just one good night’s rest! Was that too much too ask for? She sighed and ran her fingers through her dark hair and smoothened it out before taking a couple of steps towards the door to the main entrance hallway. She halted in her tread as she noticed the small white-feathered creature lying motionlessly on a bed of burnt orange autumn leaves.

She crouched down to see it was the dove. She didn’t know why but she felt an immense rush of sadness hit her. She didn’t understand why the death of one bird would cause her so much pain. Was it because an innocent creature had seemingly died and the world went on oblivious to its loss or was it because deep in her heart Sienna knew she was the only one who could see the little bird? She quickly wiped the tear that threatened to intrude and fall upon the bird’s resting place.

6.

Thankfully lunch break was almost over so she didn’t have to wait so long hiding in the girl’s bathroom stall adding her impressive artwork to the walls which were littered with cruel and often profanities that girls had presumably written about other girls that they hated for one reason or the other. Sienna, being the Banksy that she was, didn’t stoop to shower the world with hate but drew a simple small white dove. As she sat there, the voices came and went as girls rushed in and out of the bathroom, all ranting about the return of Logan, how handsome he was, how good looking the new kid Noah was, and how strange that Sienna girl acted. She waited til the bell rang to leave the vicinity of the bathroom stall. She didn’t want to be bothered by anyone, least of all by Rose and Noah or god forbid Logan. She went to her classes in silence and faded in to the darkness of the back of the classes unnoticed. She continued to doodle in her notebooks. She couldn’t get the damn bird out of her head. She sat back looking at the page that she had poured her soul in to. It looked pretty remarkable, tortured, beautiful yet inescapably dark that had the rare ability to capture your thoughts and drew you in.

“Sienna?” someone called.

“Yes?” she replied and looked up startled to find her class empty with only her middle-aged history teacher looking at her with a small smile on her face.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” She apologized and quickly grabbed her things in her hands.

“Are you okay, Sienna? You seem…distant.” Mrs. Gulliver asked worriedly with a concerned look on her face. She adjusted the spectacles that sat on the bridge of her roman nose.

“I just have a really bad migraine. I’ll be okay once I get some sleep.” She explained vaguely. Sienna left before Mrs. Gulliver could question her further. She kept her head down and maneuvered her way through the hallways as quick as she could, she slowly turned the corner only to find Rose and Noah waiting for her at her locker. She wasn’t ready to face them just yet. The murmuring began again. She covered her ears with her hands and hurried in the opposite direction. She found herself hovering outside the empty auditorium.

She couldn’t help but eye the great big sleek black piano that sat on the stage. She hadn’t played in months. In fact she had actually learned how to play as a child. Her father was adamant that she and her sisters should learn how to play at least one musical instrument. She ended up being able to play three whilst her sisters didn’t take to any which frustrated her parents to no end. They used to own a mahogany colored piano once, but her mother sold it because she didn’t like the fact that it took up so much space. Sienna had resented her mother for taking it away from her like a child from a blanket; even to this day she harbored a secret antipathy towards Maria. She sat down on the black piano bench and dumped her backpack on the floor absentmindedly as her fingers slowly lingered over the keys. She heard a whispered almost ghost like giggle erupt from the side of the room but when she looked there was nothing but empty space. She heard more of the voices that just wouldn’t stop talking.

“-am I going to do? If I choose Northwestern, I’ll-“

“Need to buy a damn carburetor for the-“

“I’m not pregnant…I mean I can’t be! How many days late am I?”

“If she comes any where near me again, she’ll live to regret it! -“
“-hope he gets the good weed this time. Not that shit from-“

“I should never have left.”

“Stop.” She whimpered and covered her face with her hands. The keyboard clanged as her elbows leaned against it. She instinctively took out the aspirin bottle and swallowed yet another two pills. She really had to take it slow on them. She wondered how many she had taken now.

“Please just leave me alone.” She whimpered. Her hands embraced the cold touch of the keyboard and Sienna reverted back to that seven year old that drowned out all the screams and shouts behind her with the sound of music. She without thinking began playing Brian Crain’s ‘Imagining’ piece without the need of a music sheet for she knew it in her heart where the voices couldn’t get to and befuddle her with the racket. As soon as she began playing, the harmonious music flowed through the air like a breeze carrying the smell of fresh roses on a summer’s day. Soon, the voices all faded in to the background and it was just her and glorious peace. She literally gasped softly with relief as her mind cleared. She felt like a drowning man coming up for water for the first time. She had her eyes closed briefly as she breathed a shaky sigh of relief and exhaled nervously.

Her eyes watered and Sienna cried after a long time. She was relieved she still had the capability to do that. She hadn’t cried in…well exactly two years, not since
he
left and it felt good letting go. Rose was right. Bottling it all that raw emotion that made her human was eating away at her. It felt good to distress without having to resort to cruelty, violence or substance abuse like so many others she knew did. Her fingers paused mid key in the midst of her exquisite faultless performance as she noted the three drops of red on the black and white keys. She touched her nose only to find it was bleeding. That had never happened before. Fortunately, Sienna wasn’t one of those girls who fainted at first sight of blood. She fished out a tissue and wiped the trickle of blood that dripped down her nose. She wiped the piano clean. She checked in her compact mirror that she wasn’t still breathing and let out a small sigh before shifting to the left side of the bench and began her rendition of Heart and Soul.

“Well, are you just going to stand there or you going to help me out?” she asked.
Logan stepped out from the shadows behind the black long curtains. He had been standing there watching her play, silent, in awe of the extraordinary talent she didn’t even knew she possessed. She looked up at him whilst still playing, her eyebrows arched as to say “Well?”

He smirked at her amused. Damn it, and he thought he was so quiet. He walked over and sat to her right.

“I’m not as good as you.” He said hesitantly and scratched his head.

“I’m sure many would beg to differ.” Sienna retorted wryly with a small smile. She felt guilty for quite literally shouting at him in front of everybody in school. She was so embarrassed. She couldn’t believe she had her first outburst in her entire life and it had to have been in full display of all the youth of Haven Falls.
Fan-frickin-tastic.

“Then many would be wrong.” He replied smoothly as she began her part again.

“If you start singing, I swear to god, I’ll shoot you.” He added quickly to which she grinned. Despite being apprehensive to play, he managed to dis part without fault. They placed in silence for a short while which didn’t last when he suddenly gasped, “Hey, your braces are gone!”

“Asshole. You had to ruin the moment, didn’t you?” she scolded wryly and shook her head. She so wanted to be mad at him, to be furious, to be one of those girls who could actually hold a grudge against someone for longer than five minutes but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t hate him. She looked over at him and smiled, flashing him her perfect pearly white teeth. Then something strange happened. He fumbled. He never faltered when it came to Heart and Soul. Perhaps he was right; maybe he was just out of practice?

“You screwed up,” she said quietly. They both knew she wasn’t just talking about the piano playing.

“Apparently, that’s my thing.” He sighed and gave her a small dimpled smile.
Ah hell
. Just like that, Sienna was a twelve year old, brace faced, insecure, tiny chested little girl again. Somehow Logan possessed the ability to make her feel so safe yet so insecure all at once. The paradox of it all was more than enough to make her head spin. Her heart raced at the uncertain prospect, even the idea of Logan Jackson reciprocating those feelings terrified her more than the idea of rejection. Actually she was terrified of both.

“What happened here?” he asked and tentatively and gently touched her sore eye. “Oh, I know I look like Sloth from The Goonies.” She winced and resisted the urge to cringe and hide.

“I’m so clumsy. I accidentally walked in to a wall. It’s a funny story actually, I was-“

“You’re lying.” He noted succinctly and frowned at her. 

“
What
?” she yelped outraged, ready to launch in to a tirade of lies she had perfected over the years. “Did you forget who taught you how to lie? God, you were so insufferable when we were children, always making me feel guilty for lying. Sienna, you couldn’t tell a lie and get away with it if your life depended on it.” he chuckled gruffly, his voice now rich and deep and not broken or pitchy like it had been.

“Yes, I could! I’m a…I’m a great liar!” she exclaimed rather adamantly much to his amusement. “Yeah, you are. You’re eye starts twitching, you can’t stop blinking all funny and your nostrils flare.” He said with his trademark smirk on his ridiculously handsome face. His dark eyes twinkled mischievously. He smelt of musk and sandalwood.
God
.
He even smelled good
.
Smell?
Since when did she start going around noticing the smells of boys? Now apparently.

“My nostrils don’t flare!” she refuted furiously. Her beautiful green eyes widened at the mere prospect of it all.

“Its like the Grand Canyon up there!” he laughed. She attempted to render him unconscious with the supreme power of the Medusa glare she hoped to emulate from receiving it from her mother her entire life. It didn’t work. Rather it had the opposite effect. His laugh was so infectious she couldn’t help but break and smile.

“Have I ever told you how much of an ass you are?” she rolled her eyes at him.

“Only every day, well, before I left.” He said his brilliant smile faltered along with hers, bringing the atmosphere down as their mood got serious again.

“Are you ever going to give me the real reason why you left without even saying goodbye?” she asked the question she had asked herself a thousand times for the pass couple of years.