Beautiful Dream (7 page)

~*~*~*~*~

I left Luci a message every day the rest of this week, and she still hasn’t me called back. I check my phone one last time before getting into my car to meet Lisa in the city.

I turn the key and the engine revs to life, but I sit unmoving in my parking spot, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I just want to be with Luci or be able to move on. Is that too much to ask?

I finally pull out onto Main Street, pressing the buttons on my phone to try Luci one more time.

“Hello?” The male voice catches me off guard.

“Um,” I clear my throat, my confidence shattered. “Is Luci around?”

Fuck, I should’ve just hung up.

“Luke!” I hear her voice in the background.

“What?” He laughs. “You were dancing!”

“Don’t touch my phone, okay?” She yells before her voice comes on. “Hello?”

“Um,” I clear my throat again.
Fuck, this is bad.

“Hello?” She yells again, but her voice cuts off, as if she’s finally looking at who it is.

“Hey,” my voice cracks.

“Oh,” she sighs. “It’s you.”

“I, um… are you out?” What a dumb question. Of course she is!

“Yeah,” she answers. “Sorry I didn’t call you back. It’s just… not easy talking to you all the time.”

“Yeah, you had said that,” I nod to myself. “And Luke is…”

“The guy I’m seeing,” she answers.

“Right,” I nod again.

“You can’t do this,” she whispers, and I know that she’s right. “You made a decision to continue trying to move on,” she swallows. “Let me do the same.”

That’s it. The line is dead.

I turn my car around and head back to my apartment. I don’t know why.

I unlock my door and rush down the dark hallway until I reach my bedroom. I make a mess out of my nightstand draw just trying to find what I’m looking for. It takes me a bit, but as soon as I do, I hurry back to my car, driving to a city that’s not the one I’m supposed to be going to tonight.

It feels like I’ve walked around campus for hours until I finally find the name on the building that matches the one scribbled on the back of the picture I’m holding. The photo is from June 2002, of Luci and I at her graduation. It’s not a good one of us - she’s devastated, and I too have obviously seen better days. Still, it reminds me of the wonderful year that we had.

After scouring each floor I finally find the whitewash board that has Luci and her roommate’s name on it. It shakes violently against the door with each one of my knocks, and when it opens, I’m met with the face I came to see.

Luci’s highlighted hair, even when twisted into the mess on top of her head, makes the shocked look on her face light her up even more. She’s radiant, and I can’t help but study her - her face, her body, the way she’s dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt; she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. I can’t help the happy feeling and need that overcomes my heart when I see her.

I look around, trying to scope out the rest of the room from the doorway, seeing if her boyfriend is here. Here or not, I don’t let it stop me.

“What are you doing here?” She doesn’t hide her bewilderment well.

I’m panting from all the walking around in the cold, and she moves aside to let me enter. “You and I,” I swallow hard, catching my breath. “We’re meant to be together.”

“Jo-”

“I couldn’t last another second without being
sure
you knew that,” I turn and acknowledge the girl sitting on the couch for the first time, relieved it’s not a guy.

“Hi,” I run up and shake her hand. “You must be Ren. I’ve heard a lot of great things.”

Luci hasn’t said a word, and it takes me all that I have to turn back around and face her. It’s never good when she’s silent. I want the Luci that can’t shut up.

“I saw you after graduation,” I tell her, finally breaking the quietness.

Her arm crashes against the wall, holding her up.

“You cried through all of
Freddy vs. Jason
.”

Her mouth drops and her eyes widen. “I didn’t just forget about you and move on,” I tell her. “I went to that damn mall every fucking day that summer trying to see you!]

I’ve stunned her. She’s turned so pale that I think she may vomit, which brings me to a whole new level of low.

I make her vomit.

I don’t let her reaction stop me, though. She needs to know how sorry I am.

“I saw every damn scary or action-packed movie trying to find you. I was too terrified to call your house. I didn’t know what you told anyone. I didn’t know if I was going to be fired, or shit, arrested,” I pause.

“I couldn’t believe my luck when you walked into that theater. You sat in the very back, holding onto this sweatshirt for dear life,” I hold up my sweatshirt - the one she borrowed after her shirt got ruined.

“You cried the most sad, beautiful tears I have ever seen.” My eyes well up just remembering. “Then, when the movie ended, you just left it there on the seat,” I spit. “Like you were saying goodbye to me,” I swallow. “I died a new death.”

Her mouth closes and then opens, but nothing comes out.

“I came here tonight to give it back to you,” I hold it out to her. “It belongs to you.
I
belong to you.” I shove the clothing forward and she quietly takes it from me.

“You are not second best, and I’d love more than anything to prove that to you,” I swallow nervously. “Do you think you can get past the hurt so I can try?”

Her eyes meet mine, and in them I swear I see a ‘yes,’ but instead an, “I don’t know” escapes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

I nod slowly as I back away and leave.

Chapter 3

-Luci-

I stand in the doorway, watching as Josh storms off. I only realize Ren is still here when I hear her loud sigh, and I follow the sound back to the couch, watching as she places her hand over her heart.

“Wow,” she whispers. “I think I just fell in love.”

Ugh! She’s no help!

I give her a look before running after him.

“Wait!” I call out of breath, but he doesn’t stop, and I pick up my pace. The cold early February air is biting against my skin.

He’s walking too quickly, and I don’t know if he doesn’t hear me, or is just too embarrassed to face me. My light jog soon turns into a run, and I eventually catch up to him.

“Wait!” I shout again, grabbing his arm as he spins around.

“What?” He shouts.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” his tone is piercing. “It’s my fault. You were right. We can never be friends.”

“Bu-”

“You got the student teaching position,” he interrupts. “It’s freshman math, so it’s not ideal, but, congrats,” he shrugs.

I close my mouth and nod silently.

“They’ll probably call you on Monday.”

“Okay,” I croak.

“You don’t have to take it if I’ve made things weird,” he sighs. “Or if there’s something better.”

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m going to take it.”

“If that’s what you want,” he runs his fingers through his hair before turning back around. “I suppose I’ll see you around then.”

“Wait!” I run after him again.

“I can take a hint, Luci,” he sighs. “You don’t have to say anything else. I understand I hurt you too much. I should’ve gone on my date.”

“You didn’t go?” I bite my lip.

“Obviously not.” He won’t look at me, which is fine, since I let out a small smile.

“You came all the way here,” I sigh.

“I don’t need your pity,” he stares over my head, and when he finally does meet my eye, his are harsh. “You know what?” He snaps. “I
do
regret everything that happened between us!”

His words rip into me, and I feel my hot tears building.

“If I never met you,” he continues. “If none of this ever happened… it would be so much easier.” His words slice at my insides. “I would never have known.”

I don’t stop him this time as he leaves, too frozen in place, because I know exactly what he means.

~*~*~*~*~

I walk into the bar to meet Luke, hoping it’ll take my mind off what a shit night yesterday was. All day I stayed in bed and I hate myself for it. Bars tend to have the reputation to cheer one up, and it usually works well for me, so when Luke asked me to meet him here, I was all too eager.

It always seems like everyone from campus is here, since it’s notorious for serving underage. Still, people like it so much that even after they reach drinking age they continue to return.

My shoes make noise against the sticky floors as I spot Luke at a half booth in the corner. Serves are bustling; bringing out beers and burgers to patrons as I make my way past the wooden walls that are filled with the universities sports memorabilia. I continue, past the long mahogany bar, and weave through the scattered tables before reaching him. A live band takes the small stage just as I sit, and grunge music starts to boom. We say hello, and I pick up the plastic menu that sits between an ad for this weekend’s band and the condiments.

“I already ordered,” he smiles.

“Oh,” I sit back in the uncomfortable chair as the waitress, a girl from my sophomore year lit class, brings us both beers.

Luke plays with the rim of his glass before taking a sip.

“I came back last night to your dorm,” his voice cracks. “I saw you arguing with a guy.”

“It was nothing-” I start to defend.

“No,” he laughs, realizing he’s upset me. “It’s okay. I’ve been seeing other people too.”

“You have?” The news shocks me.

“I wasn’t pressuring you for anything, but you had to realize I needed to get
something
,” he laughs. “You don’t let me do anything but kiss you, and maybe cop a feel if I’m lucky!”

I’m speechless.

“But that’s not what this is about,” he interjects. “I asked you here to tell you I broke it off with all my casual hookups,” he smiles, as if this is good news, and I can’t believe I actually once thought highly of him. “After seeing you with someone else,” he continues. “I realized that it’s you I want.”

“
Casual hookups
?” I question, feeling my anger build.

“Yeah, nothing serious, you know,” he grabs my hands over the table, and I nod feebly, definitely not knowing what he means at all.

“So now I’m asking you if you can break off whatever it is you have with that other guy. I realized that’s why you probably haven’t been sleeping with me!”

I abruptly pull away. “I haven’t been sleeping with you because I don’t want to!” I shout as I stand.

“Luci!” he stands as well. “You’re not seriously mad are you?”

“You’re not seriously asking me that, are you?” I reply, before storming off.

The suite is dark when I enter, and I throw my purse down, trying to make sense of the last half hour of my life. I want to tell Ren what happened, but her light is off, so she’s either sleeping or not here.

My phone buzzes just as I walk into my room, and I throw it angrily. It lands in the corner, and part of me hopes that it broke.

I just can’t believe him! Why are guys so awful?!

There’s pounding on the front door, followed by Luke begging me to open it. I ignore it, grabbing my pajamas and heading for the shower instead.

Once I’m out, I plop my head violently against the pillow, and when I can’t sleep, I get back up and grab my old statistic notes, wondering how I’m going to break the news to Ren that I’m taking the student teaching job at my old school.

I let my mind wander back to yesterday, and I can’t believe Josh came all the way here. I used to dream up scenarios like that in my head all the time, back when I wished for impossible things.

During my first month in Italy, I swear I saw him everywhere. My heart would skip a beat, full of hope, only to be crushed when the dark haired man was someone else. But for a second, I imagined it was him.

Almost every night I had the same dream where I was married to a guy I didn’t want to be with. In the end, this dark haired man would turn around, and it was Josh. I’d feel this wave of relief wash over me. I was with the right person, and it was just a bad dream! I’d wake up feeling so much better from my nightmare, only to realize it was a different sort of torment that haunted my days.

Once I returned stateside, I thought he’d find me and… I keep re-reading the same line of my notes over and over again, not realizing my phone is ringing. Sadly, I guess my throw didn’t break it.

When it rings for the third time in a row, I slide off my bed to finally silence it. I’m prepared to hit the volume button, thinking it’s Luke, but when I look down, it’s lighting up
Mr. Harrington
.

“Hi!” I immediately answer, accidentally almost dropping it.

“Hey yourself,” his smooth voice instantly relaxes me. I think I just needed to hear it after our last horrible encounter.

“I’m sorry,” he wastes no time. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” I sigh. “Not really. You?”

“This has been one of my worst days ever.”

I don’t know why, but I laugh.

“That sound still drives me wild,” I hear the smile in his voice, and I don’t even try to stop it.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The line goes silent, except for his hard breathing.

“So I actually called with a purpose,” he swallows.

“Okay,” I hesitate, wanting to just forget about last night.

“I have this thing coming up.”

The conversation takes an unexpected turn, and he’s got my attention. “A thing?”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “A sort of gala.”

“Did you just say gala?” I laugh.

“It’s my sister’s engagement party at this country club down in Westchester. There’s going to be flowers - orchids actually - a big tent, and music. It’s really absurd-”

“I’ll go,” I interrupt. “I mean, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Yeah?” He sounds surprised. “You’ll have to dress up.”

“I like dressing up.”

“It’s this Saturday. Sort of like a Valentine’s Day weekend thing. It wouldn’t be a date or anything-”

“Are you asking me to go and now trying to convince me not to?”

“No,” he laughs. “I mean, yes, I’m asking you to go, but no, I’m not trying to convince you otherwise.”

I start to pace around the room. “So, are you going to wear a suit to this
gala
?”

“Yes,” he laughs.

“I like you in suits.”

“Are you flirting with me?” His voice holds a hint of surprise and amusement.

“No!”

“Ouch!” He exclaims, and I think I managed to insult him.

“You used to flirt with me all the time,” his voice becomes smooth and inviting. “In fact, you used to love to.”

“That was years ago, Mr. Harrington,” I can’t help my stupid smile as the line goes silent again.

“Not everything was bad back then,” he admits. “I was upset, and I don’t ever… I could never… I don’t regret anything with you.”

“I know,” I tell him, fully aware he said what he did out of anger.

“There was a lot of good,” he continues.

I don’t respond as I balance the phone between my ear and shoulder, raiding my mini fridge.

“Luci?” He asks, seeing if I’m still on the line. “Fuck,” he mumbles. “I can never say the right-”

“Yeah, sorry!” I stammer loudly. “I’m here!”

“What are you doing?” He laughs.

“Opening a bottle of wine, hold on.” I put the phone down as I grab the corkscrew and undo the top.

“Back!”

“Wine?” He’s amused.

“If we’re going to have this conversation, I need alcohol,” I sigh. “Lots and lots of alcohol.”

He laughs again, and I pour the clear liquid into a plastic cup. “So, what’ll it be?”

“Cheers,” he whispers, and I take a huge gulp.

“Your door is locked, right? You’re in your room, safe?”

“Yes,” I answer. “Geez.”

“Then tell me when you’re drunk enough so I can say some things I really want to say,” he sends a chill up my spine. “But a word of warning,
dear Guinevere
, what I have to say won’t be very
friendly
.”

“Not tonight then,” I croak. “I’m not planning on getting
that
drunk.”

“Ouch,” he laughs, and the line goes silent once more.

“I guess I did miss your laugh too,” I confess.

“I know the feeling,” he agrees, before pausing. “You know, I kept that stupid board game. It’s still in my office.”

“Ha! We never did finish our last game.”

“There’s a lot we haven’t finished.”

“That’s…
bold
,” I swallow another big sip, letting it burn as it goes down.

“It’s the truth,” he sighs. “Wow! You must be half in the bag for not jumping down my throat tonight. I’m trying all my best lines here, and you aren’t even threatening to hang up!”

I look at the bottle, and it’s already almost halfway gone. Shit, I need to dump the rest or I’ll never get to class in the morning.

“Luci?” His voice is panicked when I don’t answer.

“I’m here,” I laugh. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely buzzed.”

I laugh again loudly, placing the bottle and cup on my desk before crawling into bed. I press the phone tightly against my ear as I pull the covers over me. The cool pillow feels good against my warm cheek, and I close my eyes, listening to his breathing.

“Bold,” I tell him.

“What?” He chuckles.

“Bold. You were bold for coming here yesterday,” I sigh. “I like it when you’re bold.”

“I’m going to be upfront right now,” he chuckles again, and I can picture his smile, so sexy and wide as it travels all the way to his eyes, “and let you know that I’m going to take advantage of this to the fullest.”

I close my eyes and hold onto my picture of his face. We’re quiet until his deep voice seductively whispers. “So what are you wearing?”

“Really?” I giggle. “I’m tipsy, not stupid.” I smile up at nothing, at myself, at him, at his defeated sigh as it echoes loudly into the phone.