Beautiful Dreams (The Beautiful Series) (30 page)

Hated leaving you in bed this morning. Makes me want to start our honeymoon early, so I can have you all to myself.

I smiled at my phone, reciprocating his feelings one hundred and ten percent.

Spontaneity is the joy of life. Let’s do it!

I searched for Hawaii tourist information on the Web while I waited for his response.

Don’t tempt me unless you mean it. #neverbackdownfromachallenge

I chuckled at his hashtag. It was an appealing idea, but I knew he had a lot of work to do, and so did I. I typed a quick message.

Two weeks will be here before you know it. In fact, I’m searching Hawaii destinations now. ☺ Any thoughts?

I was nearly drooling over the stunning pictures I found on various sites of beach destinations in Maui, Kauai, and Honolulu.
How on earth am I going to choose?

Since Kyle had not texted back, I sent him another message.

Pick one—Maui, Kauai, or Honolulu—or it will take me hours to decide.

I roamed over more images of Kauai, and I found out it had four waterfalls that could be visited.

My phone pinged with Kyle’s reply.

Kauai. Smaller population = I get you to myself. And I heard it’s very tropical = Honeymoonish.

I laughed out loud at his witty text, picturing his expression as if he were in front of me, explaining his reasoning. I quickly wrote him back.

Lily = Sold = Booking now.

I clicked on the third search tab, the Kauai one, and I picked out an all-inclusive package that included airfare, hotel, and a rental car. Breakfast was also provided, so we would only have to worry about lunch and dinner. It even comprised of an hour-long helicopter tour ride of the island.

LOL. Okay. Use the Visa on my office desk.

I raised my brows as I replied.

You paid for the wedding. Honeymoon = My treat.

I had a feeling that he was totally not going to like my response, but I felt like I should pay for something since he had covered all the other costs up to this point. After selling my parents’ house, I was fortunate enough to have extra money to contribute. Convinced, I entered my credit card info and clicked Submit before he could argue.

My phone chimed half a second later.

Use the Visa. End of discussion. Or you’ll be in HEAPS of trouble.

Oh shit…heaps?

And he’d used all caps.
That could not be good. I would just have to make him see my reasoning when he came home later.

Thinking now would be a perfect time to get started with work and pretend I’m outrageously busy, I settled in for a full day of writing in my cozy bay window, surrounded by blankets, with the sun shining in.

I set my mind free and wrote a whole chapter by lunch. Shockingly, Kyle had not texted me back. That either meant he was distracted with work, or I was going to be in
heaps
of trouble. I guessed I would find out in about five hours when he strolled in the door after work tonight.

After lunch, I got back to it, writing almost a whole other chapter. This one was longer than the last because I added in three new characters, and I was also carefully setting up my plot for the climax that would be revealed later in the story. Everything was coming together perfectly, just as I’d envisioned it in my mind.

It was tough sometimes because my mind would want to lay out the story much faster than my fingers could type. I always worried that I would forget something, but I would sigh in relief when the story pulled together at the end.

Without any interruptions, I was able to finish writing by four in the afternoon. Then, I went back to the beginning of my day’s work to read through what I’d written, so I could make sure my story flowed smoothly, and there were no gaps or confusing parts.

I did not look at the clock again until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I turned my head to see Kyle breeze into the room, looking mighty fine in his work clothes. Today, he was dressed in a black dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up. I was now starting to realize that cuffed shirtsleeves were a recurring theme for him, and I had no complaints about it. He had on light khakis that hugged his hips and black leather dress shoes.

After my eyes slowly made their way up to meet his eyes, I took in his heated stare.
Oh my, this could go good or bad very quickly.
My pulse started to thrum harder in my veins. Trying to gauge his mood, I smiled nervously as I watched him walk over to the chair positioned across from the bay window. He wordlessly sat back and crossed his right leg over his left knee.

“Hello,” I said in a quiet voice. I set my laptop down next to me, making sure it was balanced on the large brown throw pillow underneath it.

“Hello,” he purred back while thoughtfully running his fingers across his thumb. His tone was unreadable as his gaze burned into mine.

“How was your day?” I asked sweetly, wanting to make him forget our little misunderstanding that I now knew he was pissed about.

I inwardly debated if I had done the right thing by paying for the honeymoon. Surely, he could not be mad at me for wanting to help pay for a portion of our expenses.

“It started out fine,” he said in a thick tone, “until my very stubborn future wife decided not to text me back…which makes me assume she is insisting on arguing with me over who pays for what.”

Part of me wanted to chuckle.
I’m stubborn?
The other part wanted to shiver, thrilled by the throaty tone of his voice.

“I-I…” I stumbled over my words and then closed my mouth, only to open it again. “There is nothing wrong with wanting to share the costs.”

“Lily, we’ve been over this in the past. It’s a man’s responsibility to pay the way for his family,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s how I was raised.”

“And you do. You pay for this house, the utilities, our food.” I shrugged. “Is wanting to contribute to our honeymoon all that bad?”

“Yes…I mean, no.” Kyle sighed in exasperation. “I want to take care of you, yet you insist on keeping your independence. I can’t help but feel that there’s a hidden reason behind it.”

So, that’s the underlying root of the problem? Is he still scared that I will leave him?

I stood and walked over to him. His eyes watched my every move, and then his gaze softened as I sat on his lap.

“I’m not going anywhere, if that’s why you’re worried about me wanting my independence,” I said reassuringly, trying to make him understand.

“Then, why won’t you let me take care of you?” he countered.

I could see the pain underneath the angered exterior of his expression.

“I
do
let you care for me,” I retorted. Then, I realized he would never understand my reasoning until I opened up to him. I let out a troubled sigh. “My father was a very traditional man. He would have wanted to help pay for his daughter’s wedding.” I ignored the heartache that I felt from bringing up the sensitive topic because I needed Kyle to see it from my point of view. “This way, by using a small amount of the money I received from selling my parents’ house, a part of me feels like he will be.”

Kyle’s eyes filled with understanding and compassion. “They are with you, Lily.” His tone was gentle and sincere. “Your mom, dad, and Annie—they will be with you on your wedding day, you know, watching us say our vows from above.”

My eyes moistened, filling with tears of love and sorrow. “I know,” I said, lowering my head against his shoulder. “Sometimes, I just wish things could have been different. It’s hard to accept that I can never change that.” I didn’t want to rehash my past, but at the same time, the words had just slipped out of me, needing to be set free.

He was quiet for a brief moment as he caressed my back, soothing me. “Do you remember me telling you about my friend Colton?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” I replied, thinking back to everything he had told me about their time together in the Army. My hand started to make small circles on his chest.

“He died…and it was my fault,” he whispered in a small voice overflowing with anguish.

I inhaled swiftly and then held my breath as the pain in his expression seized my heart.

“It was two and a half years ago. We were on a high-profile mission. It was supposed to be one of Colton’s last before his contract was up. He made the decision not to re-enlist since he had married his high school sweetheart while he was on leave the year before. She was six months pregnant with their first child,” he said in a broken voice, choking off on the last part.

I desperately wanted to look up at him, but I feared he would stop talking, so I continued to caress his chest with my fingertips.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “I had two targets to take out, back-to-back, and so did Colton. Our position only allowed for two men. We had no room for error, or our superiors had told us there was no chance of us both walking out alive,” he said numbly.

“We both successfully hit our first targets. After hitting my second, I noticed instantly that Colton had missed his. I immediately went after his, or he would have been killed on the spot before he had time to reload his ammunition. Since we had different types of weapons, I was able to fire another round faster than Colton. I effectively hit Colton’s target, taking him down, but before I could do a sweep of the area, an unaccounted for fifth enemy appeared out of fucking nowhere.”

Kyle lifted the arm that I was resting on, and he pointed to his side. I knew right away that he was referencing the scar I had asked him about in the past.

“He struck me right here. The bullet went in my bicep and out the other side. I pushed the intense pain out of my mind, knowing we had to stay alive to wait for backup. Colton and I put our backsides together, and with the little surrounding coverage we had, we took out as many of those fuckers as we could. For the next three minutes, Colton and I were under heavy fire until the rest of our men came in by truck with heavy firearms. Air support arrived another eight minutes after that… And by some miracle, we survived.

“We were almost to the Humvee when an enemy on the ground lifted his hand with a weapon. I immediately lifted my gun to fire, but it jammed…”

Unable to endure the pain in his voice, I moved to straddle his lap, and I caressed from the side of his forehead to his cheek. I wanted to offer him comfort in any way I possibly could. His hands came around me, gripping me like I was his lifeline. The bare agony in his eyes tore my heart in two.

“The bullet struck Colton straight in the chest before I could reach for another weapon,” he finished just above a whisper, his tone empty and raw.

My heart lodged in my throat. I felt his pain, how much losing his dear friend hurt him, and I longed to take it away. We each had suffered such profound heartache and loss.

While giving Kyle a short moment to collect himself, I blinked back the sheen of tears blurring my vision, and I forced myself to be strong for him.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I breathed, shaking my head. “You did everything possible to try to save him.”

He nodded his head once. “On most days, I know that’s true, but on others, I have to force myself to believe it.” He seemed lost in his deep thoughts.

Suddenly, everything clicked into place in my mind. I thought of how he’d wanted to help me move on from my grief of losing my family. He had introduced me to Jeanine, the therapist, so I could acknowledge that the car accident with my parents and sister was truly not my fault. He hadn’t wanted me to live with any guilt. He’d wanted me to accept the things I could not change and move forward with my life.

Deep down, I had always known that he carried his own burden of heartache. No matter how much I had prepared for the unknown, it had not made it any easier to finally hear his story out loud. My heart bled for him.

“That’s why you once told me that I saved you, too…isn’t it?” I whispered, recalling his words on that day not long ago.

He nodded again. “I was drawn to you the first minute I laid eyes on you, and with every closer look, I saw the pain and loss in your eyes, reflecting how I felt inside. It’s as if I was not only meant to fall in love with you but to also help you. Only, I never imagined that you would be able to heal me, too…and you have in so many ways.

“I know now that I did everything in my power to save Colton and that his fate was out of my hands, but it still doesn’t make losing him any less hard. He was a great man, a great friend, and a great husband who had so much life ahead of him,” Kyle said, his voice clogged with grief. “Now, there’s his baby girl, who never had the chance to meet her dad. It’s not easy to accept that he was dealt such a bad hand.”

He inhaled a slow breath of air and then gradually let it out. I could see all the emotions streaming over his face. It was beyond heartbreaking to see him suffering so much, and I felt powerless to heal his pain.

“I wish I could help you and take it all away,” I admitted quietly.

He blinked once and then twice. After the second time, his eyes held a certain strength I admired.

“You already
have
, Lily. Don’t you see?” he asked, his eyes overflowing with love. “As I helped you move forward in your life, I was able to help myself. It took me a long time to accept his death, but I knew that as a soldier, he proudly sacrificed his life for our country, and he would want us to honor his life, not mourn it.”

He exhaled deeply while lifting his hand to my face. He ran it down my cheek and then along the base of my jaw until he reached my throat. “Before you, I was just passing through the motions, telling myself I had moved on when I hadn’t. Then, I met you, and my world changed. You brought light back into my life. I thought I would never have that again. From the first time I introduced myself to you on the beach, I knew my goal was to brighten those ocean blue eyes of yours and make you mine. You stole my heart a little more with each and every tender look you gave me.”

I melted my soft curves against his harder muscles, feeling his raw strength beneath me, before I closed my lips over his. Love and admiration consumed me as he delicately kissed me back, warming my insides with passion. He gently fisted his hands in my hair, and he tipped my head back to expose my throat. Panting, I complied, letting him lick and nip at my bare skin.