Beautiful Redemption (38 page)

“But you can’t change the cards.”

Sulla looked away, remembering what she’d seen in the cards the day Amarie was born. “Sometimes you can. But there’s always a price.”

When I opened my eyes, Xavier was standing above me, his features twisted in concern. “What did you see, dead man?”

The black stone was warm in my hand. I squeezed it tighter, as if it could somehow bring me closer to Amma. To the memories locked within its shiny black surface. “How many times has Angelus changed
The Caster Chronicles
, Xavier?”

The Gatekeeper looked away, wringing his long fingers nervously.

“Xavier, answer me.”

Our eyes met, and I saw the pain in his. “Too many times.”

“Why is he doing it?” What did Angelus have to gain?

“Some men want to be more than Mortal. Angelus is one of those men.”

“Are you saying he wanted to be a Caster?”

Xavier nodded slowly. “He wanted to change fate. To find a way to defy supernatural law and mix Mortal and Caster blood.”

Genetic engineering. “So he wanted Mortals to have powers like Casters?”

Xavier ran his abnormally long hand over his bald head. “There is no reason to have power if you are left with no one to torment and control.”

It didn’t make sense. It was too late for Angelus. Was he, like Abraham Ravenwood, trying to create some kind of hybrid child? “Was he experimenting on children?”

Xavier turned away, and for a long moment he was silent. “He experimented on himself using Dark Casters.”

A chill ran up my spine, and I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t imagine what the Keeper must have done to them. I was trying to find the right words to ask, but Xavier told me before I had a chance.

“Angelus tested their blood, tissue—I don’t know what else. And he injected a serum made from their blood into his own. It didn’t give him the power he wanted. But he kept trying. Each injection made him paler and more desperate.”

“That sounds horrible.”

He turned his deformed face back toward mine. “That was not the horrible part, dead man. That would come later.”

I didn’t want to ask, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What happened?”

“Eventually, he found a Caster whose blood gave him a mutated version of his own power. She was Light and beautiful and kind. And I…” He hesitated.

“Did you love her?”

His features looked more human than ever before. “I did. And Angelus destroyed her.”

“I’m so sorry, Xavier.”

He nodded. “She was a powerful Telepath before she went mad from Angelus’ experiments.”

A mind reader. Suddenly I understood.

“Are you saying Angelus can read minds?”

“Only Mortal ones.”

Only Mortal ones. Like mine and Liv’s and Marian’s.

I needed to find my page in
The Caster Chronicles
and get back home.

“Don’t look so sad, dead man.”

I watched the hands on Xavier’s clocks turn in different directions, marking the passage of time that didn’t exist here. I didn’t want to tell him that I wasn’t sad.

I was afraid.

I kept my eyes on those clocks, but I still couldn’t keep track of the time. Sometimes it got so bad that I started to forget what I was waiting for in the first place. Too much time will do that to you. Blur the edges between your memories and your imagination until everything feels like something you saw in a movie instead of your life.

I was beginning to give up on ever seeing
The Book of Moons
again. Which meant giving up on a whole lot more than some old Caster book.

It meant giving up on Gatlin, the good and the bad of it. Giving up on Amma and my dad and Aunt Marian. Link and Liv and John. Jackson High and the Dar-ee Keen and Wate’s Landing and Route 9. The place where I first realized Lena was the girl from my dreams.

Giving up on the Book meant giving up on her.

I couldn’t do that.

I wouldn’t.

After what had to be a few days or a few weeks—it was impossible to know—Xavier realized I was losing more than time.

He was sitting on the dirt floor inside the cave, cataloging what looked like thousands of keys. “What did she look like?”

“Who?” I asked.

“The girl.”

I watched him sort the keys by size, then shape. I wondered where they came from, whose doors they opened, as I searched for the right words. “She was… alive.”

“Was she beautiful?”

Was she? It was getting harder to remember.

“Yeah. I think so.”

Xavier stopped sorting the keys, watching me. “What did she look like, the girl?”

How could I tell him everything was swirling in my mind, blending together in a way that made it impossible to picture her clearly?

“Ethan? Did you hear me? You have to tell me. Otherwise you will forget. That’s what happens if you spend too much time here. You’ll lose everything that made you who you were. This place takes it from you.”

I turned away before I answered. “I’m not sure. It’s all a blur.”

“Was her hair gold?” Xavier loved gold.

“No,” I said. I was pretty sure, though I couldn’t remember why. I stared at the wall in front of me, trying to picture her face. Then a single thought came to me, and I opened my eyes. “There were curls. Lots and lots of curls.”

“The girl?”

“Yes.” I looked at the rocky outcroppings at the top of the cave. “Lena.”

“Her name is Lena?”

I nodded as tears began to stream down my face. I was so relieved I could still remember her name.

Hurry, Lena. I don’t have much time left.

By the time I saw the crow again, I had forgotten. My memories were like dreams, except I never slept. I watched Xavier. I counted buttons and cataloged coins. I stared at the sky.

That’s what I was trying to do now, but the stupid bird kept shrieking and flapping its enormous wings.

“Go away.”

He shrieked even louder.

I rolled onto my side and swatted at him. That’s when I saw the Book lying in the dirt in front of me.

“Xavier,” I said, my voice unsteady. “Come here.”

“What is it, dead man?” I heard him call from the cave.

“
The Book of Moons
.” I picked it up, and it was warm in my hands. But my hands didn’t burn. I remembered thinking they should.

As I held the Book, my memories came flooding back to me. Just as this book had brought me back from the dead once before, so now was it bringing my life back to me again. I could picture every detail. The places I’d been. The things I’d done. The people I loved.

I could see Lena’s delicate face. Her green and gold eyes and the crescent-shaped birthmark on her cheek. I remembered
lemons and rosemary and hurricane-force winds and spontaneous combustion. Everything that made Lena the girl I loved.

I was whole again.

And I knew I had to leave this place before it claimed me forever.

I picked up the Book in both hands and carried it into the cave. It was time to make a trade.

With every step, the Book was heavy in my hands. It didn’t slow me down, though. Nothing could, not now.

Not until there were no more steps to take.

The Gates of the Far Keep rose before me, straight and tall. Now I understood why Xavier was so obsessed with gold. The Gates were a filthy blackish brown, but underneath I could see the gold fighting through. They rose in forbidding spires. They didn’t seem to lead anywhere a person would want to go.

“They look so evil.”

Xavier followed my eyes to the tips of the spires. “They are what they are. Power is neither good nor evil.”

“Maybe that’s true, but this place is evil.”

“Ethan. You are a strong Mortal. You have more life in you than any dead man I’ve met.” Somehow, that wasn’t a comfort. “I cannot open the Gates if you do not truly wish to go.” The words sounded ominous.

“I have to go. I have to get back to Lena, and Amma, and
Link. And my dad, and Marian, and Liv, and everybody.” I saw their faces, every one of them. I felt surrounded by them, by their spirits, and by mine. I remembered what it was to live among them, my friends.

I remembered what it was to live.

“Lena. The girl with the golden curls?” Xavier sounded curious.

There was no point trying to explain, not to him. I just nodded—it seemed easier.

“And you love her?” He looked even more curious about that.

“Yes.” There was no doubt. “I love her beyond the universe and back. I love her from this world to the next.”

He blinked, expressionless. “Well. That’s very serious.”

I almost felt like smiling. “Yeah. I tried to tell you. It’s like that.”

He stared at me for a long moment, finally nodding. “All right. Follow me.” Then he disappeared up the dusty pathway in front of me.

I followed him as the path twisted into an impossibly rocky staircase. We climbed until we reached a narrow cliff that dropped away into what seemed like oblivion. When I tried to look over the edge of the rock, all I could see were clouds and darkness.

In front of me were the imposing black Gates. I couldn’t see anything beyond them. But I could hear terrible sounds—chains rattling, voices wailing and crying.

“It sounds like Hell.”

He shook his head. “Not Hell. Only the Far Keep.”

Xavier moved in front of me, blocking my path to the Gates. “Are you sure you want to do this, dead man?”

I nodded, keeping my eyes on his disfigured face.

“Human boy. The one called Ethan. My friend.” His eyes went pale and glassy, as if he was going into some kind of trance.

“What is it, Xavier?” I was impatient, but more than that I was terrified. And the longer we stood outside listening to the terrible sounds of whatever was going on inside, the worse it seemed to get. I was afraid of losing my nerve—of giving up and turning back—of wasting everything Lena had gone through to get
The Book of Moons
to me.

He ignored me. “You propose a trade, dead man? What do you offer me if I open the Gates? How do you propose to pay your way for entrance into the Far Keep?”

I just stood there.

He opened one eye, hissing at me. “The Book. Give me the Book.”