Beautiful Things Never Last (33 page)

             
“I understand what you were saying about my not needing you,” she says. “I mean, I do need you. I meant that. I always have. It’s just in a different way. Before, I felt like I needed you to rescue me from my insane home life…and
maybe from myself.”

             
And I remember all of those nights that she’d shown up on my doorstep, wounded and lonely and needing me to hold her. Until she didn’t.

             
“
And now…N
ow I need you to be there when I wake up in the morning,” she says.

             
“I want that. More than anything.”
             
“I also need you to be there in the middle of the night.”

             
I’m scared as hell right now that I’m losing the only person I’ve ever really given a damn about. That I tore what we had to shreds and
that she’s
never going to forgive me. What can I say to make
that not happen? What can I do?

             
“I understand,” is all I say.

             
“I’ve
got to get going. I have class.F
irst day back.”

             
She gives a small nod, then wipes her hands and gets up from her chair.

             
I catch her forearm as she passes me. “I do love you, Quinn. Even if I fucked it all up.”

             
“
I know. Just let me have some time.”

             
“Okay,” I say, hoping I’m strong enough to give it to her. I walk to the door with her, because I’m not sure she wants me here while she’s gone. I’m not sure it’s my home anymore.

             
“Thanks for breakfast,” I say.

             
“
Sure.” She twists her hair back into a loose bun on top of her head and secures it with a chopstick that she swiped
off  the
counter. “
What are your plans
this week?”

             
“To win you back. That’s it.
That’s my plan.
Every day
.”

Twenty-three

BEN

“Not the black one,” Shayna says
, crinkling her nose
. “
Go with the gray cardigan
.”

             
I sigh. Quinn should be the one helping me pick out clothes for this event.

             
It’s not like I haven’t seen her,
because
I
have
—
almost every day. She comes by Carter’s place, or the three of us go over to the apartment that still contains most of my stuff, but I haven’t had a real conversation with her in weeks.

             
“What color tie?” I ask Shayna.

             
“Go with purple,” she says. “It’s Quinn’s favorite color.”

             
“Okay,” I say. I wish Quinn would be there to see it.
             
I grab the purple one of the tangled bunch that I pulled out of one of my boxes from our apartment.
My mom would not approve of this organization. And that makes me smile.

             
“Have you invited her, bro?” Carter asks, hopping down off of the counter top.

             
“Nah,” I say. It crossed my mind. I’m going to an unveiling of the line of posters that I sold my photos for tonight. There’s no one that I’d rather have there, that should be there
,
more than Quinn. She inspired the pictures that have changed my life. But I’d trade every cent to have her back. “I didn’t want her to feel obligated to go or anything.”

             
“Don’t be stupid, just invite her. It’s not like she has anything going on,” Shayna says.

             
“Shay—” Carter warns. “Stay out of it.”
             
Shayna rolls her eyes. “Whatever. You should be more involved in it, Carter,” she says.

             
“Hell no, my sister can handle her own business,” he says.

             
That she can.

             
“Well, if she doesn’t start handling it, Ben here will be living with us forever,” Shayna says.

             
I had considered it, though no one has said anything. If Quinn doesn’t let me back into her life, what then? Where do I go? I finally have a little money to my name, I could go get a place around here, but man, packing up my stuff and bringing it to a place that doesn’t have Quinn sounds really freaking depressing.

             
“Don’t listen to her, man, you can stay as long as you want.”

             
“I’m kidding, Ben,” Shayna assures me.

             
And once again I feel pitied, and I don’t deserve to.

             
“I can’t,” I say. “I told her I’d give her some time.” And I have to. It’s the only choice I have.

             
“If you ask me, and you didn’t, I think you should talk to her. At least invite her,” Carter says.

             
I want to. But I can’t.

             
“I’ll think about it,” I say, even though I don’t mean it. If I push Quinn, I could lose her forever. I can’t risk it just because I’m impatient. No way.

             
“What time do we need to be there?” Shayna asks.

             
“It starts at seven, but you guys, don’t feel like you have to—”

             
“Ben, please. We’re going. Who else is going to be there to show up for you?”

             
I called my mom and told her about it. She cried. In a good way. I sort of feel like maybe I’ve proved that this is a real thing to her now that I’ve sold a piece of work. I had to ask her about Linney. I had to. She’s gone back to Kentucky, though she’s staying at her parents’ house, not her dorm. She’s got a restraining order against the douche that fucked up her life, and the DA has picked up charges against him. I’ve learned that I can care about Linney, and that’s okay, but there ha
ve
to be some boundar
ies
. I want her to be happy, but the only person I need in my life is Quinn.
             

             
Shayna leaves the room to change for the event.

             
Carter comes to stand next to me by the bar. “Look, you’ve always been good to my sister, that’s why I’m pulling for you guys to work it out. And I like you, dude, I do. I’m all for second chances. But she’s my sister. Fuck with her again—”

             
“I know. Trust me. I know,” I say. “If somehow I’m able to get her back, I’ll never fuck it up.”

             
Carter nods. “Good luck, man.”

Twenty-four

Q
UINN

“Any
more pictures?”
Teresa asks.

             
“No, I think that’s it
,” I say.
I tuck the photos that I finally had developed into my server
’
s apron.
“
But I do have some balsamic vinegar that I bought there. I’ll bring you a bottle tomorrow. It’
s life changing stuff.
”
I smile
at Teresa’s
enthusiasm.
She’s been chomping at the bit to hear every story and see every photo since I got back to LA. Every afternoon when I come in from school, she’s waiting to grill me for more details. There are worse things than reliving that experience, though.

             
I miss Italy, and Amalea, but it’s good to be settling back into a normal routine…even if it’s been a new one. Adjusting to a day-to-day life without Ben has been strange. I’m not even angry at him anymore. I sort of understan
d why he went to help Caroline. But understanding doesn’t erase the
betray
al I feel
that he didn’t tell me. I see him every day
:
he’s living three doors away with Carter,
it’s
hard not to.
And
late at night, I sometimes walk downstairs to the parking lot to see if his car is there, hoping to ‘accidently’ run into him coming in from taking pictures because
,
as
much as I told him that I need space,
I miss him something fierce.

             
“Your friend is here,” Teresa says, pointing over my shoulder. My stomach dances with nervous butterflies, expecting to see Ben’s face when I turn around. But it isn’t. Shayna is over by the hostess stand, waving like an idiot.

             
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I walk over and ask. “Everything okay?” Shayna has only been to the restaurant twice, and she was forced. This level of dining isn’t up to her hoity standards, apparently.

             
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Are you off?”

             
I glance at my watch. “In ten minutes, why?”

             
“Rad, I have a
change
of
clothes for you in my car, I’m going to bring it in and you can change in the bathroom. We’re kind of pressed for time, so we’ll just pretend that your hair doesn’t look like that,” she says.

             
“Where are we going?” I ask, ignoring the insult.

             
“It’s a surprise!” Shayna squeaks.