Beautifully Broken (5 page)

 Four months before
Gray’s father passed, my parents had been in a terrible car accident that
claimed both of their lives. The only thing that I can remember clearly from
that night was Gray’s mom coming over to give me the news, which would forever
change me. Gray hadn't left my side since that fateful day. His mother tried to
get me to move in with her and Gray more than once but I just couldn't bring
myself to leave “my” home. It was the last place I was with both of them and
leaving just felt wrong, like I would be leaving a part of them behind.

I still spent practically
every minute of the day over at Gray’s house with him after that. I would head
over in the mornings before school, study, hang out and then after Gray would
walk me home at night. Gray used to offer to stay with me every time he would
turn to leave, but I insisted that I was fine. Even though I was anything but.
Those were my moments of weakness, when I would cry myself to sleep and he
should have never had to see that. Gray and his mother were the most selfless
people I had ever met. His mother always told me that our grief would make us
stronger people. After a month, I was beyond repair. Gray began sneaking back
into my house through one of the kitchen windows and sleeping on the couch
shortly after.

The crying rarely eased up,
and slowly Gray would start holding me while I would cry myself to sleep. My
crying stints became less and less, but only if Gray was there to hold my
trembling body in his arms. We spent night upon night talking, once I stopped
crying all together. He eased my pain in a way I never thought possible and
just in time for me to help him with his. I would be eternally grateful to him.

I rolled over towards my
small bedroom window that faced Gray’s, trying to see if he was in his darkened
room. It only took a second for his eyes to find mine. I watched him as he
turned on his bedside lamp. It illuminated every chiseled facet of his gorgeous
face and body. A smile broke out on his face, and I couldn't help but smile
back. Against my better judgment, I waved for him to come over. In less than a
second his light was off and I could see his muscular frame crawl out of his
window, sprinting straight over to mine. I pushed up on the frame, while
staring at how his white cotton shirt hugged every muscle across his chest and
shoulders. Gray was definitely something to look at.

He climbed onto my bed and
discarded his shirt onto my bedroom floor. I pressed my back into his chest,
letting his strong arms consume my body. This was home but yet again my comfort
in this, in how we were together, would be leaving soon.

I breathed a heavy sigh
before I whispered, “Hi.”

“Hi yourself. You doing okay
Button?” He chuckled in my ear. Gray had been calling me Button since the sixth
grade, when he dared me to stick a button up my nose. He swore it wouldn't fit.
Boy was he ever wrong. My mom took me straight to the emergency room knowing
damn well she couldn't get it out herself. I was humiliated, but Gray thought
it was hilarious and the name has stuck ever since.

“You know I hate it when you
call me that.” I nudged him in his ribs making him laugh even harder. “I guess
I'm okay, for now.” I sighed.

“I know it's going to be
hard Bennett but I promise you, things won't change between us. You’re my best
friend and that I swear, will forever remain true. I love you Button.” He
kissed the back of my head quickly and gave me a slight squeeze. I nestled
further into his chest not wanting this moment to end. He
was
my best friend and no amount of distance could change what we've been through,
or what we mean to each other, nothing!

I woke the next morning to a
cool breeze blowing against my back. I shivered involuntarily and reached for
my comforter. Instead I stumbled across a piece of paper tucked up under my
side. I scrambled to wrap my comforter around myself and lay back to read what
good ol’ Gray had to say.

Sorry, I had early
testing today and I didn't want to wake you. I hope you slept ok, I know I
did;) I'll text you when I get done.

Love

G

I couldn't help but smile. I
knew that we were slowly but surely blurring the lines of our friendship but I
was beyond caring. I sat up, closed my window and then headed out to the
kitchen for a bowl of cereal and coffee. I
so
needed coffee!

My day seemed to drag by
extremely slow without Gray. I ended up cleaning my entire house, which only
took about three hours. I tried to keep myself busy, but nothing was working.
Around 3:00pm my phone went off, alerting me to a text message. When I saw
Gray’s name flash across the screen, I began beaming. I didn’t want to, but I
missed him terribly. I just wanted to hang out with him as much as possible
before he left. I slid the bar across the screen opening up the text. A smile
as wide as the Grand Canyon spread across my face as I read his sweet words.

HEY BEAUTIFUL, JUST
FINISHED

UP AND WAS THINKIN
ABOUT YOU.

YOU WANT ME TO COME
BACK OVER?

G

My stomach filled with
butterflies. It was
killing
me how badly I wanted to see him. I sat against the
couch and pondered whether or not it was a good idea. I knew what my heart
wanted, but my head was fighting tooth and nail to push him away. My smile fell
when I realized what I needed to do.

SORRY HON. I HAVE
SOME ERRANDS

I NEED TO GET DONE
BEFORE SCHOOL

STARTS, RAINCHECK??

I knew I was going to break
his heart, but better his than mine at the moment. I needed to keep some of my
dignity in tack. It wasn’t all a lie; I really did have things I needed to pick
up for school. I just needed some time to process and deal.

NO WORRIES, IF UR
BUSY

UR BUSY. LET ME KNOW

WHEN YOU GET DONE.

G

I knew he would be pissed
and after his text, I decided to leave it alone. I knew we would hang out again
before he left.
I felt bad for ignoring Gray all day but I just
couldn’t bring myself to get wrapped up in, whatever it was that was happening
between us. My feelings were growing way beyond friendship, and I knew that was
hopeless.

I turned onto our street at
half past ten. I noticed that his front porch lights were turned off and I
assumed he was in bed. Okay, more like I was hoping he was in bed. Not likely,
seems how it was only 10:00pm on a Saturday night. I didn’t know how to explain
any of this so Gray would understand.

I closed the door to my car
as quietly as I could. I stared in the direction of his front door as I threw
my hip into the door closing it the rest of the way. I let out the air I was
holding and turned to head inside.

“Holy shit gray, you scared
the Hell out of me. What is your problem?” I smacked his chest while clutching
mine to catch my breath.

“Me? Why were you being all
sneaky, closing your car door all-quiet? Are you avoiding me?” There was emptiness
in his voice.

I slid my finger down his
cheek, “No I’m not avoiding you. I didn’t know if your mom was sleeping or not.
I didn’t want to go around slamming doors. That’s all.”

LIAR!

My subconscious yelled at
me. I made my way around his tall figure, making my way to unlock my front
door. He was right behind me.

Damn it!

“Well, I’m glad you made it
home okay.” He started off towards his house then yelled back across the lawn,
“Oh yeah, Hannah was looking for you earlier. Looks like you were avoiding her
too.” His long legs pulled him further from me.

“Gray, wait.” I paused
briefly, “You want to come inside?” The words were out of my mouth before I
could stop them. Great Bennett, let’s go ahead and complicate things even more.

“No, that’s okay. I’m going
to go out for a bit with Vince. See ya later Bennett,” he yelled right before
he disappeared into his house.

I stood on my porch, mouth
agape. Did he seriously just turn me down to hang out with,
Vince
?
I was utterly confused and disappointed. Gray never turned down the chance to
hang out with me. Maybe he was trying to distance himself as well, or maybe, I
was just being that big of a bitch. I shrugged my shoulders and made my way inside.
I fixed myself a frozen dinner and headed into my room to finish getting things
together for my first semester at Connecticut University.

I set my food down on my
desk and noticed the note still lying on my bed. I crawled onto my stomach and
lay there staring at it, hoping it would tell me what to do. I was beyond
confused with everything that was going on. It didn’t help that my emotions
were strewn about all over the place.

I snuck a glance towards
Gray’s window and noticed him sitting at his desk. That’s weird; he said he was
going out with Vince. Who knows, maybe he changed his mind.

Vince had been Gray’s best
friend since middle school. They both played on the same football team, and
ended up playing on our high school team. They were both heading to the academy
together, go figure. Those two and their damn Bromance. I chuckled to myself.

Vince was a good-looking
guy. He was smaller than Gray. Vince only stood at about five feet ten inches,
and he was tall and lanky. He was fit, but had nowhere near the same muscle
structure as Gray. I used to have a small crush on Vince in middle school. He
had naturally bleach blonde hair and light blue eyes. He used to flirt with me
a bit back in the day, but Gray put a stop to that before it could go anywhere.
Not that I would have ever dated Vince anyway, the minute he opened his mouth,
he became such a douche. I couldn’t even stand to be around him half the time
these days.

I didn’t realize how long I
had been staring until his brilliant blue eyes caught mine. I blinked and tried
to look away. When my eyes came back to focus on his window again, he was gone.
I shrugged to myself and went to my desk to eat my dinner.

Around eleven o’clock my
phone alerted me to a text message. I half ran to my bed to see who it was.
Disappointment clouded my expression when I saw it was only Hannah.

HEY GIRLY. BIG PARTY

TONIGHT, YOU IN?

HAN

I really wasn’t in the mood
to go to a party, but I was so sick of hanging out at home by myself all the
time. I let out a sigh before I text her back.

I’M IN. COME GET ME

IN 20;)

I pulled myself off of my
bed and forced myself to get a little dolled up. I only had twenty minutes, so
I had to make it quick. I sat at my vanity and brushed mascara on my lashes,
and swiped some dark pink shadow across my lids. I brushed some bronzer and
powder over my face and finished it with a pale pink lip-gloss my mother had
bought me. I had straightened my hair earlier, so I only had to run a brush
through it to make it look presentable.

I opened my closet door and
stepped in, lost. I had no idea what to wear to a party. Hannah always dressed
to the extreme, showing too much of, well, everything. I on the other hand,
rarely showed anything at all. Every time we had gone out over the summer, I
was sure to wear jeans and a loose fitting shirt. I didn’t like the attention
like she did.

Tonight I was going to throw
caution to the wind and wear the pink and black pin striped halter top that
Hannah had given me for my birthday this summer. I didn’t give myself time to
talk myself out of it. I discarded my bra on the floor of my closet and slid
the silky halter over my head. I zipped up the side and pulled on my favorite
pair of skinny jeans. I grabbed my black boots and socks and made my way to the
kitchen.

I didn’t bother looking in
the mirror before leaving because honestly, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone
so I didn’t really care all that much. A few minutes later, I heard Hannah’s
horn honk. I grabbed my purse off the hall table along with my keys and locked
up. Excitement was slowly starting to creep through my veins as I jogged to the
passenger side of her car.