Beautifying Bernadette: A BBW Romantic Comedy (The Jackson Tribe Book 1) (3 page)

Levi quickly assessed the situation and pulled Bernie up to standing and helped her over to one of the chairs. He sat next to her asking gently, but in a clear tone, “Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

Bernie giggled more and just shook her head. “Uh-uh. Just my butt… my butt, I hit my butt. Like if I’d gotten that spankin’.” She just kept laughing, remembering for a moment she had told him she gets her butt spanked. She was really into butts right now. It was the funniest word she had ever heard.

Levi shook his head and turned to Ashley. In a tone that left no room for argument, he spoke loudly above the music and gestured towards the water coolers, “Go get her two full cups of water. Now!”

He couldn’t believe how irresponsible the girls were and wanted to throttle both of them. But instead he turned gently back to Bernie and rubbed her back, she had stopped giggling and was looking a little green around the edges. “Are you going to vomit, Mrs. Douglas?” He calmly reached over and grabbed an empty waste basket and held it up to her.

But Bernie shook her head. “Uh uh, I jus’ needa lie down… jus’ for minute.” She leaned over with her head on his lap and closed her eyes.

He couldn’t help but stroke her hair gently, liking the messy bun she had going on. He liked all of it—the dress, the cute lisp she got when intoxicated, her breasts falling out of the dress. But he definitely felt like something was most certainly not adding up.

He gave Ashley a nod when she came back over, asking clearly, “Did you drink some water as well?”

Ashley nodded. “I’m not crazy and can definitely hold my liquor more easily than my Bea—girl” She looked at her a little guiltily. “It wasn’t even that much. I mean four shots, and my night is just getting started.”

Levi sighed and counted to ten in his head. “I take it you and Mrs. Douglas are friends?”

Ashley nodded again. “Yeah, I’m Ashley White. That’s Bernie Douglas. We’ve been besties for years. And, I know my last name is ironic.”

Levi didn’t even register her comment; he was completely focused on Bernie. “Okay, and she had four shots tonight? How long was it in between? Did you girls have dinner beforehand?”

Ashley looked a little uncomfortable. “Um, like thirty seconds? We took them like fifteen minutes ago. And, no, we didn’t eat together. We met up after. She shouldn’t be this sick though. I’ve seen her drink way more than this before, she gets really drunk, but she doesn’t usually get sick until a lot later in the night.”

Levi worked hard to keep a neutral tone. “And you’re sure she isn’t pregnant? Where is her husband? Does he know she is drinking?”

Ashley looked seriously confused. “Husband? She doesn’t have a—” She stopped and stared wide mouthed. “Wait, shit, are you that cop who pulled her over and took her to court?”

Levi smiled a little and then nodded again.

Ashley looked him up and down. “Frack. She wasn’t kidding. You are a tall drink of water! Damn. But uh… no. Bernie isn’t married or pregnant. She just really didn’t want a ticket, and also was super embarrassed she made up that story. She told me she felt trapped, like she had to follow it through to save face.” 

Levi scowled. “She needs to go home. And, I am happy to give you a ride as well.”

Ashley shook her head. “Hell no. We just got here. If Bea needs to go, I’ll call her a cab, but I ain’t leavin’ for a good long time.”

Levi scowled towards her again, but merely asked her in a mild tone, “What is her address? I will take her home, and I would prefer that you accompany us, but obviously cannot force you to do anything.”

He helped Bernie sit up, leaning her against him, and started feeding her sips of the water, gently reassuring her as she swallowed bits of water. 

Ashley pulled out her phone. “What are your deets? I’ll just text it to you.”

Levi rattled off his number, and Ashley sent him two texts; one that just said
Yo it’s Ash
and then another with Bernie’s address and apartment number.  She also saved him to her contacts under “Hotty Copper McHotster.”

“Are you certain that you don’t want a ride? I don’t think it’s wise to stay here intoxicated on your own.”

Ashley just waved at him. “I’m good. You take good care of her. Oh, here, her keys are in my purse.” She handed them to him and then skipped off, well as smoothly as she could in her spiky heels. The last Levi saw she was flirting with a tall dark-skinned, dark-haired, guy.

Levi helped Bernie to stand and walked her out to his truck. He lifted her in and buckled her up. She was very out of it. Then, he remembered something, locked the doors, and went back inside. He found Ashley locking lips with the fellow, and tapped the guy’s shoulder.

“Sorry, dude, I just need to talk to her for a second.” Pulling Ashley to the side he spoke seriously. “Look, I need your keys too. I’ll leave them with Mrs., uh, Miss Douglas, but there is no way you’re driving home tonight.”

Ashley looked at him dumbfounded. “I’ll have you know that I am a very safe driver, even after some drinks, ‘Dude.’ I have never gotten in an accident or a DUI or anything after clubbing. I’ve been doing this since I was sixteen. So, fuck off.”

Levi stared at her. “I do not care how safe you think you are, lady, you’re not driving home after all those shots, and the additional shots I am sure you are going to partake in tonight. Give. Me. Your. Keys.”

Ashley just stared at him.

“If you’d rather I take them in an official capacity. I’d be happy to involve the guys, but that will create a lot of paperwork. It would be simpler for all of us if you just gave them over willingly. It would behoove you to do so.”

Ashley was uncertain if that was even something he could do. There weren’t any laws about drinking as long as she didn’t drive. But she didn’t want to take a chance and couldn’t figure out how to say no, so she just shoved her keys into his hand.

She snarled, “Asswipe,” and stomped off.

Levi didn’t care if she hated him, he just needed to keep her safe, and everyone else on the streets safe
from
her, tonight. He headed back to the truck where he found Bernie snoring. He smiled, put the address into google maps, buckled himself up, and drove her home.

He was surprised to see her nice apartment building. For some reason he had assumed she lived frugally, but this place was quite ritzy. The building was at least twenty floors, had a keyless entry into the building and a door man. He could see a swimming pool, and as he carried her towards the front door to the side was a really swank gym. The entryway was marble tiles and the elevators were pure glass.

The doorman gave him a suspicious look as he carried Bernie through the door, and followed him across the lobby to the elevator.

“Sir, I have never seen you here before. What business do you have with Miss Douglas? She is obviously incapacitated. I cannot allow you to go up to her apartment without some form of identification and proof that she is willingly allowing you into her home.”

Levi gave the doorman a very appreciative nod. “Yes, sir, my name is Officer Levi Jackson, my badge and ID are in my pants. Miss Douglas made herself ill this evening.  I am just bringing her home and tucking her into bed. Her friend gave me her key and address. You are welcome to call my precinct for a reference, or to follow us up to Miss Douglas’ apartment. I appreciate your vigilance to protecting her, but I cannot just dump her here in the lobby.”

The doorman took Levi’s identification and looked it over closely, then he walked over to the desk and made a copy of it and handed it back. “I am sure you are entirely above board, young man, but we just cannot take too many chances with our precious girls these days. You may take her up on your own, but if I hear tomorrow that you were unwanted, I don’t care what your profession is, I will sic law enforcement on you.”

Levi smiled. “Yes, sir. My daddy would have the same response. And if I ever hurt a woman I was trying to protect, he would skin me alive. Thank you Mr.…”

The doorman smiled at this point also. “Name’s Pete. Just Pete. I’ve been the doorman here for thirty-five years, and I take my job very seriously. Miss Douglas, has lived here for about a year now. In that time, she has never had a fella up to her apartment, so that made me extra concerned. But I believe you, son, and she could do much worse than having a cop on her side.”

Pete led him to the elevator and pushed the third floor button for him. “Good luck up there, and if I am off duty before you come back down, I’ll make sure to check in with Miss Douglas tomorrow.”

Levi nodded respectfully and rode the elevator up. Once he got to her door he carefully balanced her while getting her keys out of his pocket and opening the door. Once in the apartment he smirked a little at the mess everywhere. It looked like a bomb had gone off. Dishes, clothes, perfume and lotion bottles were everywhere and probably a month’s worth of mail was piled unopened on the table. But it was spacious. She had a nice entry way, a decent kitchen with marble countertops, updated appliances, and dark wood floors, a good sized living area with a circular dining table and four chairs, an oversized L shaped couch and loveseat, a large television, and she even had a fireplace. He noted that the whole apartment appeared to be the same cherry wood as the kitchen, but she had thick rugs scattered about. He instinctively walked towards the hall and found her bedroom. There were two doors, but one said “Bernie” in glittery lettering, so he entered that room.  It was just as chaotic as her living space, but the king size bed was made up with hot pink and purple sheets and a big comforter tossed over it. He laid her gently on it. She groaned and curled up into a ball, but didn’t speak or open her eyes.  Levi spotted a large multi-colored throw and placed it gently over her. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked at her intently.

Whispering, he said in a light tone, “I don’t know what to do with you, Miss Douglas, but I am definitely not letting you go. Providence keeps tossing you in my path and you definitely need some rescuing.”

He quietly walked out of her bedroom and apartment. He went back down to the lobby. “Excuse me, Pete? I was thinking about our conversation, and I just wanted to let you know that I am worried about Miss Douglas. I am not sure she is safe on her own with the way the alcohol affected her. I am going to stay the night, but I promise you, I have the most upright of intentions.”

Pete looked at him with admiration and shock. “Well, son, no one has ever come back to me to explain what they are doing. And I have given that lecture many times over the years. Thank you. I trust you to take care of her, and I appreciate you following up with me.”

He offered a wink and a smile. “But, don’t think this keeps you out of danger. I will still be asking Miss Douglas tomorrow if I need to kick your ass.”

Levi laughed. “Yes, sir. I wouldn’t expect any less.”

He went back upstairs and started cleaning; periodically checking on her to make sure she was still breathing and safe. He had just gotten the kitchen sparkling when he heard a retching coming from the bedroom. He raced back with an empty spaghetti pot, and caught her before she had gotten anything too soiled. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s Levi, uh, Officer Jackson. You’re okay. You had too much to drink. I helped you home. Shh, just let me take care of it.”

Bernie’s head was so fuzzy and she was so out of it, it didn’t really hit her how strange this was. She was just glad someone was there. She hated passing out drunk. She hated waking up puking. But it was something she did over and over. She groaned and retched again. Levi held her hair away from the pot with one hand, and the pot away from himself in the other. Once she felt like she had emptied every fiber of her being, Bernie let out a weak cry, and laid down again.

She felt a little less dizzy and out of it though. Squinting at Levi, she blurted out. “How’d you get in here? Isn’t my apartment door locked? I guess you found me ‘cause I put my name on my bedroom door, so people’d know it was mine, huh?”

Levi tried not to laugh at her illogical reasoning and lightly rubbed her back. “Ashley gave me your keys, and I know that this is your room. I saw the pretty stenciling on the door. But I figured that upchuck trumped privacy.”

Bernie nodded understandingly, without actually understanding. “Puke always trumps everything,” she murmured and drifted back into sleep.

Levi took the pot to the bathroom to empty it and then washed it in the kitchen sink. Then he went back and spot cleaned the rug by her bed. He could not get the quilt as she was lying on it, but it had mostly landed on the edge off of the bed. Once it was all cleaned up as best as he could, he looked at the clock; it was about 3:00 am. Grabbing a spare throw, he laid next to her and fell asleep.

***

Bernie rolled over groaning, her head pounding, her mouth feeling like sandpaper. She reached for her phone, but it wasn’t on the nightstand where it usually was. She started patting the bed thinking maybe she left it in the covers like she sometimes did when she felt a… face?

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” She sat straight up bed and looked down at the, no longer, sleeping face of Officer Jackson.

“What the hell are you doing in my bed? How did you get here? Am I having another sex dream about you? Fuckin’ fucked up vodka! I am never drinking again! FUCK YOU ASHLEY!”

Levi let out a gravelly laugh. “Wow. I did not realize that I was bedding a sailor.”

Bernie’s face went white, and Levi realized his poor choice of words. “Sharing a bed is all we did, Miss Douglas. You needed someone to make sure you got safely home from the club, and I was worried that you were not safe to sleep on your own because you woke up vomiting earlier. But I assure you that I stayed on this side of the bed. Different blankets. No touching.”

Bernie felt some of the color returning to her face, and breathed a sigh of relief. Then it hit her, and she looked at him sheepishly. “I guess you figured out I am not the most married or pregnant woman on the planet?”

Levi shook his head slightly. “We cannot possibly have this conversation before showers, breakfast, and coffee. Do you have anywhere you need to be today?”

Bernie shook her head also. “Not really. I was just going to binge Netflix and eat ice cream.”

Fuck it! Why did you tell him that? Now he is going to know that you’re not just a fat little piggy, but a lazy one too.

“Okay, well, I think we need to talk. So, why don’t you shower, and I’ll start washing your bedding that got a little ‘dirtied’ last night. Then I’ll shower while you get dressed and we can hit up an IHOP or something and talk. Does that work for you?”

Bernie couldn’t help but nod. Pancakes plus a hottie? She was all about that! Then she realized what he had said, and her face flamed red. “Wait, there is no need to do my laundry. I can handle it.”

Looking down at herself, she blushed even worse. “Oh my god, I look like shit! Well, more so than usual. Oh man, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. And you probably had big plans or a date at that club. Oh my god, I am such a fuckin’ loser! I am so sorry. I am so sooo…”

Levi put a hand over her mouth. “Shh… Enough. I had no plans. I had no date. I had no obligations except wanting to make sure that you were safe and okay. Speaking of which, you may want to call your friend. She wouldn’t leave with us, and I have no idea how or where she ended up. However, I have her car keys. I didn’t want her to drive home in her intoxicated state of being.”

Bernie shook her head, amazed at him. “Ashley gave you her keys? I have been trying to get that girl to Uber on binge nights, but she refuses. You must be really convincing.”

Levi gave her a stare for a moment, and stated in a not entirely joking tone, “You’ll soon learn that I can be very persuasive, when I feel that a young lady is in danger.”

Bernie wasn’t sure why, but her stomach flipped, her skin went cold, and her pussy clenched. This dude was legit.

“Oh. Okay. Well, thanks for doing that. She really is pretty experienced at drunk driving, but it still makes me nervous every time she gets behind the wheel.” She did not add that she was generally the passenger on those wild rides, but, since she was even more smashed than Ashley, she rarely remembered them.

“Oh.” Levi looked at her seriously. “Did you happen to eat dinner last night before you went to the club?”

Bernie started to nod, but the look on his face made her change to a truthful response, “Um. . . no. I figured I’d get something at the club.”

Levi looked at her disapprovingly. “Well, might I suggest that, in the future, you have substantial food in your belly before imbibing. I think that greatly contributed to how sick you became.”

Bernie blushed, but nodded and it slipped out. “Yes, sir, you’re right.”

Sir? Where did that come from? She hadn’t called anyone sir since her fourth grade gym coach. Uuuugh.

Bernie decided that was the moment she needed to get out of bed, and escape to the shower. On her way out the door, she turned and waggled her finger at him. “Don’t do my laundry!”

Levi chuckled, waited until she was in the bathroom, and then completely disregarded what she had said. He had found her compact washer/dryer combo last night and was relieved that it fit her quilt perfectly. He started it on hot with plenty of detergent. Then, he went back to his truck. He always kept a go-bag in the back with a change of clothes, toothbrush, and razor. He took it all back up to her apartment and waited for her to get out of the shower.

Bernie turned the water and let it heat to as hot as she could stand it. She wished she had grabbed some Advil before getting in here. Her head was pounding, she felt incredibly weak, and realized it had now been thirty-six hours since she had eaten anything. Plus, she had puked out her guts last night. Ugh. But, before she got in the shower, she stepped on the scale, and was overjoyed to see she was down another five pounds. Maybe she could fit into her skinny jeans today. Skinny. Ha! That was an oxymoron. More like “chubbies.” But she did love her tight jeans with her boots and a flowy shirt. She’d make sure to wear her push up bra today, so maybe Levi would spend so much time looking at her boobs he wouldn’t notice her flub. She got in the shower, and just let the water wash over her for several moments before she even attempted to lather up and wash her hair. She also shaved her legs thoroughly. She wanted to feel as presentable as she could even if she couldn’t look it. She also kind of wanted to avoid getting out and seeing that hot formidable cop again. Finally, she could avoid it no longer, and the water was starting to get cold. She got out and dried off. Putting a towel on her head and a robe around her body, she stepped out of the bathroom.

Levi stood in the hallway bouncing a little and said teasingly, “I should have taken a leak before I let you get in the shower.”

Bernie blazed red and her lip trembled. “Oh my God, I’m such a selfish bitch, I didn’t even think of that. I’m so sorry.”

Levi wanted to comfort her, but his bladder wouldn’t let him wait one more moment. “We’ll talk after, but you’re fine.”

“Oh!” Bernie said, “There are fresh towels on the shelf over the toilet. But uh, I think the water is cold now”

Levi smiled. “It’s okay, I am one of seven kids, I am used to cold showers.” Without another word, he rushed in to do his business.

After getting dressed, Bernie stumbled into the kitchen thinking that some orange juice might pep her up and give her some energy. She stopped short at the entryway to the kitchen, her eyes widened, and her heart felt like it was going to explode.

She started yelling, “He cleaned my kitchen? He fucking cleans?” She couldn’t believe her eyes. She was equally mortified that he had seen the filth and grossness of her apartment, and amazed that there was actually a man like him in the world. She poured herself a huge glass of orange juice and started a strong pot of coffee brewing.