Beauty from Surrender (8 page)

I'm helping Addison sort her laundry—all humpteen bags full—when I see her take a gift bag from her suitcase. "I bought something for you while I was in Cali—not that you couldn't get them here—but I knew it was something you wouldn't buy for yourself."

Some people are natural-born gift givers. They love giving because it makes them feel good. But Addison isn't one of them, so I'm interested in seeing what would spurn spontaneous gift-buying. "You didn't have to get me a gift."

She's beaming, so I see she's proud of herself. "I think I did. Because I'm pretty sure you need this. A lot."

I take the box from the bag and instantly feel heat rise to my face. No she did not. I stare at the purple vibrator through its plastic packaging and I know that she did.

"It's purple—your favorite color." She swipes the package from my hands and takes it out when she sees I'm not going to. "This thing is fantastic, Laurie. Look what the tip can do. It swirls."

That's not natural. "I've never seen a penis that swirls or twirls or has bright-colored beads rotating at the base." Of course, I've only spent time with a couple of them, but if any man's dick did tricks, it would've been Jack Henry's. I'm sure of it. "It looks like it has a gumball machine in it. If it starts lighting up, I gonna swear it's a kids' toy."

She rolls her eyes. "Trust me—this isn't child's play. The swirling and rotating is what makes this rock." She points to a phalange-looking probe thing. "This is the magnificent part."

I think I'm frightened. "What the hell is that thing?"

"A clitoral stimulator."

Good grief. "You've got to be kidding me."

She's laughing as she shakes her head. "Oh, no. I would not kid of such things. This little beauty will make you come in under a minute. I guarantee it."

Under a minute? Shit!

I see an attached probe and I'm scared to ask, but curiosity has set in. I touch it as I ask, "And this?"

"An anal probe."

I jerk my hand back, as though the probe might have already been used. I make a face, one that tells her I'm grossed out. "I'm not putting that in my ass!"

"You don't have to. This baby works just fine without it. I know it's a bit much, so I bought this beginner for you also. It's called a Bullet." She takes out a shiny little silver gadget and places it in my hand. It looks a lot less intimidating than the purple trick penis with gumballs dancing in the shaft. The Bullet definitely seems more my speed.

Addison has never made it a secret that she's the ultimate sex-toy expert. She's made a lot of comments in the past about how I should try them, but this is the first time she's brought me the goods. "When you had to leave Lachlan, you gave up all those great orgasms cold turkey." Yup. "You need this, Laurie. And trust me—these are the best gadgets out there."

"You would know."

She points the purple vibrator at me. "There are a lot of reasons you need this, and not all of them have to do with Lachlan." It's still weird hearing her call him that. "Orgasms keep your girly parts healthy. And having an orgasm will help you sleep, which, by the looks of you, I'm certain you haven't been doing."

There's the old Addison. "Thanks a lot."

She shrugs, as if she can't help herself. And she probably can't. "I'm just sayin'…"

At least she doesn't blow smoke up my ass. "Thank goodness I can always count on you to say whatever's on your mind." Perhaps I'm a little too sarcastic because she cuts her eyes at me.

"It's a medically proven fact that orgasms release endorphins. That means they can help with migraines. How many did you have when you were in Australia? Migraines, I mean. Not orgasms."

I couldn't count the multitude of orgasms I had with Jack Henry if my life depended on it. "One."

"And when did you have it?"

I hadn't moved in with Jack Henry yet, so it was very early during our visit. "It wasn't long after we got there."

"See? You started having regular orgasms with Lachlan and your headaches went away."

Jack Henry! Not Lachlan! I want to scream it out loud.

But she's right. My migraines were happening increasingly more often before I went to Australia. Except for the one, they disappeared entirely while I was with him. I've never gone that long in between occurrences. "You're right. I didn't have another migraine after I moved in with him."

"See? Orgasms are a physical necessity and should be prescribed by your doctor for good health. There's no reason you shouldn't be having at least one a day. Personally, I recommend three. You brush your teeth three times a day to keep them healthy. Shouldn't your vagina be in tip-top shape too?"

Is she serious? "You mean to tell me that you use your vibrator three times a day?"

"Yeah. It's been working overtime since we left Australia," she giggles. "And I bought an extra just in case I wear it out. Damn, I miss Zac."

Addison and I have been best friends for four years, and I've come to know that she will never understand the concept of TMI. "What's the plan with him?"

"Girl, I'm so confused about what I want. I mean, I'm not confused about wanting him. That much I know. I've never loved anyone the way I love him." She's biting her perfectly manicured thumbnail. It's an unfamiliar sight. "He's asked me to come back to Australia. Indefinitely."

She's crazy about him. I can't believe she hasn't hopped a plane headed back to Oz already. "You came here to audition for this band. Does that mean you're taking the job and not going back to be with him?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm not sure I can up and leave my entire life behind to move to Australia for a guy I've known three months. That's crazy talk, right? My whole life is in the U.S. My parents. My career. You." She looks as though she might burst into tears. "What would you do?"

I love my family and Addison, but there's not a shade of doubt in my mind. I'd be on the first Aussie bird I could find if Jack Henry called and asked me to come back. Maybe I feel that way because I no longer have a career, but I wouldn't even take the time to pack a bag if it meant I could be back in his arms sooner. "He wouldn't have to ask me twice."

"I wish I had your confidence. I'm just so unsure…of everything."

It's easier to be confident in answer to a question I won't hear. Jack Henry will never ask me to return to Australia. I'll never have to choose between him and my career because I have neither. And it's a cruel reality to face.

I wake to the sound of a knock on my bedroom door. Addison slowly eases it open. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I lie as I push myself up to a sitting position. Last night was a bad one for me. I tossed and turned most of the night, thinking about Jack Henry. There's no way I've been asleep for more than a couple of hours, but I don't want Addison to feel bad about waking me. "What's up?"

She walks over and sits on the edge of my bed. "I never went to sleep last night."

My contacts are out so she looks blurry, but I can see the troubled expression on her face. "Are you worried about the audition?"

"No way. I couldn't care less about that. It's Zac. I can't stop thinking about us and how bad I want to go back."

I can't believe her. If she loves him the way she says, she shouldn't stick around here and let him slip away. "Then do it. Stop being miserable and go."

"You really think I should?"

I wouldn't hesitate. "Absolutely. You love him and that's not going to go away." I know that much from experience.

She reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "I'm gonna do it, but I want you to go to that audition instead of me."

Has she lost her mind? That's not the way things are done in the music industry. I don't get to decide I'll go in her place. "I can't show up for your audition."

"Yes, you can. Get up and get dressed. You have an hour."

"No. No. No, I can't do that." Can I?

"They're expecting a female vocalist. That's what you are—and a great one. They won't care about the details after they hear you sing. And it's actually a pretty perfect situation, if you think about it. They need a singer who can play guitar. You need a job. Problem solved."

It's been over two weeks since I sang or played. "I haven't rehearsed."

"Choose something familiar like…'What Hurts the Most.' You've been performing that song longer than we've known each other. It's one of your best and you can knock it out of the park without even warming up."

She's right. It's always one of my best performances. It could work.

Gah! Am I really considering this? "We both know this stunt is nuts. Even if they like my voice, this is unprofessional. And desperate. They'll tell me to get lost."

"I'll go with you. We'll act like I'm there for the audition and you're there to support me. We'll swap places at the last minute."

She makes it sound so easy—and so hard to say no. "I'm gonna do it. What do I have to lose at this point?"

"Nothing."

She's right. When you have nothing, there's very little for you to lose. "I have to get ready."

We're called back into a studio and I'm nervous as hell. This isn't me trying out for some mediocre band playing small clubs. These guys are doing it big time.

Addison introduces herself and I stand back as she drops the bomb. "I won't be the one auditioning today." She gestures over her shoulder. "She's here to sing in my place."

There's a brief moment of silence before the guy I recognize as the vocalist speaks up. "I don't think so—that's not how things work around here. Addison Donavon is the person we're expecting. That's who our agent lined up, so there are no exceptions. We don't play tag team."

I knew this was a bad idea. I'm on the verge of turning around to walk out the door but Addison isn't ready to cave. "My manager arranged this audition for me before I knew I'd be leaving the country. Doesn't it seem ridiculous to let this audition go to waste when what you need is standing right here in front of you?"

"We're not looking for a second-rate replacement." It's obvious who the leader is here by the spokesperson: Mr. Perfect Blond Locks with earrings and tatted forearms.

"That's not what you have here. She's an incredible vocalist and musician. She plays by ear—guitar and piano." As much as I appreciate Addison listing my virtues, I'm beginning to feel like something of a charity case. I despise it.

"No. She doesn't have a scheduled audition so she doesn't get to play or sing unless her manager arranges it." Fat chance of that happening since David dropped me after the Blake incident.

The arguing continues like that—back and forth—until I finally interrupt. "It's okay, Addison. Let's go."

"No! It's not okay." She turns back to the one she's been arguing with. "You're messing up big time if you let her walk out of here."

This is humiliating, and I refuse to stand here being discussed like I'm not present while Addison pleads for me. I lift my guitar case from the floor and walk toward the door. "Gentlemen, I'm sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused and I wish you the best of luck in finding the perfect vocalist." It's my polite way of telling them to kiss my ass as well as code for Addison to shut up and come on. I may be a smidgen on the desperate side, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna beg. I may not have a job or the man I love, but I still have my pride. This band of nitwits isn't going to rob me of that.