Because We Belong: A Because You Are Mine Novel (18 page)

“All right,” she said in a thick voice. It was difficult to say what she was feeling, given her impulsivity. Her rabid hunger.

“Francesca?” She met his gaze reluctantly. “You
will
still come to me tonight. I know what you need, and it wasn’t this. Not entirely. This was for me. I needed to know you belonged to no one else.”

“I belong to myself, Ian,” she said starkly before she walked to the door and unlocked it.

But what sort of a comfort was that, really, when she couldn’t trust herself? And wasn’t there an element of truth to what he’d said? Who knew, better than Ian, what she needed?

And she
did
need. Crave, in fact. Not only Ian, but the beautiful, raw, sometimes shocking intimacy they’d once treasured. That they’d
just
shared.

How could she possibly both desire this connection she felt to him and yet despise it at once?

Her pulse began to thrum again at her throat as she sensed him behind her, silently following in the shadows.

* * *

Lucien and he stood at the corner of the large room near the bar, a fair distance between themselves and the rest of the chatting group. Anne had put on a classic jazz selection, which further muted their conversation.

“Don’t tell me you’re not interested in finding out more about Gaines,” Ian said, scanning the room. Francesca was still in the ladies’ room.

“You know that I am. I’m more interested in locating our siblings, though. The ones who already know about their biological father anyway. Like this man, Kam Reardon, that you told me about.”

“They deserve to know. All of them. If no one in their life has told them, then we should.”

He felt Lucien’s stare on his profile. “Forgive me for saying so, Ian, but the knowledge doesn’t seem to have sat well with you. If you’re an example of what might happen, I think it’s a terrible idea to spring the truth on innocents.” Ian met his half brother’s stare angrily, but Lucien didn’t flinch. “Take it from someone who knows. There’s no joy in telling someone that Trevor Gaines’s sickness was one of the reasons they walk on this earth. Watching how you reacted makes me think we should bury his name along with his worthless corpse and never mention the likes of him again.”

“You don’t really believe that,” Ian grated out. “You’re curious. You certainly listened when I told you everything I’ve found out about him so far. There’s more to discover. Reardon has answers, I’m sure of it. I just haven’t been able to locate the bloody bastard and I had to leave before I could,” Ian said, taking a drink. Francesca entered the room. He regretted the telltale glow of her cheeks and her hesitant smile as she joined the others, and yet he wouldn’t have changed anything. He was
glad
her flushed cheeks and slight embarrassment following their absence was there for everyone to witness.

Savage that he was.

And yet . . . he had no real right to mark her as his, he thought as he ground his teeth in acute frustration.

“Do you plan on telling Francesca what you were doing in France?” he heard Lucien murmur and knew the other man was also watching Francesca’s entrance.

“No. And please don’t tell her, either,” Ian said, sounding harsher than he intended. He met Lucien’s stare. “She would try and talk me out of it.”

“So would Elise, if I were on your mission,” Lucien said. “Do you know why you haven’t told Francesca what you’ve told me?”

He shrugged. “You understand what she can’t.”

“I
do
understand. I’ll admit . . . I am curious about Gaines. How can I not be? And I want to be involved in contacting any of our brothers and sisters who are interested in making the connection. Maybe there
is
a chance of us finding some blessing among all the senselessness. I doubt it, but who knows?”

“We’ve become friends,” Ian said, his gaze still stuck to Francesca.

“True. There’s been one sliver lining. But my point is, the reason you aren’t telling Francesca what you’re doing isn’t because she won’t understand. I think you know she might understand perfectly well, but still try and talk you out of it. It’s because she’s the only one who has the power to change your mind that you’re not telling her, and you know that. So you’re stubbornly not telling her so you can continue with this obsession.”

“Obsession?”
Ian spat.

He blinked, realizing that Lucien looked uncomfortable. Concerned? He glanced over to the others and saw Anne, Elise, and James looking over at them worriedly, while Francesca seemed startled. He’d shouted, when he hadn’t meant to. What the hell was wrong with him? He inhaled, trying to regain his splintering control. He clamped his mouth shut, waiting for their observers to look away. “Have you told Elise what I’ve told you?” he asked Lucien in a more level, quiet voice after a pause. “Have you told her you plan to visit Gaines’s estate with me when the time is right?”

“No,” Lucien admitted. “But the only reason I haven’t is because she’d probably tell Francesca while we’re here at Belford. Even though you didn’t tell me you were dead set against Francesca knowing until just now, I’d already guessed it was true. I’ll probably tell Elise when we’re on the plane back to Chicago.”

Ian scowled. “It’s the same reason I haven’t told my grandparents. They’re crazy about Francesca. They’d probably tell her . . . beg her to save me or some foolishness like that.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke as they watched the others talking near the leaping fire. Ian tensed when Gerard approached Francesca, but then she looked up and stared directly at him, her dark, shining eyes striking to the core of him, as always. She turned away when Elise said something to her.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Lucien asked quietly from beside him, and he knew his half brother had seen Francesca’s charged glance across the room. Or was Lucien literally asking him if he had control of himself—if he was in his right mind? Ian chose to believe the former, finding the latter question too disturbing to consider.

“No,” Ian rasped, taking a drink. “But I can’t stay away from her.”

“I think you’d better decide who’s in your blood more. I, for one, pray it’s Francesca and not Gaines,” Lucien said pointedly before he picked up his drink and went to join his wife.

Ian grimaced at the admonishment. As if it were a simple matter of his
choosing
Francesca over a disgusting pervert. He’d thought Lucien would understand—and in all fairness, maybe he did. Better than most could anyway. Lucien felt the taint of Trevor Gaines all right. But it wasn’t a poison in his system like it was Ian’s . . . something that needed to be purged at all costs. He must cleanse himself of the filth before he could claim peace.

Before he could ever hope to claim Francesca.

* * *

It took him a lot more effort these days to force his mind into the tight focus that used to come as easily as breathing. Especially tonight.

Would she come?

He sat at the desk in his suite, still wearing his tux pants and shirt, his tie loosened, scanning various documents Lin had sent him for his perusal. His interest in Noble Enterprises had increased ever since he’d returned to England, although it was still a shadow of his former focus on his company. Perhaps it was because he’d been thrown back into the midst of the details as he asked Lin question after question about Francesca’s recent activities in Chicago, and subsequently was exposed to all of the details of the Tyake acquisition.

He paused, opening up a document that Lin had sent him in an e-mail with the subject heading:
Noble Enterprises purchase of Tyake goes public.
He hadn’t opened it earlier because he’d already been aware that the story had broken, but he did so now to fill the time. Immediately a black-and-white photo of Francesca walking off an elevator at Noble Towers popped onto the screen, his grandfather at the periphery of the photograph. The headline mentioned something about the Noble family gathering for the Tyake acquisition, although it was mentioned in the first paragraph that Ian himself was notably absent. He took note of the date of the newspaper publication then fleetly typed a query to Lin.

If Francesca didn’t come, would he have to resort to watching her image on his computer screen again? Lucien had accused him earlier of being obsessed by Trevor Gaines and his ugly history, but personally, Ian considered himself obsessed by the image of Francesca surrendering to ecstasy . . . of giving herself so trustingly. He craved the image especially now, when she shut herself off from him even while she desperately sought to find relief for the fire that burned her from the inside out. He was familiar with that particular brand of fire. It scored him daily since leaving her. He wouldn’t watch her suffer unduly if he could offer her even a modicum of relief.

Knowing he was the one who had altered her expression from one of complete trust and love to one of anger and doubt made the vision of her former faith on the computer screen a hundred times worse. It also made the image that much more compelling, not to mention sadder.

His head jerked up at the furtive knock at his door. He quickly shut down his computer. She didn’t say anything when he opened the door, just walked into the room. She’d changed out of her eveningwear. Instead of being dressed for bed, however, she wore jeans and a fitted T-shirt, her long, glorious reddish-gold hair still loose and waving down her back. It was the attire he most associated with Francesca—the garb of a free-spirited artist. He hadn’t seen her dressed thus since his return, and seeing her now caused an amplification in the dull, familiar ache in his chest cavity. Her face looked pale when she turned to face him, her gaze fierce. He recognized her defiance as being that of a woman who had been wounded but not conquered.

He closed the door quietly and locked it. Still, she didn’t speak as they stared at one another in the thundering silence.

“Well I’m here,” she said stiffly. “I’d almost prefer it that you were triumphant instead of your acting like it was inevitable that I’d come.”

He raised his eyebrows. “It would give you comfort to call me smug?”

“It would give me comfort to dislike you.”

“You don’t dislike me?” he asked, dropping his hand from the knob on the door and walking toward her.

Her large eyes moved over him warily. Her lips trembled. “You left me,” she said hoarsely. “What woman doesn’t hate her lover for that? Especially when she shows up at his door after the fact, begging.”

“You’re not begging,” he stated firmly. “I offered to give you what you need.”

“And nothing else,” she smiled bitterly. “And what is it you suppose I need? To be punished for showing up here? I’ve half a mind to agree it’s what I deserve.”

“No,” he said, hating to see her this way. Francesca was not born to be a cynic. He palmed her jaw and smoothed his thumb over her pale, smooth cheek as if he could erase her sadness . . . her desperation. “You’re tearing at yourself, bloodying your spirit. You think you want to escape the bonds that hold you secure, but in reality, you need to be held tighter.”

A muscle jumped beneath his stroking thumb. She stared up at him, a wild, angry longing in her dark eyes. “Why should I let you bind me tighter when you’ll leave again soon, and I’ll be alone, fighting against the bonds . . . bleeding once again?”

“Because I’ll try my damnedest to come back.”

“Promise me.”

He blinked at her harsh demand. “I can’t.”

She made a muffled sound of misery in her throat, killing him a little. He touched his forehead to hers. “I want to be with you more than anything, Francesca. But I can’t do that until I feel . . . whole. Please understand.”

He took her into his arms and clasped her to him, tight, inhaling the scent of her hair. “There is no other woman for me. If I can never feel myself worthy of you, then I’ll never want another. If I can’t find a place at your side, it means I’ll go through life alone. Please understand that. This isn’t about me abandoning you. I’m the one who feels cast ashore alone while the rest of the world floats away.”

He felt her shudder. She shook her head, her face rolling against his chest. Her arms slipped around his waist. “But I’m here. I’m
right
here.”

“I know,” he said, using his hand to tilt back her face. She stared up at him with shiny eyes. He brushed her lips softly with his own, absorbing the slight tremors that went through her body . . . cherishing them. “And you’re suffering. Let me bring you relief.”

She pressed closer to him, her light clothing allowing him to feel her firm, feminine body, her tension . . . her heat. Her eyelids closed. “Yes,” she said. “I need help. I can’t seem to . . .” Her voice broke, and he covered her mouth with his, hating to witness her misery. It hurt like a burning lash whipped against his insides to know he had done this to her—because of his need, he’d trained her to his touch, taught her to meet his needs, to exceed his desires. He’d told her once that there probably wasn’t a handful of men on the planet who could dominate her sexually, and he’d meant it. She possessed such a strong, fierce spirit, she would only—
could
only—submit to a true mate. He’d recognized before that he was incredibly fortunate to be one of the few men to whom she could submit, but there, in that moment, he recognized how blessed he was . . .

. . . and how damned.

He kissed her deliberately while he began to undress her, gentling her when she grew frantic and strained against him, taming her when her hunger grew wild and she bit at him, tempting him. She made a rough sound of protest when he broke their kiss in order to pull her T-shirt over her head, but then his mouth was back on hers, drinking her sweetness, using his hands to unfasten her bra and massage her breasts, his fingers to coax her nipples into hard, delectable crests that made his mouth water.

He lifted his head and began to slide his tie off his neck. “Take off the rest of your clothes and come over here,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

He watched her while he waited, his gaze lingering on her flushed cheeks and lips, the pale globes of her bare breasts heaving as she panted. For a moment, he wondered if she’d balk at such a stark order, but she surprised him by quickly complying. She was hurting so badly. Both of them were writhing in a sea of agonized need.