Becoming Maddie (The Casterhouse series Book 1) (11 page)

There were several silent minutes round the table before Fiona started talking about her work at the local playgroup. No one was really listening, lost were they in their own thoughts. Maddie even guessed Fiona wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying just trying to fill the silence.

When she finally looked up she watched as Fiona prattled on looking at her plate, Eddie glared at Aiden and Aiden just took a pull from his bottle. It was like he wasn’t even aware of Eddie or Fiona trying so hard to bring the laughter back to the table. Annoyed and upset Maddie stared down at her empty plate again. 

Taking her by surprise, under the table, she felt a large male hand take hers and interlock the fingers. It then gave her a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes made their way slowly back to Aiden only to find him already looking at her. Although he didn’t say anything the next squeeze of his hand was meant to say sorry, but, right then, she wasn’t in the mood to accept it.

“Let’s move into the living room.” Eddie said standing up having realised that Aiden was going to ignore his glaring.

Under the table Maddie tried to get her hand free but he wouldn’t let her. Although his grip wasn’t hurting her it was tight enough that she couldn’t free her fingers.

As Maddie struggled with this in the background it sounded like the front door opening and slamming closed. Were they expecting someone else?

“Eddie.” Fiona whispered from her seat.

Eddie straight away walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

Maddie turned in her seat to look at the doorway into the room. Almost as soon as she did a tall brunette walked in to it. Her clothes hung off of her. It was like she used to be a bit bigger and had more curves but she had lost weight and had no money to buy better fitting clothes. A black strappy top hung from her too bony shoulders and a torn denim skirt hung from her too bony hips. Although it had to be said that her black cowboy boots were awesome. She clearly did have taste. Her hair was up in a very messy ponytail. It landed half way down her back which showed that when it was down it was really long but it seemed to lack flare. All the vibrant colour and shine seemed to be gone from it.  This wasn’t a case of bad conditioner but more a case of no conditioner…or any care at all.

“Well isn’t this cosy.” She waspishly snapped into the silence.

Her voice was throaty and sounded worn.

Aiden let go of Maddie’s hand and stood up. He moved so that he was standing half in front of her but still not totally covering her. Behind Maddie she could hear Fiona getting to her feet too.

“Jessy.” She whispered then cleared her throat. “We didn’t expect you.”

This struck Maddie as weird. Aiden hadn’t told them that we were coming but it was somehow expected that he was there. Did this young woman not come round? Looking at her more closely, round Aiden’s body, she might be Maddie’s age or at least close to her 29 years but it was hard to tell. The strangers face still held a lot of beauty but it looked a little lost in the tough life that she seemed to be living.

“Why not Fiona?” the woman snapped again. “Am I not as welcome as my dear brother!”

This
was Aiden’s sister? Actually the closer Maddie looked the more she could see similarities. She was tall and had the same shade of hair, or at least she would if she took a bit more care of it, there was also the amazing cheeks bones but she didn’t have the laughter lines or perfect eyes. Jessica’s were green and looked cold. It looked like she had not laughed in a long, long time. There were lines on her face but they didn’t say she laughed often but more that she frowned a lot.

“What do you want Jessica?” Aiden asked his voice flat and almost sounding bored.

His body too seemed to be standing in a way that made you think it was relaxed or even bored. Maddie somehow knew that it wasn’t really. That in fact it was prepared for anything that might happen. What exactly that would be she didn’t know.

“Hi Aiden it’s nice to see you too.” Jessica said in a fake happy voice.

“How are you expecting us too greet you after what you have done?” Eddie growled.

Jessica crossed her arms in a not too dissimilar way to Fiona. Although everybody knew that Fiona was only joking. Jessica tapped her fingers against her own elbow.

“I want you to welcome me like I am one of the family.” She spat back at Eddie. “I don’t expect you to roll out the red carpet like you do for Aiden, but a little something would be nice.”

“Jessy,” Fiona said quietly, sounding hurt, “You’re always welcome here. You know that.”

“Oh do I?” Jessica spat back. “Where’s my plate of food? Huh? Where’s my hugs?”

Jessica walked further into the room and started tapping her foot. Aiden moved a little more in front of Maddie.

“You don’t treat me like I fucking grew up here but you welcome a stranger into your bloody house and treat her like royalty just cause she’s hanging off Aiden’s arm.” Jessica nearly shouted, throwing her hand out to take me in. “Who the fuck are you anyway?”

“I –.” Maddie started to say but got quickly cut off by Aiden.

“You didn’t answer my question.” He said still sounding bored.

“Can’t I just come round to see my loving family?” Jessica asked sarcastically looking at everyone then glaring at Maddie. “And maybe I wanted to meet your new piece of ass.”

“Jessy.” Fiona gasped at the same time Eddie said “Watch your tongue Jessica.”

Maddie didn’t know where to look or what to do. She wanted to let Jessica’s words roll off of her because there was clearly way more going on here than she knew about but it didn’t work. How many woman had Aiden brought to meet Eddie and Fiona? Was that why they greeted her so easily because there had been so many?

“I am going to ask you one more time.” Aiden said a bit louder this time. “What do you want Jessica?”

It was like the newcomer had been holding on to what little control she had and at Aiden’s word she lost it. Jessica went from standing in front of the table with her arms crossed to right in front of Aiden with her finger in his face. Her whole arm shook with anger or something else.

“Don’t think you can boss me around big brother.” She spat at him. “I can come here if I want.”

“Yeah you can…” Aiden said his hand coming up to grab her wrist and lower her hand out of his face. “…but not high.”

Seeing more things now, Maddie picked up on the constant tapping and the huge pupils and what that meant. She didn’t know what Jessica had taken but she knew that there was definitely something in her system.

“I am not high.” Jessica said quickly pulling away from Aiden, shifting on her feet and rubbing her wrist where Aiden had held it. “You would say anything right now. You’re worried I will embarrass you in front of your new piece of pussy?”

It was then that Eddie had had enough, slamming his fist on the table making Maddie, Fiona and Jessica jump before looking at him.

“Enough of this Jessica.” He announced. “After Aiden took you in,
again
might I add, you wrecked his flat and stole everything.
Now
you turn up here high and insult us and our guest. I have had enough. Actually, I had enough a
long
time ago but I hung on in there for Fiona but enough is enough.”

“
Eddie
.” Fiona pleaded, grabbing his arm, clearly knowing what he was going to say next.

“You are not welcome here anymore.” Eddie stated.

Fiona dropped her head and started to silently sob but never let go of her husband.

“You have hurt everybody around you and after what you did to your own brother,” he shook his head. “We can’t do it anymore.”

The only thing that could be heard was Fiona’s soft sobbing and Eddie’s harsh breathing. Turning slowly Maddie looked at Jessica. It was clear on her face that she was devastated, then, something took its place. Something horrible and twisted.

“I don’t fucking need you anyway.” She lashed out. “I never fucking did.”

On that she spun on her awesome cowboy boots and started to walk out the door but at the last minute she looked back.

“You want my advice?” she said to Maddie. “Aiden will get what he wants and throw you away like he did to all the rest of his whores. He only thinks of himself, always has, always will.”

“Jessica.” Aiden finally snapped. “Get the hell out.”

“Fuck all of you.” She shouted over her shoulder as she walked down the hall and out the front door. Slamming it as she went.

Chapter 9

“I’ve come to take you to lunch.” Fiona said to a stunned Maddie.

* * * * * * * *

After Jessica had left on Saturday night there had been nothing to do but say their goodbyes and leave Eddie to comfort his wife, who by that point looked like she was going to fall down, so that’s what they did. Maddie gave them both hugs goodbye and thanked them for the meal. She hadn’t really known what else to say. Then she and Aiden got in the truck for the journey back to hers.

Nothing was said for the whole journey.

Not one word.

The whole way.

It was torture.

There was so much she wanted to say but couldn’t. Aiden looked like he was holding on to his anger by a very thin thread and Maddie was scared that she would be the one to break it. So she kept everything she was thinking to herself.

It was no wonder that Aiden hadn’t wanted to talk about his sister. Maddie didn’t like to judge people because you never knew what had happened in their lives, but Jessica was a mess without a doubt. There were many things that she wanted to ask about, how Jessica had gotten the way she had? How long has she been that way? Could anything be done? But did she really want to know the answers? Was it even her place to stick her nose in to ask more? Who was she kidding…Maddie knew she should keep out of this. God only knew Maddie had enough of her own stuff to deal with.

So when they pulled up outside her flat she was actually okay with silence. She opened the door and jumped down to the pavement without his help. His hands being on her right now would be way too confusing. Aiden didn’t say anything about it which was a surprise after how he’d reacted last time.

He walked her into the building and up to the flat door, why she didn’t know but she was grateful all the same. The thought of
him
lurking around, waiting on her coming home, made her shiver. It was all starting to get too much for Maddie to deal with. Her demons catching up with her, now having to cope with Aiden and everything that comes with him. She wasn’t strong enough to deal with this.

Once the door was open Aiden simply said.

“Go in and lock the door.”

Maddie walked to stand on the other side of the door frame and looked at him. All he did was raise his eyebrows and wait until she did as he told her. So that’s what she did. She shut the door and turned the lock. For a while afterwards she just stood there, Marvin sat at her feet and her head resting against the door. What the hell just happened there? This was their first date wasn’t it? Granted she hadn’t wanted to call it that but that’s what it was. A strange first date that had laughs, more than her and him and an argument but it had been a first date. Aiden had left without more than a couple of words. None of those words had been ‘Thanks that was a great night’ or ‘I would love to do it again sometime’. Not even a kiss. 

Angry with herself she pushed away from the door and got on with her night. Shutting out all her thoughts on that night and filling it with thoughts about walking Marvin and making some candles.

It wasn’t until she laid in bed with her dog beside her and the lights out that all the stuff she was keeping at bay attacked her.

Maddie had wanted him to kiss her. She had wanted him to hold her and she would have helped take his troubling thoughts away. It was not the right thing to want, it was not the clever thing to want but it was what she
wanted
. She should be thinking about leaving, about packing up her bags and hitting the road to a nameless town where she could fit in and become nameless too. If she could rewind time and go back to Monday she would have taken her break early or phoned in sick. What she definitely would not have done is serve Aiden Scott.

Rolling over and reaching out to hug Marvin, Maddie buried her face in her pillow and cried her heart out. She didn’t even have to tell him what happened to her anymore, he had already had enough of her and as much as she wanted to be pleased he was pulling away from her, Maddie really wasn’t. In fact she even felt he made it clear tonight that he was done chasing her and was calling an end to it all. Maybe he realised he had enough in his life already and didn’t need more work or he decided that Maddie just wasn’t worth the effort. Surely that was what she wanted though. For him to leave her alone.

Her Sunday was spent ignoring her conflicting feelings and looking up places she could move to.

* * * * * * * *

Monday began the same as normal. People checking out after a weekend spent in the hotel. Some looking a little worse for wear but all friendly and thankful for the good service. It was silly but Maddie liked knowing that the team worked hard at the hotel and people enjoyed their break away from their normal lives. 

What was not normal was Fiona, appearing out of nowhere, standing on the other side of her reception desk asking her to lunch. Well it was more like a softer version of an Aiden order.

“Fiona I am not sure –.” Maddie started to say.

“I will just go and take a seat over there,” Fiona said pointing to some comfy seats in the reception area. “Just come and get me when you’re on your break.”

Then before she could say anything more the older woman walked over to the seats, sat and pulled a book out of her bag. It looked like she was settled in and ready to wait for her to get her lunch break. Maddie could feel a cold sweat start to sweep over her body. This was not good.

“You can go for your break now if you want Maddie.” Richard said from beside her.

Richard had helped her out when she first started working there, helped her find her footing and was a friendly face to see every day. Mostly though he was just a person she could work alongside and have good conversation while they did.

Turning to look at him she bit her lip.

“What’s wrong?” he asked frowning. “You want me to get rid of her?”

Although Richard was old enough to be her dad he was not to be frowned at. He worked hard to still be in shape and it paid off. Not that he would need that to get rid of Fiona.

“No.” Maddie said quickly then thought for a moment.

Could she share this, or anything personal, with Richard? Did they know each other well enough to have this conversation?

“Thanks Richard.” Maddie cleared her throat before carrying on; “I think I will take my lunch now.”

Giving her a small nod but still frowning a little he wished her a happy lunch and got back on with his paper work. Maddie signed herself out and went to get her coat and bag.

Maybe it was important to keep her working life away from her messed up personal life. After all she would need a good reference from here when she left.

Coming out the staff door she walked over to Fiona. Maddie knew she was dragging her feet but she just didn’t know what to expect. If you take away the fact that she had never been to lunch with someone while she had worked here, definitely not with a mother-like-figure to a man that had sort of made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her, it was just something that she didn’t know how to do full stop.

“That you ready for lunch?” Fiona asked closing her book and looking at her expectantly.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she decide to let her curiosity get the better of her not the fear crawling around in her stomach.

“Yeah I am.” Maddie said trying to sound like she was excited.

Fiona looked at her for a second showing that she didn’t believe that Maddie was looking forward to lunch. But as the older woman put her book away Maddie figured that Fiona decided to act like it was real too.

“Where are we going?” Maddie asked.

Because she only worked 3 days a week to pay the bills and then sold candles for extras, Maddie didn’t have a lot of free money. She worked to a budget and had enough cash that she could do some fun things but an expensive place was not really in her budget. Until this moment it had never bothered her or been something that she would get embarrassed about.

“I know a lovely little place where you can eat outside in the sun and we will have no one to bother us.” Fiona said smiling huge.

She was not wrong. Fiona took them to her and Eddie’s house. She made them a huge sandwich, crisps and a glass of orange juice.

“One night we will have to do this but have wine.” Fiona said as she led them out into the garden.

Maddie was struggling to stay calm through this whole thing while Fiona was making plans to do it again. The garden was amazing and a riot of different colours. They sat round a little metal table that was under a yellow umbrella. The sun didn’t shine often in Casterfield so it was nice to be able to enjoy it while it was here.

They sat for a while in silence not saying anything. Each mouth full of food felt like tasteless morsels. Going by the meal they had on Saturday Fiona could cook so she was sure that the sandwich was yummy. She was just way too freaked out to taste it properly.

“I am so embarrassed.” Fiona whispered, her head bent and shoulders slumped.

What? That was the last thing that Maddie was expecting to hear her say. Not that she really knew what she was expecting.

“Why?” Maddie asked softly.

Fiona looked up at her confused.

“About last night,” She said. “Because of what happened at dinner.”

Maddie frowned. “Dinner was lovely. It has been ages since I had a meal that someone else cooked for me.”

Giving a small gasp, Fiona’s hand reached out and held onto hers. “Oh honey.”

Some people found it so easy to just give comfort and reach out to people. It was clear that Fiona was one of them. It actually broke her heart that she would have to leave these people that cared about others so easily. Deep down she could feel the jealousy and longing to be able to express how she was feeling, to share the way that Aiden wanted her to and most of all she wished that she could stay and become one of them.

Maddie shook her head and ignored the need to run and cry into her pillows for hours.

“It was honestly lovely.” Maddie said trying to move the conversation on. “So I don’t see what there is to be embarrassed about.”    

Giving her hand a squeeze before letting go Fiona sat back in her seat and looked at her straight in the eyes.

“Jessica.” She whispered again.

Then understanding hit Maddie and she gave Fiona a reassuring smile.

“What happened with Jessica was nothing to do with you.” Maddie said gently.

Fiona started to open her mouth and closed it again. Was she going to argue or was she simply not sure about what to say. Maddie couldn’t tell.

“I don’t know what is going on with her or any of the history but what happened last night was nothing to do with you.” Maddie said again softly, then she tried copying Fiona’s move and took her hand. “I don’t think badly about you, Eddie or Aiden because of what Jessica said or did.”

With her free hand Fiona wiped a tear away from her eye but didn’t look away from Maddie or let go of her hand.

“I also know that Jessica has her issues but she can’t treat or speak to people the way she did last night.” Maddie carried on. “What I am trying to say is that anything that happened after we finished eating didn’t take away a single second of fun that I had beforehand.” 

For a while they just sat and took in the world around them. Listening to the bee’s around the flowers and the birds singing to each other. Maddie didn’t know if she had said the right thing but Fiona hadn’t kicked her out so that meant something she guessed.

“She never used to be like this.” Fiona started. “When her and Aiden came and lived with us she was lost, very lost. The only person that could make her smile was Aiden but when she did it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It just became harder and harder for anybody to bring her out of herself.”

She shouldn’t be hearing this. Maddie wanted to stop her but she couldn’t quite do it. She couldn’t bring herself to stop the flow of information that Fiona was giving her. She knew she should but getting to know more about Aiden was just too tempting. Even if it was mainly about Jessica.

“Jessica met Harry and she was back. The girl that laughed and smiled at everything. She was like she was before her mother and father died.” Fiona paused for a second lost in her own thoughts. “Then it went wrong again.”

Enough.

“Fiona.” Maddie said softly. “You shouldn’t be telling me this.”

The older woman turned to look at her quickly obviously surprised at Maddie’s words.

“I just wanted to explain.” Fiona stated.

“Oh no.” Maddie said. “I didn’t mean…I just meant…I shouldn’t be hearing this. It’s none of my business.”

“Of course!” Fiona exclaimed.

Gone was the sadness from her eyes and taking its place was a happiness that shined from her in a way that took Maddie back a bit. What had caused the sudden change? They had been talking about Jessica’s past and now Fiona looked like she wanted to hug her and dance around the garden.

“Your totally right honey I shouldn’t be telling you this.” Fiona picked up her sandwich and was about to take a mouthful of food when she finished talking. “Aiden should tell his girlfriend not me.”