Becoming Sister Wives: The Story of an Unconventional Marriage (10 page)

Eventually Kody noticed that I wasn’t part of the small crowd that had gathered around him. So he turned to me and said, “And who is your husband?”

“I don’t have one,” I said.

Then he teased me about marrying me off to one of the guys sitting around on my cousin’s lawn.

I thought nothing of it as I drove off. I imagined that somewhere down the line I might become friends with Meri. But that was as far as my thinking went concerning the Browns.

A few weeks later, my mother started bugging me about attending a church dance back in Lehi. I had no interest in going. I was embarrassed about showing my face as a single woman again, a divorcée. After all, everybody knew my story. I had been married to the son of a very prominent family, so my dirty laundry was public knowledge. It made me uncomfortable. But my mother insisted that I “get my scent out there.” I agreed to go to the dance, but only to escort my brother and sister, who needed a social outlet.

When I got to the dance, I felt like an idiot. But my mother was right, at least in part. I needed to put my face out there and show people that I wasn’t ashamed. I was validated in the breakup of my marriage and had nothing to hide.

At the dance, I ran into Meri. She immediately rushed over and starting talking to me. She was so friendly and sweet.

“Thank you so much for talking to me,” I said. “I feel like such an idiot right now. It’s so nice of you to think of me.” After a while, Meri returned to Kody and their friends.

When the second to last song of the night came on, Kody asked me to dance. I was shocked. I remember thinking that Meri must have taken pity on me and made her husband dance with me. I felt like a complete loser, but I let Kody have his pity dance, and I thought it was kind of Meri to send him over.

When Kody and I started dancing, we were immediately at ease with each other. I felt relaxed around him. Kody was easy to talk to. Eventually we stopped dancing and stood chatting in the middle of the dance floor. During that song and the next, we opened up to each other like it was the most natural thing in the
world. I forgot about the dance, the hall, and all of the people around us. For ten minutes, it felt as if Kody and I were the only people in the world.

All of a sudden Kody said, “Will you excuse me, please?” They were saying a prayer to finish the dance and I hadn’t even noticed. I’d completely lost track of time and place. It was as if Kody and I had escaped to an island together. I’d been so involved in our conversation that I’d forgotten where we were.

After the prayer, Kody and Meri came up to my sister and me and started talking. The four of us talked until they kicked us out of the hall. Then we stood on the steps in the dark of the building and talked until two in the morning.

I was curious about Meri and wanted to get to know her better, but she was very quiet. Kody kept engaging my sister in conversation about plural marriage. She was a first wife and was interested in living the principle, which intrigued Kody.

My impression of Kody was that he was a nice, thoughtful, interesting man who liked conversation. After he and Meri left, my sister started teasing me, telling me that she was sure Kody liked me. I told her she had no idea what she was talking about. Then I explained it wouldn’t have mattered if Kody had been head over heels for me. I had made an agreement with myself and with God. I was not putting myself out there. I was not available. If God wanted me to marry someone, then He’d have to hit me over the head with it and give me irrefutable proof that this is what I was meant to do. In the meantime, I told my sister, I’m going to figure myself out and get my kids in a safe situation.

The next day I drove home to southern Utah. I assumed I’d never see Kody again.

After Meri and I met Robyn on the lawn of her cousin’s house, Meri instantly sensed that there was something special about Robyn. I was nervous because Robyn was divorced and divorce can bring a lot of technical difficulties in terms of blending families and raising another man’s children. I had always declared that I wouldn’t invite this situation into my life. But the stirring I felt around Robyn changed this almost right away.

Meri was incredibly excited to run into Robyn at the dance. She acted like a schoolgirl, figuring out how and when I should ask Robyn to dance. The minute Robyn and I hit the dance floor, I became transfixed by her spirit. I couldn’t deny the spark I felt—not the kind of spark you feel in your loins, but something deep and transcendent. I guess you could call it love at first sight.

When we were talking after the dance, I went out of my way to avoid flirting with Robyn and focused most of my energy on talking to her sister. By that time, I had a very deep sense that there was a spiritual connection between us, but I didn’t want to be overbearing or inappropriate. Eventually, I ended the conversation with Robyn and her sister. I assumed I would see Robyn at church with the main congregation the next day.

When Meri and I got home that night, we stayed up for two more hours talking about Robyn. We rehashed the whole experience at the dance and after. We discussed our feelings about a new wife and whether Robyn would be that person. Robyn’s energy really appealed to Meri, and Meri was looking forward to having her as a friend, as well as a potential sister wife.

Despite our minor disagreements, our family was stable. All my wives were happy. Our children were happy. We had arrived at the place we’d be dreaming of since I married Christine. It
seemed like an insane idea to threaten the peace in our household by considering a new wife. But both Meri and I were convinced that Robyn had a wonderful spirit—kind and profound. Even our brief conversation with her stirred our souls. We wanted to get to know her better. I felt an undeniable connection to this woman I had just met, as did Meri. This connection was so deep and spiritual that it kept us up all night.

We were lost in our own world as we discussed this undeniable feeling we both shared that Robyn was not just a special person on her own, but a special person to us. Meri and I kept looking into each other’s eyes and saying, “Something’s happening. We feel something happening.”

Before we went to sleep, I climbed out of bed and went to the living room. I fell on my knees and began to pray. I told God that I felt a stirring, and that I wanted to know if this special woman I’d just met belonged in our family.

When I got to church in the morning, Robyn was nowhere to be found. I was crestfallen. I was certain that she was as interested in me as I was in her. It seemed impossible to me that she wouldn’t have attended my congregation in the hopes of seeing me again.

I was angry at myself. If I’d known that Robyn wasn’t going to be at church the next day, I would have never have been a gentleman and ended our conversation the previous evening. I would have insisted we all go out for pie and stay up as late as possible. During church, Meri texted me to ask if I’d seen Robyn. I told her I hadn’t. Meri was as disappointed as I was.

After the service, I saw Robyn’s cousin Reba, who had introduced us in the first place. I was still a little giddy from the night before. Since I believed that Robyn and I had a deep connection, there was no way in my mind that our experience could have been one-sided. I was simply convinced that she was as smitten with me as I was with her. So I went up to Reba and said, “Maybe
you should call Robyn and ask her who she’s thinking about right now.” Reba looked baffled.

A week later, Reba told Meri and me that she wanted to come over to our house to talk about what our intentions were regarding Robyn. She was both curious and protective.

Before Reba arrived at our house, Meri grew very emotional. She hugged me and said, “Kody, what if we’re not right? What if she’s not meant to be with us? What if we’re wrong about the way we feel?”

I explained to Meri that what I felt for Robyn was undeniable. The spiritual and emotional connection was not going to be undone by any personal insecurities Meri and I may have had. I told her that this person whom God had brought into our lives was meant to be there. It only had to be ratified by Robyn, her parents, and our church leaders.

When Reba showed up she was very direct. “I have to know what you two are thinking about Robyn,” she said.

Meri and I exchanged glances and then explained that we’d both been bitten by the same love bug. We told her that our feelings concerning Robyn were profound. We explained that we fully intended to look into getting to know Robyn better if she was open to it. Reba got a little giddy. She loves Robyn and she loves us. She was excited to see if our families were meant to be together.

After my cousin talked to Kody and Meri, she called me and told me I needed to get down to Lehi immediately. This was crazy, since Lehi is three hundred miles from where I lived. I told her
she was out of her mind. I had zero intention of coming down and falling in line with her little plan.

“Robyn,” Reba said. “This is a good family. They’re very interested in you. There are a lot of positive things happening here. You need to come and meet all of them.”

“All of them?” I said. “How many are there?”

Reba explained that Kody had three wives.

“Three?”
I said. I had already had my testimony that I was going to be part of a plural family. I knew that since I was a divorcée and I was older with kids, I wouldn’t be a first wife again. But I’d never even entertained the possibility of being a fourth wife.

The majority of men in our faith have two wives. Fewer have three wives, and hardly any have four. It’s just too challenging. So when Reba told me Kody had three wives, I was a little taken aback. It seemed like a lot. Then she informed me that they’d been a family together for sixteen years. It seemed inconceivable that I’d put myself in this situation.

I told Reba, “No. No way. I don’t need these complications. Anyway, I can’t afford the trip.”

But Reba insisted and told me that she would pay for my gas. I still told her no, but I said I would think about it.

For the next couple of days, I contemplated a lot. I asked God to give me a sign, even though I know He doesn’t work that way. I played all these little games with myself, for instance, promising that if I saw the name “Kody” written anywhere, I’d take it as a sign that I should go.

Eventually I decided to ask my kids if they wanted to go on this trip—though I didn’t explain that it wasn’t just to see Reba. It was a long car trip, something they hated. I figured I’d be off the hook. I guess I was looking for an excuse not to go, but to my surprise they said they wanted to! So I agreed.

The whole trip to Lehi, She-Rah was screaming at the top
of her lungs, “Don’t do this. Get your butt home. Now!” I had to agree with her. I had no idea what I was doing. She yelled at me until I pulled into my cousin’s driveway. I hadn’t even gotten out of the car when Reba swooped down on me. “We’re going to the Browns’,” she said.

Reba let Meri and me know that she had talked Robyn into coming to Lehi. I was excited and I wanted to put together a barbecue to welcome her. I still hadn’t told Janelle about Robyn. I had only seen Robyn a handful of times and I wasn’t sure what sort of footing we were on. I wanted to make sure she was at least slightly open to the idea of a relationship with me before I broached the subject with my wives. Naturally, I would need their consent to court her.

I approached Janelle first. I explained what had been going on with Meri, Robyn, and me, and what my feelings were.

When I finished talking, Janelle had a surreal experience. She was overcome with emotion. She put her hand over her chest and said, “Oh my goodness. There’s something special about this. This is supposed to happen.” Tears welled up in her eyes. She says she felt a burning in her bosom. It was an undeniable affirmation.

I was moved by Janelle’s reaction to my news. It made me giddy for Robyn’s arrival. I had told Christine about Robyn the night after the dance. Christine expressed her disappointment that she hadn’t stayed later to meet her. Christine is such a warm and inviting person, I knew that she would go out of her way to welcome Robyn. Soon I had my wives’ consent to get to know Robyn.

I found myself counting down the minutes until Robyn turned up. I was smitten. And I was convinced that Robyn felt the same way about me. I thought that when Robyn arrived at my house, we’d be off to the races.

No such luck. When Robyn came up the stairs and saw me flipping burgers out on the grill, she barely even said hello.

I had no idea what to expect when I turned up at the Browns’. The first thing I noticed was that there were three convertibles parked in the driveway. For some reason, I had the impression that they were trying to show off for me. “What is this? An episode of
Cribs
?” I asked Reba.

Later on, to my horror, Reba repeated this to Kody in front of me and added, “Hey, Kody, you want to make it four convertibles?” I wanted to kill her.

When I walked into the large house where all three wives had their own separate apartments, I was nervous and a little overwhelmed. My cousin was parading me around, which is not my style at all. Everybody was staring at me, especially Janelle and Christine, who’d never met me before. Luckily, Meri was friendly and sweet. In fact, she stuck by my side as if she were laying claim to our friendship.

It was uncomfortable to have all these eyes on me. I kept wondering what I was doing there, in the middle of this family. After all, I am not the type of woman who chases married men. During the entire cookout, She-Rah was screaming, “Leave. Get out. Go. This is scary.”

Kody says that he felt electricity between us that night, but I was working hard to prevent any connection. I would simply not
allow myself to be open in any way. I put up my wall and I hid behind it. However, there was one moment when this wall crumpled completely.

Janelle had left the cookout early and gone to bed because she had to drive to Wyoming the next morning to collect the older children, who were staying on their grandparents’ ranch. Many of the younger kids were still running around the backyard. When Janelle said good night, Kody told her that he would put Savanah, their youngest child, to bed a little while later.