“Morning?”
“Well, it’s afternoon, I guess.” He tried for a light laugh to cheer her up.
She barely shifted her swollen mouth into something resembling a smile. “Cole…”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, closing her eyes. The medicine was making her drowsy.
It felt like his fault, though. Protecting people was his job.
Protecting Jill far more than that.
Chapter Seventeen
Jill was in the process of being discharged when Cole told her she shouldn’t go home. “It’s not safe to return to your house. Not until we have answers. What if it wasn’t a random break-in? What if someone is watching the house or stalking you?” He reached for her hand. “I’m not trying to scare you, Jill, but I want you to come back with me.”
“Back to Stella’s, you mean?”
She couldn’t do that. They were over. Yes, he’d come to the hospital, but she couldn’t let him pause his life to take care of her out of pity or a false sense of responsibility. Still, the depth of concern and care in his eyes was real. Would he want to stick around after she’d recovered? Would this be like pulling a Band-Aid off slowly instead of all at once? They’d already yanked the Band-Aid off once, but the second time could be even more painful.
“I’ll take you back to my place. You can rest while I get some guys to update the security at your place.”
“How much will that cost?”
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
Of course she did. “I’m going to pay you for whatever security you put in, Cole. I won’t argue about that.”
With a sigh, Cole nodded. “You can reimburse me for the material. Labor is free.” When she opened her mouth to argue, he placed a gentle finger against her lips. “I won’t argue about
that
, Jill.”
When he dropped his finger, she nodded, but his heated touch had affected her. “Fine. But let’s not fool ourselves about why you’re really here, Cole. We ended whatever was personal between us yesterday. This is about you wanting to protect me, an instinct you have, and while those instincts are lovely, I don’t want either of us getting confused about what’s going on here.”
Cole gave her a side-glance. “Okay, I’ll give you that. I want to protect you. But it’s more than just that. I don’t know what I feel for you, Jill. I don’t know what I should do about it. But I do know I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.”
“Listen to me. You can’t take care of me just because you feel guilty. It’ll only draw things out longer, Cole.” She tried to keep her composure. It was hard enough to have a serious talk like this in a hospital gown. She didn’t need to start crying, too.
“Is that what you think?” He sat up straighter. “I feel guilty, so I’m trying to make myself feel better?”
“Aren’t you?” Her volume went up just a notch.
“No. I made a mistake by walking away.” He ran a hand through his hair. “We’ve only known each other a week. I was so determined to run from any potential commitment, but we don’t even know if that’s what either of us will want. I can’t make promises, but why should we ignore the attraction between us? You were brave enough to see the other option. To ask if we could still see each other. Is there a part of you that still wants that?”
In her heart, she knew the answer was both no and yes. She didn’t want to see him for a while to test things out. She already knew what she
really
wanted—a long future with Cole. It would be foolish for her to try and convince herself otherwise. Because Cole hadn’t come to the same conclusion yet, and he might never do so.
“I don’t know, Cole.” She smashed her tired eyes against the palms of her hands.
“It’s okay. We’ll make it okay. Just let me take care of you right now. No pressure. No expectations.” Cole slid an arm under her shoulders and gently held her.
“Okay,” she finally whispered. “I’ll stay at your place.”
* * *
“This feels odd.” Jill looked at Cole, jammed in the driver’s seat of her little two-door, which Liz had left in the hospital parking lot for them. His cologne floated around her, making her swoon a bit, whether from meds or Cole’s body, she wasn’t sure.
“Leaving with me?” he asked.
“No, sitting in the passenger seat of my own car.”
They shared a laugh. Cole drove them through a flashy neighborhood to a tall but sleek building that didn’t look anything like the houses back in the suburbs. He slung her smaller bag over his shoulder. She felt bare not carrying anything but her small purse, but appreciated his help. They took the elevator up to his floor.
“Welcome to my abode.” Cole swung the door open and gestured for Jill to step inside.
Definitely a man’s home, it was an open space with a weight set taking up the main part of the room and not much else for furniture. A black leather couch sat against one wall facing a large flat screen TV. Across from that was a small kitchen. She moved further into the space, looking around and wondering if this felt like home to him. The one decoration was a painting resting against the wall—it wasn’t even hung up—of a dark-haired woman leaning over a cafe table. Startled, Jill realized who it looked like…
“I saw that in a street fair a few years ago and had to have it,” he explained. “I didn’t know why.”
It definitely looked like her. Did he see it?
“Are you okay?” he asked. “Do you need a pain pill?”
She shook her head. Her head spun a bit, but the ache that had started earlier was blissfully gone.
“Jill?” Cole craned his neck to look at her.
“I’m just sleepy…” She said, feeling weak all of a sudden. The room began to swirl. He lifted her gently in his arms and carried her through a doorway into his bedroom. She came down on a soft pillow top, a perfectly fluffy bed. The light flicked off, and she was falling…
But I wanted more time with him. Not sex, just more time. To talk. Look at him. Hold him.
Breathe in all that was Cole.
And cherish him for as long as she could.
Before it was too late.
Chapter Eighteen
While Jill slept, Cole made some calls to get her house cleaned up and her security upgraded. A couple of hours passed, and when she finally emerged from his bedroom, hair ruffled, he fixed her a late breakfast. He noted her black eye was starting to fade. It still pained him to see her hurt, but he smiled. “You look better already.”
She stifled a yawn. “I didn’t mean to kick you out of your bed. But it’s amazing what some sleep in a handsome man’s bed can do for a girl’s constitution.”
He chuckled. “When you’re feeling better, maybe we can explore what other things we can do in my bed to make you feel better.”
She didn’t brush away his comment, didn’t say no, only blushed, looking so cute he wanted to grab her up in his arms. He forced himself to turn back to the meal he’d been preparing, dishing out two plates of scrambled eggs, fresh peach slices, and buttered toast.
“This smells beyond amazing. Thanks for cooking,” she said. They sat down to eat while he poured them coffee. Jill lifted her mug to inhale the strong aroma then took a sip. “Hmm, this is good too. All of this is really nice, but…am I keeping you from work?”
“I took the rest of the day off.”
After their food was gone, and they’d drank several cups of coffee over conversation, Jill said, “Would it be okay if I…if I took a shower?”
“Of course. I’ll show you where everything’s at.”
* * *
Cole headed to the bathroom with Jill trailing behind him. He opened a cabinet and she watched him pull out everything a person could possibly want for their shower. Towel, soap, shaving cream, razors… Was he trying to tell her something?
She laughed, and when he glanced at her she just gently shook her head.
“I might need help,” she said timidly. A blush rose into her cheeks. “I mean, getting my shirt off.”
“And why does that embarrass you?” A small smile tugged on one side of his mouth. He opened the shower and turned on the water to warm up. “I’m happy to help. I suppose I can close my eyes if you want.”
“You don’t have to do that. I just…it’s a little embarrassing to need help.” It didn’t make sense after everything they had shared, but this felt much more personal.
“Don’t be.” He stood in front of her and leaned close to gently kiss her lips before lifting her T-shirt ever so carefully up and over her arms. She hadn’t been expecting the kiss, but then again, she hadn’t been expecting anything that had to do with Cole—the way he entered her life or the way he surprised her at the hospital.
She knew she was covered in bruises, but he didn’t flinch or stare. Cole acted as if everything was normal, except for treating her with tender care. She appreciated that. A few times in the hospital, a sudden movement had made her flinch. Now, with Cole, she felt safe. Once he had her shirt off, she let her pants slip off and fall to the floor so she was naked.
He paused to look at her.
She’d never felt more on display in her life. She felt like Botticelli’s Birth of Venus standing on a giant oyster shell after having emerged from the sea.
Cole moved toward her slightly and placed his hands on her hips, running his hands along the curves there. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”
“Cole, please…”
“Jill, it’s true. Your shape, your soft skin…” Gently, he ran a hand up her side and let it rest at the curve of her breast. He lifted slightly and felt the weight of it while she closed her eyes to savor the sensation.
She shouldn’t be doing this. She was a masochist, she knew, a glutton for punishment, but she couldn’t resist his touch. He leaned in closer and she could feel his heartbeat, his breathing right in front of her. She placed one hand on his smooth, rock-hard chest. He lifted his other hand and cupped both her breasts, squeezing softly and gently pinching her nipples.
“Do you want me to leave?” he whispered.
“No. I mean, maybe. Ugh, I don’t know…” She covered her face with her hands, but he gently took them aside.
“It’s okay.”
No, no it wasn’t okay, she thought. It wasn’t okay to keep going back and forth on her feelings. She had to decide what she wanted and stick to it. She looked up at him, into his deep caramel eyes. “Do you want to join me?” she asked. “I mean, I can’t…I’m not feeling up to…you know, but I might need help. Is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay.” He smiled at her.
She stepped into the warm spray of water, and after stripping down, he followed. His soap smelled refreshingly spring-like, and he lathered his hands on the bar, rubbing the suds up and down her good arm and all over her torso, trying to avoid the bruises. She urged his hands over the lighter ones, and he understood what she wanted, and very softly massaged her entire body. The soft, intimate touches sent tingles all through her, though he never lingered long enough to cross the line of no return.
He washed her all over, then held her under the cascade of warm water. It felt so nice, she wanted to fall asleep right there in his arms, but they used up all the hot water. As it started to cool, Cole turned it off, then helped wrap her in a towel.
Jill could see him struggling with his desire; there was no chance of hiding it given he was naked. He leaned in to kiss her, then pulled back, cursing under his breath. “I want you so bad. I’ve really missed you,” he said.
“It’s only been a day, Cole.”
“Still. Your body, your sweetness, the way you are with the kids, everything, Jill. You just don’t understand.”
She did. She did understand. She’d been struggling from the moment she met him. She reached out and caressed his arm. “I want you too, but I feel so conflicted.”
“No, I want to show you that I can be more, Jill. You don’t need me or sex right now,” he said.
Her eyebrows flew up. “I don’t? And what is it I need, Mr. TDTS?”
He matched her raised eyebrows with his own. “Mr.
what
?”
She looked down and giggled. “That’s what I dubbed you the first night I saw you in the bar. TDTS. Tall, dark, tattooed and sexy.”
“Ahh, I see. Well, do you want to know what I thought when I saw you?” He placed the lid of the toilet down and sat, looking up at her, holding onto her legs over the towel wrapped around her.
“Let’s see. MPJ?”
“Which is?”
“Miss Plain Jane?”
He gave her a warning look. “No. MMGH.”
“Which is?” She smiled.
“Makes Me Get Hard.”
“Hey!” She slapped lightly at his arm, laughing.
“I’m serious. I hadn’t felt that way since before my mom died. Lots of women tried to make me want them, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had zero desire whatsoever. You made me want you—all of you.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. That was pretty amazing, she had to admit. She reached out and hugged him. “So if we’re not going to have sex, what are we going to do?”
“Dance.”
That startled a laugh out of her. “Dance? I’d rather have sex!”
He stood and took her hand. “Trust me.”
He led her into his bedroom where they changed into clothes and then into the living room where he turned on some soft, old-timey music. Jill tilted her head at the old song.
“I know, a bit surprising. I don’t listen to this too often, but my mom got me hooked on it. Nice, right?”
“Yeah, it is,” she said. It sounded like Billie Holiday.
“We didn’t get to dance that first night we met.” He took one of her hands and rested his other on her waist. “See, this works.” She moved with him, against him, as they turned and slowly danced. Jill closed her eyes and let the rhythm control her body. “Now I remember,” he whispered against her ear, his voice complementing the music. “We didn’t dance because you completely conned me with darts.”
She laughed, her body shaking against him. “I won fair and square. You said so yourself, and you were more than happy to give me my prize.” Images and sensations from that night flew through her mind. She liked being that wild, crazy girl, making a bet with a hot guy in a bar, then riding on his Harley afterward. A wonderful burn started up in her body, and she looked at Cole in the soft light. The look in his eyes matched what she felt. He wanted her just as much. Despite his determination to let her body heal first, he looked ready to carry her off to his man cave.