Before I Wake (16 page)

“Don’t you keep cleats in your locker?” I asked as he stood,
glaring down at me.

“I can’t walk around all day in baseball cleats!”

I shrugged. “Then go barefoot.”

“Take me home, Kaylee. Now.”

“No.” I crossed both arms over my chest. “You can’t just stay
at home and pout when everyone you care about is at risk. All we have is one
another, Nash. You, me, Sabine, Emma, and Tod. You owe it to us—all of us—to
look out for us like we look out for you.”

“Like you were looking out for me when you kissed my brother?”
he demanded. “Or when you framed me for murder?”

“More like when Tod and Sabine kept you from overdosing or
hurting yourself when you fell off the wagon. Or when I made a deal with Levi
and Madeline to clear your name. Or when Tod got rid of the dealer who supplied
you with frost in the first place. Do you even know what he did?” I demanded,
and Nash shook his head, brushing dust from the ground off his pants.

“He dropped him in the Netherworld. That’s a death sentence for
a human. Your brother killed to protect you from yourself. And that’s not even…”
I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying what else Tod had done for him. That
wasn’t my secret to tell. “The point is that you’re not alone, Nash, and you
have to stop acting like you are. We’re in this together. All of us. And we need
you as badly as you need us. So stop pushing us away, because we’re not going
anywhere.”

Nash blinked at me, surprise shining in his eyes. But that
wasn’t all. In the low light, I thought I saw something else swirling in his
irises. Something serious, and…relieved. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you,
Kaylee. In the parking lot. I should have said it before. When I’m thinking
straight, I can’t blame you for turning to him.” Tod, of course. Nash still
wouldn’t say his name.

“You know it had nothing to do with that.”

“But it did,” he insisted. “If I’d been the answer to your
problems instead of the source of them, you would never have even looked at him.
So, I blame myself as much as I blame him.”

“Don’t.” My eyes were watering for the second time in an hour.
Three hours earlier, I’d felt so empty I didn’t even want to get out of bed, and
now I was so full of pain and regret I could hardly make myself breathe. “Don’t
blame either of you. I did this. I kissed him.” I glanced at my feet, then made
myself meet his gaze again. “I love him, Nash. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

He exhaled slowly. “I know.”

The bell for third period rang then, and we both glanced up,
startled, even though we’d known it was coming. “I have to go back for my
backpack.” Which I’d just realized I’d left in his living room. “I can grab some
shoes for you, if you want.”

“Thanks.”

We parted ways in the hall, and I wondered if anyone had seen
us coming out of the closet together, him with no shoes. Then I realized I
didn’t care what anyone else saw, or thought, or said about us. Nash and I had
been through more together than any of them could ever imagine, and if they
couldn’t understand the wounds we’d inflicted, they couldn’t understand how long
and bumpy the road to forgiveness really was.

10

I PICKED UP
my backpack and Nash’s shoes, then practiced selective corporeality by
letting only him see me slide them into his bag during his third-period class.
Then I texted Sabine.

Nash is here, and he’s fine. And he loves you.

I’d just sat down at my normal table in the quad—invisible,
even though there was no one there to see me—and was feeling pretty good about
being nice to Sabine for no particular reason when Tod appeared on the grass in
front of me. “Hey!” I slid my phone into my pocket, then stood to kiss him, and
instead of letting me go, he lifted me onto the end of the picnic table I ate at
every day. At least, every day before I’d died.

Since no one could see us, I pulled him closer, and he settled
into the space between my thighs, then leaned down for another kiss.

“Mmm… What’s the occasion?” I murmured.

“Wednesday.”

“My new favorite day.”

“No one’s scheduled to kick the proverbial bucket in the next
hour, so I thought I’d come say hi before I head back for my double shift.”

Frowning, I let my hand trail down his chest, wishing there
wasn’t a layer of cotton between his skin and mine. “Why the double?”

“Mareth didn’t pick up the list for the noon-to-midnight shift,
and Levi can’t find her, so I have to fill in until she shows up.” Mareth was
the reaper who shared the hospital reaping zone with Tod. She had nearly two
decades’ seniority over him, but was still considered a rookie, by reaper
standards.

“Has she ever flaked before?”

“No, and she’s always been cool about trading shifts with me
when I need to.”

Unease started twisting in my stomach. “It’s Thane,” I said,
and Tod started to shake his head, but I spoke over him. “What if it wasn’t you
specifically that he needed? What if he just needed a reaper, and he knew he
could find one at the hospital? When he couldn’t get you, he could easily have
gone after Mareth. That way he wouldn’t have to go back to Avari
empty-handed.”

“Why would Avari need a reaper? He already has Thane.”

“Yes, but Thane wants out of…whatever he’s into. Isn’t that
what Sabine said?” Or had Thane said that? “Either way, I’m gonna see if Luca
can find Mareth. If she’s in the local area, on the human plane, he’ll know
it.”

“I still say that’s creepy. There’s no one out there mentally
stalking humans.”

“Isn’t that what Sabine does?” I said, and Tod laughed. “So,
does this mean you’re actually working three shifts in a row?” Because there
were only two twelve-hour shifts a day.

“Yes, unless Mareth shows up. But I’ll have several long
breaks. You’ll be seeing a lot of me.”

“How much of you is a lot?” I asked, sliding my fingers beneath
his shirt. The material rose with my hands, exposing smooth, hard abs.

“You can see as much as you want, whenever you want.”

“Unless you’re working, right?” I teased, but the heat in his
eyes when he shook his head was unmistakable.

“Whenever you want. Death itself would wait for you, Kaylee…
.”

* * *

Lunch sucked without Tod, but on the bright side, Nash
was acting almost normal again, and Sabine seemed to have forgiven him. Luca sat
at Sophie’s table, and I couldn’t get him away from her long enough to ask him
about Mareth, and I didn’t really want to get into it with my cousin, even if
she did know the truth about the things that went bump in the night.

Jayson seemed hyperaware that he didn’t really fit in, so he
overcompensated by talking almost nonstop. I tried to participate in the
conversation—I really did—but I had very little interest in the baseball team’s
season standings, especially since Nash had quit the team, and I couldn’t care
less about senior skip day, because I wasn’t a senior, and I wasn’t sure I ever
would be.

I’d stopped making assumptions about my future more than a
month earlier, when I realized that while there are few guarantees in life,
there are even fewer in the afterlife.

I was stirring green peas into my mashed potatoes, poking the
lumpy concoction aimlessly, when Emma kicked me beneath the table. Or rather,
she tried, but her foot when right through my leg and hit the bottom of the
bench instead. And that’s when I realized I was fading out again.

I blinked in surprise and pulled myself back into focus to find
everyone at our table staring at me. Including Jayson. “You okay?” he said,
frowning at me from across the table. “You look kinda pale.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” One more second, and I would have looked
transparent. “What were we talking about?”

“Prom,” Emma said.

“And how thoroughly absent some of us will be,” Sabine
added.

“You have to go,” Em insisted. “It’s your senior prom. Why
don’t you want to go?”

“I don’t do dresses.”

“Nash.” Em leaned forward to see him around Sabine. “Tell her
she has to go. Senior prom only happens once.”

“Actually, I’m failing three classes right now, so there’s a
good chance it’ll happen twice for me. And it’ll probably take me that whole
year to talk her into wearing a dress.” He grinned, like that was a joke, but
only Jayson laughed.

“You’re failing three classes?” I couldn’t believe it. Nash was
an honor student. He’d been ranked twelfth in the senior class at midterms.

He glanced at the table, then met my gaze, his own swirling
with some complicated blend of regret and melancholy. “It’s been a rough
semester.”

“He’s just behind on a few assignments, but his teachers are
all working with him,” Sabine said, and I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around the
fact that she was passing both junior and senior English in one year to graduate
on time, but Nash was suddenly failing.

“I can still turn in my history term paper for ninety percent
credit, and if I ace that and my final, I’ll pull a B for the year,” Nash said.
He’d lose his ranking, but he’d graduate. Assuming his other teachers were that
generous.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, staring at the table.

“Kay, it’s not your fault,” Nash insisted.

“It’s
kind of
her fault,” Sabine
said, and she was right. When he and I started going out, Nash had been an
athlete and an honor student. He’d had several options for college, and
scholarships had been a strong possibility. But I’d ruined all that for him. I’d
turned him into an addict, then abandoned him, cheated on him, dumped him, and
framed him for murder. No wonder he was failing. It was a miracle he hadn’t quit
school entirely, instead of just the baseball team.

“No, I made my own mess and I can still clean it up,” Nash
said, and for the first time in a long time, I believed him.

“If there’s anything I can do to help, please tell me,” I said.
And I meant it.

“Thanks,” Nash said, and he meant that, too.

* * *

I made it through English without disappearing in my
chair, and Em and I were just starting a pairs translation exercise in French
when Madeline materialized next to my chair and nearly scared me to death. Er,
deeper into death. Or whatever.

“Time to go to work,” she said, and to keep from looking crazy,
I had to direct my response to Em instead of the empty air everyone else would
see where Madeline was standing.

“No, it’s time to translate conversational French.”

“What?” Em frowned. But she didn’t look entirely surprised by
my random declaration. She was getting used to me talking to people who weren’t
obviously present.

“Creepy undead employer at three o’clock,” I said, so that only
Madeline and Em could hear me.

Em stiffened and glanced to the side out of habit, but her gaze
passed right over Madeline, who was only visible to me.

“Now,” Madeline said, and I exhaled in frustration.

“Sorry to bail on you, Em, but I have to go confiscate a stolen
soul from some horrible Netherworld monster. If I’m not back when the bell
rings, could you grab my books?”

Emma’s eyes widened, but she nodded, so I grabbed the bathroom
pass and mouthed the word
emergency
to Mrs. Brown on
my way out of the classroom. Then I faded from the physical plane in the empty
hall and followed Madeline to the quad, where Luca waited for us both at our
lunch table.

“She got to you, too, huh?” I said, sliding onto the bench seat
across from him.

“Actually, I called her.” Luca grinned. “I’m vomiting from a
possible case of food poisoning. You?”

“Sudden onset menstruation.”

He nodded respectfully. “Classic.”

“Yeah, but I should have gone for something more long-term.
Yours will get you out of the whole afternoon. Ferris Bueller would be
proud.”

Madeline cleared her throat, bringing all banter to an end.
“Luca, if you don’t mind?” She gestured toward me.

“Sorry.” Luca met my gaze again from across the table, and this
time he was appropriately somber. “There’s a corpse at the mall. Fresh. Maybe
ten minutes dead.”

“How do you know that?” I was morbidly fascinated by his
abilities.

Luca shrugged. “I can feel dead things from the moment they die
until they start to rot or are preserved through artificial means.”

“So, you can’t feel the bodies in a cemetery?”

“Not usually. Those are either preserved or rotting, or both.
But I can feel you, so long as you’re within a few miles of me, and when there
are two of you, I know Tod’s with you.”

“I’m gonna try to pretend that’s not creepy,” I said, and Luca
nodded in sympathy, like he agreed with my assessment.

“I’ve already checked with Levi, and no one was scheduled to
die at the mall today,” Madeline said. “It’s the serial soul thief.”

“How do you know? Couldn’t it be another rogue reaper? Or the
same rogue reaper?” How long could I get away with not telling them about Thane?
If I’d given a full disclosure earlier, would I have prevented this latest
death? And if so, would this life have been spared at the expense of Tod’s?

“It’s not a reaper,” Luca said. “There’s only one corpse at the
mall, which means who or whatever the killer is, he’s alive. Or at least, he’s
not dead.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’re hoping you’ll be able to tell us that very soon.”
Madeline pulled my amphora from her pocket and handed it to me. “But before you
go, there’s something else you need to know.” She sighed and sank onto the bench
next to me and the death of her formal manner scared me even worse than
knowledge of what I was about to do. “I owe you the truth, Kaylee, and I’m going
to give it to you, even though we really don’t have time to get into this right
now.”

“The truth? Have you been lying to me?”
Maybe right before I go face
untold evil
isn’t
the best time to spring that on me!

“No, but I’ve omitted something important, and I apologize for
that. I did what I thought was best for all involved, because I believed that if
you doubted the strength of the reclamation department, you would doubt your own
strength, and there’s no reason for you to ever doubt yourself, Kaylee. You were
recruited for your strength just as much as for your
bean
sidhe
abilities and we are especially grateful to have you right now
because…you’re the only one left.”

I blinked, trying to make sense of words that didn’t seem to go
together, but she may as well have been speaking Swahili. “What? What does that
mean, Madeline?”

“I told you that the serial soul thief has already killed two
of our other extractors. Well, two days ago, he killed the third and last. We
were a small department in the first place, because under normal circumstances,
there isn’t much work for extractors—thank goodness. Whatever’s been happening
in this area in the past few months is almost unheard of. We’re not sure what’s
going on, but it’s obvious that something dangerous and powerful has moved into
the area.”

Avari? His presence had drawn other hellions—and who knew what
else—into the area. Did the soul thief have something to do with him? I would
have to tell Madeline about Avari and Thane, but there wasn’t time to explain it
all immediately. Not when she was still confessing her own secrets.

“Levi and I have our hands full trying to keep the human media
and authorities out of the way.”

The police were suspicious, the media was aggressively
speculative, and the parents were worried about the recent rash of mysterious
deaths in our small Texas suburb. But Levi and Madeline, and whoever else they
were working with, had hidden all the supernatural elements, and since all the
recent tragedies had happened months apart, no one in our world had been able to
draw any real connections between them.

Still, the community was understandably anxious, and their
unfocused fear only further fed Avari.

“New extractors take a while to train, of course,” Madeline
continued. “And you’re the last of them, Kaylee. You’re all I have left.”

I blinked, then closed my eyes, trying in vain to draw my
thoughts into focus. Madeline hadn’t been isolating me from the rest of the
department because I hadn’t proven myself. She wasn’t isolating me at all,
because there was no one to isolate me from.

“I’m it?” No. It’s not possible.

She nodded slowly. “You, and Luca, and me. We
are
the reclamation department. I’ve requested
additional help from the two closest regions, but they’re swamped at the moment.
Both of them are reporting an increase in stolen souls and losses similar to
ours, and they have no one to spare. And what’s worse is that Levi tells me he’s
now missing a reaper. Something very big is happening, and it seems to have
started here. We’re the only ones prepared to stop whatever’s happening, and the
truth is that we don’t even know what we’re facing. But whatever it is, you have
to go face it right now, before the thief disappears again and we’ve lost
another chance, and even more souls.”