Before the Storm (50 page)

on him.

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As soon as Ben left Jabeen’s, the volunteers burst out

laughing. It took me a second to realize they were laughing at

Ben.
One of the guys cackled like a chicken.

“Chickenshit,” he said.

“What a pussy,” the other guy said.

My cheeks grew hot, and my heart broke. Just cracked

apart inside my chest.

“I told Marcus, no way I’m going in with that FNG again,”

the woman said. “He ditched on me in that warehouse last

week. Hyperventilatin’ like a fool.”

FNG.
Fucking new guy.
I knew more firehouse slang than was

good for me.

“And Travis said if he ever,
ever
saw Marty touch me again,

he’d castrate him,” Amber was saying.

“If he can’t hang,” one of the guy volunteers said, “he needs

to just keep his butt on the truck.”

“Damn straight,” said the other guy. “I’m not lettin’ him

screw with me in a fire.”

“Shh!” The woman lowered her voice.“His girlfriend works

here.”

“Dawn? She ain’t here now.”

His girlfriend’s sitting right behind you, you dork,
I thought.

Ben had told me the other volunteers teased him because

of his problem with the SCBA gear, but this was more than

teasing. This was just plain vicious.

I’d never tell Ben what they said. Some girls might have

thought less of their boyfriend, hearing stuff like that. It just

made me want to help him more. To be a comfort to him.

He’d told me he was working hard on the claustrophobia

problem. He had some workout equipment at home, and when

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he’d exercise, he’d sometimes put on the SCBA gear so he’d

get more comfortable with it. He went to Washington, D.C.,

to take a special class in using SCBA. He did exercises to slow

down his breathing: five seconds breathing in, five seconds

breathing out. I wished those volunteers who were making fun

of him could see how dedicated he was.

“I’m so ready,” Ben told me one night when we were lying

out on the beach. It was one of those strange warm nights that

could pop up for no reason in winter. We’d made love on the

beach, and now we were cuddling together, wrapped in a

quilt. “I told Marcus I can do it now,” he said. “Not sure he

believes me, though. I just need a chance to prove myself.”

A few weeks went by without a fire where he’d need the

SCBA gear. Then a couple more. I knew the other volunteers

were being cold to him. Freezing him out. Ben was torn up

about it, and I started hating some of them.

One day in March, he called me upset because someone had

stolen his pager while he was in the shower. Whoever it was

left a note in its place, saying something like,
we’re taking your

pager out of self-defense.

“I’m thinking of leaving,” Ben said to me on the phone.

“What do you mean?” I was afraid I knew. I was in my car

coming up to the only stoplight in Surf City, and I turned left,

sailing right through the red. Didn’t even realize it until a few

seconds after I turned.

“I could go back to Charlotte,” he said. “Be closer to my

daughter. Join the fire department there where I could start

fresh. I love the beach, but this abuse is getting to me.”

“Please don’t go!” I was having my own sort of panic attack.

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I stepped on the brake and pulled to the side of the road so I

could concentrate on talking. I’d die if he left.

“I know,” he said. “I’d hate leaving you.You’re the best thing

about being here.”

“Then don’t leave!” I wondered if I could still get into

UNC-Charlotte for the fall. It was too far away, though. Too

far from Andy.

“I won’t make a decision for a week or two,” he said, sighing.

He sounded really tired. “I’ll have to see how this mess plays

out. I just wanted to let you know what I’m thinking.”

So, I came up with a way to make the “mess play out.” Drury

Memorial was going to be demolished and rebuilt in a couple

of years, so what would be the big deal if it burned down? In

the back of my mind, I knew it was a crime. No one would be

hurt, though. If anything, I’d be helping ol’ Reverend Bill get

his new church faster. And I’d be giving Ben a chance to shine.

Ben had told me about a church that burned down in Wilmington, and I remembered he said the arsonist used a mixture

of gasoline and diesel and hadn’t been caught yet. I figured if

I used the same mix, the investigators would think it was the

same arsonist.

I wasn’t sure how much fuel I’d need or how to get it

without attracting attention. I got a couple of those big plastic

gas containers at Lowes. Then, a few nights before I planned

to burn the church, I drove to two different gas stations outside

of Wilmington where no one would recognize me. I got the

gas at one station and the diesel at the other. No one said a

word to me. I kept the containers in my trunk.

I waited for the right time. That Saturday night, I knew Ben

was going to Daddy Mac’s for dinner with a couple of guys,

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so he’d be right near the station. When the call went out, he

could get there fast and be on the first truck. I was all set. I

had to time it right, though. I had to wait until it was dark

enough that no one would see me pouring the fuel, but not so

late that Ben had gone home already. I thought I could pull it

off. I felt pretty calm about the whole thing.

Then Mom asked me to give Andy a ride to the lock-in that

night.

“I’m going over to Amber’s to study,” I said as I loaded the

dishwasher. I
did
plan to go to Amber’s as soon as I’d set the

fire. That way, I’d have an alibi if I ever needed one.

“Well, you can drop Andy off on your way,” Mom said. “I

need to work on a speech.”

“It’s not exactly on my way,” I said. To be honest, I’d totally

forgotten about the lock-in, even though I was the one to talk

Mom into letting Andy go to it. Did I really want to burn down

a church less than a block from the youth building where a bunch

of kids would be hanging out? I wasn’t worried about the youth

building catching on fire. It was far enough away. I just didn’t

want to freak out the kids—especially not Andy. But I already

had everything planned so perfectly. And who knew how fast Ben

was going to make his decision about moving back to Charlotte?

“I’ll take him,” I said.

That sudden change in my plans, though, made my nerves

start to act up.

Around seven-fifteen, I called Ben on his cell.

“Hey.” I tried to sound normal. I could hear restaurant noise

in the background. Talking. Glasses clinking.

“Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”

“You still at Daddy Mac’s?”

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“Uh-huh. Where are you?”

“Home. I’m going over to Amber’s to study.You gonna be

able to talk later?”

“I expect so. I’ll call you?”

I was trying to figure out how to casually ask him how much

longer he’d be at Daddy Mac’s. I couldn’t think of a way other

than just blurting it out.

“What time are you leaving there?” I asked.

“Oh, we’ll probably be another forty minutes. Maybe an

hour. Why?”

“Just making conversation.” That didn’t give me much time

to work. “I’ll let you get back to dinner. Later?”

“Later.”

I got off the phone with my mind ready to explode. This

wasn’t going to work. The lock-in didn’t start till eight. Ben

would probably be gone by the time I set the church on fire. I’d

just have to drop Andy off early at the lock-in. That was the only

way.

When Andy and I pulled up in front of the youth building,

it was so early that none of the other kids were there yet.

“You can’t drop me off without other kids being here!”

Andy shouted when I told him to get out.

“I can see an adult inside,” I said, giving him a nudge.

Through the youth building window, I saw Mr. Eggles with his

back to us. I recognized him by his ponytail. “Go ahead.You’ll

be fine.”

“I’m not going until kids are here and that’s that.” Andy

folded his arms across his chest and wouldn’t budge.

I didn’t have time to argue with him. I’d just have to pour

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the gasoline mixture with Andy in the car. I made up my story

as I drove down the block.

“I have to do something at the church,” I said.“So you can wait

in the car and then I’ll take you back to the lock-in.” I was really

jumpy now. How was I going to make this work? I couldn’t
light

the fire with Andy in the car, so I’d pour the gasoline, drive him

back to the lock-in, then go back and toss a match on the fuel.

I just hoped Ben stayed as long as he said at Daddy Mac’s. If he

wasn’t on the first truck, the fire could be out by the time he

got there.

I pulled up around the corner from the church and turned

off my car.

“You stay here,” I said. “I have to pour some insecticide

around the church. They have a bad bug problem and they

asked me to—”

“What kind of bugs?”

“I don’t know, Andy.” I reached for the door handle. “Just

stay here.”

“Is it ants? Or bees? Or those crepe paper wasps like we had

by the deck?”

“Paper,” I said.

“What?”

“Just paper wasps. Not crepe paper wasps.”

“Is it cockroaches?”

“It’s all kinds of bugs!” I said.

“I’ll help you.” He started to get out of the car.

“No!” Perspiration was dripping down my back beneath my

T-shirt and jacket. “Just stay here. And listen.” I grabbed his

shoulder and turned him to face me. “This is a secret. The

person who asked me to pour the insecticide told me never

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to tell anyone about it because the people who go to the church

would freak out if they knew there were bugs.”

“But bugs are
interesting,
” Andy said. He opened the car

door and hopped out before I could stop him.“I want to help.”

It would be quicker to let him help than to argue with him

about it. I opened my trunk and got out the two containers.

My hands shook so hard I could hear the gasoline sloshing

around. I’d brought latex gloves with me to keep my fingerprints off the containers, but only one pair. I gave Andy some

tissues to use to hold the second container with.

“Be very careful not to touch the container without the

tissues,” I whispered, even though there was no one anywhere

around. “The insecticide could hurt you if you get it on

yourself.”

“Right,” he said. “Even though I’m not a bug.”

“Right.”

We started walking toward the church. I had on flip-flops

because I planned to just throw them away after in case I left

footprints. I didn’t think about Andy’s shoes. I just wasn’t

thinking, period. “You pour on this side, right where the

ground and the building come together, okay? Make sure to

get every single inch. I’ll pour on the other side.”

“Every single inch,” he repeated.

“And remember, don’t touch the bottle. And be careful not

to splash any on you.”

Now my entire body was shaking. I started pouring. It was

dark, but I could tell I was pouring on top of crisp pine straw.

It would catch right away when I lit it. The smell was so strong.

I turned my head away to inhale, then held my breath as long

as I could while I poured. Then I turned away for fresh air again

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and worked my way down the side of the church like that. I

hoped Andy wasn’t passing out on his side.

The air-conditioning unit was right up against the building,

so close that I couldn’t pour the fuel behind it. No problem.

With all that pine straw, a few feet without gasoline wouldn’t

matter.

Andy walked around to my side of the church just as I

finished up. “I ran out,” he said.

“Me, too.”

We walked back to the car. Thank God that part was over!

I put the containers in a big trash bag I’d brought with me.

Stuck my flip-flops in there, too, then put the bag back in my

trunk. I’d brought sandals to change into and I slipped them

on before getting into the car.

Andy was already back in the passenger seat.

“Okay!” I tried to sound cheerful. “You ready for your very

first lock-in?”

“If the other kids are there,” he said.

“I think they will be by now.” At least the early birds.

“Remember what I told you about the insecticide,” I said as I

pulled away from the curb.

“What?”

“What did I say about telling anyone?”

“It’s a secret. Because the people would freak out.”

“Excellent!” I said.

There were other kids in the youth building now. Andy

spotted Emily Carmichael, which made him forget he’d felt shy

a few minutes earlier. He ran out of the car without even saying

goodbye.

I drove down the block to the church again, but just sat in

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